Portrait of an Apparent Loser

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Jul 14, 2022
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#1
A boy was born in South America whose back yard was the rainforest. He had always been rather introverted and even introspective, and he had an “old man” personality, so much so that a good friend of the family nick named him “Priest Man.”



This boy was a bit of a storyteller and had about two or three friends in primary school who would follow him about and seemed to enjoy his imaginative personality. But the boy was also bullied by some, partly perhaps due to his softer nature, or partly because his family was considered well-to-do by local standards, and he was envied.



He was brought to the United States when he was nine and he took to school, since he loved learning and he was insatiably curious. He loved the sciences first and aspired to becoming a solar physicist, harnessing energy from the sun, until he discovered English literature in high school and Philosophy in college. So he eventually graduated with a Bachelors in the History of Modern Philosophy from Brooklyn College and a Masters in Liberal Studies from Fordham University. Seeking to “find himself” in the real world afterwards, having already long searched for himself in academia, he ended up in Florida, and he eventually embarked on a long period of traveling about the United States as a big rig truck driver. For he had also developed the notion of “finding” his fellow Americans. Out of this experience he self-published his book “The Socratic Trucker: An American Memoir,” but his not finding a traditional publisher was his first essential disappointment.



No, I tell a lie. His first disappointment was a spiritual one--



When he was a young adult in college he experienced stirrings of divine love, not knowing that this meant that he had mystical aspects to his personality and that his life would be deeply misunderstood and enigmatic. But he could not find a home in the monasteries which he then courted, so he had to return to an oblivious world and become lost again.



During his years traveling the country he conceived of an American social movement of the People, one from the bottom-up, housed at www.newamericanspring.org. He earned a Masters Certificate in Nonprofit Leadership from Park University in order to launch and lead this movement, but today he remains saddled with student loans from his rich education which his working poor family in the United States could never have afforded. What’s worse, his original choice to pursue such a liberal education was at the behest of a monk who, after having turned him away from his monastery, advised him that he had a mind for education and should pursue this development so that he might serve God’s calling for his life more appropriately.

Today, this boy now man (yet boy in idealism) is actively advocating for a “social movement” no American seems to be able to appreciate, and he is wondering if his life is indeed in vain. He took a government job of ridiculously low pay (less than one half what he was making as a common truck driver) in order to serve his country for 10 years and receive student loan forgiveness. And all this despite having pursued his education in the first place, to give to his world and country. This is his third great disappointment.



So here is the question: is he truly a loser? Gee I hope I’m not!
 
Jun 28, 2022
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#3
Jul 14, 2022
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#6
Is that you speaking?
I wish I had such a voice! This audiobook is on Librivox.org, a free audiobook service that accepts volunteers to read their favorite works. This profoundly spiritual book is perfectly read by David Barnes.

It introduces the contemplative spiritual calling, God's grace of direct love to a few souls so gifted. I feel I am one of these. But I have treated this grace very unworthily. I cared more about being understood by others (note the part of my writing above where I talk about being deeply misunderstood, enigmatic, and having mystical aspects to my personality) than savoring and being content with the Love of God solely.

But TMI lol.
 

JohnDB

Well-known member
Jan 16, 2021
5,583
2,197
113
#7
Welcome to the forum....

There is one guy who was named "Loser" in the Bible....Old Testament before Saul was king. When the Philippines captured the Ark.
You ain't him.

A man's life is not measured by his possessions.

Not sure if you are really believing that.

Do you love?
Do you chase after passions?
Do you have friends?
Cry when sad? Laugh when amused? Smile when happy? Give of yourself to others?

That's living...I'd say if you do those things then you are not a loser.
 

TheNarrowPath

Well-known member
Jul 17, 2022
1,012
546
113
#8
I wish I had such a voice! This audiobook is on Librivox.org, a free audiobook service that accepts volunteers to read their favorite works. This profoundly spiritual book is perfectly read by David Barnes.

It introduces the contemplative spiritual calling, God's grace of direct love to a few souls so gifted. I feel I am one of these. But I have treated this grace very unworthily. I cared more about being understood by others (note the part of my writing above where I talk about being deeply misunderstood, enigmatic, and having mystical aspects to my personality) than savoring and being content with the Love of God solely.

