Super confused

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tourist

Senior Member
Mar 13, 2014
22,930
1,485
113
63
Florida
#61
Thank you :) I think even before praying for another man, I need to heal first. I'm definitely not ready for another relationship, because it wouldn't be fair for whomever I end up dating if i'm not over this guy. :)
It would be more than fair to whomever you would end up dating if this was the one that God chose for you. I understand about the healing part. After my disastrous first marriage that lasted 6 1/2 years I was alone and celibate for the next 18 years. Hopefully you won't wait that long. :)
 

tourist

Senior Member
Mar 13, 2014
22,930
1,485
113
63
Florida
#62
LOL.. Yupp.. Even his story about being forced to marry a foreignor sounds fishy. American parents usually don't FORCE their adult children to do anything, much less marry a foreignor. Is it possible he's been playing you all this time? Just something to consider.
Maybe the guy isn't even married. Perhaps he's delusional. Sounds dangerous.
 

Ugly

Senior Member
Apr 19, 2011
20,648
627
113
#63
Thank you.

I'm definitely asking God to aid us in my relationship with him as brother and sister, and to alleviate us of the feelings of romance that we have for each other. The points you've pointed out have been discussed in the thread, if you are curious to understand my prayer request.
So rather than following biblical advice and "fleeing from sin" you insist on staying together and hope God zaps the feelings away. Wrong. If you aren't willing to let go, and take action to prove it, God isn't going to work because you aren't expressing a willing heart to obey, but rather clinging to what you want.

And I've been in your situation. More than once. I dint need to read more to understand better. He's married. He's cheating. You're part of his breaking his covenant with God. That's not complicated. The only reason to complicate it is an excuse to hold on. But since you seem to think it's not simple then why waste my breath on someone that's not here to listen? Good luck in your ongoing adultery.
 
Apr 14, 2018
40
0
0
#64
So rather than following biblical advice and "fleeing from sin" you insist on staying together and hope God zaps the feelings away. Wrong. If you aren't willing to let go, and take action to prove it, God isn't going to work because you aren't expressing a willing heart to obey, but rather clinging to what you want.

And I've been in your situation. More than once. I dint need to read more to understand better. He's married. He's cheating. You're part of his breaking his covenant with God. That's not complicated. The only reason to complicate it is an excuse to hold on. But since you seem to think it's not simple then why waste my breath on someone that's not here to listen? Good luck in your ongoing adultery.
The problem with your statement is that we are not together. I literally fled my sin by moving hundreds of miles away from him. My feelings for him are not inherently sinful, its the fact that it opens doors for sin to enter, especially since he returns those feelings. Where have I asked for anyone to pray that we can be together? I've been asking for you all to pray for clarity in the situation, because I've done what I can to remove myself from the situation, but we're struggling emotionally and spiritually. Your lack of patience in understanding the situation and using your prejudice to say things that are emotionally hurtful is not helping nor encouraging anyone. If you took the time to actually read what was going on, you'd see that I have not pursued him romantically.
 

cclun

Junior Member
Sep 20, 2017
3
0
0
#65
Instead of asking God for a sign from the orchids, have you truly prayed about the situation? If he is a married man (even if you had a relationship with him before his marriage), both you are committing sin by wanting to be together and praying for a breakup of a marriage. "What God has joined, let no man separate". I would ask that you truly repent and not follow your passion. You have feelings for him, and because he is a married man, you both need to set boundaries by not talking to each other any more. The signs from the orchids is not from the Lord, because God will never want to break up a marriage covenant. I pray you do not fall for the enemy's temptation. Besides, what he is doing is cheating, and even if you are together with him someday, he will most definitely cheat on you when things get hard. Please Withdraw from the situation now. God asked us to be obedient and "pick up the cross and follow Him" which means giving up what we most want and allowing Him to control our lives.
 

cclun

Junior Member
Sep 20, 2017
3
0
0
#66
I don't think we should cast stones at our sisters, but I truly am concerned and will be praying for you for clarity. But my advice is still the same, cut off all contacts. If he contacts you, tell him you feel that it is sin because you have feelings for him and you need to sop. If God want you to be together, it will not be on your terms. By keeping the contact with him you are actually taking away blessings (his marriage can get better, or you may meet someone else) in both of your lives. Proverbs 14:6 says we can make plans, but we need to let God guide our steps. Praying fo you sister.
 

