T
Hey guys its Travis here and I figured it was time a posted my story. Where do i start, it has been a long ardous journey. I was raised outside the church. Really had no connection with God at all. My life before Christ was exactly that my life. Always seeking my own personal happiness.
I grew up in what I thought was a solid home. My parents were married until I was 11 years old. When they spilt up my entire life changed. As their child I was so confused as to why they werent together. And during their seperation so much changed. I lived with my mom and it was tough already because I was changing personally as a boy going through adolesence. But the hard part was seeking the affection, unconditional love from my parents I felt I deserved.
My Father was a strict man. He hed me to a high standard. Like he was trying to live out his own expectations through me. Wheter it was sports or acedemics I had to have success at a high level. I felt if I wasnt I was always a disappointment. Seeking approval from him was hard.
My mother turned my life upside down. During the early stages of their seperation she started to have women stay over. I thought nothing of it. I was innocent and just thought this woman staying was a friend and nothing more. Then in being a nosey lil kid I was snooping around in her room one day and found love letters exchanged between her and this woman. I was confused, sad, and angry all at once. What was this all about. My mom was gay? How was this possible. I felt ashamed and betrayed. This distaced me from her so much. I could not accept it. And to make things worse I couldnt approach her about it. I felt like she owed me some honesty. I rebelled. I started just acting out. My grades fell, didnt care about sports and my life just spiraled downward. I felt so alone. She always put her relationship before me. My brother seemed to be the victor and earn the spoils because he was to young to understand(4years younger). This contempt continued until I was 17 and couldnt take it anymore. I wanted out. So I moved in with my Dad,
By this time I had started drinking pretty heavily. I had also become sexually active. I was consumed by myself. As soon as was old eough to work that is what I did. between 16 and 17 I started working 30-40 hour weeks. I also started to hang out with older crowds. Intorducing me to more drinking, drugs, and sexual temptation. I didnt care I was doig want I wanted to do and didnt care how far I was falling. The only source of love I had was my Great Grandmother who practically raised me and me friends and partying. I was lost in it.
My senior year it just got worse. I partied every day. I would go to work and then go out get trashed and come home. And home at my dads was no picnic. He was an alcoholic and would come home drunk and take out his frustrations on me. I remember lying in bed and would here the door open cause he was coming home from a night out and just praying nothing would happen. Scared to defend myself against my Dad. This was crippiling to my ego. My mother chose a life of homesexuality and shut me out and my father just knocked the crap out of me.
During this time I met my daughters mom. She showed me attention and wanted to be around me. She made me feel wanted. I fell in love with her at least what I thought was love. I got out of my dads house. And moved in with my friend. I had shut both my parents out of my life. I didnt want to talk to them anymore I found comfort in my new girlfriend. After we graduated I asked her to marry me, after 8 months together. this is what I thought marraige was. We were married 4 months later and soon after she was pregnant, actually prob pregnant before we were married.
Now I had even more to take care of. I had already had to be self sufficient since I was 15 but now at 19 I had a wife and kid. So I was working and going to school and was litterly never home. Our relationship was a joke. I was more worried about my personal life than her. I always said I was a kid and didnt know any better. We were married for two years before we just decided enough was enough. It was very mutual we knew it wasnt working.
Well now I was single 21 and living carefree. I had just got a new Job making alot of money as a young man. I was on top of the world at least I thought. During this time after about 2 months of seperation I met my sons mom. She was a breath of fresh air. She was 3-4yrs younger than I and fun. We were just livin it up. I was bound by the flesh. Infatuated with it. She moved in with me after about 6 months of dating and I thought this was good. She was good to my daughter and I had so much fun with her. Well I was still living dishonestly. I cheated on her several times and she found out. I begged her not to leave and reinvested myself in the relationship, and we made a poor decision. We decided to try to have a baby. well we were successful and my son was born. Now I said it was a poor decision to rectify a realtionship with a child but my son is a true blessing. So soon after we decided to be married, I mean besides I wanted to make this right she was the mother of my child. Well the marraige was a disaster. I lost my job and was always searching for my career path. Financial struggles were crazy. We lived seperate lives. Again I began to feel unwanted. We had no connection at all and this went on for a year or so. In 2005 we both were unfaithful. We actually evebn toyed with the idea of having an open relationship. In the spring I met someone at work that filled that emptiness I had. And begin seeing her on the side
I couldnt bear the guilt and again my wife was trying to repair everything with the notion of having another child. I told her about the other woman. She left and that was it. I ppursued a relationship with this other girl. And she was great, for me. Typical definition of a rebound.We were together for about 2yrs. She wasnt much of a family person so my relationship with my kids broke down I had succomb to the same fate as my mother. Putting my partner first and kids second. I was lost. No direction. After two years it was too much for her no future she said. I was torn up because she just left and never turned back.
