Super confused

  • Christian Chat is a moderated online Christian community allowing Christians around the world to fellowship with each other in real time chat via webcam, voice, and text, with the Christian Chat app. You can also start or participate in a Bible-based discussion here in the Christian Chat Forums, where members can also share with each other their own videos, pictures, or favorite Christian music.

    If you are a Christian and need encouragement and fellowship, we're here for you! If you are not a Christian but interested in knowing more about Jesus our Lord, you're also welcome! Want to know what the Bible says, and how you can apply it to your life? Join us!

    To make new Christian friends now around the world, click here to join Christian Chat.
Apr 14, 2018
40
0
0
#21
Seeing how he has not consummated the marriage and never sees her then he should seek an annulment. How could a grown man allow his parents to chose his wife? Maybe he should stay clear of them as well as it appears that he's easily influenced. Something very wrong is happening here. Regardless, this guy is bad news and not good husband material even if he were freed from the sham of the marriage that he's in.
Thank you for actual advice. You're right. The situation is really touchy, and even if his marriage is annulled, i'm not sure I can be with someone who gave up our relationship in the first place and can't fully commit to his decision to listen to his parents. Plus, I'll probably be blacklisted by his parents, anyways, haha. He definitely put us all in a situation, and as the head of house, he should be much more discerning.
 

Demi777

Senior Member
Oct 13, 2014
5,565
365
83
Germany
#22
How right you are. The OP is in a confusing mess.
That guy has to choose who he wants. He became one with both. I would distance myself from someone like him (as a woman with dignity)
But who knows
 

Demi777

Senior Member
Oct 13, 2014
5,565
365
83
Germany
#23
Never mind the one flesh part. Uhm still YOU are seducing this man and make him commit adultery of the mind.
You gotta stop no matter how
 
Apr 14, 2018
40
0
0
#24
What I'm reading in your post is that you two are emotionally and verbally committing adultry...it's still adultry. You need to get out of this situation before you find yourself in a sexual relationship. Bringing a child into this situation would be another problem. If you continue there may be serious consequences for your sin you'll find yourself reaping and you'll wish then that you would have not made these mistakes.
Sin is an expensive lesson in our lives.
What you're doing is hurting others. Not just his wife...but their families, friends...they just don't know it yet.
Why do you want to be the other woman anyway? He's the one getting off on having two women in his life. You're just going to get hurt because he obviously isn't going to leave her because he wants to please his parents. He obviously didn't have the gonads to tell them he had feelings for someone else.
Thank you. To be honest, for a long time, I was angry at God for letting the marriage happen when there's clearly no romantic love there, while we had feelings for each other. I don't think we'll get to a sexual relationship, since we never ventured into that territory, don't see each other, and we don't keep in touch, but that's definitely something to be mindful of, too. I know that as of right now, even though sequentially I met him first, he's married, so I'm automatically "the other woman". That's a hard pill to swallow. I guess I don't really know wherewe go from here, with the clearcut feelings for each other. Even though we're far away and talk once or twice a year over coffee, this can't continue. If God has a plan for us, it's definitely not now.
 
Apr 14, 2018
40
0
0
#25
Never mind the one flesh part. Uhm still YOU are seducing this man and make him commit adultery of the mind.
You gotta stop no matter how
I am definitely seducing him by mind control from hundreds of miles away and not talking to him.
 
Apr 14, 2018
40
0
0
#26
That guy has to choose who he wants. He became one with both. I would distance myself from someone like him (as a woman with dignity)
But who knows
True. As a woman of dignity, I left my home of 23 years to avoid contact with him and blocked him on all forms of media. Also as a woman of dignity, I speak to him with politeness when we chance meet and have honest conversation. Oh, and also as a woman of dignity, I acknowledge that the feelings he still has for me cannot be while he's married, regardless of how I feel, so I will not and have not acted on our feelings. I'm asking for advice and prayer, not snarky comments, thank you
 

blue_ladybug

Senior Member
Feb 21, 2014
62,821
1,731
113
#27
What Demi means is, the two of you are most definitely on each other's minds. And each time you run into each other, that only intensifies those thoughts. Obviously he's not in love with his wife, or if he is, he cares more about his own happiness, and not yours OR hers. Maybe what you should pray for is, for God to take you off each other's mind and out of your respective hearts.

