Goodbye

[iTOREtheSKY]

I have spent the better part of the last 48 hours wondering why I have felt so off,why I've been sad...and then last night it all came down on me like a tidal wave. The realization,or maybe the root of why I feel so crummy inside.

I'm making this post,because in some strange way I feel I owe it to some of you. I've tried to be as transparent as possible. I realize that I don't fit in. Not in CC. Not in the world. Not with most Christians. Not in life,in general.

Some of this hit me as I sat in chat the past week. Listening to others & reading the words being said. I just felt so void. I keep asking myself "What am I doing here?"

Over my year & a half on CC I have done more harm than good. Even by causing one person to stumble or stray from the Lord is one too many. I have been told that I make people jealous. Been told that I stir up in them bad memories from their past relationships,and most recently (and the most painful of all) that I am giving a false hope to someone by even mentioning some sort of future possibility of a relationship.

The last thing I want to do is hurt anyone. I don't believe that me being here truly benefits anyone,other than occasional amusement.

My life the past 3 years has been nothing short of utter failure and sadness,with the exception of my realization & acceptance of falling in love with my best friend. I have cried out to God so many times,and I still feel as though I hear nothing. I know He's real,I just don't know how to ever understand what the point of all this is.
If I can't have happiness here on earth,then I long for the day to be with Him. Free from all this sadness. I truly do want to sing a new song unto Him. I just don't know how.

For all the friends I had in my life...family...church body that have told me I was a blessing and/or were happy to know & have me in their lives...there have been as many that have basically told me that I was a terrible person. Even those that have never taken the time to get to know me have acted as though I was the devil incarnate.

Unfortunately as much as I try to dismiss such things as from the devil,or try to renew my mind of how God sees me...there's always someone who pops up & reminds me how utterly worthless I am. I know I should move on...not receive those negative words from others,but with all the pressure and sadness these past 3 years,I feel it's all just taken it's toll on me. I am tired of crying. Most of all,I am tired of making those I love sad. I know we are to bear one another's burdens,but no one deserves to be subjected to the maelstrom of ME!

The song below pretty much describes better than I ever could in my own words of how I feel now.

This post isn't to gain sympathy,or even ask for prayer. I just wanted to tell you what was going on,if anyone wonders where I vanished off to..to say thank you,to those of you who took the time to get to know the real me and showed me kindness.

Goodbye,for now.
~ J.

I can still see the light at the end of the tunnel shine
Through the dark times even when I lose my mind
But it feels like no one in the world is listening
And I can't ever seem to make the right decisions


I walk around in the same haze
I'm still caught in my same ways
I'm losing time in these strange days
But somehow I always know the right things to say


I don't know what time it is
Or who's the one to blame for this
Do I believe what I can't see?
And how do you know which way the wind blows?


Cause I can feel it all around
I'm lost between the sound
And just when I think I know there she goes


Goodbye for now
Goodbye for now, so long


Goodbye for now
(I'm not the type to say "I told you so")
Goodbye for now, so long
(I think the hardest part of holdin' on is lettin' it go)
When will we sing a new song, a new song?


We're still smilin' as the day goes by
And how come nobody ever knows the reasons why?
Bury you deep so far that you can't see
If you're like me who wears a broken heart on your sleeve


Pains is troubles that you know so well
Either time don't, it can't, or it just won't tell
I'm not the type to say "I told you so"
I think the hardest part of holdin' on is lettin' it go


I don't know what time it is
Or who's the one to blame for this
Do I believe what I can't see?
And how do you know which way the wind blows?


Cause I can feel it all around
I'm lost between the sound
And just when I think I know there she goes


Goodbye for now
Goodbye for now, so long


Goodbye for now
(I'm not the type to say, "I told you so")
Goodbye for now, so long
(I think the hardest part of holdin' on is lettin' it go)
When will we sing a new song, a new song?
When will we sing a new song, a new song?


And you can sing until there's no song left
And I can scream until the world goes deaf
For every other word left unsaid
You shoulda took the time to read the signs and see what it meant


In some ways everybody feels alone
So if the burden is mine then I can carry my own
If joy really comes in the morning time
Then I'ma sit back and wait until the next sunrise


Goodbye for now
Goodbye for now, so long


Goodbye for now
(I'm not the type to say, "I told you so")
Goodbye for now, so long
(I think the hardest part of holdin' on is lettin' it go)
When will we sing a new song, a new song?
When will we sing a new song, a new song?
When will we sing a new song, a new song?


[video=youtube_share;plGETDmXw5g]http://youtu.be/plGETDmXw5g[/video]

 

[ronnie2796]

I feel like I have nothing I can say to you,...Who am I, being as young as I am, and having less experience than you,..to tell you that I relate to your pain, and feel for what you're feeling?

