I think that I might be gay

First of all I'm sorry if this is weird, I feel weird telling strangers this kind of stuff I just don't feel comfortable talking about it to anyone i know in real life.

I'm a girl in high school and I've been feeling this way for awhile. I really don't know what to do about it. I go to a private christian high school where we have chapel every day, and I have a prayer book that I use every night. I have been trying to ignore feeling this way for a long time but I just don't know what to do anymore. One of my girl friends kissed me last night, and I felt so happy and then so upset afterward. I'm just really scared and I don't know what to do. Any advice would be helpful.

I'm the mom of a daughter who began struggling in jr high and is still struggling with these feelings well into her 20's.
I have to confess, it breaks my heart. I love my daughter. All I can do is love her, pray for her, but only He has the power to draw her back to Him...to release the devils hold on her life.

I don't stand in judgement. It is only my place to lift you up and encourage you to focus on your relationship with the Lord. We are living in days when good is called evil and evil is called good. The regret you experience is a big red warning flag the Holy Spirit is waving. If you find yourself ignoring that voice...I know through experience that you will find yourself heading down a long road of hard lessons with consequences that satan will sit back and enjoy watching. That is what he is here to do...seek and devour, inflict pain, drive a wedge between you and the wonderful life God has planned for you.
Many of us struggle with desires of the flesh in one way or another and have since the garden. Whether through childhood trauma, our own feelings of inadequacy, and our great need to feel love, the devil gains the foothold. I will be the first to admit that I have battled with these things throughout my life until I talked to someone who helped me identify, understand, and encouraged me to reach out and let God change me...through a deeper relationship with Him. I had to let go of the past. I really thought I could carry all that. I found that handing it over to the Master and even when I messed up, I kept laying it at the cross and bit by bit...it got easier to leave those things behind.
I encourage you to pray about it. Ask for God to lead you to the right person to talk to. I don't know what your relationship is like with your parents, but God can help there too.
Prayers and love your way. Trust the Lord, lean on Him. He already knows and He already knows what to do...trust Him.

Anyone that claims to love you and leads you away from God and His word is a liar and doesn't love you because...real love leads you toward Him. Remember that.

So I tell you this, and insist on it in the Lord, that you must no longer live as the Gentiles do, in the futility of their thinking. They are darkened in their understanding and separated from the life of God because of the ignorance that is in them due to the hardening of their hearts. Having lost all sensitivity, they have given themselves over to sensuality so as to indulge in every kind of impurity, and they are full of greed.

That, however, is not the way of life you learned when you heard about Christ and were taught in him in accordance with the truth that is in Jesus. You were taught, with regard to your former way of life, to put off your old self, which is being corrupted by its deceitful desires; to be made new in the attitude of your minds; and to put on the new self, created to be like God in true righteousness and holiness.

Ephesians 4:17-24

Hello @idkJohn1334,

No, no, no...that is NOT God....you are NOT gay...it is a demon messing with you. Do NOT come into agreement with it.

Speak out of your mouth over yourself and pray....

Dear Lord Jesus Christ,

I do NOT want any demons dwelling in me. Please deliver me, I come out of agreement with every thought that is not the Will of God for me. Lord Jesus, fill me with the Holy Spirit Fire, cleanse me from all evil demonic thoughts that are attacking me. All demons have to leave me NOW, in the Mighty Name of Jesus Christ, amen.

Dude!
You ain't no girl and you don't feel like one either.

Happy feelings from a girl kissing you is absolutely normal... feeling bad about it later is because you started to think too much about what someone else would say about it.

Look.... you are a normal teenage guy...so what if you like some things usually women prefer to do.

High School is full of testosterone driven guys who have no maturity yet....they think that those new muscles are the end all be all of everything. They aren't.

I am a recovering 4star chef and a construction Electrician... nobody gets to define me except for God. That's the first lesson that your chapel classes should teach you.

And kudos for scoring a kiss over and above the knuckle draggers.