Thanks to my friends they picked me up and I focused on myself. found myself and began to be happy. My relationship with mykids was great, my parents and I got along great and I was living to my own accord. Then it happened I met Kari.
I didnt even want to meet her when i did. It was a setup from a friend and I was having too much fun being single. But on June 20 2007 my life changed. This woman walked in my life and she was amazing. She genuinely cared about who I was. I didnt have to seek her acceptance I just got it. And we dove in head first to one another. Over the next three months her and her son stayed with me almost every night. And we discussed moving in but she was reserved because of her faith.But I didnt understand, she was claimng this christin faith yet engaging in sin with me. I pressured her on it and she caved and moved in. We were happy alot but there was this lingering guilt because of her confliction with her faith. However she still willingly partook in sins of the flesh.
So we battled with this. She moved out a couple times, but we just thought we could live around it. We were bound. I started to go to church with her at first in support. But then I got interested. I enjoyed going I was curious and experienced what christ was about. Not to mention the church (The Vineyard) was so inviting and non-judgemental. I learned and listened. On Easter 2008 I accepeted Christ in my life, and it was great. However still didnt want to give up my sinful bonds. We were trying to be christians and live in sin. On June 2008 I proposed to her. And for the next 6 months we were very happy. But it didnt last still the lingering sin was a burden. She moved out in January 2009 and stayed out for about two months. Then she moved back. After this point we were in a bubble.
We both had fallen so far from God. we didnt attend church reguarly anymore and we didnt involve God unless we felt the need. But she was searching. Around september this year it just began to crumble. She was going ou after work alot and I got jealous. My sons mom caused so much difficulty and just drove a wedge between us. Then the beginning of October we jsut blew up on each other and she said she was done.
I was beside myself. I loved this woman and wanted to spend my life with her. So we decided to take some space. I stayed at my moms and she stayed at our place. For two weeks it was this back and forth no space was really there. So we culminated in a tlak and I believed we were gonna work this out.I had actually decided she couldnt live there anymore for us to be together. Well her decision was to end it all together. So she left. She got her things and left. This was horrible I was so alone. and on vacation that week. So I spent the entire week alone like a hermit in my own self pity. We talked intermittently but everytime it just hurt more for both us. She said she had lost herself in this and she was so far from God and needed to be on her own to figure things out.
Well after I got back to work I started just haNgin out with friends. I met a girl and talked a lil. was nice to have someone to talk to we were actually gonna have a date. I figured why sit around and mope to get out there. Like I said still doing it on my own. I had fallen so far from God. That Saturday night the girl called and cancelled the date. I felt like this was a sign from God like he was shutting that door. So that night I felt I needed to get ahold of Kari we adnt talked for about 6 days at all. She came over and it was so awkward. For both of us. We couldnt even find a way to talk to one another. So she left
The next day Sunday November 15th will live forever with me. I woke up to go to church and was so unmotivated. I knew she wouldnt be there. But I got to thinkin , I started to talk to God. I was like " You didnt want me to go out last night thats obvious so maybe you have something in store for me." so I went and I am glad I did. When I got to the Auditorium and took my seat and started in on Worship, I could feel it God was alive. I worshiped with so much intensity and my eyes fille dwith tears. I grasped the cross around my neck, I could feel Jesus there comforting me. He knew my pain of the present and of my past. He wanted to show me the path of a glorious future in him. The message that day was powerful. Scripted for me. God was putting my name in front of everything. then there was a call for thos who wanted to accept christ in their life. And those who wanted to bring him back and no longer have him at arms length. Those who didnt want to live one foot in one foot out.
I was sitting in my chair with an iternal struggle happening. I could feel the enemy hoding me back. Telling me I can do it without Christ I dont need him. But I was overwhelmed by the holy spirit. I didnt just stand I leaped to my feet. Christ was triumphant. I broke down emotionally. Like I could finally truly realease it all to Jesus. I felt sad, but alive. I couldnt wait what was in store. I walked to the front of the congregation to receive a personal prayer from a man named Jim.
He hit everything in prayer my sins, my pain, my heartbreak...helping let Jesus in. I could feel that emptiness being filled. After I left service I was invincible. I felt like I was on fire with the holy spirit. I wanted more I wanted to be part of more. So I atteneted the newcomers class to become a member. And they explained what it meant to be a christian. This is the life I wanted. a life free from sin and bondage. A life focused on Christ.
