So, this enquiry may seem a little secular so feel free to delete or report it if it is haha...I am on the verge of having a real fight with one of my best friends and its the last thing on earth I ever wanna do ..I hate conflict and I understand that we all go through it but I simply want to approach this situation as an adult, not as a teenage drama.
Lonnnng story short. I've never been in a proper relationship before...and as of October 2014, I've began seeing a guy. Its not like I went and picked up some random chap at a bar - this guy has been a friend of mine for around 15 months now. However we got closer this year in University because we have the same classes and his friends live with me and evidently, with seeing eachother every single day, and genuinely getting on like bro and sis - we got together. Its been awesome, aside from my parents involved with ministry and being a little concerned about his intentions. But apart from that, they are very very good to him. The problem lies with my (now ex) best mate.
She too has been a solid friend(my only real best one out of all the people I met last year and this year) and to be fair, she always put me before her boyfriend, I'll admit that. But this year, ironically since we live together in the same dorm, we've become distant. We started September off OK, we went shopping, had a few long-night chats but on the whole, I feel the summer seperated us(she actually didnt speak to me as she was working abroad and only spoke to me just before we got back to Uni which I found a little strange but I gave her credit as it was a hard job).. and so, since October, we literally only see eachother around 3 days a week. As soon as I started seeing him, he became my muse(selfishly, I look at this as inevitable. I'm kinda a one-friend-at-a-time kinda girl) and except for a few times in our early dating days, she never ever asked me to go see her...to hang out... etc. So we just didnt see eachother. Things became awkward as of November because whenever she was there, so was he(again, I didnt feel she was affected..I never heard from her) I realised it and wondered if I shouldv texted her(probs shouldve done to be honest) but again, she didnt seem bothered about seeing me at all. And with that attitude, it was my prerogative to put my 100% into my guy. Despite this low contact though, I actually made time for another close friend of mine and saw her every weekend just for a few hours and weve remained close. She sent me a very very angry e-mail on the last day of term saying she couldnt believe how I never apologised after all this time of "dropping" her and replacing her...I replied apologising and how I didnt think she wanted to be as close to me anymore and how I realised what Id done but that Ive been very occupied with him, but that made her very angry, and she said "Im not gonna give you another chance because I know you say things about me to everyone. So thats it now. Im here if you need me but forget it, you dont give a... about me". <-- This really got to me not only cos I didnt say ONE THING about her, genuinely, theres NOTHING to say to "others" about her but more so cos I literally never fell out with anyone before, and I really, really felt bad about hurting her when she needed me, so I poured my heart out and told her Id try fix things... to which she said "even if you finish with him, Im not gonna take it. Cos im your second choice. Is it cos you need me now?"<--- well that got me angry too, I dont need anyone..Im nearly 22, I have been in University for three years , I think Im capable without a consistency of having a best mate....I enjoy my own company and am used to spending most of my time solo.
I sound bitter, heartless and moreover selfish, but I don't have a time machine... on the other hand, my boyfriend and a few others have told me "As long as you keep your friends and guy balanced, youre fine. Dont waste your time on someone who is out to pick a fight..." so basically any step I take, Im wrong in her eyes. And more than anything, I want her to be OK with me. I messed up - I put one guy before her and I see it. I see what Ive done..but, I think she despises me. And I really couldnt get those things she said out of my head during this Christmas which sucks. I never had this before...please, please pray that I dont mess up again this year and if you guys have any advice on what move I can make next, youre a star, thanks guys.
Lonnnng story short. I've never been in a proper relationship before...and as of October 2014, I've began seeing a guy. Its not like I went and picked up some random chap at a bar - this guy has been a friend of mine for around 15 months now. However we got closer this year in University because we have the same classes and his friends live with me and evidently, with seeing eachother every single day, and genuinely getting on like bro and sis - we got together. Its been awesome, aside from my parents involved with ministry and being a little concerned about his intentions. But apart from that, they are very very good to him. The problem lies with my (now ex) best mate.
She too has been a solid friend(my only real best one out of all the people I met last year and this year) and to be fair, she always put me before her boyfriend, I'll admit that. But this year, ironically since we live together in the same dorm, we've become distant. We started September off OK, we went shopping, had a few long-night chats but on the whole, I feel the summer seperated us(she actually didnt speak to me as she was working abroad and only spoke to me just before we got back to Uni which I found a little strange but I gave her credit as it was a hard job).. and so, since October, we literally only see eachother around 3 days a week. As soon as I started seeing him, he became my muse(selfishly, I look at this as inevitable. I'm kinda a one-friend-at-a-time kinda girl) and except for a few times in our early dating days, she never ever asked me to go see her...to hang out... etc. So we just didnt see eachother. Things became awkward as of November because whenever she was there, so was he(again, I didnt feel she was affected..I never heard from her) I realised it and wondered if I shouldv texted her(probs shouldve done to be honest) but again, she didnt seem bothered about seeing me at all. And with that attitude, it was my prerogative to put my 100% into my guy. Despite this low contact though, I actually made time for another close friend of mine and saw her every weekend just for a few hours and weve remained close. She sent me a very very angry e-mail on the last day of term saying she couldnt believe how I never apologised after all this time of "dropping" her and replacing her...I replied apologising and how I didnt think she wanted to be as close to me anymore and how I realised what Id done but that Ive been very occupied with him, but that made her very angry, and she said "Im not gonna give you another chance because I know you say things about me to everyone. So thats it now. Im here if you need me but forget it, you dont give a... about me". <-- This really got to me not only cos I didnt say ONE THING about her, genuinely, theres NOTHING to say to "others" about her but more so cos I literally never fell out with anyone before, and I really, really felt bad about hurting her when she needed me, so I poured my heart out and told her Id try fix things... to which she said "even if you finish with him, Im not gonna take it. Cos im your second choice. Is it cos you need me now?"<--- well that got me angry too, I dont need anyone..Im nearly 22, I have been in University for three years , I think Im capable without a consistency of having a best mate....I enjoy my own company and am used to spending most of my time solo.
I sound bitter, heartless and moreover selfish, but I don't have a time machine... on the other hand, my boyfriend and a few others have told me "As long as you keep your friends and guy balanced, youre fine. Dont waste your time on someone who is out to pick a fight..." so basically any step I take, Im wrong in her eyes. And more than anything, I want her to be OK with me. I messed up - I put one guy before her and I see it. I see what Ive done..but, I think she despises me. And I really couldnt get those things she said out of my head during this Christmas which sucks. I never had this before...please, please pray that I dont mess up again this year and if you guys have any advice on what move I can make next, youre a star, thanks guys.