Hello idkJohn1334,

First of all, that fact that sexual immorality is sin and keeps us separated from God and keeps us condemned is something to always keep in mind. That said, if we have desires of doing things that we know are sin, then we should be resisting those desires and continue to confess it and pray about it. The outcome to giving into it and remaining and dying in that state, is separation from God. We must also remember that, the powers of darkness use our desires and the sinful nature against us, to get us to engage in those things. The Lord requires repentance, which is a turning with God, a change of mind about our sinful nature. We are to resist those desires, not engage in them.

Sexual immorality was a big problem for me, going from relationship to relationship, from girl to girl, fulfilling my sexual desires and this while being in Christ. It got to the point where I was fulfilling my desires in the flesh, but I was grieving in my spirit. The spirit is always waring against the flesh and the flesh against the spirit. It got to the point where I could not live like that any more and prayed to God saying "Either this is going to kill me, or I need your help to overcome it." From that point on, I stopped dating completely so that there would be no temptation, no sex at all, because anything outside of a married man and woman is sexual immorality, yes, even self pleasuring.

It was a difficult battle, but the Lord helped me overcome it and have been free of it ever since. Now, the powers of darkness try to bring in sexually immoral day dreams and thoughts for me to engage in, but I have made an effort to push those out of my thoughts as well so that I don't entertain those thoughts. Because of this, I decided to remain celibate and just be available for however the Lord would use me.

The bottom line is, that willfully living a sexually immoral life will keep you separated from God. Repent of it then, recognizing it as sin against God. As many times as you fail, confess it and continue to remove it from your life.

I'm sure that myself and everyone here will keep you in prayer to overcome this.

Thank you for your kind message. I have been praying about this for a year or so, but I of course will continue to do so. There is nothing more that I want than to be a child of God and to follow his laws. I truly believe that I was meant to be a child of God and that he has blessed me in so many ways, this is just the one thing that I continually have an issue with. I have tried so hard to stop feeling this way I'm just not quite sure how to.

I have an OK relationship with my parents, but I'm really scared to tell them or anyone else in my life. I just don't want them to think that I am actively choosing to feel this way or that I want to feel this way. I'm really scared that they won't believe me when I say that I want to live as Christ demands.

I will continue to work on my relationship with Jesus, and try to strengthen it. If I may ask, is there anything that your daughter has told you that has helped her? Any advice you've given that has worked for her in terms of stopping these feelings? I'm just really scared that I'm always gonna feel like this and I don't know how to stop it.

It sounds like you went through quite a journey. Thank you for your kind words.

I am trying my hardest to always confess and ask for forgiveness, but i feel that i am falling short. I have literally begged God to stop me from feeling this way, but he hasn't yet and some small voice inside of me tells me that he won't ever relieve me from this feeling. No matter how many times I confess my sin to God and ask his forgiveness, I still feel the same way and it eats me up inside. I really don't want to feel like this I just don't know how to stop.

Thank you for your message. I will continue to pray and ask that I stop feeling this way. I'm just really scared because I have been asking God to make me like boys for about a year now, and I don't know what I'm doing wrong or why he isn't answering my prayer. I will try praying with your new prayer, and see if that helps. Thank you.

Oh...
My apologies...
From the things you wrote and especially the avatar name you chose I thought you were a guy...

Sorry...

Look...teenage boys are immature. I e met a bunch of 30 and 40 year old guys that are still juveniles.

Look.... relationships are about sharing yourself and joining in with someone else's life. Sharing physically is an afterthought and not a forethought. And not being attracted to guys yet is an obvious clue that you want more than a hookup.

You want a spiritual leader in a man...I'm not going to kid you that they are always going to be difficult to find.
So holding out until you meet one is going to be crucial. What is a good spiritual leader of a guy going to want from you? What do you have to offer him? Being double minded isn't exactly going to be on the top of his list.

But I can tell you this...my wife is a dream come true. She didn't like many guys either...most repulsed her. Especially in high school.