I am definitely seducing him by mind control from hundreds of miles away and not talking to him.
 
Apr 14, 2018
40
0
0
#28
What Demi means is, the two of you are most definitely on each other's minds. And each time you run into each other, that only intensifies those thoughts. Obviously he's not in love with his wife, or if he is, he cares more about his own happiness, and not yours OR hers. Maybe what you should pray for is, for God to take you off each other's mind and out of your respective hearts.
Thank you :)
I dont know about him, and if he's been praying to stop having romantic feelings for me, but it's definitely something I've been asking for. I've even prayed that God doesn't let us see each other until I can fully look at him as nothing more than a brother in Christ. What sparked the orchid prayer last year was when we met at a funeral, (I know, nothing more romantic than funerals), and the pastor there spoke about how God gives us definite signs when we ask for clarity. We talked about it and agreed that the orchid was a good choice. We haven't met or spoken since, so he doesn't know about the orchid blooming. And to be honest, I dont think I'll disclose it to him if we do meet again. It's definitely been festering in my mind though, because I had thought for sure that the flowers wouldn't bloom. I told myself that we needed nothing short of divine intervention between us, and I have to be satisfied with Gods answer. And the fact that the flowers actually bloomed has been weighing down in my heart and killing me on the inside.
 

blue_ladybug

Senior Member
Feb 21, 2014
62,821
1,731
113
#29
I'm not giving insults, no one here is. But it's awfully weird that your paths keep crossing, despite both of you living in different states. Could it be possible he's keeping closer tabs on you than you think he is? I mean, the two of you end up taking a trip to the same place, same hotel, rooms across from each other. That sounds like more than a coincidence to me. That sounds like a guy who desperately wants to be near you.


We live in different states. I moved afterwards to Florida, and he's in Chicago. He's lived his whole life here in the states, why would he up his life and move to Austrailia, when he's sending money to his wife from here? I CHOSE TO LEAVE MY HOME OF OVER 23 YEARS TO AVOID HIM. Our feelings are not right when he is married. I agree. In the five times we've seen each other since his marriage, we've gotten coffee, and our conversation eventually leads to talking about prayers. And every dang time, we end up talking about not having feelings for each other anymore. Its sinful that he has feelings for me, and we both acknowledge it. That is what is not chaste about our discussion. Our feelings that exist cannot be chaste because they should not exist. Having mutual feelings is definitely terrible when he is married. However, that does not make me a side chick. Being honest and having honest conversation about whe we need to pray for each other is not making me a side chick.

Okay, so let's take out the orchid. Let's say that the orchid blooming for the first time in years after the prayer isn't a sign from God, and we're supposed to part ways. Then instead of condemning us, actually provide constructive advice and prayer like a brother or sister instead of insults.
 

blue_ladybug

Senior Member
Feb 21, 2014
62,821
1,731
113
#30
You're welcome. :) I don't know about the orchid, but maybe it was a different answer than you were hoping for. Maybe it was meant to give you hope that God will resolve this mess, for the best interests of all involved. God has someone in mind for you, but it's not this guy..


Thank you :)
I dont know about him, and if he's been praying to stop having romantic feelings for me, but it's definitely something I've been asking for. I've even prayed that God doesn't let us see each other until I can fully look at him as nothing more than a brother in Christ. What sparked the orchid prayer last year was when we met at a funeral, (I know, nothing more romantic than funerals), and the pastor there spoke about how God gives us definite signs when we ask for clarity. We talked about it and agreed that the orchid was a good choice. We haven't met or spoken since, so he doesn't know about the orchid blooming. And to be honest, I dont think I'll disclose it to him if we do meet again. It's definitely been festering in my mind though, because I had thought for sure that the flowers wouldn't bloom. I told myself that we needed nothing short of divine intervention between us, and I have to be satisfied with Gods answer. And the fact that the flowers actually bloomed has been weighing down in my heart and killing me on the inside.
 
