I wish I knew what I believed

confusedinallrespects · Apr 3, 2013

I grew up believing in God. He was always there in my family. He always led us and spoke to us and healed us when we prayed. But lately. Somehow over the years I find myself INCREDIBLY jaded and incredibly confused.
My mother is a bible teacher. She travels all over teaching God’s word….and her interpretation of it.
I think somewhere a few years ago I started doubting some of the things she believes and teaches. But it has gotten to the point where I don’t know where truth ends and deception begins.

She believes most of the realm of what people might describe as ‘the prophetic’ she believes God is still speaking, but that He speaks to some more clearly than others and that we should heed what they say.
I used to agree with her until her doctrine started to confuse me.

She met a man a few years ago, whom she claims is her ministry partner. She got very close to him in friendship though she is married, and the man is married. They travel together and talk almost every day about their lives and God and what God is saying here or there about this or that. She believes what this man tells her even on matters she herself has not heard from God about. Well. Recently a prophecy this man gave fell through. Even though it was supposedly a huge prophecy and he was taken to heaven or whatever. Well it didn’t happen.

And I’m left scratching my head about how I can believe anything. I mean. When I look on this site, or any Christian group for that matter, I see conflicts everywhere. Conflicts in all of our belief systems. All of our interpretations of the word of God are different. We all believe it means different things on different matters. Holy spirit. Prophecy. Israel. End times.

everything. You name it, and we’re divided. I hate this. I hate that we’re all supposedly following the most holy book ever written. But we all take different things from it.

I hate that I don’t know what I believe anymore. I feel angry and lost and I don’t feel like I can trust anything I grew up knowing. It all feels like a lie.

In some respects I know God is real and Jesus bc I’ve seen so many healed in his name and I’ve had a walk with him. I’ve had dreams and visions and I knew they were God and not me. and I’ve heard his voice. So the existence of God is so not in question at all.

But I’m mad at him. I’m mad at God for letting all of us believe so many lies. If I were God…. And that’s a scary and humongous if. I don’t think I would let people believe junk! About me! in my name. and spread it around. and lead people into this little pits and denominations all thinking they have the only truth. I mean. What is so different about me. why should I feel I have truth on all matters. I could have just as easily been born as that muslim kid in Egypt. Or….that Buddhist in china. What makes me think I’m so special that my faith. That makes NO sense to me right now. Is the real one. I am sure everyone has their reasons for believing what they do. Is that enough? Or do we really hold out for something true to break down the lies?

I wanna believe in spiritual experiences bc I have had them. And there’s no denying that what I experienced was of the spiritual realm and not the physical one. But I don’t want to believe in someone else’s? who am I to say that they AREN’T experiencing the one true God? How ‘bout if they believe they can meet in the spirit with another living believer on the other side of the world? That their spirit can literally be in their bedroom. How about if they believe they can have prayer meetings with deceased saints from the bible? What then? What if they believe that Jesus showed up in Malaysia as a homeless person?

where is the frickin line??? Obviously there is one or we all wouldn’t be here on this site debating about it and tip toeing around it. Even here in a Christian place. So many of you believe so many things that are just so wrong. I don’t know what’s truth anymore. And I am sad and empty inside.

When people say things that I feel are obviously untruths, this horrible dark anger rises up in me. but it’s not even anger at the person. because we’re all fools in our own right believing lies about one thing or another. It’s just anger. At God for letting these lies run rampant. And at myself for not knowing where the line is.

Maybe someday I’ll find my faith again. I just wish I knew how to find it independent of my church upbringing and independent of either of my parent’s beliefs.