Waggles

Senior Member
Sep 21, 2017
1,983
342
83
South Australia
adelaiderevival.com
#67
Have you no moral compass of your own?
Do you not read your NT and understand what is righteous with God
and what is sin before him?

Flee from your lusts and adultery that you are committing through
desire and the intentions of your heart.

As for the orchid blooming there are other beings of spiritual power
who can do this. Such a sign is not from God simply because God
does not condone sin and wrongdoing.

Wake up to yourself and draw near to God - no man is worth losing
your salvation over.
 
Apr 14, 2018
40
0
0
#68
I don't think we should cast stones at our sisters, but I truly am concerned and will be praying for you for clarity. But my advice is still the same, cut off all contacts. If he contacts you, tell him you feel that it is sin because you have feelings for him and you need to sop. If God want you to be together, it will not be on your terms. By keeping the contact with him you are actually taking away blessings (his marriage can get better, or you may meet someone else) in both of your lives. Proverbs 14:6 says we can make plans, but we need to let God guide our steps. Praying fo you sister.
I've mentioned previously, we're not in contact. Shortly after he got married, I moved out of state, we blocked each other on social media, and I changed my number. We have by chance met 4 times, and once at a funeral. All 5 times, we've caught up over coffee, and through conversation, we've acknowledged that we still have feelings for each other. I've been praying, and he says he's been praying, for us to leave our feelings. The orchid thing, also explained previously, came about after the years of no contact and still being unable to leave behind feelings for each other. For me, I had not expected itto bloom, and was seeking an absolute, no-excuse reason to let go and stop myself from dwelling in the fantasy of "what if", and "but we love each other". That definitely threw me completely offtrack when the orchid bloomed, and I have I told him, since we have no way of contacting each other.
 
Apr 14, 2018
40
0
0
#69
Have you no moral compass of your own?
Do you not read your NT and understand what is righteous with God
and what is sin before him?

Flee from your lusts and adultery that you are committing through
desire and the intentions of your heart.

As for the orchid blooming there are other beings of spiritual power
who can do this. Such a sign is not from God simply because God
does not condone sin and wrongdoing.

Wake up to yourself and draw near to God - no man is worth losing
your salvation over.
I stand righteous before God in knowing that my feelings for this man is something I have continuously been surrendering. He knows my heart, and has heard my countless prayers crying out to Him, asking Him to turn my ex's affections away from me. He's heard me continually pray for healing, and ask God to bring his wife here to keep him accountable and to build their marriage. He's heard me angrily ask Him why He would allow for such a union. He's heard me cry out in despair why I can't get over this man, even though he married her without first even defending our relationship. He knows how I denied my selfish desires to be with him and completely cut off contact and moved away from everything I knew. It is not sinful of me to have feelings for him, as I am not bound to another man. Having feelings for someone is not innately a sin. It is his sin, for he is wed, and I've done what i can in my physical power to stay away. I stand righteous before God, not because i'm not a sinner, but I've been doing my due diligence in this situation, and He knows my heart.

Nothing can happen without God's permission. Even in Job, Satan cannot touch a hair on him without God's permission. There are no such thing as coincidences. I ask for clarity, because 4 years should be enough to get over a year long relationship. I ask for clarity, because it makes no sense to me. I ask for clarity, because I know that marriages are sacred, and it is a covenant that He blesses. I cannot understand what the orchid means, as my prayer regarding it was clear, and our God is not a God of confusion and chaos. I had prayed that prayer, believing the flowers wouldn't bloom, and I would have to be satisfied and stop living in a fantasy of uncertainty and false hope.

If you read previous comments, you may have better graspof what the situation is and what it is i'm praying about and asking you to pray for me about.
 
