Why are women in the church judged for being hypergamous?

Which I am quite adept at, rest assured

My point was saying to match her income may lead someone to think she'll continue working. And that the alternate way I suggested wording it may come across better.
At no point did I say it was wrong to want to change to a part time job later. Just to be more clear about what she's looking for.

I must have misunderstood your point, sorry about that . I guess it didn't occur to me that Hummingbirdie wouldn't be upfront with a potential mate about her intentions, because she has been so upfront here with us. But you raise a good point that the guy would definitely deserve to know her plans.

I posted this in another thread

Has anyone here read the book by Mrs. Norman Vincent Peale "The Adventure of Being a Wife"?

Very eye opening. She talks about how a wife can make or break her husband. How she is the force that can make him 10 times more successful, productive, and wealthy than he ever could have been alone.

I agree. I am going to give a personal example and I don't want you all to think I am sniveling but this is just facts from my life.

1. I get up at 0500 most every day and try leave the house by 0600
2. I get home around 2000 so I can spend an hour with the kids. They are all teenagers now so getting them to talk is like pulling teeth.
3. I never get hugs or kisses from my wife
4. I rarely get encouragement.
5. I have to pay my wife to make lunches for me.
6. Breakfast is rarely made for me.
7. I try to start a conversation with her and am usually ignored.
8. Kind words only come when she wants something.
9. Etc.

Now I know this is filled with I statements and is only one side of the story. But in our society today most everyone views relationship as a tax mreturn. Married filing separately. What would happen if the wife supported her husband, encouraged, cared for, made a home that he wanted to come home to...nay was eager and couldn't wait to get home to. What if women started being a "Helpmate" again?

I know for me. I would be able to get at the minimum 10% more done. If not way more. My attitude would be better. Etc.

I'll end with this. My business did 300k last year if I could increase that by 10% that's an extra 30k. What could a woman do to increase her man's productivity by 10%?

I posted this in another thread

Has anyone here read the book by Mrs. Norman Vincent Peale "The Adventure of Being a Wife"?

Very eye opening. She talks about how a wife can make or break her husband. How she is the force that can make him 10 times more successful, productive, and wealthy than he ever could have been alone.

I agree. I am going to give a personal example and I don't want you all to think I am sniveling but this is just facts from my life.

1. I get up at 0500 most every day and try leave the house by 0600
2. I get home around 2000 so I can spend an hour with the kids. They are all teenagers now so getting them to talk is like pulling teeth.
3. I never get hugs or kisses from my wife
4. I rarely get encouragement.
5. I have to pay my wife to make lunches for me.
6. Breakfast is rarely made for me.
7. I try to start a conversation with her and am usually ignored.
8. Kind words only come when she wants something.
9. Etc.

Now I know this is filled with I statements and is only one side of the story. But in our society today most everyone views relationship as a tax return. Married filing separately. What would happen if the wife supported her husband, encouraged, cared for, made a home that he wanted to come home to...nay was eager and couldn't wait to get home to. What if women started being a "Helpmate" again?

I know for me. I would be able to get at the minimum 10% more done. If not way more. My attitude would be better. Etc.

I'll end with this. My business did 300k last year if I could increase that by 10% that's an extra 30k. What could a woman do to increase her man's productivity by 10%?

Yes. So adept, you need not have mentioned it.

Actually, when one is adept at something, they have an obligation to educate the public

I dunno... There are some things I am good at, but people have asked me to please not educate them about.

Who is "worthy" of such a man? I phrase it that way because I often hear people say "well, good luck" in a sort of condescending way when I bring up any sort of standard that involves wanting a man who is educated and career-focused (as I am). If I did not value education I would not have pursued a professional degree, so I think it's only fair to seek the attributes in a partner that I value in myself. The way I see it, I am holding my future spouse to the standard that I hold myself which to me is totally reasonable. I also want to add, in terms of what men are looking for, I think I possess those attributes as well: I am fit, mid-20s, I have no kids, I am still a virgin, etc.

I obviously want a man of God with good character but in addition to those things, I want a man who is hard-working, educated, and able to take care of his family at least at the level that I can. Inflation is very real and it's becoming increasingly difficult to live comfortably. I would not get married and have children if it meant living with financial stress or not being able to provide my kids with the tools they need to do well in life. Despite having my career goals, I would work-part time or put those goals on hold entirely for a man who is able to replace my earning potential and allow me to stay home and take care of our kids. I do not see a husband as merely a wallet, but I think I would feel more comfortable knowing that getting married did not mean I would have to relinquish what I sacrificed years achieve. It isn't even just for me: I want my future kids to grow in a safe neighborhood, attend the best schools, and have the tools they need to well because their parents did their due diligence to make sure that their kids did not suffer as a result of their poor financial decisions. I am not materialistic, or high-maintenance at all -- I am just very pragmatic and know that life is not free and that parents have a responsibility to provide for their children. Nothing worse than bringing kids into the world and not being able to take care of them.

Mrs probably doesnt expect her husband to need encouragement, hugs and kisses since hes now an adult and shes not really his mother.

I am so sick and tired of the one sided argument of how men need to do this and be this way but women have the prerogative to be and do whatever they want.
Life is difficult and always has been. It's better and easier when 2 can come together as a team. Supporting and encouraging each other.
I could go on this rant all night but I will stop now.

I want to assure you that there are plenty of women here who don't believe that, nor do they follow that narrative in our own lives.

I'm very sorry that you're going through such tough times in your marriage, and will definitely pray for you.

I thought Norman Vincent Peale was that get rich quick guy or positive thinker

So, am I hearing you right? Adults don't need encouragement? Not asking my wife or encouraging women to be a Mommy to their husbands but a "helpmate". Just like a man is expected to protect, love, cherish, and support his wife.

I am so sick and tired of the one sided argument of how men need to do this and be this way but women have the prerogative to be and do whatever they want.

Life is difficult and always has been. It's better and easier when 2 can come together as a team. Supporting and encouraging each other.

I could go on this rant all night but I will stop now.