Let the pun wars begin

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Lynx

Folksy yet erudite
Aug 13, 2014
24,799
8,103
113
Less despondency. More puns.

Yesterday at the store a clown held the door for me. I thought that was a nice jester.

The store was having a sale on boat paddles. It was quite an oar deal.
 

Jase

Well-known member
Jun 9, 2021
757
440
63
There's a restaurant on he moon...lousy food..great atmosphere! 😄
 

Jase

Well-known member
Jun 9, 2021
757
440
63
Do you know the difference between a hippo and a Zippo?

One is really heavy, the other is a little lighter. 😀
 

Mem

Senior Member
Sep 23, 2014
5,685
1,620
113
I went to a zoo that only had one dog. It was a shih tzu.
 

Lynx

Folksy yet erudite
Aug 13, 2014
24,799
8,103
113
Do you know the difference between a hippo and a Zippo?

One is really heavy, the other is a little lighter. 😀
I do know a gallon of butane weighs less than a gallon of water. It's a lighter fluid.
 

Jase

Well-known member
Jun 9, 2021
757
440
63
Did you hear about the truck loaded with Vick's Vapo-rub
that overturned on the highway?

Amazingly, there was no congestion for 8 hours! 😀
 

Jase

Well-known member
Jun 9, 2021
757
440
63
A hungry lion was roaming through the jungle looking for something to eat.

He came across two men. One was sitting under a tree reading a book;
the other was typing away on a typeriter.

The lion quickly pounces on the man reading and devoured him,
leaving the other man typing away.

Even the king of the jungle knows readers digest and writers cramp.
 

Jase

Well-known member
Jun 9, 2021
757
440
63
Juan Vega, the world famous clam diver, found an injured sea otter and nursed it back to health.

From the moment the grateful otter was able to walk, it never left Juan's side.

The otter even learned to dig for clams.

One day, a man went to Juan's house looking to hire him for a week.

His wife answered the door, " Sure, she said, it will cost $500."

The man exclaimed," That much?"

The wife replied, "But you're getting my husband and his otter, they bring up more clams
than anyone else around."

The man protested, "I just want Juan and will hire him for $350"

"Sorry", Juan's wife said, "You can't have Juan without the otter."
 

Jase

Well-known member
Jun 9, 2021
757
440
63
A dancer goes quick on beautiful legs;

A duck goes quack on beautiful eggs! 😉
 

mustaphadrink

Senior Member
Dec 13, 2013
1,987
371
83
How do you know when you qualify as a pastor?

You are put out to pasture.
 

mustaphadrink

Senior Member
Dec 13, 2013
1,987
371
83
Did you hear about the irishman who left a bar? it does happen.
 

mustaphadrink

Senior Member
Dec 13, 2013
1,987
371
83
How many atheists does it take to change a light bulb?

None. They just sit there and wait for the light to evolve.
 

mustaphadrink

Senior Member
Dec 13, 2013
1,987
371
83
Don't let worry kill you. let the church help.
 

mustaphadrink

Senior Member
Dec 13, 2013
1,987
371
83
Remember in prayer the many who are sick of our church and community.
 

mustaphadrink

Senior Member
Dec 13, 2013
1,987
371
83
For those who have children and don't know it, we have a nursery downstairs.