So then I signed up to be baptized. I was walking the path man. I shared my story with others and they were excited with me. I was so comfortable in my own skin talking about God. I was lovin it dude. Then I found CC. And was so great to be surrounded by other Christians. To share my faith and passion for God. I am just obssessed with him and what he is doing.
The days since have been amazing, it has been a walk with him rather than a search. My prayer is so intense. It is an open dialogue with God. My new best friend. He continues to reveal himself in ways that are amazing to let me know he is there. Not to mention to look back at my broken past and realize he was carrying me along through my troubles. But nothing more amazing than Thanksgiving night.
The day was bad for me. I felt so very physically alone. It was a holiday for thanks and the person I wanted to share that with wasnt there. I missed her terribly. Just her presence ya know. I got on to CC to find fellowship that night. And it lifted me up. people in there stirred my fire and i was crazy with it. I was proclaiming his name in Prayer. I was bathing in his glory. and then someone asked to hear my story. And we talked for hours that night. Just about God and how wonderful he is. But something came over me. I could feel a burden on my shoulders. My sins were weighing me down. I became very distrought. I was not Trusting in the Lord. I was leaning on my own understanding. We prayed, an amazing prayer togther for strength and repentance. Then she just advised me to go be with God. So I did, I went to bed and wept in his mercy. I knealt before the crossed and beared all. I left it all to him. I dont even remember falling asleep. It was like I was outside myself.
The next morning I woke up and went downstairs to let the dogs outside. And when I drew back the curtains, there its was........clean, white, prestine snow. covering everything in sight. Just enough to stick and covering everything. This was for me from God. He is so faithful. He let me know that I am forgiven. That through my faith in Christ I was forgiven. Though my Sins were as scarelt, he makes them white as snow. And as quick as it was there it was gone and melted away. for me, my personal message from God.
Since that day his blessings just cntinue and I am in awe. He is so faithful and so endearing. I cant get enough of his love. I am truly just blessed to have Christ in my life and blessed to share this testimony. I am so excited on Dec 6th I am being baptized and can publically anounce my life in Christ. I just pray that this story touches hearts. That this message can reach thos that want to know Christ or eed him back in his life.
My story is one of trial bit ends in valiant success. My redeemer lives, the prince of peace the King of Kings, my LORD,GOD i owe it all to you.
I grew up in what I thought was a solid home. My parents were married until I was 11 years old. When they spilt up my entire life changed. As their child I was so confused as to why they werent together. And during their seperation so much changed. I lived with my mom and it was tough already because I was changing personally as a boy going through adolesence. But the hard part was seeking the affection, unconditional love from my parents I felt I deserved.
My Father was a strict man. He hed me to a high standard. Like he was trying to live out his own expectations through me. Wheter it was sports or acedemics I had to have success at a high level. I felt if I wasnt I was always a disappointment. Seeking approval from him was hard.
My mother turned my life upside down. During the early stages of their seperation she started to have women stay over. I thought nothing of it. I was innocent and just thought this woman staying was a friend and nothing more. Then in being a nosey lil kid I was snooping around in her room one day and found love letters exchanged between her and this woman. I was confused, sad, and angry all at once. What was this all about. My mom was gay? How was this possible. I felt ashamed and betrayed. This distaced me from her so much. I could not accept it. And to make things worse I couldnt approach her about it. I felt like she owed me some honesty. I rebelled. I started just acting out. My grades fell, didnt care about sports and my life just spiraled downward. I felt so alone. She always put her relationship before me. My brother seemed to be the victor and earn the spoils because he was to young to understand(4years younger). This contempt continued until I was 17 and couldnt take it anymore. I wanted out. So I moved in with my Dad,
By this time I had started drinking pretty heavily. I had also become sexually active. I was consumed by myself. As soon as was old eough to work that is what I did. between 16 and 17 I started working 30-40 hour weeks. I also started to hang out with older crowds. Intorducing me to more drinking, drugs, and sexual temptation. I didnt care I was doig want I wanted to do and didnt care how far I was falling. The only source of love I had was my Great Grandmother who practically raised me and me friends and partying. I was lost in it.
My senior year it just got worse. I partied every day. I would go to work and then go out get trashed and come home. And home at my dads was no picnic. He was an alcoholic and would come home drunk and take out his frustrations on me. I remember lying in bed and would here the door open cause he was coming home from a night out and just praying nothing would happen. Scared to defend myself against my Dad. This was crippiling to my ego. My mother chose a life of homesexuality and shut me out and my father just knocked the crap out of me.
