How do you deal or dealt with a drinking issue in a family?

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born2behappy

Guest
#1
#1
Dear all,
I've been married for 10 years already. My husband is a good person, but he has a problem with an alcohol. I used to have it too...when there we no kids we used to drink and have fun and didn't see a problem at all...after the first one was born it became worse and worse...he started drinking more and more, just after work, one pint, then another and...I started joining him too...I even don't know how it happened, i started putting weight, become more and more unhappier but didn't know how to deal with it. I abandoned my community and sunday services because when i was closer to God it felt like going away from my husband. Then I knew the only solution to stop drinking was to have another child. I got pregnant the very first time and stopped drinking immediately. Then my second one was born and after a while I saw how temporal solution this was. I realized how bad the situation was when a total stranger started asking me strange questions and trying to cheer me up. And I knew I need to change something. Alcohol does not bring me and my husband closer, it makes me unhappy. So I left for christian campus to be closer to God and to face those hard situations. Being there I realized that this problem has been in our family for years. So when I got back I decided not to join my husband in drinking any more. He drinks 6 pints every day and sees no problem. I don't know how to deal with this. I grew up with my father drinking and don't want my girls to grow up in similar environment. I got married cause I could see myself with this men ageing together but I don't anymore. The only idea in my mind is to separate because I need to look after myself and my kids. My husband doesn't admit that there is a problem and I'm not 18 anymore...don't see why I should persuade him to change his lifestyle if he loves it. But I don't wanna be a part of it anymore. I didn't expect it to be so difficult.
Yesterday I confronted him, he got mad, started blaming me for not supporting him, being mad recently a lot, and that he doesn't see a problem concerning alcohol. I don't want to start talking about divorce but if he doesn't see a problem here I have no idea what else I can do. I asked my friend to pray for our family constantly and try to be as close to God as I can but still feel that this problem has to be solve either way. I don't want my girls see their father drinking every day and imagine that it's the way their future husbands have to be....Please pray for me and my family. And share your ideas on this. Thank you. God Bless.
 
santuzza

santuzza

Senior Member
#2
Feb 12, 2013
1,609
38
48
#2
You (and your kids) need to separate from your husband. I am NOT talking about divorce at this time. Your husband is an alcoholic and needs to get counseling, but only HE can come to that point. Perhaps with you gone, he'll come to that point sooner rather than later. In the meantime, you must take responsibility for your children and keep them safe.
 
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amymine712

Guest
#3
#3
I grew up with an alcoholic father. Mom didn't believe in divorce but she did separate from him numerous times as I was growing up. You need to look after yourself and your children first and foremost. I agree with separating from him and watch him over time to see if he gets out from under the addiction. If he doesn't then I would say divorce is your only option.
 
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gb9

Senior Member
#4
Jan 18, 2011
11,709
6,307
113
#4
the key is he does not see a problem. he does not want to stop. so keep praying for a changed heart. as long as he does not have a change of desire on the inside, he will not change on the outside either.
 
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born2behappy

Guest
#5
#5
Santuzza,separation might be an option.
Amymine712, i grew up with a drinking father myself,he used to beat my mother and us children. I made a promise to myself in my teenage years that i'll never let my kids live in a such situation. My husband is a loving,good person,he never violates, and i do understand that there is a bigger problem -miscommunication. I don't know how to approach issues in a right way without making him a bad person...he is a very closed person,doesnt share his feelings, doesnt like hugging,kissing or even making love...we barely talk about our own relationship...he works a lot,after work he spends his time at computer playing games with a glass or 6 glasses of beer and sees no problem and no need in developing our relationship. The sadest thing is that men are ashamed even of an idea of counselling in our country. somehow they don't feel as men cause they' ve been brought up in a way not to show their vulnerability.
Gb9, i know what you are talking about and do understand that only he can change situation if he wants. My problem is how to live with this when I don't feel safe and happy surrounded by alcohol. What i realized yesterday that it was the first time in 10 years i told my husband that I have a problem with alcohol. Earlier I just was to afraid to admit ir loudly cause I knew the actions should follow. And I felt so good after saying that even he got mad. I didn't expect it to be easy but felt truthful to myself. Today he's not mad and knowing him he should be thinking about it a lot. Still drank some beer but 1 pint instead of 6. Hope it gets better...
 
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amymine712

Guest
#6
#6
born2behappy said:
Santuzza,separation might be an option.
Amymine712, i grew up with a drinking father myself,he used to beat my mother and us children. I made a promise to myself in my teenage years that i'll never let my kids live in a such situation. My husband is a loving,good person,he never violates, and i do understand that there is a bigger problem -miscommunication. I don't know how to approach issues in a right way without making him a bad person...he is a very closed person,doesnt share his feelings, doesnt like hugging,kissing or even making love...we barely talk about our own relationship...he works a lot,after work he spends his time at computer playing games with a glass or 6 glasses of beer and sees no problem and no need in developing our relationship. The sadest thing is that men are ashamed even of an idea of counselling in our country. somehow they don't feel as men cause they' ve been brought up in a way not to show their vulnerability.
Gb9, i know what you are talking about and do understand that only he can change situation if he wants. My problem is how to live with this when I don't feel safe and happy surrounded by alcohol. What i realized yesterday that it was the first time in 10 years i told my husband that I have a problem with alcohol. Earlier I just was to afraid to admit ir loudly cause I knew the actions should follow. And I felt so good after saying that even he got mad. I didn't expect it to be easy but felt truthful to myself. Today he's not mad and knowing him he should be thinking about it a lot. Still drank some beer but 1 pint instead of 6. Hope it gets better...
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Don't just hope....pray. Pray about it by yourself and (if he is willing) with him.
 
Dan58

Dan58

Senior Member
#7
Nov 13, 2013
1,991
338
83
#7
born2behappy said:
Santuzza,separation might be an option.

Today he's not mad and knowing him he should be thinking about it a lot. Still drank some beer but 1 pint instead of 6. Hope it gets better...
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That's good, maybe he got the message and is making an effort to cut back. Negotiate a 2 beers per day limit, and make sure he knows that your serious about separating if he can't stay sober. jmo
 
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