Advice on Unfaithfulness

[Faif]

I'm writing this because I need advice on this situation:
Ive known this guy for 7 year we dated 3 times before we decided to wait a while till we were ready to be in a relationship. Now we are seniors in highschool and we've been bestfriends and a couple for about a year now.
Everything seemed peachy. We are in love. He wants to be a pastor and is my spiritual romodel, i look up to him and he inspires me spiritually. So I thought he was Gods plan for me.
But Saturday he went to prom. Im not allowed to go to prom so he went solo.
Yesterday he was acting strange, he said he was feeling sick mentally, that he had done something he was ashamed of.
After a while of trying to get him to spit it out he admitted at prom he was unfaithful.
His explanation is that girls have been giving him alot of attention and throwing themselves at him lately, so at prom he caved. He had "fun" and he is scared of that part of him.
This was unexpected because this is far frm whaat i expect from him. And I have managed to ignore male attention and remain faithful to him.
We love eachother alot. And i know he feels ashamed of his weakness and unfaithfulness that day. But I feel like I deserve someone who can be faithful to me. Though i want desperately give him a chance. I dont know if its the right thing to do. Does this mean hes not who God has planned for me? Or do I need to be here for him and continue to love him?

 

[breno785au]

If he is repentant of his actions shouldnt you show mercy upon him? Im sorry you have to go thru this but I think its learning lesson for you too. You have put him on a pedestal and he disappointed your expectations, people are not perfect. It may take time trust him to see that he is truly repentant but if he is willing, walk thru this with him like Jesus will. He may even need you too, if you work things out it will draw you together even closer..I know this from experience. Grace and peace sister

 

[SparkleEyes]

Faif - you are SOOOOO young. Put on the breakes! Your feelings and emotions are being driven by a young (and not very developed) sense of...purpose...psyche....your (I assume teenage because you mentioned prom) hormones are raging. His emotions are out of control too! STep back and see where God leads you. Spend time with your girl friends and in activities where he is not.

Also, know that you are not alone - we ALL gone thru this emotional roller coaster in some form - usually more than once in our lifetime.

 

[JesusLives]

On one hand we are human and we all make mistakes and need to be forgiven for them. On the other hand if he really loved and cared about you he would not have cheated on you so easily.

I had a coworker that I worked with at one time and a group of us went out one night together after work. I was married at the time and when I was ready to leave the guy offered to walk me to my car. I thought that was a nice gesture on his part so I let him walk with me to the car and when we got there he kissed me - I was a little shocked and had not expected that at all. I told him while I might be flattered by it I was most definitely married to which he responded - Your husband does not treat you right - to which I responded that might be so, but I love my husband. That ended it with the coworker he never tried anything again and I still was nice to him as a coworker.

My point being that all of us can be attractive to the other people out there but when we really love someone we will not stray. You will have to pray about this situation and decide whether you feel you can trust him enough not to stray again or if you can forgive and forget the way God does.

 

[cinder]

He's got some stuff he needs to work out. Especially if he wants to be a pastor he needs to be strong enough to resist the temptation of hurting women throwing themselves at him. I have to agree with the advice to hit the brakes. You don't have to abandon him completely, but this is going to take time to work out. Also the two of you should get some wise adults to come alongside you and help you sort these things out if you decide to continue dating. Take advantage of the experience of those older and wiser.

 

[11Eleven-Bravo]

I'm writing this because I need advice on this situation:
Ive known this guy for 7 year we dated 3 times before we decided to wait a while till we were ready to be in a relationship. Now we are seniors in highschool and we've been bestfriends and a couple for about a year now.
Everything seemed peachy. We are in love. He wants to be a pastor and is my spiritual romodel, i look up to him and he inspires me spiritually. So I thought he was Gods plan for me.
But Saturday he went to prom. Im not allowed to go to prom so he went solo.
Yesterday he was acting strange, he said he was feeling sick mentally, that he had done something he was ashamed of.
After a while of trying to get him to spit it out he admitted at prom he was unfaithful.
His explanation is that girls have been giving him alot of attention and throwing themselves at him lately, so at prom he caved. He had "fun" and he is scared of that part of him.
This was unexpected because this is far frm whaat i expect from him. And I have managed to ignore male attention and remain faithful to him.
We love eachother alot. And i know he feels ashamed of his weakness and unfaithfulness that day. But I feel like I deserve someone who can be faithful to me. Though i want desperately give him a chance. I dont know if its the right thing to do. Does this mean hes not who God has planned for me? Or do I need to be here for him and continue to love him?

I think it means you should take everything in life with a grain of salt. I'm certainly not the authority figure on relationships but I've observed many and had my fair share of experience, so let me do my best to impart some of the limited-wisdom I have on you.

High school is a fleeting moment in life. If you're bound and determined to give this guy another chance then WAIT until you've been out of high school for a little while, everything will be different I promise you. I have to say, unfaithfulness even @ the high school relationship level is a bad sign, and if it were me in your shoes, I would be done. Mercy has to be given in finite quantities when it comes to a relationship with someone else, because if you are too merciful and you grant the other person too much license in a relationship, without any kind of consequence, they really have no reason to change because they know you'll forgive them. Or vice versa.

It's not you, you probably gave it 110%. He came from left field with something crazy and now it's making the world spin for you. I get that. But, open your eyes, look around a little. What happens today here and now may be sad and disheartening for you, but tomorrow it could be a whole new world filled with excitement and adventure. Ask yourself if you think a world like I just described is possible with a guy who leaves your side to go to prom for one evening and can't resist his temptations for just a few hours of dancing.

It's your choice alone to make, my advice is to proceed with extreme caution if you decide to give this guy a second chance. But then again, I don't think he deserves a second chance. Move on, and move along. To greener pastures hopefully, a man of true faith and character would not have made that kind of decision.