Apr 14, 2018
40
0
0
#31
I'm not giving insults, no one here is. But it's awfully weird that your paths keep crossing, despite both of you living in different states. Could it be possible he's keeping closer tabs on you than you think he is? I mean, the two of you end up taking a trip to the same place, same hotel, rooms across from each other. That sounds like more than a coincidence to me. That sounds like a guy who desperately wants to be near you.
Thank you, maybe things just come off really differently through text on a screen. It just felt very offensive and like you were attacking me, rather than talking to me when you called me a side chick.

Well that definitely took a dark turn. I dont post about hotels and room numbers on social media or anything, that's for sure. Unless he has a random private investigator that somehow looked through company interactions with a hotel or something. My Seattle trip was a last minute thing, so he would have needed to get the information pretty quickly, seeing as he was there even before me. I guess looking back at it, it is a little weird, as we have met in ridiculous places. I went on vacation with a friend to Japan, and he was in an Airbnb down the street.
 

tourist

Senior Member
Mar 13, 2014
22,930
1,485
113
63
Florida
#32
Thank you :)
I dont know about him, and if he's been praying to stop having romantic feelings for me, but it's definitely something I've been asking for. I've even prayed that God doesn't let us see each other until I can fully look at him as nothing more than a brother in Christ. What sparked the orchid prayer last year was when we met at a funeral, (I know, nothing more romantic than funerals), and the pastor there spoke about how God gives us definite signs when we ask for clarity. We talked about it and agreed that the orchid was a good choice. We haven't met or spoken since, so he doesn't know about the orchid blooming. And to be honest, I dont think I'll disclose it to him if we do meet again. It's definitely been festering in my mind though, because I had thought for sure that the flowers wouldn't bloom. I told myself that we needed nothing short of divine intervention between us, and I have to be satisfied with Gods answer. And the fact that the flowers actually bloomed has been weighing down in my heart and killing me on the inside.
Don't allow the flowers that bloomed weigh you down but take it as a sign from God that He has big plans for you. Perhaps the 3 orchid blooms were indeed a sign of some sort, just like a rainbow.
 
Apr 14, 2018
40
0
0
#33
You're welcome. :) I don't know about the orchid, but maybe it was a different answer than you were hoping for. Maybe it was meant to give you hope that God will resolve this mess, for the best interests of all involved. God has someone in mind for you, but it's not this guy..
Thank you :) God is definitely mysterious and great. That gave me a lot of peace and comfort.
 
Apr 14, 2018
40
0
0
#34
Don't allow the flowers that bloomed weigh you down but take it as a sign from God that He has big plans for you. Perhaps the 3 orchid blooms were indeed a sign of some sort, just like a rainbow.
Thank you :) will do~
 

tourist

Senior Member
Mar 13, 2014
22,930
1,485
113
63
Florida
#35
We live in different states. I moved afterwards to Florida, and he's in Chicago. He's lived his whole life here in the states, why would he up his life and move to Austrailia, when he's sending money to his wife from here? I CHOSE TO LEAVE MY HOME OF OVER 23 YEARS TO AVOID HIM. Our feelings are not right when he is married. I agree. In the five times we've seen each other since his marriage, we've gotten coffee, and our conversation eventually leads to talking about prayers. And every dang time, we end up talking about not having feelings for each other anymore. Its sinful that he has feelings for me, and we both acknowledge it. That is what is not chaste about our discussion. Our feelings that exist cannot be chaste because they should not exist. Having mutual feelings is definitely terrible when he is married. However, that does not make me a side chick. Being honest and having honest conversation about whe we need to pray for each other is not making me a side chick.