During this time I met my daughters mom. She showed me attention and wanted to be around me. She made me feel wanted. I fell in love with her at least what I thought was love. I got out of my dads house. And moved in with my friend. I had shut both my parents out of my life. I didnt want to talk to them anymore I found comfort in my new girlfriend. After we graduated I asked her to marry me, after 8 months together. this is what I thought marraige was. We were married 4 months later and soon after she was pregnant, actually prob pregnant before we were married.
Now I had even more to take care of. I had already had to be self sufficient since I was 15 but now at 19 I had a wife and kid. So I was working and going to school and was litterly never home. Our relationship was a joke. I was more worried about my personal life than her. I always said I was a kid and didnt know any better. We were married for two years before we just decided enough was enough. It was very mutual we knew it wasnt working.
Well now I was single 21 and living carefree. I had just got a new Job making alot of money as a young man. I was on top of the world at least I thought. During this time after about 2 months of seperation I met my sons mom. She was a breath of fresh air. She was 3-4yrs younger than I and fun. We were just livin it up. I was bound by the flesh. Infatuated with it. She moved in with me after about 6 months of dating and I thought this was good. She was good to my daughter and I had so much fun with her. Well I was still living dishonestly. I cheated on her several times and she found out. I begged her not to leave and reinvested myself in the relationship, and we made a poor decision. We decided to try to have a baby. well we were successful and my son was born. Now I said it was a poor decision to rectify a realtionship with a child but my son is a true blessing. So soon after we decided to be married, I mean besides I wanted to make this right she was the mother of my child. Well the marraige was a disaster. I lost my job and was always searching for my career path. Financial struggles were crazy. We lived seperate lives. Again I began to feel unwanted. We had no connection at all and this went on for a year or so. In 2005 we both were unfaithful. We actually evebn toyed with the idea of having an open relationship. In the spring I met someone at work that filled that emptiness I had. And begin seeing her on the side
I couldnt bear the guilt and again my wife was trying to repair everything with the notion of having another child. I told her about the other woman. She left and that was it. I ppursued a relationship with this other girl. And she was great, for me. Typical definition of a rebound.We were together for about 2yrs. She wasnt much of a family person so my relationship with my kids broke down I had succomb to the same fate as my mother. Putting my partner first and kids second. I was lost. No direction. After two years it was too much for her no future she said. I was torn up because she just left and never turned back.
Thanks to my friends they picked me up and I focused on myself. found myself and began to be happy. My relationship with mykids was great, my parents and I got along great and I was living to my own accord. Then it happened I met Kari.
I didnt even want to meet her when i did. It was a setup from a friend and I was having too much fun being single. But on June 20 2007 my life changed. This woman walked in my life and she was amazing. She genuinely cared about who I was. I didnt have to seek her acceptance I just got it. And we dove in head first to one another. Over the next three months her and her son stayed with me almost every night. And we discussed moving in but she was reserved because of her faith.But I didnt understand, she was claimng this christin faith yet engaging in sin with me. I pressured her on it and she caved and moved in. We were happy alot but there was this lingering guilt because of her confliction with her faith. However she still willingly partook in sins of the flesh.
So we battled with this. She moved out a couple times, but we just thought we could live around it. We were bound. I started to go to church with her at first in support. But then I got interested. I enjoyed going I was curious and experienced what christ was about. Not to mention the church (The Vineyard) was so inviting and non-judgemental. I learned and listened. On Easter 2008 I accepeted Christ in my life, and it was great. However still didnt want to give up my sinful bonds. We were trying to be christians and live in sin. On June 2008 I proposed to her. And for the next 6 months we were very happy. But it didnt last still the lingering sin was a burden. She moved out in January 2009 and stayed out for about two months. Then she moved back. After this point we were in a bubble.
We both had fallen so far from God. we didnt attend church reguarly anymore and we didnt involve God unless we felt the need. But she was searching. Around september this year it just began to crumble. She was going ou after work alot and I got jealous. My sons mom caused so much difficulty and just drove a wedge between us. Then the beginning of October we jsut blew up on each other and she said she was done.
I was beside myself. I loved this woman and wanted to spend my life with her. So we decided to take some space. I stayed at my moms and she stayed at our place. For two weeks it was this back and forth no space was really there. So we culminated in a tlak and I believed we were gonna work this out.I had actually decided she couldnt live there anymore for us to be together. Well her decision was to end it all together. So she left. She got her things and left. This was horrible I was so alone. and on vacation that week. So I spent the entire week alone like a hermit in my own self pity. We talked intermittently but everytime it just hurt more for both us. She said she had lost herself in this and she was so far from God and needed to be on her own to figure things out.