Apr 14, 2018
40
0
0
#70
I've mentioned previously, we're not in contact. Shortly after he got married, I moved out of state, we blocked each other on social media, and I changed my number. We have by chance met 4 times, and once at a funeral. All 5 times, we've caught up over coffee, and through conversation, we've acknowledged that we still have feelings for each other. I've been praying, and he says he's been praying, for us to leave our feelings. The orchid thing, also explained previously, came about after the years of no contact and still being unable to leave behind feelings for each other. For me, I had not expected itto bloom, and was seeking an absolute, no-excuse reason to let go and stop myself from dwelling in the fantasy of "what if", and "but we love each other". That definitely threw me completely offtrack when the orchid bloomed, and I have I told him, since we have no way of contacting each other.
Have not told him*
 

blue_ladybug

Senior Member
Feb 21, 2014
62,821
1,731
113
#71
Love, I don't believe that a forced marriage is blessed by God. Especially since the husband hasn't been faithful. I also don't believe that it's mere coincidence that you've crossed paths with him in FOUR U.S. states, AND a foreign country. Somehow, he knows where you're going and when.
 
Apr 14, 2018
40
0
0
#72
Love, I don't believe that a forced marriage is blessed by God. Especially since the husband hasn't been faithful. I also don't believe that it's mere coincidence that you've crossed paths with him in FOUR U.S. states, AND a foreign country. Somehow, he knows where you're going and when.
Thank you.

Yes, i'm going to get the tracphone like you suggested :) i'm also going to have our company tech do a thorough check of my company gear and see if they find something. It's not right if hes been stalking me all these years
 

Lighthearted

Senior Member
Oct 17, 2016
1,016
73
48
#73
Now i'm legitimately scared. I'm on a work trip right now and i'm too scared to go out of my hotel.
He could be bugging something that belongs to you...and that is very creepy. You should have the police or fbi do a background check on him. You could very well be mixed up with a very controlling stalker.
 

Lighthearted

Senior Member
Oct 17, 2016
1,016
73
48
#74
I read something you said that made me come to the same conclusion and commented right away...but I see blue_ladybug already did. I would definitely check out anything you use on a regular basis and him. Be careful. I pray God will keep you from any harm.
 

blue_ladybug

Senior Member
Feb 21, 2014
62,821
1,731
113
#75
Yes, this right here. I thought of that also. I think it's possible for a person with GPS on their phone, to be able to turn on and off, the GPS on another person's phone, if that person is in their contacts..

He could be bugging something that belongs to you...and that is very creepy. You should have the police or fbi do a background check on him. You could very well be mixed up with a very controlling stalker.
 

KBond

Senior Member
Jun 5, 2013
662
19
18
#76
It can be hard to see the reality of the situation when you are in the situation. I completely understand how your heart is rebelling against the facts, and you do not feel you are able to control it. God wants to handle this situation for you. Give it to Him. Tell God that. The truth is you deserve better than someone who would reject a life with you by marrying someone else, which is exactly what he did. As an adult, he had a choice to marry her or not...and he chose to marry her. You deserve someone who chooses to marry you and reject all others. The best way to fall out of love for this person and open the door for someone new is to stop talking to him, stop praying for you two to be together, and start praying for God to allow you to meet your future spouse.

Lord, I pray that this woman would be able to relinquish this situation to you. I pray that this woman would cut ties with this person, and You would fill that loneliness and broken heart with Your love. I pray that You would provide this woman with a desire to serve you and opportunities for her to do so. Thank You that when we take delight in You, then You lead us to a path You ordained for us. In Christ's Name, Amen.
 

levi85

Senior Member
Jul 2, 2013
6,018
241
63
#77
Lord bless Forloveandlife, in Jesus precious name, Amen!
 
Apr 17, 2018
1
0
0
#78
I stand righteous before God in knowing that my feelings for this man is something I have continuously been surrendering. He knows my heart, and has heard my countless prayers crying out to Him, asking Him to turn my ex's affections away from me. He's heard me continually pray for healing, and ask God to bring his wife here to keep him accountable and to build their marriage. He's heard me angrily ask Him why He would allow for such a union. He's heard me cry out in despair why I can't get over this man, even though he married her without first even defending our relationship. He knows how I denied my selfish desires to be with him and completely cut off contact and moved away from everything I knew. It is not sinful of me to have feelings for him, as I am not bound to another man. Having feelings for someone is not innately a sin. It is his sin, for he is wed, and I've done what i can in my physical power to stay away. I stand righteous before God, not because i'm not a sinner, but I've been doing my due diligence in this situation, and He knows my heart.

