Why most marriages won’t work?

  • Christian Chat is a moderated online Christian community allowing Christians around the world to fellowship with each other in real time chat via webcam, voice, and text, with the Christian Chat app. You can also start or participate in a Bible-based discussion here in the Christian Chat Forums, where members can also share with each other their own videos, pictures, or favorite Christian music.

    If you are a Christian and need encouragement and fellowship, we're here for you! If you are not a Christian but interested in knowing more about Jesus our Lord, you're also welcome! Want to know what the Bible says, and how you can apply it to your life? Join us!

    To make new Christian friends now around the world, click here to join Christian Chat.
Jan 14, 2021
1,599
526
113
#41
I disagree with the premise. I think most marriages do work.
 
Jan 14, 2021
1,599
526
113
#43

ChrisTillinen

Active member
Sep 16, 2022
316
172
43
#44
Depends on the ethno-groups, if we look at Christians, to the best of my knowledge the tendency is that the majority of marriages work out. I think the fact that there is a discrepancy between the general population and Christians says a lot about the topic itself.

E.g. https://www.christiantoday.com/article/christian.marriages.have.higher.success.rate/29292.htm
I wonder what happens to the divorce rate when you factor in both Christian belief (and other beliefs) AND the number of prior sexual partners. Apparently that's a major factor in predicting the likelihood of divorce. One would assume that there's some correlation between Christian belief and a low number of prior sexual partners, but one shouldn't always assume that (especially in the case of adult converts but even in other cases), and it may provide some additional explanatory insight.
 
P

Polar

Guest
#45
There was this preacher from California who used to come to our church maybe two or three times a year and for some reason everyone thought he was the best thing since sliced bread.
Called himself a prophet.
I knew right away he was a charlatan
But he would do is he would throw out what I like to call shotgun prophecies, otherwise known as Barnum statements
Make sure to keep everything vague
"Someone here tonight is struggling with something and looking for a message from God"
Okay. You just described everyone in the room
And then he had this "school for prophets', $70 per class
I remember one time he said "I know you can't buy a prophecy but when someone sews into you spiritually, you have an obligation to respond in the physical"
That was a slick way of saying and give me your money
I had no idea why everyone was so enamored with this guy
it's disgusting and these charlatans will have to answer to God for their deception and lies

however the Bible also states that people who follow such have itching ears and love this type of thing....for that matter, God also states in His word that when people are deceived like that...when they believe a lie...it is because they do not love the truth

For the time is coming when people will not have patience for sound teaching, but will cater to their passions and gather around themselves teachers who say whatever their ears itch to hear. II Timothy 4:3
 

Nehemiah6

Senior Member
Jul 18, 2017
24,347
12,869
113
#46
Marriage should not be a contract but a covenant
There is nothing wrong if they are both contract and covenant. Since the majority of people are not Christians, they would have no idea about covenants.

But the title of this thread should actually be "Why most marriages WILL work".

If the bride and bridegroom tell each other in all sincerity -- BEFORE THE WEDDING -- "Divorce will be out of the question!" then that is already a guarantee that the marriages would work.

Now, can every marital issue be resolved? Absolutely. There is not a single issue which cannot be resolved provided (a) both persons love each other, (b) both persons are committed to their families, and (c) both persons understand that there must be give and take in any relationship.
 

Lanolin

Well-known member
Dec 15, 2018
23,460
7,177
113
#47
You can only really do a longitudtinal study and many peoole are not actually christians when they marry, they may become christians later. Just because a couple marry in a church doesnt necesarily mean they are christian.
 

MsMediator

Well-known member
Mar 8, 2022
947
608
93
#48
Marriage is a complicated matter and there are many multi-layered issues on why they don't work (for bad marriages).

Of course there may be trust and commitment issues.

But I believe the biggest issue is that Person A is trying to change Person B (and vice versa) to be more compatible instead of accepting him/her as they are. Obviously, there would be no issues for Person A if Person B does everything he/she says. Person A also wants full control of Person B (or vice versa). So what happens is that one person gives in to keep peace, but he/she is slowly growing more resentful. Passive-aggressiveness and other foul behavior may grow during this time. Marriage involves a lot of compromise, and sometimes Person A may want Person B to make more compromises than he/she is willing.
 
K

kaylagrl

Guest
#49
the reason most marriages won't work is because we have no Honor or Respect or Reason
virtually any man and any woman can be married and have a happy marriage.
There are a lot of reasons why many don't but the crux of it is we are haters of God and His Instruction.