Hello again,

What happens is, and you may have already experienced this is that, when you are trying to turn from this and fail, the voices will come that will say, "Don't bother praying about it. You keep having the same feelings and keep doing the same things." The powers of darkness will say something like this in your spiritual ear to get to feel that you are not worthy and to stop praying. No matter how often you fall, no matter how often you fail, continue to go back to the Lord and confessing it, asking for His forgiveness and continue moving forward in your desire to remove from your life. Remember when Peter asked the Lord "Lord, how many times shall I forgive my brother in a day, up to seven times? And Jesus said, "I say to you, not up to seven time, but seventy times seven." In other words, as often as he asks to be forgiven, forgive him. Remember also that as believers in Christ we not without sin. We are saved sinners. When we repent, we are in agreement with God that we are sinners and as we continue from faith to faith, we are being transformed into the image of Christ. It is a life-long process. He promise says, "When we sin, if we confess our sins, He is faithful and just to forgive us our sins and to cleanse us of all unrighteousness.

As far as falling short, God already told us in His word that there is none righteous, no not one. All have sinned and all fall short of God's righteous standards. So don't let that feeling of falling short keep you from praying, because that's what the powers of darkness want. And when you ask for forgiveness, know and believe that you have been forgiven, because God's word says so. As many times as you fall down, get back up again and go to the Lord. He will help you to escape it. Just don't give into those sexually immoral feelings. Here is information for you to read which gives us an understanding of why we have seen so much same-sex activity:

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God’s Wrath against Sin

18The wrath of God is being revealed from heaven against all the godlessness and wickedness of men who suppress the truth by their wickedness. 19For what may be known about God is plain to them, because God has made it plain to them. 20For since the creation of the world God’s invisible qualities, His eternal power and divine nature, have been clearly seen, being understood from His workmanship, so that men are without excuse.

21For although they knew God, they neither glorified Him as God nor gave thanks to Him, but they became futile in their thinking and darkened in their foolish hearts. 22Although they claimed to be wise, they became fools, 23and exchanged the glory of the immortal God for images of mortal man and birds and animals and reptiles.

24Therefore God gave them over in the desires of their hearts to impurity for the dishonoring of their bodies with one another. 25They exchanged the truth of God for a lie, and worshiped and served the creature rather than the Creator, who is forever worthy of praise! Amen.

26For this reason God gave them over to dishonorable passions. Even their women exchanged natural relations for unnatural ones. 27Likewise, the men abandoned natural relations with women and burned with lust for one another. Men committed indecent acts with other men, and received in themselves the due penalty for their error.

28Furthermore, since they did not see fit to acknowledge God, He gave them up to a depraved mind, to do what ought not to be done. 29They have become filled with every kind of wickedness, evil, greed, and depravity. They are full of envy, murder, strife, deceit, and malice. They are gossips, 30slanderers, God-haters, insolent, arrogant, and boastful. They invent new forms of evil; they disobey their parents. 31They are senseless, faithless, heartless, merciless.

32Although they know God’s righteous decree that those who do such things are worthy of death, they not only continue to do these things, but also approve of those who practice them.
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Just keep on resisting, not only those feelings, but the sinful nature in general. The only way that you cannot be victorious, is if you give in to those feelings and willfully engage in them.

We will all keep you in prayer regarding this issue.

You are at a crossroad...your deliverance comes when you completely and totally surrender your life to Jesus Christ. If you do not, you are open for any and every demonic attack and will be destroyed because that is Satan's agenda for you.

However, Jesus Christ came that you might have life and life more abundantly. Hallelujah!

Make your choice......the Lord Jesus Christ is waiting on you. Once Jesus Christ has complete ownership of you, He can deliver you and destroy every demonic thought tormenting you.

Jesus Christ offers you all of His love, in exchange for all of your love.

I choose Jesus Christ, I hope you do too!!

Jesus Christ I am Yours alone, amen!