Maybe it’s all a lie…

homwardbound · Apr 3, 2013

Wow!!! Sister I see what you say I have been there where I have seen others talking out of two sides of thier mouth. One side they would say that Jesus died for all my sins back at the cross and ask hin onto your heart and recieve this.
Then after words in believing I did this and asked.
Then I heard that I need more forgiveness, and I asked why? I was told because I am a sinner and that because I sin still I am out of fellowship with God. I said but you told me when I first came here that Christ died for all my sins back at the cross. They replied yes but have you not sinned again between last week when you repented again and are not perfect as Christ is.
Great argument So I each week kept repenting and asking for more forgiveness each and every week. Now as each and every week went by I got worse and worse at sinining, kept asking for more forgiveness over and over never wanting to sinm but just waxed worse and worse.
Then I heard again that I was forgiven back at the cross and that there was no more forgiveness from God the Father's perspective to be executed on my behalf or anyones behalf, that what Christ did at the cross is final the whole world has been forgiven, and that we are in need of life, and that after the death came the resurrection and this is where one recieves life that Christ came to give to us more abundantly, and this is not the way of the world that offers all the materialistic observances that most seek to have for this is what Christ was offered by the devil of this world and Christ chose Heaven God his Father over all this world has to offer.
Sister are you ready, you said you want to know
Then I say you personally delve into the word and seek God the creator of all to know God period and you will, for God will reveal God to you in truth, and you will know truth of God that sets you free from this world and all its ways of selfishness that masquerades as good, oin order to fool others for thier own gain
All in the LOVE of God, for WWW.GODJUSTLOVEYOU.BLOGSPOT.COM is a sight that was put together by me and my experiences about what I have come to know to be truth about God, and it is true that GOD JUST LOVE YOU, people do not and people hurt us when they show what thier true motive(s) are when we thought no way that they were not of themselves and were as well as are. We all Sister have a lot of learning to recieve and not hopefully become hardhearted over the tragedies that happen that others brought on or our own selfs brought on and finally turn to find who God really is personally in truth

dashadow · Apr 3, 2013

Just focus on your personal relationship with God through Christ. It isn't about what others have taught you or what others believe. It's about what you believe based on the guidance of the Holy Spirit. God Bless!

shawntc · Apr 4, 2013

Hey there! I am going to reply to bits and pieces of your post as I am capable of.

confusedinallrespects said:

I believe that if a person makes a prophecy and it doesn't come to pass, then that person is not a prophet. I've dealt with false prophets in my life. The Bible advises we not fear the person, for he/she is just a mere human like us.

Are you sure you're not over-exaggerating the differences? Yes, there are plenty of them. But I think you'll find that there are many core statements that most, if not all, Christians will agree with: that God is the Creator of Heaven and Earth; that God is Triune (Father, Son, Holy Spirit); that Jesus was his Son, God incarnate; Jesus died on the cross for our sins; Jesus rose from the grave three days later; Jesus ascended into heaven, and will one day return to judge the living and the dead; that we are saved by faith.

Those are the core beliefs. Everything else? That's secondary stuff. Age of the Earth, how the world is going to end, whether or not baptism or communion have any power, etc.

Let me tell you a little bit about myself. I have this unending desire to understand things that matter to me, and Christianity matters to me most of all. I can see issues and debates from most of their angles. This caused confusion in me, as well. All this stuff sounds right, but which one really is right? You are not the first to have this confusion. But surely not everything you were taught was a lie? Perhaps it feels like it, I can understand that, but there were doubtlessly nuggets of truth.

It is unfortunate that we do have so many incorrect beliefs, but that's to be expected. We are imperfect beings. Anyone who believes they have the one and only truth is simply wrong. I doubt any one of us have the complete truth. Not after 2,000 years of human tampering. I recently started attending a certain denomination of church because I believe it to be closer to the truth than most others. But I know for a fact that even it is wrong on at least one issue. I won't ever claim it to have all the answers.

It is the real one because unlike Islam or Buddhism, Christianity is very factually supported. Jesus did live (according to many historians outside the Bible). Jesus did die. And he did rise from the dead. Muhammad never performed an actual miracle and Buddha didn't rise form the dead. I can go into more detail, if you'd like.

Because in John 14:6 Jesus declares that HE is the truth, the way, and the life. That excludes other religions.

Please, don't give up on God so quickly. I can see you are experiencing doubt. I too once had a period like that. I almost gave up being Christian because I had questions that nobody would or could answer. But luckily I did find those answers. You have the opportunity here to grow in your faith. Pray, telling God about your doubt and your questions. Find people who can answer your questions. Myself and the others are here if you need someone to ask. Read the Bible, and learn what it says. Doing these things will help.

confusedinallrespects · Apr 5, 2013

shawntc said:

Hey there! I am going to reply to bits and pieces of your post as I am capable of.

gosh you're sweet

I believe that if a person makes a prophecy and it doesn't come to pass, then that person is not a prophet. I've dealt with false prophets in my life. The Bible advises we not fear the person, for he/she is just a mere human like us.

i don't even know who's false and who's true anymore. they're all in the same stream. if that's the case, can i just shut them all out? or are some of them truly meeting with jesus and accurately stating his thoughts?