But TMI lol.
Lol I admit I thought you meant the gift was your voice!
What it sounds like to me, that throughout your so called disappointments you have found something greater.. Gods grace. I dont think you are a loser and I look forward to seeing what you will do with your spiritual calling, now that you have done some reflection and can move forward, it can only get better Christian Mystic :)
 
Jul 14, 2022
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#9
Lol I admit I thought you meant the gift was your voice!
What it sounds like to me, that throughout your so called disappointments you have found something greater.. Gods grace. I dont think you are a loser and I look forward to seeing what you will do with your spiritual calling, now that you have done some reflection and can move forward, it can only get better Christian Mystic :)
Thanks. Check out my poetry in the poetry section.
 
Jul 14, 2022
57
18
8
#10
Welcome to the forum....

There is one guy who was named "Loser" in the Bible....Old Testament before Saul was king. When the Philippines captured the Ark.
You ain't him.

A man's life is not measured by his possessions.

Not sure if you are really believing that.

Do you love?
Do you chase after passions?
Do you have friends?
Cry when sad? Laugh when amused? Smile when happy? Give of yourself to others?

That's living...I'd say if you do those things then you are not a loser.
Not really believing I'm a loser but we all have moments of self-doubt. I am grateful for God's grace.
 
P

pablocito

Guest
#11
A boy was born in South America whose back yard was the rainforest. He had always been rather introverted and even introspective, and he had an “old man” personality, so much so that a good friend of the family nick named him “Priest Man.”



This boy was a bit of a storyteller and had about two or three friends in primary school who would follow him about and seemed to enjoy his imaginative personality. But the boy was also bullied by some, partly perhaps due to his softer nature, or partly because his family was considered well-to-do by local standards, and he was envied.



He was brought to the United States when he was nine and he took to school, since he loved learning and he was insatiably curious. He loved the sciences first and aspired to becoming a solar physicist, harnessing energy from the sun, until he discovered English literature in high school and Philosophy in college. So he eventually graduated with a Bachelors in the History of Modern Philosophy from Brooklyn College and a Masters in Liberal Studies from Fordham University. Seeking to “find himself” in the real world afterwards, having already long searched for himself in academia, he ended up in Florida, and he eventually embarked on a long period of traveling about the United States as a big rig truck driver. For he had also developed the notion of “finding” his fellow Americans. Out of this experience he self-published his book “The Socratic Trucker: An American Memoir,” but his not finding a traditional publisher was his first essential disappointment.



No, I tell a lie. His first disappointment was a spiritual one--



When he was a young adult in college he experienced stirrings of divine love, not knowing that this meant that he had mystical aspects to his personality and that his life would be deeply misunderstood and enigmatic. But he could not find a home in the monasteries which he then courted, so he had to return to an oblivious world and become lost again.



During his years traveling the country he conceived of an American social movement of the People, one from the bottom-up, housed at www.newamericanspring.org. He earned a Masters Certificate in Nonprofit Leadership from Park University in order to launch and lead this movement, but today he remains saddled with student loans from his rich education which his working poor family in the United States could never have afforded. What’s worse, his original choice to pursue such a liberal education was at the behest of a monk who, after having turned him away from his monastery, advised him that he had a mind for education and should pursue this development so that he might serve God’s calling for his life more appropriately.

Today, this boy now man (yet boy in idealism) is actively advocating for a “social movement” no American seems to be able to appreciate, and he is wondering if his life is indeed in vain. He took a government job of ridiculously low pay (less than one half what he was making as a common truck driver) in order to serve his country for 10 years and receive student loan forgiveness. And all this despite having pursued his education in the first place, to give to his world and country. This is his third great disappointment.



So here is the question: is he truly a loser? Gee I hope I’m not!

Really, your testimony can be summed up as the blind leading the blind.
First off, we all are blind when we start out in this world. It's possible that you were ignorant of this fact.
Secondly when the monk advised you, it is possible that he led you astray, even though most if not all monasteries themselves are ignorant of the truth.

You do not seem to have a zeal for God as both Paul, the Apostle and also Jesus Christ had. You seem to value your intellectual and academic abilities more than the word and power of God.

I am critical only because, your salvation is all that matters in this world and it is a very very very hard way to find, the Christian pathway. It is almost impossible. Thus if you do not have the zeal to do the impossible then you have already lost even before you begin.
 
