Regarding counseling:
My husband and I had pre-engagement counseling, not pre-marital counseling. Deciding to marry and then seeing if you should marry seems kind of backwards, yet that is the way it is often done. That said, I think in today's society, both religious and secular, we really can make too much of personality/compatibility profiles, making marriage more of a clinical undertaking, making social science a bigger deal than teaching young couples who really do love each other how to build each other up in that love. And for the Christian couple, giving them a solid foundation in who they are in Christ, so they are finding their significance in Him and not seeking their significance from each other.
Regarding elopement being a dishonoring to parents:
I also know parents who have offered a lump sum in lieu of paying for a wedding for their children who would be willing to elope, so for some families, it may actually be honoring to the parents to elope!
Some couples may have difficult parents, and just don't want to deal with the drama that a wedding would bring. Assuming they have chosen wisely their mate, I see no problem with it. There may be a price to pay relationally afterward, but there may have been a price to pay, because their parents are difficult, wedding or not. That's why they choose to elope!
That said, in some cultures, great offense is taken by families if they are not included in the marriage of their children, so young adults in these cultures need to consider what is the most loving thing to do for all involved in those situations, as well.
It all boils down to being led by the Spirit - and demonstrating enough maturity to consider all the ramifications of whatever choice they make.
Regarding elopement being 'shady':
I think we need to remember that couples have to be adults to get married without parental 'permission', and we, as parents, need to honor that. We pray that our children will choose wisely their mates, and maybe even seek our counsel/approval, but it's not Biblically mandated.
If a couple elopes to legitimize an illegitimate relationship . . . how is that a bad thing?
As for elopements being short-lived marriages? I know at least two couples who eloped and have been married for over 50 years =o).
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We, as parents/family, of course want to be a part of the celebration of marriage with our children, but we need to remember that when it comes to marriage, we need to let our children be the adults WE raised them to be, and learn to respect them as such.
We can give them our input and counsel, but these things are ultimately their decisions as adults and they will bear the consequences of their decisions, good or bad. And whether they choose to have a wedding or elope, we CAN celebrate the marriages of our children! After all, it's not about US, it's about THEM.
-JGIG