Are you sure you're not over-exaggerating the differences? Yes, there are plenty of them. But I think you'll find that there are many core statements that most, if not all, Christians will agree with: that God is the Creator of Heaven and Earth; that God is Triune (Father, Son, Holy Spirit); that Jesus was his Son, God incarnate; Jesus died on the cross for our sins; Jesus rose from the grave three days later; Jesus ascended into heaven, and will one day return to judge the living and the dead; that we are saved by faith.

Those are the core beliefs. Everything else? That's secondary stuff. Age of the Earth, how the world is going to end, whether or not baptism or communion have any power, etc.

yeah i guess. but what about the practical stuff. you know. the stuff about how to live now? and how to have a communication going with God now. and what to believe and what not to believe and was that God or was that me? and if that person says that and they are convinced that that's God, then that's crazy bc they're totally misinterpreting the bible, and what makes them think that verse written to that prophet also applies to them today?? and just. ugh. the stuff that matters. the stuff we encounter on a day to day basis. like how to pray against demons. and what authority we have. and like what are demons allowed to do to believers. and does God really care at ALl about what happens to us down here or is it all random?? maybe we really are just on our own.
and this christian over here with this disease praying and fighting in the name of the Lord and doesn't get healed, but that one who gets prayed for by THAT dude up there by the podium DOES?

what the heck!! and believers who are supposedly all walking with God or whatever but they do the most horrible things. or they watch horrible media. and they support their decisions. it's like no one can see the spirit realm and i am angry that we are so blind. but then those who CAN see in the spirit realm- i judge them as being deceived? or not really hearing from God? i don't even know that they're not hearing from God! i just know i can't prove it! and that that one's word did not come to pass. and i'm being weird and vague and rambling and i don't know that i'm making it any easier on you. lol.

Let me tell you a little bit about myself. I have this unending desire to understand things that matter to me, and Christianity matters to me most of all. me too I can see issues and debates from most of their angles. This caused confusion in me, as well. All this stuff sounds right, but which one really is right? You are not the first to have this confusion. But surely not everything you were taught was a lie? Perhaps it feels like it, I can understand that, but there were doubtlessly nuggets of truth.

you're probably right. a lot of it is probably truth. i just don't know what to hold onto and what to cast off as something offensive and foul. it all confuses me.

It is unfortunate that we do have so many incorrect beliefs, but that's to be expected. We are imperfect beings. Anyone who believes they have the one and only truth is simply wrong. I doubt any one of us have the complete truth. Not after 2,000 years of human tampering. I recently started attending a certain denomination of church because I believe it to be closer to the truth than most others. But I know for a fact that even it is wrong on at least one issue. I won't ever claim it to have all the answers.

It is the real one because unlike Islam or Buddhism, Christianity is very factually supported. Jesus did live (according to many historians outside the Bible). Jesus did die. And he did rise from the dead. Muhammad never performed an actual miracle and Buddha didn't rise form the dead. I can go into more detail, if you'd like.

Because in John 14:6 Jesus declares that HE is the truth, the way, and the life. That excludes other religions.

how bout within the same religion. all supposedly believers in jesus. are their visions accurate? are their prophecies true? am i supposed to apply what they are saying is from the Lord to my life? how can i prove that what they think is from the Lord isn't from the Lord?? can we REALLY travel in the spirit to another person's bedroom? i just don't know what to think about their world. there's a world where they live in where they think they are receiving all this information from God and i don't think i can say with confidence that they're not! but what they think they know is weird. it's just weird.

Please, don't give up on God so quickly. I can see you are experiencing doubt. I too once had a period like that. I almost gave up being Christian because I had questions that nobody would or could answer. But luckily I did find those answers. You have the opportunity here to grow in your faith. Pray, telling God about your doubt and your questions. Find people who can answer your questions. Myself and the others are here if you need someone to ask. Read the Bible, and learn what it says. Doing these things will help.

you're a sweetheart. yeah. i should probably read the bible again. i just don't know what to do with what i read. i don't understand it. and i feel like God is yelling at me throughout the whole thing. i don't know what to apply and what not to apply. i don't know what purpose each text was supposed to serve. and i don't know that it's applicable to me. i don't know that it's an accurate picture of God and i don't know what to do with it. i mean. i just don't understand it.

..........

confusedinallrespects · Apr 5, 2013

..........

homwardbound · Apr 5, 2013

confusedinallrespects said:

Prophet days might be over? you decide:
from what I see the Bible saying, now you read it for you and decide what is truth or not
Matthew 5:17[ The Fulfillment of the Law ] “Do not think that I have come to abolish the Law or the Prophets; I have not come to abolish them but to fulfill them.