Nothing can happen without God's permission. Even in Job, Satan cannot touch a hair on him without God's permission. There are no such thing as coincidences. I ask for clarity, because 4 years should be enough to get over a year long relationship. I ask for clarity, because it makes no sense to me. I ask for clarity, because I know that marriages are sacred, and it is a covenant that He blesses. I cannot understand what the orchid means, as my prayer regarding it was clear, and our God is not a God of confusion and chaos. I had prayed that prayer, believing the flowers wouldn't bloom, and I would have to be satisfied and stop living in a fantasy of uncertainty and false hope.

If you read previous comments, you may have better graspof what the situation is and what it is i'm praying about and asking you to pray for me about.
I've been a long time user of CC, but I made a new account to b anonymous because the nature of this topic is so sensitive and I'm going to give u different advice from everyone else.

My husband and I were the same as you. We're both Korean Americans so I can understand the culture of blind dates and arranged marriages. He is a pastor's son, and his dad served in Korea. He was put through an arranged marriage and never saw his wife again, and we were struggling. Kudos to u for moving away from him. I couldn't. We fell to sin time and time again for six years. We were praying, but not doing anything about it. He hid his marriage from his friends, and I never told anyone about our dilemma. We also asked God for a sign that was answered. We used that as our excuse to continue sinning, and I am not proud of it. I'm proud of u for doing something before it even happens, because we didn't.

Keep staying away. U already said it urself that even if God intends for u to be together, it's not now. He's a married man and u can't let urself be involved. Confront him about stalking if u do meet again, but I don't think he is. Why would any man keep stalking a woman who he isn't getting anything but rejection from for five years? This could be God reminding u two to be patient and have faith. U both need to focus on ur own life, not on each other, and just trust ur paths will cross again. Even if he did arrange all the meetings, it could just be a mutual friend telling him info out of sympathy, and nothing as serious as getting hacked or bugged. It's not that far-fetched, since it's normal for friends to update someone after a break up. If that's the case he might just be going to u when he's feeling especially lonely and vulnerable. He has to be a lonely man to be married to a girl he never sees, and is in love with a girl he can't have. I'm not saying it's okay for him to do this, especially since u've gone through great lengths to avoid him, but from what i'm reading, it's much more likelier than him hacking u. Plus, once or twice a year is not that often. He could be getting information from the friend and trying to resist the temptation to see u. If he bugged u with the intentions of stalking u, it would be much more often.

With my husband and I, I felt so broken because I couldn't feel guilty, but that doesn't seem to be where u r. U r already ahead. I knew what we were doing was wrong, but I felt so justified in the circumstances. I was first, he loved me, not her. God finally put it in my heart to admit that even if I couldn't feel like what I was doing was wrong, I knew that it was. I started teaching English in Korea to stay away. In the beginning, we still kept in touch. We had a big time difference, so we couldn't call much, and we were able to have time apart to reflect on our sinful relationship. We laid it down to God, and chose to finally cut contact. We took the easy way out, since the time zone difference made contact hard to begin with, but that was when God began working in our lives. Long story short, God convicted him to be honest with his parents and wife about me. He left a voice message on my answering machine, flew to Korea, and took me to meet his wife and parents. It was very emotional when he admitted to his family that he was in love with me, and we were together before and after the marriage. I repented to his wife for not keeping away and seducing him. His parents were angry that he didn't tell them, and kept apologizing to me for breaking us apart. The five of us prayed together for maybe three hours that day, and began the divorce procedures the very next day. His then-wife said she was not happy with their marriage, because they didn't see each other either. She said she was relieved that she didn't have to stay married to him, because eventually they had to meet again just to fulfill the job of "making babies". Of course idk if she was just being nice about it, but I think she was sincere. No one wants to be in a marriage with someone they never get to see, and she is married to someone she met during their marriage now.

