Let's Talk Sex, from a Biblical View

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ChristianTonyB

Guest
#21
Sexual relations between a healthy married couple is incapable of the sin of lust. He and she are both in a committed relationship. It's NORMAL for either the woman or man to have a hormonal drive to engage in relations...and inside the confines/commitment of marriage there is no reason to not fulfill those wants.

Marriage is all about giving and looking for opportunities to give to your spouse in meaningful ways. If ANY desire is known by the other spouse it's an instant green light and gas pedal to the floor of fulfilling that desire.

It's about paying attention to a spouse...what do they enjoy? Can I make their enjoyment better? Feed their hobbies. Buy frivolous things for their hobbies. Sex? In a heartbeat....it's a race to see who gets naked first. It requires nothing to "get in the mood" except that two sentence question, "you wanna?"

That's how things in a healthy relationship work.

But my wife and I are absolutely besotted with each other...we have made expressions of love a competition in our house. I like winning and so does my wife. It's never a "give to get" type relationship. That's a destructive attitude to any relationship. So is "I will only if they do".
These sorts of attitudes makes your spouse some sort of prostitute.

It's amazing how dysfunctional some households are....even in Christian circles.
This is absolute rubbish, and not a guide to a balanced and healthy Christian relationship. This guy is an absolute idiot, and would not get airplay in the Lord's church. I'm gobsmacked that the OP gave him the accreditation she has...but they may be two peas in a big dysfunctional pod!
 

Gideon300

Well-known member
Mar 18, 2021
4,814
2,802
113
#22
We seem to be having a row in the family forum about sex. Ahh, I got your attention, good! The thread is about the "sin of refusing sex". So we defined the topic saying we were talking about a healthy, loving Christian marriage before we went further. So first up, what is a "healthy Christian marriage to you?"

As we continued the subject issues like health were brought up or past trauma and it was made clear we were talking about only healthy Christian marriages. As we continued along, from my POV, I saw the thread divide. Things were said like sex isn't the most important thing in a marriage. Other things were said that made me question if people thought it was wrong to either enjoy or want sex in a marriage. Each time the subject of the man came up, it was as if he was lusting to want his wife. No, sex isn't the most important, but it is as equally important as any other part of the marriage. I see too often the idea of a lustful husband lunging with his tongue out at his poor put upon wife. And I think we have so much of a feminist influence in society now, that we haven't seen it creep into the church.

So, the subject is a healthy Christian marriage, no health issues, no past trauma. Ladies and gents, let's hear your voice on the subject. Here are the verses that have caused so much contention...

Let the husband render to his wife the affection due her, and likewise also the wife to her husband. The wife does not have authority over her own body, but the husband does. And likewise the husband does not have authority over his own body, but the wife does. Do not deprive one another except with consent for a time, that you may give yourselves to fasting and prayer; and come together again so that Satan does not tempt you because of your lack of self-control.

Who's the first to pull the pin on this bomb?? :eek:
For most of our marriage, my ex wife and I had no problem in this area. About 3 weeks before we split, she just said goodnight and turned away from me. And perhaps the saddest thing is that I was relieved.

Some women seem to think that sex is a chore for them. Some see it as a favour to the husband, as if he was not really worthy of her affection. Many women have little understanding of the male sex drive. It varies from none to very powerful. It changes with age. In a perfect world, we could turn it on and off like a tap. The world, and men, are far from perfect.

Sex becomes a real problem when it is used as a weapon, to control, to bribe or punish. I believe that Paul was warning against using sex in that way.

We need to remember that God ordained sex before the fall of man. There is nothing inherently wrong, any more than it is wrong to eat or drink. It's a normal part of life. I knew an older woman who was taught by nuns. She was taught that the original sin was sex. The older woman had a sense of guilt all her life. It did not make for a healthy marriage.

If there is a problem in this area of the marriage, it has to be discussed. Sometimes it is a health problem. Other times there is a deep down resentment or bitterness that poisons the relationship. Men are often completely unaware of how their wives are feeling. Ask men if they saw the breakup coming. Many are shocked. They had no idea.
 
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kaylagrl

Guest
#23
I am pro sex in marriage....Just sayin'
I think most of us are. lol It seems fairly simple to me. Even more so in a Christian marriage, but I guess not. The Family Forum turned into the BDF !!
 