Okay, so let's take out the orchid. Let's say that the orchid blooming for the first time in years after the prayer isn't a sign from God, and we're supposed to part ways. Then instead of condemning us, actually provide constructive advice and prayer like a brother or sister instead of insults.
I live in Florida too. You are wise to ask God to remove the feelings that you have for him as he is not suitable for you and is unobtainable. Perhaps, if you prayed, He will search and find a man that it truly your heart's desire.
 

blue_ladybug

Senior Member
Feb 21, 2014
62,821
1,731
113
#36
Hmmm.. Well, I'm not trying to scare you, but weirder things have happened. Do you store anything on your computer and/ or cell phone? Very well could be he's hacked them..

Thank you, maybe things just come off really differently through text on a screen. It just felt very offensive and like you were attacking me, rather than talking to me when you called me a side chick.

Well that definitely took a dark turn. I dont post about hotels and room numbers on social media or anything, that's for sure. Unless he has a random private investigator that somehow looked through company interactions with a hotel or something. My Seattle trip was a last minute thing, so he would have needed to get the information pretty quickly, seeing as he was there even before me. I guess looking back at it, it is a little weird, as we have met in ridiculous places. I went on vacation with a friend to Japan, and he was in an Airbnb down the street.
 
Apr 14, 2018
40
0
0
#37
Hmmm.. Well, I'm not trying to scare you, but weirder things have happened. Do you store anything on your computer and/ or cell phone? Very well could be he's hacked them..
I've changed my phone and phone number when I moved, so I dont think he did? Also, all booking confirmations on that Seattle trip were done through company property, so I don't think he could have hacked that. I guess maybe he could have hacked my expedia or something regarding personal trips? If hes stalking me, then this thread just turned into something way uglier and sinister.
 

melita916

Senior Member
Aug 12, 2011
9,001
480
83
#38
I have so many questions, but I’m on cc via my phone lol

1) forgive me for asking, but how old is he? I’m trying to understand how his parents forced him to marry when they were overseas, and he was in the States.
2) if his wife is from another country, and they have been married for about 4 yrs, has he tried to move her here?


Well, I guess regardless of the answers, he’s not available. God has given us the power of self control. Our minds will create all kinds of stories that give us false hope. But Holy Spirit can help us to discipline our thoughts.

I say, continue to live your life. Go out and meet people. Find interesting hobbies. I’m not saying you haven’t been doing these things. But maybe finding other things can help.
 
Apr 14, 2018
40
0
0
#39
I live in Florida too. You are wise to ask God to remove the feelings that you have for him as he is not suitable for you and is unobtainable. Perhaps, if you prayed, He will search and find a man that it truly your heart's desire.
Thank you :) I think even before praying for another man, I need to heal first. I'm definitely not ready for another relationship, because it wouldn't be fair for whomever I end up dating if i'm not over this guy. :)
 
Apr 14, 2018
40
0
0
#40
I have so many questions, but I’m on cc via my phone lol

1) forgive me for asking, but how old is he? I’m trying to understand how his parents forced him to marry when they were overseas, and he was in the States.
2) if his wife is from another country, and they have been married for about 4 yrs, has he tried to move her here?


Well, I guess regardless of the answers, he’s not available. God has given us the power of self control. Our minds will create all kinds of stories that give us false hope. But Holy Spirit can help us to discipline our thoughts.

I say, continue to live your life. Go out and meet people. Find interesting hobbies. I’m not saying you haven’t been doing these things. But maybe finding other things can help.
He was 25, and I was 23 when this all happened four years ago. He'll be thirty this November. He said it was something about joining the families to pool in more missionary funds, and their parents agreed on the marriage before they even met the first time. His parents bought an engagement ring and told him to propose the first time they met.

He hasn't tried to move there because hes basically supporting the family through funding ( his parents, inlaws, and wife)... so it really doesn't make sense for him to move there. He would have jack squat and have to start from the bottom up when hes making good money here in the states.

Thank you~ I have been distracting myself with a lot and busy with rebuilding my life out here. It has been good, and it's really "those days" where I just end up feeling down, or when we do see each other and all the hurt and feelings come rushing back.