W
I won't go into much detail, but if you didn't know I'm currently in college. I didn't pass a class a couple years ago (I didn't fail, but I got a 75 and needed a 77), and so I had to wait an entire year to retake the class. Now two years later I have put myself right back into the same position. I failed an exam (my first ever). I thought my life was ruined the first time, when I had to wait a year, but everything worked out and I was in a better place than I could have imagined. Now however, I feel like I ruined the second chance God gave me, and I feel as though this time he won't help me like he did before. I feel like I'm on my own. I know it's not the end of the world, but it just seems like I am always failing at everything, not even failing, but falling just short of my goals. I am going to talk to my professor next week and see if anything can be done to help me, but I have a feeling that no good will come from it. Fortunately my parents are very much on my side, and they support me (more than I support myself), but I still fear telling them. If I could just make this one grade go away, or improve it just a little, then I would be able to pull it off, but this one test it seems will be the reason I cannot continue. I'll admit that I have strayed from my faith recently. Not in terms of belief or anything, but I didn't have it as my priority, and I feel as though God is punishing me for that.
This afternoon I was feeling really down and was in a bad place, just like a couple years ago, and so I pulled my Bible off my shelf and opened it and the first page I came to was of Solomon, and The Two Columns. I read it and I was shocked. It read, "Two columns were made for the entrance to the temple. Each one was fifty-two feet tall and had a cap on top that was seven and a half feet high"...this was the horrible grade I got on the one test that will make it impossible for me to pass the class by the end of the semester (52.7%, I know, it's awful, the worst I've ever done, I don't know how it happened). Anyway, I kept reading because now my attention was grabbed. Was it a coincidence that I opened to this page and these numbers were there? Or did God know it would grab my attention? I then came to 2 Chronicles 7:13 just a few pages later, "...If my own people will humbly pray and turn back to me and stop sinning, then I will answer them from heaven. I will forgive them and make their land fertile once again." I don't know if this is me reading into it too much, but where I'm at right now, this is exactly what I need. The problem is I think it's too late. I don't think anything can be done to correct my grade, so perhaps it's all for naught.
I didn't mean to sidetrack with that last piece, but I just felt it was important. Anyway, I'm not really looking for prayers or encouragement, I don't think this warrants that, but I just really needed to get this off of my chest. I'm going to tell my parents after I speak with my professor (that way I will have all the pieces to the puzzle and will know exactly where I stand and what the next step will be). After all these years of barely skating by, of doing just good enough, and now continually being just bad enough, I feel like I've been fated to be the prodigal son. As though I will never accomplish anything. I know I'm smart enough, I just keep losing my way. And now that I'm back in this position again, I just wish I could go back one week, and not fail that exam. I was fine in the class before that, but this one abnormality will drag me down to ruin. If I fail this class (which unless I get a 100% the rest of the way, on everything, exams, quizzes, assignments, everything, I will), then I will be removed from the program, so yes I could change majors or change schools, but that's another two years in school. That means my internship this summer is lost. That means once again I get driven off course. So I really hope something can be done about this, that somehow, someway I can get that grade changed/improved, and I can stay on the path I'm on. Thanks for reading if anyone did, I just really needed to get this off my chest.
This afternoon I was feeling really down and was in a bad place, just like a couple years ago, and so I pulled my Bible off my shelf and opened it and the first page I came to was of Solomon, and The Two Columns. I read it and I was shocked. It read, "Two columns were made for the entrance to the temple. Each one was fifty-two feet tall and had a cap on top that was seven and a half feet high"...this was the horrible grade I got on the one test that will make it impossible for me to pass the class by the end of the semester (52.7%, I know, it's awful, the worst I've ever done, I don't know how it happened). Anyway, I kept reading because now my attention was grabbed. Was it a coincidence that I opened to this page and these numbers were there? Or did God know it would grab my attention? I then came to 2 Chronicles 7:13 just a few pages later, "...If my own people will humbly pray and turn back to me and stop sinning, then I will answer them from heaven. I will forgive them and make their land fertile once again." I don't know if this is me reading into it too much, but where I'm at right now, this is exactly what I need. The problem is I think it's too late. I don't think anything can be done to correct my grade, so perhaps it's all for naught.
I didn't mean to sidetrack with that last piece, but I just felt it was important. Anyway, I'm not really looking for prayers or encouragement, I don't think this warrants that, but I just really needed to get this off of my chest. I'm going to tell my parents after I speak with my professor (that way I will have all the pieces to the puzzle and will know exactly where I stand and what the next step will be). After all these years of barely skating by, of doing just good enough, and now continually being just bad enough, I feel like I've been fated to be the prodigal son. As though I will never accomplish anything. I know I'm smart enough, I just keep losing my way. And now that I'm back in this position again, I just wish I could go back one week, and not fail that exam. I was fine in the class before that, but this one abnormality will drag me down to ruin. If I fail this class (which unless I get a 100% the rest of the way, on everything, exams, quizzes, assignments, everything, I will), then I will be removed from the program, so yes I could change majors or change schools, but that's another two years in school. That means my internship this summer is lost. That means once again I get driven off course. So I really hope something can be done about this, that somehow, someway I can get that grade changed/improved, and I can stay on the path I'm on. Thanks for reading if anyone did, I just really needed to get this off my chest.
