Here's my testimony

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F

Forever_Saved

Guest
#1
Hi, this will be long so thank you beforehand for reading it all :love:

So I was born into a Christian family, went to a Christian school, that been said, when I was about two months old my dad left for Europe. He came back for visit when I was 3 years old, saw him briefly at least I got to create a memory of who he was. After some weeks, he left again leaving my mum pregnant and this time he left for 8 years.

During those 8 years I grew up with my mum, siblings, uncles and aunties, cousins and friends. We had so much fun, we played a lot, my cousin lived near so it was like we had a second home. We didn't have much as we were 3 children and 1 mum. I missed my dad, but didn't know how to express it. I also felt hate towards him because we would talk on the phone like once a year and other times I heard my mum talking with him she would always be crying and shouting. I and my brothers were exposed to things like porn magazines and alcohol at a very early age as my mum would drink a lot.


Fast forward to 2006, when I was 11, God intervenes, my dad is now very involved in his church, he and my mum ´´fixed´´ their relationship and we moved to Europe, after a year, my sister is born so we're now 4 siblings. We're very involved in church, we're there 4 days a week. Barely had any other social life growing up as a teen.

In church we seemed like the perfect family but at home there was violence from my dad, physical and psychological. Sometimes he and my mum would argue and the next day we would see marks and scars on her face. He was very violent with me, always had marks on my face or body as well. On time a bandage on my wrist.

It was so confusing and infuriating because I really thought he had missed me as much as I missed him since he left, why was he so aggressive with us when we came to be with him? Also he shared the gospel, I keep wondering where in the Bible God said a man should beat up his wife...

Well fast forward to 2014, I'm 19, he almost broke my jaw because after cleaning I left the bin next to the table rather than under the table. That day I decided I was going to leave, I felt safer outside home than inside. Told my teachers (they already knew over the years and had had chats with my parents warning them that if they continued they would call social securities), did a lot of paper work and therapy sessions, in a month I left home like I was going to school and never went back home since then.


It's almost 9 years since that day and I still remember it like yesterday. As soon as I left I stopped going to church, I didn't want to serve the same ''aggressive and strict'' God that my dad used to serve and teach about. I got into a sinful relationship for 3 years, then moved to another city, then got addicted to weed when I was 23 and hated myself for it. Drinking a lot of alcohol as well, partying a lot, seeking men's attention and validation of self worth and self esteem, and trying to feel that huge void I felt inside me. I’ve also tried harder drugs like cocaine and ecstasy at this point. Two years after I had a very bad trip, got very scared of smoking weed bc I didn't want the same thing to happen so I stopped but continued with the other hard drugs. This went on for some months then COVID hit in 2020.

Thanks to covid there were no more parties, my whole world stopped so I felt so hopeless and way more depressed than ever, I had hit rock bottom. I couldn't sleep, had so many attacks at night that I was afraid to sleep. So one day in tears I just said ''God I've tried everything and nothing worked, I'm just going to read a passage and sleep, if you're real help me sleep in peace''. Opened my Bible to somewhere in psalm and the next thing I woke up with my bible on my chest in the same position I was before sleeping, I had slept for 6 hours straight in a very long time.

I was so amazed, got on my knees and started weeping and weeping, couldn't stop asking for forgiveness and giving thanks. The next days were more of the same thing. I searched for a church, as it was covid they were only online so I joined the community groups online and attended online Sunday service.

When it opened I went, entering a church after 6 years was like being lost and finally finding home, finally finding where I belonged. I remember the first weeks I would just sit in the front and weep, couldn't stop weeping even during the message haha. Got baptized again but now by my own decision.

These past 2 years have been filled with deliverance, healing, love, peace, a whole lot of grace, purpose, worth, freedom, renewing of my mind, new friends and church family, healing in my family and healing in my relationship with men, how I see men and what to expect from a Godly man and how to be a Godly woman, and the list goes on.

So yeah, I've always being ashamed of my testimony and now I have joined the evangelism group of my church to gain courage to go out there and share this with who ever may need to hear it, to help people know they're not alone and plant a seed in their hearts.

Thank you again for reading all this, God bless you <3
 

Talljake

Well-known member
Jul 17, 2022
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#2
Amen grace. I am so thankful that you had the courage to share your testimony. I am proud of you. I feel that I can relate to your testimony in so many ways. I am thankful that you have tuned back to the lord. I pray the lord heals any pain you may have hidden inside you. Thank you for sharing
 
F

Forever_Saved

Guest
#3
Amen grace. I am so thankful that you had the courage to share your testimony. I am proud of you. I feel that I can relate to your testimony in so many ways. I am thankful that you have tuned back to the lord. I pray the lord heals any pain you may have hidden inside you. Thank you for sharing
Being that you went through the same thing, did it take you a while to forgive yourself? Like what has been your post salvation spiritually and mentally?
For me it took me a lot to forgive myself and I feel like the enemy always tried to use my past to hunt me and accuse me. Just asking to know if you went through the same struggles :)
 

Talljake

Well-known member
Jul 17, 2022
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#4
I still have not fully forgiven myself. Sometimes my past haunts me. When a thought randomly comes to mind I ask for forgiveness and I try to also forgive myself but is so hard at times. People say I am way to hard on myself yet I feel like I am not hard enough. I know I am not perfect but I want to be as close to the lord as I can be so when I have these things come to mind I become hard on myself to try to let it go.
 