I just want you to know that you are loved here. You do more good than you realize, and not everything is always as it seems. You are weary and discouraged, and I can understand, in a sense, though I don't know exactly what its like.

You are far from worthless. Far from it. You are Priceless, and are a gift to those around you, in one way or another.
I hope you stay here, I will be praying for you, though I know you said you weren't asking for it. I'm praying anyway.

 

[MissCris]

This is...I don't even...

I am so angry and hurt right now I don't even know what to say. Because this is ridiculous. Nobody, NOBODY, is universally liked. If you're holding out for 100% approval, you're going to be miserable the rest of your life.

I don't care what other people think of you- you're a good man. I don't care what they've told you- they don't know you.

I'm angry that you've taken all the negative things that have been said and dwelt upon them and let them eat at you. Everybody succumbs to the lies they're told sometimes. Hell, I've lived half my life believing total crap from people who just wanted to tear me down to their level. But this...you've let it destroy something beautiful in you.

I'm angry that, for as long as you've been here, you've been a light to other people (yeah yeah, "not many", blah blah blah), you've comforted friends and cheered them up, cheered them on, and prayed for them here...and yet you're selfish, you want more. A handful of close friends who truly care about you isn't enough? What do you want, Jim?

I don't even know if you'll "sneak" back on here to read this. I don't care who sees it. I don't care what they think.

I care that you're in all this pain, and that you're withdrawing from everyone who loves you. It's not even about CC, it doesn't matter whether you stay or go, that's up to you, whatever. But this....running...this ridiculous idea that all you've done is damage....

I don't know. I hope you see this, and I hope you think about what you're doing to yourself.

 

[wisebeardman]

I don't really know you and you never done anything to me. But I am someone who don't really fit in anywhere. But it don't bother me, why? cause I don't care if someone likes me or not. I am me ether you like me or don't and ether way it ain't going to effect me one bit. I am sure more people here don't like me vs like me. But I am still here.

take a page outta my book, quit caring if someone likes you or not. those who don't like you don't matter anyway.

 

[prodigal]

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VmjZDmWEUzk

 

[ronnie2796]

Just remember where your value and your worth comes from

Does it come from people, or from God? Because,..if you ask God,..He kinda gave the most perfect being to die for you. I think that makes you pretty priceless,..But that's just my opinion.

Love you. Hope you take some time to read these replies, and to realize that people not only want you here, but God has things for you, always, and you are very valuable. Its hard to see and to understand, but its true. <3

 

[seoulsearch]

There seems to be a trend here of people posting that they are leaving the site.

I always want to make a long, passionate reply about why they should stay and how much their contribution has meant to me and how I can relate with so many of the things they're saying...

But I've also come to realize that when a person leaves, their mind is made up and nothing I can say will change that.

TORE, I wish you the best. I always thought you were one of the most REAL people here and you always stuck up for us women when there was an unreasonable amount of bashing that persisted in the threads. I am sorry to see you go. I feel very much like you, that I don't really fit in anywhere but God made us each to have our own places. One thing that made it so hard to get over my ex-husband is that he told me, "Baby, we don't wait for people to tell us where we fit in. We make a place of our own."

TORE, you have the heart of a leader, which is why you feel you don't "fit".

You weren't meant to passively "sit and fit". You were born to lead the way... and I was someone who liked to follow. Leaders will always take a lot of crap because people who are led have a lot of complaints, but yet they don't want to take up the leadership themselves (I fit in this category too, so I make it a point to try to support and encourage leaders whenever I can.)

May wherever you go... be filled with followers.

 

[Fenner]

I tore my friend, why ever is bringing up the problems they supposedly have with you, they are really problems they have within themselves. They need to check themselves and not wreck you. You come here and be the pleasant person you are. If someone can't deal then well seek help. I tore isn't your problem you are your problem.

 

[Fenner]

I'm sorry for the typos im on my phone.

 

[cinder]

iTORE,

First, this sounds disturbingly like a suicide letter. If you haven't please find some way to get yourself checked for depression, you sound quite depressed though it could be for a number of reasons.

Most of us struggle with not fitting in. Back in college during a particularly bad bout of it my friend told me something that has stuck with me and probably kept me in the game many times when I feel like turning into a hermit and now I say the same to you: We're the body of Christ. We need you and we are not complete without you. Even if Jesus is all we have in common, isn't that enough?

