Please, not another death

  • Christian Chat is a moderated online Christian community allowing Christians around the world to fellowship with each other in real time chat via webcam, voice, and text, with the Christian Chat app. You can also start or participate in a Bible-based discussion here in the Christian Chat Forums, where members can also share with each other their own videos, pictures, or favorite Christian music.

    If you are a Christian and need encouragement and fellowship, we're here for you! If you are not a Christian but interested in knowing more about Jesus our Lord, you're also welcome! Want to know what the Bible says, and how you can apply it to your life? Join us!

    To make new Christian friends now around the world, click here to join Christian Chat.

Ellie

Senior Member
Dec 14, 2009
225
7
18
#1
I don't know where to begin and trying to is overwhelming me so I'm going to leave some mystery and get right to the specific issue I came here for.

My housemate Lisa is morbidly obese and suffering a myriad of other related or co-existing health issues. She has been back and forth to doctors and hospitals exploring possibilities of cancer and enficemer (I have no idea how that is really spelled) trying to work out exactly why she has so much trouble breathing amongst other things. She has been on a waiting list or something I think for lapband surgery? or something? but her marriage is in such bad shape that she has been agonising over whether she will have the support to recover from such a huge opertation and whether she should cancel the surgery.

She sleeps in a recliner because she can't handle laying on the bed and is frustrated that her husband is distant and flaky and doesn't even ask how her day was or what the outcome of doctors visits have been even when he knows she has had cancer scans done. Her most recent hospital visit for analysis has resulted in a decision by doctors that the only good option is an operation to cut off all the excess body mass.

She has something they call orange peel syndrome which is to do with retaining water between the layers of fat and ... something about protein and affecting the skin... I have a terrible attention span for absorbing information that is new and foreign to me, but that's another story. S

Lisa is concerned about some other relatives and whether they will have the emotional support that they need for their own situations if she doesn't survive. So this is a big decision for her. She coughs and vomits most nights because this house can get a little cold and unsanitary (I do my best to pitch in and keep it clean but I have some serious health issues of my own that affect that side of things too).

Lisa is allergic to anesthetic, which further complicates things, and her body does not cope with being sick in general. She has told me before that she can not afford to get the flu because it puts her in hospital. She is trying to quit smoking at the same time as run a business and cope emotionally with a bad marriage and 3 boarders, myself included, and one of whom is moving in today. The reality for her now, is that if she doesn't have this surgery she will almost certainly just continue to slowly die. If she does have it and she survives, a whole new host of possibilities open up to her for a new life, but not without some remaining significant hurdles. I think what she told me is that the chance of surviving the surgery is less than fifty percent, but the chance of surviving without it, though more drawn out, is much worse.

I don't even know what to ask for here, this is all too much for my brain to deal with. I've been on the verge of suicide myself over my own issues, and Lisa said she was telling me about all this in case she needs someone to talk to about it, so I gather she does not have another place to offload.

So if you're a pray-er and you care, please pray. I don't even know what to think because I'm having so many perspective-challenging dilemmas on my own world view and God-view at the moment. Even asking for prayer is a confusing and emotional choice for me right now.

Thanks
 

pickles

Senior Member
Apr 20, 2009
14,479
182
63
#2
Hugs Ellie,
I understand as I care for a daughter who has many serious health issues as well.
I have a few of my own, but nothing in Jesus that cannot be managed and overcome.
Your friend is facing a great many difficulties, and to try and carry it all is impossible.
The one thing I can tell you is that Jesus carries these burdens with us and that we are never alone as we face them.
All we can do is as called, to trust today all to Jesus.
Yesterday is already done, tomorrow does not yet exist, today is where we are and in Jesus, we will recieive all we need to keep going, and also overcome.
Live today, trusting in Jesus, know he is with you, and that His help is with you as well. :)
You and your friend are in my prayers in Jesus, for all His care, victory, love and peace.

Hugs and God bless
pickles
 

freed4ever

Senior Member
Dec 19, 2012
133
1
0
#3
You are a true friend, there are not many whom I know in who I could call this, God has made us and we have made some things the way they are, but God never leaves us , I too care for a sick brother whom I have not come to understand how or why, but right now I have him and I can tell him how much I love him while I try and help him and what's left of his life. I am also going through battles daily with thoughts such as yours. But we have to remember who we ARE, AND THAT WE ARE NOT OF THIS WORLD. I pray for you and your friend that Gods peace comes to you IN YOIUR HOUR OF NEED and that you know it is from him in this very hour I pray he sends his angles to give you comfort in your time of need in the name of our savior Jesus Christ I pray this is done.

God Bless
You are loved more than you know
A Friend in Christ
 
S

Siberian_Khatru

Guest
#4
So sad to read... especially when we consider how we gripe over needing to lose 5 - 10 lbs for bikini season, or how we envy someone else's teeth, hair, height, etc. I am sorry that the burden feels heavy on you, as well (no pun intended).

Prayers all the way, Ellie! Thanks so much for reaching out for this!
 