Dont pray for their break up. As a woman, u r his support, and u must keep supporting him to go towards God. U can only support him through prayer right now, so pray for his spiritual life. Pray for him to lay down his sin b4 his parents and wife. That is the only way. U have done what u can to keep him accountable and u have made enough sacrifices to pay for his sin. In the end, u r not Jesus Christ. U can't take his sin for him. He is responsible for his own sin, and he still has to pay his price. Demi is right, right now he just has two women, and this is his selfishness. This began because of his sins in his fear of man (pleasing family and tradition), deceit (marrying and vowing to love a woman he could not love), and unfaithfulness (to his wife AND u). He needs to face them and ask them for forgiveness, and make a decision to make things right. I will be praying for u that u'll be ok with whatever happens. Sin will make it so that someone has to hurt. Japanese culture is very big on "shame", so his family AND the girl will be going through a lot of shame if they divorce. He chose his family b4, so maybe he will choose family again, but we don't know. If u believe the orchids are a sign from God, then trust that everything will work out. Look at how God has blessed my relationship. Never did I think it was possible when he first told me he had to marry someone else. My husband and I did everything wrong, but when we surrendered, God led us to a path of repentance, and showed us His faithfulness. We have been married for three years now and have a healthy pair of twins.

I'm not telling u this so u will have false hope, but everyone is just telling u that it cant work. Don't count on it working, but don't write it off as impossible. Jacob loved Rachel, but was given Leah. He endured 7 more years of labor to gain Rachel's hand in marriage, and God blessed both marriages. Through Leah comes Christ, but through Rachel, Joshua enters Jerusalem. In God, anything is possible, if we abide by Him. We are all sinners, and this sin wreaks havoc in our lives and hearts. Sometimes the only way to amend things is to take out what was wrong in the first place. It could be his feelings for you, but it could also be his current marriage that will be gone. U r not wrong to have feelings for him. They existed even before his marriage. He is the one sinning, and u have been taking the brunt of it, even in this cc forum. U r strong, and I will keep praying for God to guard ur heart against the trials to come. U have a good foundation and u seem to have a good head on ur shoulders. Use that for discerning right and wrong. Don't limit God's plan to what u think u understand, and don't be afraid of judgement from others. Don't beat urself up over this and keep fighting sin and temptation like u r now.

Praying for u, girlie. I hope God will reveal to u His plan in due time. This trial is a time u both need to take as a time to draw closer to God. Meanwhile, pray for the guy's heart and repentance. If u end up together, I'm happy for u, and u will have a strong testimony in ur relationship. If not, God has even greater plans, so don't be discouraged.
 
Apr 14, 2018
40
0
0
#79
I've been a long time user of CC, but I made a new account to b anonymous because the nature of this topic is so sensitive and I'm going to give u different advice from everyone else.

My husband and I were the same as you. We're both Korean Americans so I can understand the culture of blind dates and arranged marriages. He is a pastor's son, and his dad served in Korea. He was put through an arranged marriage and never saw his wife again, and we were struggling. Kudos to u for moving away from him. I couldn't. We fell to sin time and time again for six years. We were praying, but not doing anything about it. He hid his marriage from his friends, and I never told anyone about our dilemma. We also asked God for a sign that was answered. We used that as our excuse to continue sinning, and I am not proud of it. I'm proud of u for doing something before it even happens, because we didn't.

Keep staying away. U already said it urself that even if God intends for u to be together, it's not now. He's a married man and u can't let urself be involved. Confront him about stalking if u do meet again, but I don't think he is. Why would any man keep stalking a woman who he isn't getting anything but rejection from for five years? This could be God reminding u two to be patient and have faith. U both need to focus on ur own life, not on each other, and just trust ur paths will cross again. Even if he did arrange all the meetings, it could just be a mutual friend telling him info out of sympathy, and nothing as serious as getting hacked or bugged. It's not that far-fetched, since it's normal for friends to update someone after a break up. If that's the case he might just be going to u when he's feeling especially lonely and vulnerable. He has to be a lonely man to be married to a girl he never sees, and is in love with a girl he can't have. I'm not saying it's okay for him to do this, especially since u've gone through great lengths to avoid him, but from what i'm reading, it's much more likelier than him hacking u. Plus, once or twice a year is not that often. He could be getting information from the friend and trying to resist the temptation to see u. If he bugged u with the intentions of stalking u, it would be much more often.