Jul 14, 2022
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#12
P

pablocito

Guest
#13
Maybe you're right. What do you think of my larger story as a Christian here? Christianity and Me – New American Spring (wordpress.com)

I believe that the testimony you gave above gave the full story of who you are and what you stand for. We do not study man's books but only the word of God.
There are 8 billion people in this world and and you will always have as many stories, possibly 8 billion of them.
There is only one way with God and as King Saul found out, good intentions and best practices cannot replace God's one and only way.
The phrase it's God's way or the highway applies here.

Truly this world is going to be destroyed as Noah's world was destroyed, not by water but by fire. (See 2nd Peter 3)
I am not sure what else to say.
 
Jul 14, 2022
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#14
The phrase it's God's way or the highway applies here..
Perhaps you're right about me, but I'm sure I'm right about you too, that you are not apparently following God's way either. Why do I say this? Because Jesus embodies God's way, and when he was confronted with sinners and even tax collectors, he did not say "God's way or the Highway!" He rather drew close to them in compassion to explain salvation.

I advise you to pray that you find God's way also, and not just Pablocito's way of judgment. I'm not sure what else I can say either.
 
P

pablocito

Guest
#15
Perhaps you're right about me, but I'm sure I'm right about you too, that you are not apparently following God's way either. Why do I say this? Because Jesus embodies God's way, and when he was confronted with sinners and even tax collectors, he did not say "God's way or the Highway!" He rather drew close to them in compassion to explain salvation.

I advise you to pray that you find God's way also, and not just Pablocito's way of judgment. I'm not sure what else I can say either.
My intention was not to offend. Apparently you are offended.
Since you are into the bible, I would request one thing of you.
Look up the word offence and also offended in the New Testament and draw your own conclusions.
 
Jul 14, 2022
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#16
My intention was not to offend. Apparently you are offended.
I'm sorry if I was thin skinned. It's just that I have been desiring Christian fellowship, especially in my local life lately, and I pray to find fellowship in the Spirit. But as always, I seem to experience other Christians inevitably saying something is wrong either with the way I think or feel or look at things, rather than feeling that if indeed I am in the wrong, at least I can be responded to as Jesus responded to sinners. I have been deeply let down by never having found any loving Christian fellowship, even now to the age of 51.

Sometimes I wonder if Christianity is only a crutch to deal with an otherwise indifferent life and reality, and that since love is not real, Christians only avoid finally accepting the truth by finding some fault with anyone who looks from the heart, who does not keep the illusion. Hence judgmentalism, even if they may not intend it.

Are you rich inside? Do you experiene living waters within? I don't, suspecting it is perhaps a pipe dream indeed...
 

Magenta

Senior Member
Jul 3, 2015
55,773
25,965
113
#17
Are you rich inside? Do you experiene living waters within? I don't, suspecting it is perhaps a pipe dream indeed...
Is there anything you do, some activity you engage in, where you feel you are worshiping God
in Spirit and in Truth? It could be any number of things, such as reading Scripture, tending to the
needs of others, singing, and/or just listening to praise and worship... What deeply moves you?


 
P

pablocito

Guest
#18
I'm sorry if I was thin skinned. It's just that I have been desiring Christian fellowship, especially in my local life lately, and I pray to find fellowship in the Spirit. But as always, I seem to experience other Christians inevitably saying something is wrong either with the way I think or feel or look at things, rather than feeling that if indeed I am in the wrong, at least I can be responded to as Jesus responded to sinners. I have been deeply let down by never having found any loving Christian fellowship, even now to the age of 51.

Sometimes I wonder if Christianity is only a crutch to deal with an otherwise indifferent life and reality, and that since love is not real, Christians only avoid finally accepting the truth by finding some fault with anyone who looks from the heart, who does not keep the illusion. Hence judgmentalism, even if they may not intend it.

Are you rich inside? Do you experiene living waters within? I don't, suspecting it is perhaps a pipe dream indeed...

I understand your feelings and also your previous response was appropriate as you were being who you really are. There is no harm in being yourself and that is the only way that we can learn what is wrong and what is right.

Hypocrites deny the truth, tricking themselves and being tricked into believing a lie and thus they are caught in a trap from which they cannot escape. This is normally is due to pride.