John 19:30
When he had received the drink, Jesus said, “It is finished.” With that, he bowed his head and gave up his spirit.

Hebrews 1:1
[ God’s Final Word: His Son ] In the past God spoke to our ancestors through the prophets at many times and in various ways,
Hebrews 1:2but in these last days he has spoken to us by his Son, whom he appointed heir of all things, and through whom also he made the universe.
Hebrews 1:3The Son is the radiance of God’s glory and the exact representation of his being, sustaining all things by his powerful word. After he had provided purification for sins, he sat down at the right hand of the Majesty in heaven.

Hebrews 9:15For this reason Christ is the mediator of a new covenant, that those who are called may receive the promised eternal inheritance—now that he has died as a ransom to set them free from the sins committed under the first covenant.
Hebrews 9:16In the case of a will, it is necessary to prove the death of the one who made it,
Hebrews 9:17
because a will is in force only when somebody has died; it never takes effect while the one who made it is living.

Hope this helps

homwardbound · Apr 5, 2013

confusedinallrespects said:

looks like that is where the confusion is man arguing with man, insted of us individually picking up the word and read it for ourselves without the thoughts of man intervening. Maybe go in private and just read the word with only one purpose in your mind, to know the living God that created the entire universe, and see how loving wonderful God actually is
Homwardbound

shawntc · Apr 5, 2013

I could answer a couple of the individual questions you have, but the general theme seems to be that you're confused about what is true and what isn't. How do you resolve that? Well, besides prayer, reading the Bible, and asking knowledgeable people about the things you're wondering, I'm afraid I can't help terribly much. I can go on my personal experiences, but not much else. These things have generally clicked easily for me. Usually what I've done is gone on Google and typed in some question I've had. I would also read Bible commentaries and other things to get a feel for what the Bible is saying about a particular issue. It's a bit of the nerdier way. That's about all I can offer. :/ I hope you find some guidance in what you're going through.

Just remember, God is God no matter what false doctrines we humans may come up with. Even if we come up with a few wrong beliefs, if we place Jesus as Lord and Savior and live a life for Him, God will accept us.

kenisyes · Apr 6, 2013

Your mother teaches from her heart. It has in it what God told her, and, even though she does not tell you, some things he has not yet told her. You must learn to speak from yours. Start with the parts you are sure of, and keep praying until He answers everything. Hint: even when you are on your deathbed, He will still not have answered everything. When you get this in order, you'll understand the confusion and apparent lies, also.

Don't be surprised if you and your mother are very different people in Christ, with very different things to say about God. You WILL find your own faith and it MUST be independent of your upbringing. God must bring you beyond yesterday, if you are to be part of tomorrow. This is God's plan for each new child raised in the power of the gifts. I promise you, God has already told your mother this will happen.

And forget your mother's prophet friend. Even if it was God speaking, He wasn't talking to you. And I bet, if you can get her to talk about it honestly, she went through all this when she was your age too.

confusedinallrespects · Apr 7, 2013

kenisyes said:

i think it's very odd that you are just assuming my mother's faith is true in all respects. you don't even know her. you don't even know that she was kicked out of our last church and labeled a false teacher.

you don't know me or my situation. you speak as if you know what you're talking about but i don't think you do.

PrettyBelle · Apr 7, 2013

God speaks to each of us differently because we are all different. So naturally we are all going to feel different about everything we see, read, say.....

God has given us His spirit to teach us what we need to know at the time we need to know it. I don't worry about what everyone else sees, reads, or says....I care what God says to me through His word and through prayer. I only trust Him. It took me a while before I really understood how He was communicating. He speaks to us all in different ways. It took a while for me to understand that. And most of the time what He's saying is just for me about my life.

Another thing I discovered is when I didn't understand what the bible was saying it as because I had certain sins that put "blinders" over my eyes to it's true meaning. Once those sins were dealt with then it was like I was reading and understanding more. I always pray that the Holy Spirit leads me to the truth before I read, for better understanding and application.

These are just a few things that have helped me in my walk with God. I hope that helps. I will pray for you sister that God will give you the answers you seek.

PrettyBelle · Apr 7, 2013

Read Psalms 103. That's my favorite chapter because it says so much about who God is. God has many facets and layers.