The sad thing for me is that she has embraced this sinful lifestyle and turned away from the only God that can deliver her from it. Many of us turn away from Him in our sin and circumstances...but I have faith that He is waiting right there for her to turn her face back toward Him...like He does for all of His children. In the meantime, it pains my heart...but I'll never stop loving her, praying for her, and believing in the power of God to work.

I guess I would first ask you this: Do you know if you are going to heaven when you die? And do you knowhow someone can be sure of getting there? You mentioned you are scared. What exactly are you scared of?

Yea I know that if I died right now I would go to heaven, because I love Jesus as my savior.

I think that I’m mainly scared because I’ve tried my absolute hardest to stay away from thinking that way or acting that way, but I just recently gave into temptation. I’m scared that I’m going to keep giving into temptation and eventually fall away from Christ, which is why I’m trying to do everything I can (and reaching out for advice) in order to stop these temptations before I give into them anymore.
I’m just afraid that I’ll never stop feeling like this, and eventually it’ll be too overwhelming for me to stop resisting. I really dont want it to get that far though.

Thank you for getting back to me. Im sure its not easy to open up and share these struggles. You mentioned a fear of falling away from Christ. Do you think if you fell away from Christ you would not go to heaven?

Are you truly trying to do everything you can?

I exhort you to be specific and list the things you are doing. For example, you can write in a journal statements such as these:

I resolve to never put myself in a situation like the one that resulted in the sinful behavior.

I will inform those in authority over me of my sin, and I repent of this behavior.

I will let those in authority over the person with whom I committed this sin know about what happened.

I will cut off all interactions with the person who participated with me in this sin for good, unless godly reconciliation is possible.

Also examine what you are watching on the Internet or Television, what you are doing and saying on Social Media, and what you are consuming through any other type of media (music, films, theatre, etc.). Cut out the worldly influences that are leading you astray and replace them with things that keep your mind set on things that are above.

Set your mind on things above, not on things on the earth (Colossians 3:2).

Finally, brothers and sisters, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable—if anything is excellent or praiseworthy—think about such things (Philippians 4:8).

The bottom line is that if you want to follow Christ, then you need to do what he says. The types of things that I listed above are showing what Jesus means when he talks about cutting off your hand and tearing out your eye to avoid sin.

But I say to you, everyone who looks at a woman with lust has already committed adultery with her in his heart. If your right eye causes you to sin, tear it out and throw it away. It is better for you to lose one of your members than to have your whole body thrown into Gehenna. And if your right hand causes you to sin, cut it off and throw it away. It is better for you to lose one of your members than to have your whole body go into Gehenna (Matthew 5:28-30).

Paul states it this way:

Put to death therefore what is earthly in you: sexual immorality, impurity, passion, evil desire, and covetousness, which is idolatry. On account of these the wrath of God is coming. In these you too once walked, when you were living in them. But now you must put them all away: anger, wrath, malice, slander, and obscene talk from your mouth. Do not lie to one another, seeing that you have put off the old self with its practices and have put on the new self, which is being renewed in knowledge after the image of its creator (Colossians 3:5-10).

When you do these types of things, you will be able to resist any temptation.

Be strong in the Lord and in the power of His might! (Ephesians 6:10)

you are probably quite young, this means you've got a long time ahead to make sense of things, there is no rush or urgency
take your own sweet time, it isn't easy to find someone who loves you the way you deserve to be loved so don't settle for second best and there is no need to rush. you are free to take as long as you want. examine the source of the pressure on you and overcome it
don't be forced down any road you don't travel willingly, travel your own road how you want to travel it
then you have internal justification
maybe your are gay then this has to be result of travelling your own road in your own time and it has to come from you then you would be able to accept it
i'm probably hinting that i think forcing people to choose before they are ready is abusive, yes i do think that but you probably don't yet see that abuse is an acceptable part of the system because you are young and trusting but i can assure you it is
so take your time, do not rush and be yourself and seek the love you deserve., not that you are entitled to it, but that it is freely on offer. hope you can relax a little and enjoy this precious time of your life