The way of God is simple but it is inaccessible to wicked and evil people who were ordained to deceive and be themselves deceived.

You really should never, ever believe anything that I say to you. I am only a man and the best of deceivers are men who come as angels of light.

Therefore you have to get the raw deal or the real deal from God himself. His book, the bible is not here on this earth for no reason, this book is your only guide.

The truth of the whole matter is that even Einstein could not understand it. No one can understand it in their natural state. The bible itself says so explicitly but no one believes that because they like Satan want to elevate themselves to God's level and be like God because they are full of pride.

Faith means reading and accepting and believing every word of the bible. That is called unfeigned faith (real faith). And after faith, Peter tells us that we have include some other things.

2Pe 1:5 And beside this, giving all diligence, add to your faith virtue; and to virtue knowledge;
2Pe 1:6 And to knowledge temperance; and to temperance patience; and to patience godliness;
2Pe 1:7 And to godliness brotherly kindness; and to brotherly kindness charity.
2Pe 1:8 For if these things be in you, and abound, they make you that ye shall neither be barren nor unfruitful in the knowledge of our Lord Jesus Christ.

The first thing after faith is virtue - the definition of virtue is in Philippians 4

Php 4:8 Finally, brethren, whatsoever things are true, whatsoever things are honest, whatsoever things are just, whatsoever things are pure, whatsoever things are lovely, whatsoever things are of good report; if there be any virtue, and if there be any praise, think on these things.
Php 4:9 Those things, which ye have both learned, and received, and heard, and seen in me, do: and the God of peace shall be with you.

The gospel of John really is the book to read (or to start reading). It is addressed to the world (John 3:16) of which we are a part. (Of course the entire bible is necessary for your complete understanding, but God will direct you.

Again I am not telling you to do anything but rather giving you verses in the bible to check out for yourself. God is infinite and his way for you might be somewhat different for you, but they all come to the same place, that is, the spirit of God teaching you and guiding you into truth (the same truth that all Christians have (including myself))

Most people for their entire lives talk about the Spirit of God, but they unfortunately do not have it, because they do not believe in it, because they cannot see it. Therefore faith is the beginning of the journey to God, and without faith it is impossible to please God.

All I am doing here is giving you a place to start. God is infinite and therefore, there are a million places that you can start from but I am only giving you one. But use your humility and sincerity to seek out where you have to start, which is normally from the very bottom of the stack.
 
P

pablocito

Guest
#19
I'm sorry if I was thin skinned. It's just that I have been desiring Christian fellowship, especially in my local life lately, and I pray to find fellowship in the Spirit. But as always, I seem to experience other Christians inevitably saying something is wrong either with the way I think or feel or look at things, rather than feeling that if indeed I am in the wrong, at least I can be responded to as Jesus responded to sinners. I have been deeply let down by never having found any loving Christian fellowship, even now to the age of 51.

Sometimes I wonder if Christianity is only a crutch to deal with an otherwise indifferent life and reality, and that since love is not real, Christians only avoid finally accepting the truth by finding some fault with anyone who looks from the heart, who does not keep the illusion. Hence judgmentalism, even if they may not intend it.

Are you rich inside? Do you experiene living waters within? I don't, suspecting it is perhaps a pipe dream indeed...

I really should have asked you why is it that you want to become a child of God?
Is it that you just want to go to heaven? ( a paradise land)
Or maybe it is just that you leaned this way, from you guardians or parents and it seemed good at the time and thus here you are stuck in doing something that you are not sure about.

The first principle is - do not do anything that you are not convinced about.
Now you have the option to search for yourself, the truth about life, in whichever places you deem necessary, whether it is in Buddhism, Hinduism, Christianity, etc. etc. etc.

But you must not do something that you are not convinced about, else you will reap the appropriate results of your actions.

It is better to search for 50 years than to be practicing something half and half for 50 years because doing that will turn you into a hypocrite, not after 50 years but from the 1st day that you started doing it. After 50 years you would probably resemble a monster.

Today is the only day of salvation.

Ecc 3:15 That which hath been is now; and that which is to be hath already been; and God requireth that which is past.

If you cannot believe in the bible 100%, then you cannot have faith.
 

Magenta

Senior Member
Jul 3, 2015
55,773
25,965
113
#20

What A Beautiful Name