Asking for Peace please- i need help and peace - filled w/ frustration/anger/betrayal

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ManiaStar

Senior Member
Nov 14, 2015
323
3
18
#1
I feel like my mind is playing tricks on me.

Still struggling w/ what happened to me 2 weeks ago. Having my good and bad days. Today was a very difficult day.

Questioning/wondering. It's bothering me to no end.

Also, please pray my one friend contacts me tomorrow. I would really like to speak to him. Like I said my mind is playing tricks on me even w/ this w/ him. I don't know why. I think it's just bc of everything I've been thru that I'm trying to make sense of and right now, I really only want to speak to 1 person whom already knows all that happened but, I just want to speak to him anyways. It's important.

But, really need peace in mind/body/soul/spirit right now. I am trembling inside, not bc I'm afraid of the guy anymore but, I think more bc I feel betrayed by him. Lost a friendship w/ him over this. And, I feel like part of this is my fault bc why didn't I see the signs? I should've seen the signs from him but I didn't. I'm angry, hurt, frustrated, depressed (a little bit) and just feel totally betrayed by him. I feel lost and alone. I just don't know how to calm myself down. I was good on sunday-tues but yesterday and today, horrible. No matter what I do, try or whatever, I still feel it and cannot get my mind off it.

Part of me also wants to message the guy who did what he did to me but, I feel if I ever did message him, just a bunch of anger would come out at him so, i'm staying away. (And he didn't do what u think, that's all I'm saying).

Please lift myself, this guy, and my best friend up in prayer please. Very important --- esp my best friend and me, well, I guess it's all important... sorry, not thinking straight.

I'm going to try to get to bed now. Been taking a Xanax every night to make me sleep bc otherwise I won't be able to calm myself down and sleep.
 

peacenik

Senior Member
May 11, 2016
3,071
24
38
#2
[video=youtube;UN8oLGBNXpE]https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=UN8oLGBNXpE[/video]
 

Ariel82

Senior Member
Aug 8, 2011
16,931
428
83
#3
Call 800.656.HOPE (4673) to be connected with a trained staff member from a sexual assault service provider in your area.


You should call them.keeping u in prayer.
 
C

Church2u2

Guest
#4
Dear Lord I lift Maniastar up in prayer right now.that you help her gain peace...lead her in the right direction in this situation..free her mind from anxiety and look on her in her time of going through.in Jesus name..Amen.
 
C

Church2u2

Guest
#5
What I mean by her time of going through is in her time of need..Dear Lord..Amen.
 

Depleted

Senior Member
Dec 13, 2015
22,166
480
83
Philly, PA, USA
#6
I feel like my mind is playing tricks on me.

Still struggling w/ what happened to me 2 weeks ago. Having my good and bad days. Today was a very difficult day.

Questioning/wondering. It's bothering me to no end.

Also, please pray my one friend contacts me tomorrow. I would really like to speak to him. Like I said my mind is playing tricks on me even w/ this w/ him. I don't know why. I think it's just bc of everything I've been thru that I'm trying to make sense of and right now, I really only want to speak to 1 person whom already knows all that happened but, I just want to speak to him anyways. It's important.

But, really need peace in mind/body/soul/spirit right now. I am trembling inside, not bc I'm afraid of the guy anymore but, I think more bc I feel betrayed by him. Lost a friendship w/ him over this. And, I feel like part of this is my fault bc why didn't I see the signs? I should've seen the signs from him but I didn't. I'm angry, hurt, frustrated, depressed (a little bit) and just feel totally betrayed by him. I feel lost and alone. I just don't know how to calm myself down. I was good on sunday-tues but yesterday and today, horrible. No matter what I do, try or whatever, I still feel it and cannot get my mind off it.

Part of me also wants to message the guy who did what he did to me but, I feel if I ever did message him, just a bunch of anger would come out at him so, i'm staying away. (And he didn't do what u think, that's all I'm saying).

Please lift myself, this guy, and my best friend up in prayer please. Very important --- esp my best friend and me, well, I guess it's all important... sorry, not thinking straight.

I'm going to try to get to bed now. Been taking a Xanax every night to make me sleep bc otherwise I won't be able to calm myself down and sleep.
You will never "get over this," but it can become a part of you in a way that does bring peace. You aren't dealing with this. You're pushing it to the side in hopes God will give you a miracle that changes everything. He could have. He didn't. It was unlikely he would have, because we bear a scar on us that can help others going through something similar. It's an emotional and mental scar. It can become seeable, if you push it to the side, because you can't push it to the side. You can either deal with it, so it doesn't infect your whole being, or not deal with it, and it does infect your whole being.