Well after I got back to work I started just haNgin out with friends. I met a girl and talked a lil. was nice to have someone to talk to we were actually gonna have a date. I figured why sit around and mope to get out there. Like I said still doing it on my own. I had fallen so far from God. That Saturday night the girl called and cancelled the date. I felt like this was a sign from God like he was shutting that door. So that night I felt I needed to get ahold of Kari we adnt talked for about 6 days at all. She came over and it was so awkward. For both of us. We couldnt even find a way to talk to one another. So she left
The next day Sunday November 15th will live forever with me. I woke up to go to church and was so unmotivated. I knew she wouldnt be there. But I got to thinkin , I started to talk to God. I was like " You didnt want me to go out last night thats obvious so maybe you have something in store for me." so I went and I am glad I did. When I got to the Auditorium and took my seat and started in on Worship, I could feel it God was alive. I worshiped with so much intensity and my eyes fille dwith tears. I grasped the cross around my neck, I could feel Jesus there comforting me. He knew my pain of the present and of my past. He wanted to show me the path of a glorious future in him. The message that day was powerful. Scripted for me. God was putting my name in front of everything. then there was a call for thos who wanted to accept christ in their life. And those who wanted to bring him back and no longer have him at arms length. Those who didnt want to live one foot in one foot out.
I was sitting in my chair with an iternal struggle happening. I could feel the enemy hoding me back. Telling me I can do it without Christ I dont need him. But I was overwhelmed by the holy spirit. I didnt just stand I leaped to my feet. Christ was triumphant. I broke down emotionally. Like I could finally truly realease it all to Jesus. I felt sad, but alive. I couldnt wait what was in store. I walked to the front of the congregation to receive a personal prayer from a man named Jim.
He hit everything in prayer my sins, my pain, my heartbreak...helping let Jesus in. I could feel that emptiness being filled. After I left service I was invincible. I felt like I was on fire with the holy spirit. I wanted more I wanted to be part of more. So I atteneted the newcomers class to become a member. And they explained what it meant to be a christian. This is the life I wanted. a life free from sin and bondage. A life focused on Christ.
So then I signed up to be baptized. I was walking the path man. I shared my story with others and they were excited with me. I was so comfortable in my own skin talking about God. I was lovin it dude. Then I found CC. And was so great to be surrounded by other Christians. To share my faith and passion for God. I am just obssessed with him and what he is doing.
The days since have been amazing, it has been a walk with him rather than a search. My prayer is so intense. It is an open dialogue with God. My new best friend. He continues to reveal himself in ways that are amazing to let me know he is there. Not to mention to look back at my broken past and realize he was carrying me along through my troubles. But nothing more amazing than Thanksgiving night.
The day was bad for me. I felt so very physically alone. It was a holiday for thanks and the person I wanted to share that with wasnt there. I missed her terribly. Just her presence ya know. I got on to CC to find fellowship that night. And it lifted me up. people in there stirred my fire and i was crazy with it. I was proclaiming his name in Prayer. I was bathing in his glory. and then someone asked to hear my story. And we talked for hours that night. Just about God and how wonderful he is. But something came over me. I could feel a burden on my shoulders. My sins were weighing me down. I became very distrought. I was not Trusting in the Lord. I was leaning on my own understanding. We prayed, an amazing prayer togther for strength and repentance. Then she just advised me to go be with God. So I did, I went to bed and wept in his mercy. I knealt before the crossed and beared all. I left it all to him. I dont even remember falling asleep. It was like I was outside myself.
The next morning I woke up and went downstairs to let the dogs outside. And when I drew back the curtains, there its was........clean, white, prestine snow. covering everything in sight. Just enough to stick and covering everything. This was for me from God. He is so faithful. He let me know that I am forgiven. That through my faith in Christ I was forgiven. Though my Sins were as scarelt, he makes them white as snow. And as quick as it was there it was gone and melted away. for me, my personal message from God.
Since that day his blessings just cntinue and I am in awe. He is so faithful and so endearing. I cant get enough of his love. I am truly just blessed to have Christ in my life and blessed to share this testimony. I am so excited on Dec 6th I am being baptized and can publically anounce my life in Christ. I just pray that this story touches hearts. That this message can reach thos that want to know Christ or eed him back in his life.
My story is one of trial bit ends in valiant success. My redeemer lives, the prince of peace the King of Kings, my LORD,GOD i owe it all to you.