F

Forever_Saved

Guest
#5
Okay, thank you. I'm going through the same thing as well. It's easier now than before of course. The Holy Spirit has helped me a lot but I did go through a major battle in my mind. Now I know my identity in Christ and that all things are passed away and everything has become new.
Another thing that was difficult for me was apart from knowing my identity; believing it. Believing that I'm an heir of his kingdom, I'm the head and not the tail, I'm the apple of his eye, and so many other things the Bible says about us, His children. Knowing it is easy but believing it was hard.
 

Talljake

Well-known member
Jul 17, 2022
2,226
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#6
Yes amen. I am my own worst enemy. The more I focus upon the lord the more my past fades away. It is Satan who brings the past up, so we must stay focused on the lord and his words. If he says our sins are as far as the east is to the west.... Then that is where they are. Leave our old self and old ways behind us. Although it is a struggle of mine, I pray to be able to forgive myself completely.....the already has.
 

Ruby123

Well-known member
Mar 1, 2019
11,904
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#7
Okay, thank you. I'm going through the same thing as well. It's easier now than before of course. The Holy Spirit has helped me a lot but I did go through a major battle in my mind. Now I know my identity in Christ and that all things are passed away and everything has become new.
Another thing that was difficult for me was apart from knowing my identity; believing it. Believing that I'm an heir of his kingdom, I'm the head and not the tail, I'm the apple of his eye, and so many other things the Bible says about us, His children. Knowing it is easy but believing it was hard.
The battle of the mind is the hardest. Did you watch any sermons that helped?
 
F

Forever_Saved

Guest
#8
The battle of the mind is the hardest. Did you watch any sermons that helped?
Yes indeed the hardest. I did watch some yes, went through a lot of warfare prayers as well. When those thoughts came I would declare 2nd Corinthians 10:5 over them as well...
Sermons did help me gain insight andknowledge on how the mind is the Christian's battle field.
 

Talljake

Well-known member
Jul 17, 2022
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#9
The battle of the mind is the hardest. Did you watch any sermons that helped?
Amen, our minds can easily pollute us and cause us to loose our focus on the lord.
 

Ruby123

Well-known member
Mar 1, 2019
11,904
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#10
Yes indeed the hardest. I did watch some yes, went through a lot of warfare prayers as well. When those thoughts came I would declare 2nd Corinthians 10:5 over them as well...
Sermons did help me gain insight andknowledge on how the mind is the Christian's battle field.
I just looked up that scripture

We demolish arguments and every pretension that sets itself up against the knowledge of God, and we take captive every thought to make it obedient to Christ.
 
P

persistent

Guest
#11
Yes indeed the hardest. I did watch some yes, went through a lot of warfare prayers as well. When those thoughts came I would declare 2nd Corinthians 10:5 over them as well...
Just had conversation yesterday with a Christian person and was told that writing and then burning troubles may be helpful.
 
F

Forever_Saved

Guest
#12
Just had conversation yesterday with a Christian person and was told that writing and then burning troubles may be helpful.
Thanks but I'll need scriptural backup for that one
 
P

persistent

Guest
#13
Thanks but I'll need scriptural backup for that one
Don't have scripture backup. I may try this myself since the person that told me this has long history of being Christian.
 
P

persistent

Guest
#14
Thanks but I'll need scriptural backup for that one
Just struck me. The golden bull that Moses found when returning from Mt. Sinai. Ground it up or what? Any significance?
 
F

Forever_Saved

Guest
#15
Don't have scripture backup. I may try this myself since the person that told me this has long history of being Christian.
aw okay, I'll ask my mentor what she thinks about it, and around the church and seek the Holy Spirit on it. It does sounds powerful and interesting.
 
F

Forever_Saved

Guest
#16
Just struck me. The golden bull that Moses found when returning from Mt. Sinai. Ground it up or what? Any significance?
Yeh but that was an Idol...
 
P

persistent

Guest
#17
Thanks but I'll need scriptural backup for that one
I am fairly new to Christ so here I used search and maybe this is important?>>>>From Exodus 32
19 ¶ And it came to pass, as soon as he came nigh unto the camp, that he saw the calf, and the dancing: and Moses’ anger waxed hot, and he cast the tables out of his hands, and brake them beneath the mount.
20 And he took the calf which they had made, and burnt it in the fire, and ground it to powder, and strawed it upon the water, and made the children of Israel drink of it.
21 And Moses said unto Aaron, What did this people unto thee, that thou hast brought so great a sin upon them?
22 And Aaron said, Let not the anger of my lord wax hot: thou knowest the people, that they are set on mischief.
23 For they said unto me, Make us gods, which shall go before us: for as for this Moses, the man that brought us up out of the land of Egypt, we wot not what is become of him.
24 And I said unto them, Whosoever hath any gold, let them break it off. So they gave it me: then I cast it into the fire, and there came out this calf.
 