With my husband and I, I felt so broken because I couldn't feel guilty, but that doesn't seem to be where u r. U r already ahead. I knew what we were doing was wrong, but I felt so justified in the circumstances. I was first, he loved me, not her. God finally put it in my heart to admit that even if I couldn't feel like what I was doing was wrong, I knew that it was. I started teaching English in Korea to stay away. In the beginning, we still kept in touch. We had a big time difference, so we couldn't call much, and we were able to have time apart to reflect on our sinful relationship. We laid it down to God, and chose to finally cut contact. We took the easy way out, since the time zone difference made contact hard to begin with, but that was when God began working in our lives. Long story short, God convicted him to be honest with his parents and wife about me. He left a voice message on my answering machine, flew to Korea, and took me to meet his wife and parents. It was very emotional when he admitted to his family that he was in love with me, and we were together before and after the marriage. I repented to his wife for not keeping away and seducing him. His parents were angry that he didn't tell them, and kept apologizing to me for breaking us apart. The five of us prayed together for maybe three hours that day, and began the divorce procedures the very next day. His then-wife said she was not happy with their marriage, because they didn't see each other either. She said she was relieved that she didn't have to stay married to him, because eventually they had to meet again just to fulfill the job of "making babies". Of course idk if she was just being nice about it, but I think she was sincere. No one wants to be in a marriage with someone they never get to see, and she is married to someone she met during their marriage now.

Dont pray for their break up. As a woman, u r his support, and u must keep supporting him to go towards God. U can only support him through prayer right now, so pray for his spiritual life. Pray for him to lay down his sin b4 his parents and wife. That is the only way. U have done what u can to keep him accountable and u have made enough sacrifices to pay for his sin. In the end, u r not Jesus Christ. U can't take his sin for him. He is responsible for his own sin, and he still has to pay his price. Demi is right, right now he just has two women, and this is his selfishness. This began because of his sins in his fear of man (pleasing family and tradition), deceit (marrying and vowing to love a woman he could not love), and unfaithfulness (to his wife AND u). He needs to face them and ask them for forgiveness, and make a decision to make things right. I will be praying for u that u'll be ok with whatever happens. Sin will make it so that someone has to hurt. Japanese culture is very big on "shame", so his family AND the girl will be going through a lot of shame if they divorce. He chose his family b4, so maybe he will choose family again, but we don't know. If u believe the orchids are a sign from God, then trust that everything will work out. Look at how God has blessed my relationship. Never did I think it was possible when he first told me he had to marry someone else. My husband and I did everything wrong, but when we surrendered, God led us to a path of repentance, and showed us His faithfulness. We have been married for three years now and have a healthy pair of twins.

I'm not telling u this so u will have false hope, but everyone is just telling u that it cant work. Don't count on it working, but don't write it off as impossible. Jacob loved Rachel, but was given Leah. He endured 7 more years of labor to gain Rachel's hand in marriage, and God blessed both marriages. Through Leah comes Christ, but through Rachel, Joshua enters Jerusalem. In God, anything is possible, if we abide by Him. We are all sinners, and this sin wreaks havoc in our lives and hearts. Sometimes the only way to amend things is to take out what was wrong in the first place. It could be his feelings for you, but it could also be his current marriage that will be gone. U r not wrong to have feelings for him. They existed even before his marriage. He is the one sinning, and u have been taking the brunt of it, even in this cc forum. U r strong, and I will keep praying for God to guard ur heart against the trials to come. U have a good foundation and u seem to have a good head on ur shoulders. Use that for discerning right and wrong. Don't limit God's plan to what u think u understand, and don't be afraid of judgement from others. Don't beat urself up over this and keep fighting sin and temptation like u r now.

Praying for u, girlie. I hope God will reveal to u His plan in due time. This trial is a time u both need to take as a time to draw closer to God. Meanwhile, pray for the guy's heart and repentance. If u end up together, I'm happy for u, and u will have a strong testimony in ur relationship. If not, God has even greater plans, so don't be discouraged.
Thank you so much. Your testimony brought me to tears and I'm so blessed to hear your story, and you're right. I have been nitpicking and trying to understand everything, but that's not putting my faith in God and His promises. Regardless of what happens, it's all in God's hands, and more than anything, I need to pray for our hearts to be right with God. The rest will take care of itself, whether we end up together or not.

Thank you.