As some good life advice, I would also say get a reality check on any criticism you receive privately, especially if it comes as a personal attack. If someone sends you a nasty pm, just post and say you received a nasty pm (don't have to say who it is from) that said you were ________ and you want to know if you really are or not. There are several of us here who have the gift of brutal honesty and if you ask directly we will answer directly. Those who are sincerely concerned about you won't mind you getting a second opinion in such a manner, and those who are too cowardly to show their true colors in public deserve to be so anonymously exposed. Learning who is worth listening to in the first place is a very important life skill to develop.

As for what you really are, well even in your down on yourself posts, your heart to be a blessing and encouragement to others shines through. Sounds like the negative words spoken to you have blinded you to the blessing and encouragement you are. Certainly it isn't your fault for bringing up bad memories in other people, either they made those memories for themselves or someone else subjected them to a bad experience. God may be bringing up bad memories through you in order to bring healing to the other person. And the people who lash out at you may be doing so because of their own insecurity and feelings of worthlessness not because their lashing out has any basis in reality.

I'm sorry to see you go, but if you really feel that for your own sake you need to I don't think any of us can stop you. Just know that we are here for you and you are always welcome should you want or need us. HUGS.

 

[Pipp]

This makes me very very sad.

 

[Tintin]

Love you, brother Jim! I don't know what's going on but I'm praying for you.

 

[Raine]

I understand... I feel the same way. I wonder if I am just wasting my time here on CC sometimes... But realize that God can still use me to touch the lives of others, even if only virtually.

I know we have never talked and don't know each other... But reading this, I wish I did get a chance to know and encourage you. Hope you return some time and maybe we can get to know one another.

I am sure that you have any good qualities and bad qualities... It is up to us to recognize these, keep the good and trust in God to change the bad. I am sure that you have some here who love you.

 

[tourist]

I feel the same way as you do in a lot of what you have wrote. I too am very sorry about some of the flippant and callous remarks that I have made. I know that some of these remarks have been hurtful and for this I am most humbly sorry. It looks as if you are at a crossroad in your life as I am. I am praying that you have a safe and amazing journey. Perhaps I will see you at the end of the road. We will laugh and cry then. And then move boldly forward because that is what we do.

 

[JustAnotherUser]

I've only really saw you by a few of your posts and never got a bad vibe from you... I'm sorry for anything that may have brought you to become this way. At the end of the day, we are human, anyone who tries to say you're the devil are just trying to cover up from their own insecurities and wounds... I kind of get you on how one can't fit in, I've felt that here even if I haven't been hanging around long. And let's face it, we are going to bump into a few who make us feel like crap... That shouldn't ruin your online experience, however. A break may be needed, but to feel like you don't fit in when there's always others that may not see you as an outcast may show that it isn't all true. Maybe that's what you're needing right now. I can't say on the relationship level but you can't simply trust what people say through text often and I often times try to avoid that too...

Take care and know there's people who will take notice if/when you come back. It's okay to take a break.

 

[IloveyouGod]

I don't know you well Jim, but for the little I know I think you're a wonderful person so transparent. I wish you all the best in your future life.

 

[Taith]

There is not much more I can say that already wasn't said. But know this. I believe everyone here at CC, if they are truly saved. Will never fit in anywhere with the world. We are not supposed to be like the world.
And yes that brings us down, it brings me down so much. Because I want people to like me for me. And it seems like no matter how much I try to do right, I always fail. And when I fail it feels like everyone falls away. I am never good enough for them.
But that is a lie from Satan. People care about me. And people sure care about you too! You might be going through a hard time, but just pull through, God is here for you. Go to Him and let Him lift you up. People do care about you, and want you here. Just stick around and see what God does in your life.

God bless ya!
~Taith

 

[MissCris]

*sigh*

Jim, I know you didn't do this for attention or to hear people beg you to stay- but check it out, these people want you to stay!
So stop being a pain in the patootie and come back to hang out with us. Have a break if you need it, but come back.

...or else...

 

[Taith]

*sigh*

Jim, I know you didn't do this for attention or to hear people beg you to stay- but check it out, these people want you to stay!
So stop being a pain in the patootie and come back to hang out with us. Have a break if you need it, but come back.

...or else...

I just felt like saying... That maybe this is threat you need to think about! This is MissCris we are talking about! Don't take it lightly.

 

[Stephen63]

Like the others, I don't know how you came to this conclusion. I've enjoyed some of your posts. And as far as those that say those negative things to you, take it with a grain of salt. I am an ordained minister, & I've been on here since 2009. I can tell you people told me I'm of the devil & have a terrible understanding of the scriptures. Some have even tried to set me up to lose my temper to get me thrown off the site. If I believed them, I'd been long backslid by now.

I can respect a person no matter if they're cold, lukewarm, or hot as long as they are REAL. I have witnessed your realness, regardless of how you felt on a particular day.