SteveEpperson

Junior Member
May 12, 2018
404
174
43
#24
I just have one thing to say on the subject:

LA! LA! LA! LA! LA! LA! LA! LA! LA! LA! LA! LA! LA! LA! LA! LA! LA! LA! LA! LA! LA! LA! LA! LA! LA! LA! LA! LA! LA! LA! LA! LA! LA! LA! LA! LA! LA! LA! LA! LA! LA! LA! LA! LA! LA! LA! LA! LA! LA! LA! LA! LA! LA! LA! LA! LA! LA! LA! LA! LA! LA! LA! LA! LA! LA! LA! LA! LA! LA! LA! LA! LA! LA! LA! LA! LA! LA! LA! LA! LA! I cant' hear a thing LA! LA! LA! LA! LA! LA! LA! LA! LA! LA! LA! LA! LA! LA! LA! LA! LA! LA! LA! LA! :eek:
 
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kaylagrl

Guest
#25
The sex acts themselves are the same whether within or outside of marriage, so I think some people may not make a distinction and draw a broad conclusions on sex (whether dirty, or "romantic", etc).
But when we put those "acts" in the perspective of what God created to be sacred between a man and a woman, that should change our POV.
 
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kaylagrl

Guest
#26
I just have one thing to say on the subject:

LA! LA! LA! LA! LA! LA! LA! LA! LA! LA! LA! LA! LA! LA! LA! LA! LA! LA! LA! LA! LA! LA! LA! LA! LA! LA! LA! LA! LA! LA! LA! LA! LA! LA! LA! LA! LA! LA! LA! LA! LA! LA! LA! LA! LA! LA! LA! LA! LA! LA! LA! LA! LA! LA! LA! LA! LA! LA! LA! LA! LA! LA! LA! LA! LA! LA! LA! LA! LA! LA! LA! LA! LA! LA! LA! LA! LA! LA! LA! LA! I cant' hear a thing LA! LA! LA! LA! LA! LA! LA! LA! LA! LA! LA! LA! LA! LA! LA! LA! LA! LA! LA! LA! :eek:

Chicken!! :p
 
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kaylagrl

Guest
#27
This level of intimacy may make a person very vulnerable. This could lead to psychological issues such as insecurities, etc. that impact their relationship.
Unfortunately, some spouses may not be understanding. .
Yes, it could and that is why we have to be so careful and prayerful about who we marry. We have to be certain God is in it.

A while ago, I read here a question (different thread), what if you find your spouse unattractive? Someone else said, turn off the lights. A spouse can sense this type of rejection (even though the other spouse still wants sex), and may not react well.
Wow, very uncaring and unthoughtful joke. I have even heard married couples making these type of jokes and it's very disrespectful to your spouse. You're right, people can be very sensitive to that type of rejection.
 

Robertt

Well-known member
May 22, 2019
898
318
63
Bahrain
#28
now if i could only find a lady to help me to learn more of love and how to put it into practice.

Sadly unlikely to occur in forums :(
 
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kaylagrl

Guest
#29
This is absolute rubbish, and not a guide to a balanced and healthy Christian relationship. This guy is an absolute idiot, and would not get airplay in the Lord's church. I'm gobsmacked that the OP gave him the accreditation she has...but they may be two peas in a big dysfunctional pod!

Now this kind of comment is what blew up the thread in the family forum. Your final comment "two peas in a dysfunctional pod" is a judgment call on your part. You do not know me. You didn't even ask me a question. Please be specific about what you mean. I don't want a free for all here. What exactly do you disagree with?
 
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kaylagrl

Guest
#30
now if i could only find a lady to help me to learn more of love and how to put it into practice.

Sadly unlikely to occur in forums :(
Do not give up hope. I married late in life but God gave me just the person I needed.
 

Robertt

Well-known member
May 22, 2019
898
318
63
Bahrain
#31
Do not give up hope. I married late in life but God gave me just the person I needed.
ive been married. now i alone . not good for me... so i seek.

But no idea where to seek.
 
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kaylagrl

Guest
#32
ive been married. now i alone . not good for me... so i seek.

But no idea where to seek.

Have you visited the Singles forum? They may have ideas. As someone married, I have no idea where I would go to date if my husband passed. There are no single men in my church.
 