P

persistent

Guest
#18
aw okay, I'll ask my mentor what she thinks about it, and around the church and seek the Holy Spirit on it. It does sounds powerful and interesting.
Would appreciate to hear what feedback you get from your mentor? Thnx
 
H

HopeinHim4ever

Guest
#19
Hi, this will be long so thank you beforehand for reading it all :love:

So I was born into a Christian family, went to a Christian school, that been said, when I was about two months old my dad left for Europe. He came back for visit when I was 3 years old, saw him briefly at least I got to create a memory of who he was. After some weeks, he left again leaving my mum pregnant and this time he left for 8 years.

During those 8 years I grew up with my mum, siblings, uncles and aunties, cousins and friends. We had so much fun, we played a lot, my cousin lived near so it was like we had a second home. We didn't have much as we were 3 children and 1 mum. I missed my dad, but didn't know how to express it. I also felt hate towards him because we would talk on the phone like once a year and other times I heard my mum talking with him she would always be crying and shouting. I and my brothers were exposed to things like porn magazines and alcohol at a very early age as my mum would drink a lot.


Fast forward to 2006, when I was 11, God intervenes, my dad is now very involved in his church, he and my mum ´´fixed´´ their relationship and we moved to Europe, after a year, my sister is born so we're now 4 siblings. We're very involved in church, we're there 4 days a week. Barely had any other social life growing up as a teen.

In church we seemed like the perfect family but at home there was violence from my dad, physical and psychological. Sometimes he and my mum would argue and the next day we would see marks and scars on her face. He was very violent with me, always had marks on my face or body as well. On time a bandage on my wrist.

It was so confusing and infuriating because I really thought he had missed me as much as I missed him since he left, why was he so aggressive with us when we came to be with him? Also he shared the gospel, I keep wondering where in the Bible God said a man should beat up his wife...

Well fast forward to 2014, I'm 19, he almost broke my jaw because after cleaning I left the bin next to the table rather than under the table. That day I decided I was going to leave, I felt safer outside home than inside. Told my teachers (they already knew over the years and had had chats with my parents warning them that if they continued they would call social securities), did a lot of paper work and therapy sessions, in a month I left home like I was going to school and never went back home since then.


It's almost 9 years since that day and I still remember it like yesterday. As soon as I left I stopped going to church, I didn't want to serve the same ''aggressive and strict'' God that my dad used to serve and teach about. I got into a sinful relationship for 3 years, then moved to another city, then got addicted to weed when I was 23 and hated myself for it. Drinking a lot of alcohol as well, partying a lot, seeking men's attention and validation of self worth and self esteem, and trying to feel that huge void I felt inside me. I’ve also tried harder drugs like cocaine and ecstasy at this point. Two years after I had a very bad trip, got very scared of smoking weed bc I didn't want the same thing to happen so I stopped but continued with the other hard drugs. This went on for some months then COVID hit in 2020.

Thanks to covid there were no more parties, my whole world stopped so I felt so hopeless and way more depressed than ever, I had hit rock bottom. I couldn't sleep, had so many attacks at night that I was afraid to sleep. So one day in tears I just said ''God I've tried everything and nothing worked, I'm just going to read a passage and sleep, if you're real help me sleep in peace''. Opened my Bible to somewhere in psalm and the next thing I woke up with my bible on my chest in the same position I was before sleeping, I had slept for 6 hours straight in a very long time.

I was so amazed, got on my knees and started weeping and weeping, couldn't stop asking for forgiveness and giving thanks. The next days were more of the same thing. I searched for a church, as it was covid they were only online so I joined the community groups online and attended online Sunday service.

When it opened I went, entering a church after 6 years was like being lost and finally finding home, finally finding where I belonged. I remember the first weeks I would just sit in the front and weep, couldn't stop weeping even during the message haha. Got baptized again but now by my own decision.

These past 2 years have been filled with deliverance, healing, love, peace, a whole lot of grace, purpose, worth, freedom, renewing of my mind, new friends and church family, healing in my family and healing in my relationship with men, how I see men and what to expect from a Godly man and how to be a Godly woman, and the list goes on.

So yeah, I've always being ashamed of my testimony and now I have joined the evangelism group of my church to gain courage to go out there and share this with who ever may need to hear it, to help people know they're not alone and plant a seed in their hearts.

Thank you again for reading all this, God bless you <3
Such a wonderful testimony, Hallelujah.:D Stay faithful.