The Bible is the first line of communication in hearing from God and getting to know Him.
God speaks in His word. He is the word. The word is all truth and sometimes the truth hurts and is hard to digest. That is why scripture says that the word is a sword and cuts through the flesh. I always say that the bible is my mirror. It sometimes hurts looking at myself through it but it shows me where I need to change and grow. All the answers we have to our questions are right there in black and red. And don't be afraid to ask God the hard questions. Only He has the answers you seek and you won't find them anywhere else. He may not give them to you right away, but He will eventually. We are impatient and want the answers right away, but God's time is not our time and His ways are not our ways.

Whenever God has really spoken to me it's always by bringing a line of scripture to my mind. In order to do that I need to know it in my heart and mind for him to be able to recall it. It took a while of daily reading until I would be praying and God would recall scripture that was really Him talking to me the answer to my questions. He will talk to us freely but we have to know His language first.

kenisyes · Apr 7, 2013

confusedinallrespects said:

No, I assume it's right for her. I know many, many people like your mother (I've helped train a few myself), and many of their grown up children. It does not matter if your mother's faith is "true". You mean she was only thrown out of one church? That's not a bad sign; Jesus was thrown out of many synagogues. At least they didn't try to stone her. And it's also okay because most of the 36,000 denominations have thrown each other out. It only matters that you have been raised by someone who can stand on what she feels is true, enough to get thrown out of a church. You have been exposed to a level of Christian commitment few people have seen in their lives. Right or wrong, she is trying to follow Jesus with her whole heart, and that's what I hope you will do. With what you have seen, it can only come from inside you.

If I really got something wrong here, I'd like you to tell me what it is.

confusedinallrespects · Apr 7, 2013

kenisyes said:

what you're wrong on is the point of this thread. the point i made is that i don't know what's true and what isn't, and that i think my mom and a lot of her friends believe some things one could call deceptions. and all you're doing is saying 'your mom is following jesus'

that does not help because it doesn't address the point. i know my mom is following jesus. i know everyone on this site for the most part is trying to follow jesus. that does NOT mean we're agreed on what truth is! we believe a lot of lies!!!
i'd like to be able to know the difference between the two!!!!!!!!!!!

kenisyes · Apr 7, 2013

I'm sure I'd disagree with your mom on a lot of things too. But that's why I gave you the answer I did at first. You have to find your own way. This new response indicates you know the truth - the truth you know is that you cannot trust any living person, not pastor, nor prophet, or parent to tell you what's right. You have to hear it from Jesus for yourself. When I was 26, I had not yet been thrown out of any churches, but I was told by God to work for a pastor who preached it is a sin to read the Bible unless he is there to explain it to you, and that the gifts of the Holy Spirit are evil. By the time I was 31, I had been thrown out of two churches. I spent almost 10 years wondering if I could possibly be so wrong, and they were all right. I prayed, I studied, I prayed some more, I studied some more. In the end, God made it clear. I had a calling they could not understand, recognize, or express. I was doing things in 1974 that words were not invented for until the mid-80's.

That's why I said I knew. There is no other answer. Through what you have seen, you have no choice but to hear directly from God. What I can tell you, is that He is bigger than all this, and he will speak to you, just as He did to me. I'm reluctant to tell you what worked for me, because I think God is doing something new in your generation, and He will do something different with you.

There are one or two things I know are true: God is more real than the table your computer is sitting on. Jesus is Lord, and God has been on top of your problem for 27 years. So, as bad as it feels now, you will look back on this 10 years from now, and realize it's just part of a process. You'll look back in 40 years, and wonder how God could ever have done such magnificent things in the life of an ordinary young woman. And, I bet, the things He will have done, don't even have a name today.

Chr · Apr 8, 2013

confusedinallrespects just stick with the bible for doctrine.There are many false prophets and false teachers out there.A good book to read is charismatic chaos by John MacArthur or watch the sermons on youtube.God loves you,study His word and ignore the other stuff.False teaching is really bad it messes people up and confuses them.Scripture alone is our authority. God bless you and will be praying for you.

sassa · Apr 23, 2013

Hi confusedinallrespects

I understand your feelings. It sure can be disturbing. I have been growing up in pentecostal church and i have seen a lot of things but i also remember what God have made for me and the many times he clearly spoke to me. In Matthew 24:5 it says "For many shall come in my name, saying, I am Christ; and shall deceive many". By the end we all humans and there would always be people (christians or not) who will be deceiving us. Never put a man in a pedestal even if it's a pastor, your mother or anyone else but respect them . Always remember that you have to stay focus on God only he is the Way and if you truly seek him he will show you that you don't have to be confuse. Read the bible and pray for the holy spirit to guide your path and give you discernment.

Sorry for my poor english

GOD BLESS YOU !!!!!!!!!!

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