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ChristianTonyB

Guest
#33
Now this kind of comment is what blew up the thread in the family forum. Your final comment "two peas in a dysfunctional pod" is a judgment call on your part. You do not know me. You didn't even ask me a question. Please be specific about what you mean. I don't want a free for all here. What exactly do you disagree with?
The whole scenario of his sexual relationship with his wife, and vice versa is not an example of godly normality in a Christian marriage. The first sentence in the first paragraph of his post should have sounded warning bells to you KG.
 

SteveEpperson

Junior Member
May 12, 2018
404
174
43
#34
now if i could only find a lady to help me to learn more of love and how to put it into practice.

Sadly unlikely to occur in forums
I don't know of any other place than here to find the godliest women on the planet. They give some pretty decent advice as well. Just saying. ;)
 
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kaylagrl

Guest
#35
1. what is a "healthy Christian marriage to you?"

answer:

it is a marriage where both the man and the women love Jesus with all their heart and are expressing it in the context of marriage to each other.

That is the only question I see you have asked :)
Good enough what do you all think this verse means?

The wife does not have authority over her own body, but the husband does. And likewise the husband does not have authority over his own body, but the wife does.

And please give your reason why you believe as you do. Scripture is a bonus. That's to everyone. Thoughts?
 

GardenofWeeden

Well-known member
Jul 27, 2018
411
367
63
The Garden of Weeden
#36
This level of intimacy may make a person very vulnerable. This could lead to psychological issues such as insecurities, etc. that impact their relationship. Unfortunately, some spouses may not be understanding. A while ago, I read here a question (different thread), what if you find your spouse unattractive? Someone else said, turn off the lights. A spouse can sense this type of rejection (even though the other spouse still wants sex), and may not react well.
If one spouse is not understanding of the other's needs and insecuritiies, then are they truly in a healthy marriage? For that matter if one spouse has insecurities they keep from their spouse, then isn't that a sign of an unhealthy marriage in itself? In marriage two become one, that means a healthy marriage allows both to be safe to express their vulnerabilities and insecurities, and the other helps strengthen the one with insecurities. They are one, so what hurts one of the spouses hurts the other. What is an insecurity for one hurts the other. What makes one walk strong, strengthens the other.
At least that is how I understand it. And the OP asked what a healthy marriage is. Peace :)
 

Robertt

Well-known member
May 22, 2019
898
318
63
Bahrain
#37
Have you visited the Singles forum? They may have ideas. As someone married, I have no idea where I would go to date if my husband passed. There are no single men in my church.
been to singles. all the girls are either happy being single or just not looking for a boy like me
 

Robertt

Well-known member
May 22, 2019
898
318
63
Bahrain
#38
I don't know of any other place than here to find the godliest women on the planet. They give some pretty decent advice as well. Just saying. ;)
i keep listening.. i still here . but not a fruiful seach due to the thigns i say and do
 
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kaylagrl

Guest
#39
If one spouse is not understanding of the other's needs and insecuritiies, then are they truly in a healthy marriage? For that matter if one spouse has insecurities they keep from their spouse, then isn't that a sign of an unhealthy marriage in itself? In marriage two become one, that means a healthy marriage allows both to be safe to express their vulnerabilities and insecurities, and the other helps strengthen the one with insecurities. They are one, so what hurts one of the spouses hurts the other. What is an insecurity for one hurts the other. What makes one walk strong, strengthens the other.
At least that is how I understand it. And the OP asked what a healthy marriage is. Peace :)

Exactly, and the pity is that churches don't seem to concentrate on good counseling for couples. Or for anyone for that matter. And it is a pity because it is the little foxes the spoil the vine. And the church has refused to be open about sex within a marriage. When is the last time you heard a sermon on the subject, appropriately so. I know that can be hard with young people in the room. But when the kids are in Sunday school, these issues need to be addressed. And then we say communication is the key when we refuse to talk these issues out. So many Christian marriages end because they can find no help in the church, very sad.
 
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kaylagrl

Guest
#40
been to singles. all the girls are either happy being single or just not looking for a boy like me

You know I believe it was my mothers prayers that brought my husband to me. Continue to ask God to send you a Godly woman. I pray He does, I know others here will too.