Scary part is if you don't deal with it, the very people you fear now -- those who will try to take advantage of you -- see that scar to know you are someone to take advantage of.

I once started counseling a 17 year old girl/woman who had been raped by four different men. She did nothing to deserve being raped once, so she certainly did nothing to ever deserve being raped. The obvious question is what was it about her that drew rapists to target her?

She never dealt with the first rape, so her scar (and it is not a physical scar) infected her whole being. It told her to do anything to make her look small so no one would notice her and take advantage of her again. And she did look small. Not in height or shape, but in a look that just begged people to leave her alone. And it worked. Most decent people left her alone because she had that look that said that. That brought so much loneliness and isolation for one so young. But it did the opposite for the perverts. It told them this was a woman who wouldn't tell their dirty little secret, therefore she was just the type of target they needed.

She did not deserve to be raped. She honestly, honestly did not.

She didn't deal with it until she was raped four times at 17 years old.

I was gang raped. I dealt with it immediately. (And I already told you I never went to the cops, so you know I mean I dealt with me -- figuring out how to integrate this hurt, instead of avoid it.) Because I dealt with it, I have the confidence to let people in to know me. Because I dealt with it I do not have that infected scar that tells pervs to use me again. It does not mean I'll never be raped again. There are enough pervs out there that there is never a guarantee on that. But most of them see me, but will not target me. They will not target me because I am NO victim! I am a survivor! My scar still shows, but it's not a huge puffy infected scar. I gave it the attention it needed right after I was raped. And God gave me the right people at the right time to clean the wound so it wouldn't be a huge scar.

I beg of you to go for that option, because "victim" is too huge a bullseye to place on yourself! A friend can listen to you, but he/she cannot help you. Counseling tells you everything I just told you, except you believe it because it's about you.

You did not deserve what that guy did to you. He targeted you. Now go learn that in terms you know to be true -- personally. Go get counseling, because all your doing by talking about it to a friend is setting that friend up to internalize your wound. That friend doesn't deserve that either! Because, right now, you aren't trusting God. You're trusting Xanax! That can lead to other problems later on.
 

blue_ladybug

Senior Member
Feb 21, 2014
62,353
1,301
113
#8
I feel like my mind is playing tricks on me.

Still struggling w/ what happened to me 2 weeks ago. Having my good and bad days. Today was a very difficult day.

Questioning/wondering. It's bothering me to no end.

Also, please pray my one friend contacts me tomorrow. I would really like to speak to him. Like I said my mind is playing tricks on me even w/ this w/ him. I don't know why. I think it's just bc of everything I've been thru that I'm trying to make sense of and right now, I really only want to speak to 1 person whom already knows all that happened but, I just want to speak to him anyways. It's important.

But, really need peace in mind/body/soul/spirit right now. I am trembling inside, not bc I'm afraid of the guy anymore but, I think more bc I feel betrayed by him. Lost a friendship w/ him over this. And, I feel like part of this is my fault bc why didn't I see the signs? I should've seen the signs from him but I didn't. I'm angry, hurt, frustrated, depressed (a little bit) and just feel totally betrayed by him. I feel lost and alone. I just don't know how to calm myself down. I was good on sunday-tues but yesterday and today, horrible. No matter what I do, try or whatever, I still feel it and cannot get my mind off it.

Part of me also wants to message the guy who did what he did to me but, I feel if I ever did message him, just a bunch of anger would come out at him so, i'm staying away. (And he didn't do what u think, that's all I'm saying).

Please lift myself, this guy, and my best friend up in prayer please. Very important --- esp my best friend and me, well, I guess it's all important... sorry, not thinking straight.

I'm going to try to get to bed now. Been taking a Xanax every night to make me sleep bc otherwise I won't be able to calm myself down and sleep.

You need to cut off ALL contact with this bozo. He hurt you in a way no one should be hurt. Him being drunk isn't an excuse for what he did. Drunk OR sober, he shouldn't have done it, and you need to press charges on him, before he does it to someone else. If YOU don't stop him, then he'll do it to someone else. The guy is a creep and deserves to be in jail. And you're foolish to want to contact him. He won't give you an explanation for what he did, nor will he say he is sorry. You're just playing with fire by contacting him, and once again, you're gonna get burned. :/ You lost a friendship with him. Big deal, he's a loser so good riddance to him.. Obviously he was never your REAL friend.
 

levi85

Senior Member
Jul 2, 2013
5,956
197
63
#10
Lord let ManiaStar, have your mind. bless with your peace, joy and comfort. Also Lord bless Maniastar and the friend, in Jesus precious name, Amen!