I wanted to give a quick testimony of what God has done for me, even before I knew him. I hope that this provides some encouragement and blessing to you all. In the end, I found that everything not only worked for a purpose but that what I thought to be curses were actually blessings!
At somewhere around age three, I developed a neurological(Jargon that scientists use for the brain) disorder that started small. This disorder is progressive, which means it gets worse every day. A few years ago it got bad enough that I had to miss a lot of schools. My doctor kept putting me on different medications, which were all pretty ineffective. While they did not stop my symptoms, they had a pretty nasty set of side effects. Multiple of them changed my character, with one almost killing me. Some others dropped my blood pressure to pretty unsafe levels or ruined my memory. Well, after running through all of this medication my disorder still got worse. There came a point last year where I ran out of strength. The many medicines ravaged my mind in a way that left me feeling like I didn't even know who I was anymore. The physical effects of my disorder left me feeling hopeless and broken. If I am being honest, there were a few months where I contemplated whether life was worth anything anymore.
I had always been a "religious person". I had a very powerful experience a few years before my genuine conversion that I supposed meant that I was on God's good side. Even with this experience, I still continued in self-righteousness and hypocrisy. After everything happened with the medicine and my disorder, I could no longer rely on myself. Whereas before I had relied on my own strength, the trials made me realize how weak I was. I also started to see flaws in my character, and I fell under conviction for those things. One night, once I was at the end of my rope, I called out to Jesus to save me. I have issues remembering the time around that night because of the treatment I was on, but I do remember that every bit of darkness that plagued my soul was turned into light. My mourning was turned into gladness, and I finally knew the living God.
Even the physical limitations I had were proved to have been for the best. As I look back, I can see the Lord's guiding and call even in the darkness. The story doesn't quite end yet though. There was a time a few months into my conversion where I prayed fervently that God would take away my illness. When I arose from prayer unchanged, I took it as a sign that he had said no. I remembered Paul and his thorn in the flesh, how he had prayed to the Lord to remove it but God said, "My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is perfected in weakness." A few weeks later, however, my doctor recommended me for brain surgery that would help with the illness. I wish I could say that I accepted this with more humility and thanksgiving. Yet, happy as I was to finally have a chance at normalcy, I was also less than thrilled about the method. In my selfishness, I remember praying to the Lord that he might heal me in a different way. Even so, He gave me such strength in the times when I had appointments or doubts. We were one appointment away from brain surgery and the doctor did a test on me that they had never done before. Long story short, I actually didn't have the disorder that they had diagnosed me with. I had spent seven years seeking treatment for no reason except that fifteen different neurologists had misdiagnosed me. Now, the Lord has blessed me with a proper diagnosis and a medication that actually works!
I say all of this because I remember many times when I either doubted or feared. Looking back, I can see that there was no stroke of the rod of discipline that was unneeded. This disorder had wrecked my life for so long, yet he used it to bring me to him. Even after I was saved, the illness had only been allowed to ravage me as long as it was beneficial. In this story, I am not trying to say that God will take away your illnesses and pains. I would like to point out, however, to "Be satisfied with what you have, for he himself has said, 'I will never leave you nor forsake you,"(Hebrews 13:5)
Thank you for reading through this and may the Lord bless you!
Psalm 27:13-14 "I am certain that I will see the Lord's goodness in the land of the loving. Wait for the Lord; be strong, and let your heart be courageous. Wait for the Lord."
At somewhere around age three, I developed a neurological(Jargon that scientists use for the brain) disorder that started small. This disorder is progressive, which means it gets worse every day. A few years ago it got bad enough that I had to miss a lot of schools. My doctor kept putting me on different medications, which were all pretty ineffective. While they did not stop my symptoms, they had a pretty nasty set of side effects. Multiple of them changed my character, with one almost killing me. Some others dropped my blood pressure to pretty unsafe levels or ruined my memory. Well, after running through all of this medication my disorder still got worse. There came a point last year where I ran out of strength. The many medicines ravaged my mind in a way that left me feeling like I didn't even know who I was anymore. The physical effects of my disorder left me feeling hopeless and broken. If I am being honest, there were a few months where I contemplated whether life was worth anything anymore.
I had always been a "religious person". I had a very powerful experience a few years before my genuine conversion that I supposed meant that I was on God's good side. Even with this experience, I still continued in self-righteousness and hypocrisy. After everything happened with the medicine and my disorder, I could no longer rely on myself. Whereas before I had relied on my own strength, the trials made me realize how weak I was. I also started to see flaws in my character, and I fell under conviction for those things. One night, once I was at the end of my rope, I called out to Jesus to save me. I have issues remembering the time around that night because of the treatment I was on, but I do remember that every bit of darkness that plagued my soul was turned into light. My mourning was turned into gladness, and I finally knew the living God.
Even the physical limitations I had were proved to have been for the best. As I look back, I can see the Lord's guiding and call even in the darkness. The story doesn't quite end yet though. There was a time a few months into my conversion where I prayed fervently that God would take away my illness. When I arose from prayer unchanged, I took it as a sign that he had said no. I remembered Paul and his thorn in the flesh, how he had prayed to the Lord to remove it but God said, "My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is perfected in weakness." A few weeks later, however, my doctor recommended me for brain surgery that would help with the illness. I wish I could say that I accepted this with more humility and thanksgiving. Yet, happy as I was to finally have a chance at normalcy, I was also less than thrilled about the method. In my selfishness, I remember praying to the Lord that he might heal me in a different way. Even so, He gave me such strength in the times when I had appointments or doubts. We were one appointment away from brain surgery and the doctor did a test on me that they had never done before. Long story short, I actually didn't have the disorder that they had diagnosed me with. I had spent seven years seeking treatment for no reason except that fifteen different neurologists had misdiagnosed me. Now, the Lord has blessed me with a proper diagnosis and a medication that actually works!
I say all of this because I remember many times when I either doubted or feared. Looking back, I can see that there was no stroke of the rod of discipline that was unneeded. This disorder had wrecked my life for so long, yet he used it to bring me to him. Even after I was saved, the illness had only been allowed to ravage me as long as it was beneficial. In this story, I am not trying to say that God will take away your illnesses and pains. I would like to point out, however, to "Be satisfied with what you have, for he himself has said, 'I will never leave you nor forsake you,"(Hebrews 13:5)
Thank you for reading through this and may the Lord bless you!
Psalm 27:13-14 "I am certain that I will see the Lord's goodness in the land of the loving. Wait for the Lord; be strong, and let your heart be courageous. Wait for the Lord."
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