H

halfpint

Guest
#5
It's okay Dear, This too shall Past & I know what your going threw. May God bless you & Keep you in Jesus Christ I pray. Also Just keep faith & trust in the Lords works & he'll have Angels watching over you. GB
 
W

Water1944

Guest
#6
Ellie, I care and I pray big time. The fact that you reached out for help and prayer was the right choice. First, I'm praying for you. I don't know your hardships but God does. I'm praying for strength for you. It sounds like you have alot to deal with on your own, and now you are trying to help Lisa as well. I urge you to find support for yourself, it's hard to help others when you have so much of your own stress. Lisa's choices are hers alone. I'm praying for her as well. I pray that she is given a second chance with her health if she has surgery. I'm praying for God to make her strong to handle all she needs to. God's blessings on you both.
 

Ellie

Senior Member
Dec 14, 2009
225
7
18
#7
Thankyou everyone. Please continue to pray for Lisa as yesterday she found out that her husband has been on a flirty sexy computer site again. He used to do it early on in their marriage and now her first wedding anniversary is coming up and this emotional stab is kicking her while she is down. I hope this encourages her to seek some psychological counselling. I know what a hard step that is to take when you haven't done it before because you just want validation for your pain and feel to weak to make any kind of effort and counsellors can be solution-focused which has its place but is a delicate attitude change to try to introduce to a hurting person. I appreciate everyone's encouragement. I continue to yoyo myself between feeling like I can save the world and feeling like the universe would be better off if I died. If you have a clue about psychiatry you might be able to read between the lines there.

Thanks again.

Much love.
 
W

Water1944

Guest
#8
Ellie, What in the world makes you think the world would be better off without you? You need to get some counselling for yourself.You should not feel this way.Start to save the world by saving yourself first, then you can help others. I continue to pray for both you and Lisa.
 
P

psalm6819

Guest
#9
God bless you, Ellie.

God sees what a good friend and tender heart you have. You give alot so of course you need some encouragement. Mood swings are tough to deal with but hold on things always change and with God on your side they will change for the better. At one time I had alot of diagnosises (what's the plural?) When the meds didin't work the dr's would just change the diagnosis (how crazy was that????) Look into Ct Cognitive Therapy. It a non drug instrument to help one examine thier reactions/emotions and see if they are appropriate. Please know that we cannot be ruled by our emotions-that's when we make big mistakes.

Trust God's word. Read your Bible, it will fill you with hope!!! Read how precious you are to God. Pray to Him about your troubles- and then let Hom help- He really does care. You'll get positive messages here. As sister we are supposed to support one another. So hold on, your experience will someday benefit someone else. I'm praying that Father God will lighten your heart and give you His peace, in the name of Jesus

know what else??? watch something funny- three Stooges, funny cat videos, whatever direction your sense of humor goes.;)

Proverbs 17:22 A merry heart doeth good like medicine.
 
Last edited:

Ellie

Senior Member
Dec 14, 2009
225
7
18
#10
Thanks for the encouragement. I am already in CBT and on meds and working with OTs and doing what I can to stay posotive and busy and all of the above and then some. Sometimes it helps, and sometimes telling someone in my position to do these things (or anything for that matter) to "paddle as hard as you can", when they are being overtaken by a tidal wave. gotta go
 

Ellie

Senior Member
Dec 14, 2009
225
7
18
#11
Ok I'm back. Sorry about that... I'm at the library and the emergency siren went off and everyone had to evacuate. It was a false alarm. Anyway, I'll post this so people know I wasn't finished, then I'll keep typing. :)
 

Ellie

Senior Member
Dec 14, 2009
225
7
18
#12
Yes, so as I was saying, sometimes advice is like being told to paddle out of a tidal wave. Even when it's not that bad I often imagine it's like a woman in labour being given instruction. She does her best to breathe and do all the right things, but if someone spoke to her wrong she might be forgiven rather quickly for punching them right in the face in her condition.

Anyway I didn't really come here for me. I just didn't know what else to do for Lisa. As some of you have pointed out, I'm not really in a condition to be a huge support for her. But no one else is doing it either, that's why all I could think of was the old habbit of asking for prayer.

And there's more bad news I'm afraid.

Her last checkup revealed there is fluid around her heart. She cried while telling her mum on the phone because the doctors do not have a solution for this. They have now said that the surgery to cut off the excess body mass is a definite go ahead, though we don't know exactly how soon. But As far as her heart and lungs go all we have for now is the news that there's a problem.

Thankyou all for your prayers.
 
D

Duckies

Guest
#13
Keeping her in my prayers, i truly hope that she can start getting good responses soon. God Bless!!
 

pickles

Senior Member
Apr 20, 2009
14,479
182
63
#14
Hugs, :) you, Amy and her husband remain in my daily prayers in Jesus.


God bless
pickles
 

Ellie

Senior Member
Dec 14, 2009
225
7
18
#15
Her name is Lisa, but God knew who you meant. :)

Thankyou.

Correction on details. Lisa already had lapband surgery some time ago, which is why she now often vomits. Her body hasn't taken to it well, and certain seemingly random foods sometimes just don't stay down, and sometimes do. She has not lost weight since having it I don't think, which is what has caused need for the constant tests because the doctors have not been able to say what is actually wrong with her. Now, the discovery is that the main problem is fluid retention. Both between the layers of fat which have caused her body to create and store unnecessary proteins, and also around her heart and if I remember right something to do with her lungs.

Thanks again for prayers, please keep it up.