I think there is a difference between marriages within the church and outside of the church. At least there should be! The Bible gives the only reason to divorce as adultery, I would add to that abuse. My father always says that accomplishing anything is 99% making up your mind. People have watched too many Hollywood movies about what "love" is. Very few people have real expectations when they marry. Both people think they have married the "perfect" person but that is quickly shattered if your expectations aren't met. People tend to be immature and selfish. Being married ties into the Christian life. To be married you have to sacrifice, you have to be a servant, you have to forgive and above all be faithful. That is the foundation of a marriage that will last.
 

Nehemiah6

Senior Member
Jul 18, 2017
24,347
12,869
113
#50
it's not a lame excuse at all. marriage is not a business proposal
Marriage may not be a business proposal but it is certainly a partnership with obligations on both partners. So along comes one selfish partner and says "Oh, today I am not really feeling too compatible because of the weather. How about we split up and go our separate ways?"
 

Dude653

Senior Member
Mar 19, 2011
12,312
1,039
113
#51
it's disgusting and these charlatans will have to answer to God for their deception and lies

however the Bible also states that people who follow such have itching ears and love this type of thing....for that matter, God also states in His word that when people are deceived like that...when they believe a lie...it is because they do not love the truth

For the time is coming when people will not have patience for sound teaching, but will cater to their passions and gather around themselves teachers who say whatever their ears itch to hear. II Timothy 4:3
Well he was a guest speaker and some of the gas speakers we used to have in my opinion were charlatans as you mentioned
I remember we were in a week-long revival and this one guest speaker didn't do anything but yeah for an entire hour. I didn't bother going back to hear him again
 

Dude653

Senior Member
Mar 19, 2011
12,312
1,039
113
#52
Another reason in my opinion that marriage is fail is lack of communication. I remember my wife would just talk over me until I got exasperated and gave up and then she would complain that there's no communication
 

Dude653

Senior Member
Mar 19, 2011
12,312
1,039
113
#54
Money is another issue while marriage is not work, especially when one person is frivolous with money
 

Lanolin

Well-known member
Dec 15, 2018
23,460
7,177
113
#55
well a lot of people do marry when they are young so its probably inevitable they will. be immature and selfish lol

I mean under 25 your brains are still growing
 
K

kaylagrl

Guest
#56
Verily verily a wise man.....(y):unsure:

My parents have been married 50 years, coming up on 51. They very different personalities and interests. Not necessarily two people you would put together. But they stayed committed and have made it through. And they haven't had an easy life, but they will both tell you a blessed one. Put in the work, God will bless it.
 

Dude653

Senior Member
Mar 19, 2011
12,312
1,039
113
#57
Also as I mentioned before, I think sometimes once people marry and live together, they realize they're not compatible.
 
K

kaylagrl

Guest
#58
well a lot of people do marry when they are young so its probably inevitable they will. be immature and selfish lol

I mean under 25 your brains are still growing

My father was 19 when he married my mother, she a couple yrs older. The very next yr they had me. They had to grow and mature fast. My father was a new Christian, he had come to faith a couple yrs before meeting Mom. She had grown up in the church and her faith steadied his. He came from a broken home, out to work when he was 14, she came from a stable Christian home. With love and patience my Mother helped my father grow and mature to the point that he became an evangelist. My sister and I joined him in ministry. That was a long, long way from the boy that was from the wrong side of the tracks. Because of that, my grandmother came to the Lord and two of his brothers. We still pray for the other two. Sometimes God sends us the person we need, not the one we think we want.
 
P

Polar

Guest
#59
Marriage may not be a business proposal but it is certainly a partnership with obligations on both partners. So along comes one selfish partner and says "Oh, today I am not really feeling too compatible because of the weather. How about we split up and go our separate ways?"
this is what you said

Compatibility is simply baloney. Everyone can be compatible when it suits them and incompatible when it does not. A lame excuse.
I say that is baloney right there. We all need compatibility. We are not made on an assembly line. Your last 2 sentences on the top post are nonsense.

whatever
 
P

Polar

Guest
#60
Well he was a guest speaker and some of the gas speakers we used to have in my opinion were charlatans as you mentioned
I remember we were in a week-long revival and this one guest speaker didn't do anything but yeah for an entire hour. I didn't bother going back to hear him again
very very rarely someone might stand up and say 'what are you doing?' but they will be the person everyone frowns upon instead of the fakery up front. about all you can do these days, is use the door and don't return.

they love to use the word revival. they say this or that will happen but when nothing happens, then they blame it on people in the congregation having a lack of faith or some other false excuse

Christianity has become something of a mine field.....you watch where you step