Please be patient with me , & put up with me a little while with what I have to say. As a minister, I can tell you the only fault I've found with your Op in not you yourself, but your taste in music. Note these scriptures:

Romans 14:19 (KJV) [SUP]19 [/SUP]Let us therefore follow after the things which make for peace, and things wherewith one may edify another.
[HR][/HR]Romans 15:2 (KJV) [SUP]2 [/SUP]Let every one of us please his neighbour for his good to edification.
[HR][/HR]1 Corinthians 14:26 (KJV) [SUP]26 [/SUP]How is it then, brethren? when ye come together, every one of you hath a psalm, hath a doctrine, hath a tongue, hath a revelation, hath an interpretation. Let all things be done unto edifying.
[HR][/HR]Ephesians 4:29 (KJV) [SUP]29 [/SUP]Let no corrupt communication proceed out of your mouth, but that which is good to the use of edifying, that it may minister grace unto the hearers.
[HR][/HR]1 Thessalonians 5:11 (KJV) [SUP]11 [/SUP]Wherefore comfort yourselves together, and edify one another, even as also ye do.
[HR][/HR]1 Timothy 1:4 (KJV) [SUP]4 [/SUP]Neither give heed to fables and endless genealogies, which minister questions, rather than godly edifying which is in faith: so do.

1 Samuel 30:6 (KJV) [SUP]6 [/SUP]And David was greatly distressed; for the people spake of stoning him, because the soul of all the people was grieved, every man for his sons and for his daughters: but David encouraged himself in the LORD his God.


EDIFY
Greek Strong's Number: 3618
Greek Word: οἰκοδομέω
Transliteration: oikodomeō
Phonetic Pronunciation:

oy-kod-om-eh'-o
Root: from the same as <G3619>
Cross Reference: TDNT - 5:136,674
Part of Speech: v
Vine's Words: Build, Builder, Building, Edification, Edify, Edifying, Embolden


To edify means to build up in a positive way always to strenthen others, to make them better.

Now note the words to this song:

I walk around in the same haze
I'm still caught in my same ways
I'm losing time in these strange days
But somehow I always know the right things to say

I don't know what time it is
Or who's the one to blame for this
Do I believe what I can't see?
And how do you know which way the wind blows?

Cause I can feel it all around
I'm lost between the sound
And just when I think I know there she goes

Goodbye for now
Goodbye for now, so long

Goodbye for now
(I'm not the type to say "I told you so")
Goodbye for now, so long
(I think the hardest part of holdin' on is lettin' it go)
When will we sing a new song, a new song?

We're still smilin' as the day goes by
And how come nobody ever knows the reasons why?
Bury you deep so far that you can't see
If you're like me who wears a broken heart on your sleeve

Pains is troubles that you know so well
Either time don't, it can't, or it just won't tell
I'm not the type to say "I told you so"
I think the hardest part of holdin' on is lettin' it go

I don't know what time it is
Or who's the one to blame for this
Do I believe what I can't see?
And how do you know which way the wind blows?

Cause I can feel it all around
I'm lost between the sound
And just when I think I know there she goes

Goodbye for now
Goodbye for now, so long

Goodbye for now
(I'm not the type to say, "I told you so")
Goodbye for now, so long
(I think the hardest part of holdin' on is lettin' it go)
When will we sing a new song, a new song?
When will we sing a new song, a new song?

And you can sing until there's no song left
And I can scream until the world goes deaf
For every other word left unsaid
You shoulda took the time to read the signs and see what it meant

In some ways everybody feels alone
So if the burden is mine then I can carry my own
If joy really comes in the morning time
Then I'ma sit back and wait until the next sunrise

Goodbye for now
Goodbye for now, so long

Goodbye for now
(I'm not the type to say, "I told you so")
Goodbye for now, so long
(I think the hardest part of holdin' on is lettin' it go)
When will we sing a new song, a new song?
When will we sing a new song, a new song?

NO PLACE in this song is there any edification. It doesn't build up. What it does do is make the hearer feel sadder, kinda like the 'tear in your beer' songs.

WHO can listen to all this negativity & feel good about it? I certainly can't.

This is why the scripture says this:

Philippians 4:8 (KJV) [SUP]8 [/SUP]Finally, brethren, whatsoever things are true, whatsoever things are honest, whatsoever things are just, whatsoever things are pure, whatsoever things are lovely, whatsoever things are of good report; if there be any virtue, and if there be any praise, think on these things.

Proverbs 23:7 (KJV) [SUP]7 [/SUP]For as he thinketh in his heart, so is he: Eat and drink, saith he to thee; but his heart is not with thee.


If I always think about the sad or bad things, what does that make me?

I respect a man who recognizes his need for Christ, & truly wants Him. That person will find what he's looking for.