Lost in addiction..

[KMG]

I'm not sure how this works really, but here it goes. I have an addiction that I've been struggling with for 5-6 years now. I've been a christian since I was a kid, but this addiction seems to contradict that. I mean, what sort of christian am I if I can't turn to God for help? Thing is, I have...I've prayed and prayed...I know the problem is with me and not god of course. God hears me, I know that. Problem is, I don't hear God. Never really have. And even though I pray and I relent and I say I'll turn to God when I'm faced with temptation, well, I don't, I don't find any strength from God. Why? How can I call myself a christian when I'm so ashamed of myself that I can't even speak to God or about God without feeling nervous or even embarrassed. No one really knows about my addiction. I told a couple friends a while back, but that didn't help at all. I'm not sure if I've hit rock bottom yet, but I really don't wanna go down any further to find out...I need help, please.

 

[MLN76]

Right there with you. And all I know is, I don't have my own addictions mastered, but I have to remind myself of the following....

[SUP]Romans 5:8 [/SUP]But God demonstrates His own love toward us, in that while we were still sinners, Christ died for us. [SUP]9 [/SUP]Much more then, having now been justified by His blood, we shall be saved from wrath through Him. [SUP]10 [/SUP]For if when we were enemies we were reconciled to God through the death of His Son, much more, having been reconciled, we shall be saved by His life. [SUP]11 [/SUP]And not only that, but we also rejoice in God through our Lord Jesus Christ, through whom we have now received the reconciliation.


while we were still sinners, Christ died for us.
when we were enemies we were reconciled to God

Paul didn't say, once we were all put together and perfect, Christ died for us. He said, even when we couldn't have cared less about what was going on, even when we did what we wanted and hated the God who created us....even then....Jesus died for us. We were far from perfect when we believed, leading to salvation....and we'll never be perfect this side of eternity. That's the whole reason He died in the first place....we can't.

I'm not justifying sinful behavior, mind you, but I wanted to remind you that His blood can cleanse all sin. Past, present and future. Sometimes, we do stupid stuff. It's called being human. But we have Someone to go to when we do mess up, and the only time to really get worried...is when we stop seeking Him.

Paul also wrote, the mind set on the flesh is death, but the mind set on the Spirit is life and peace. We try so many times to not do _____. But that's just putting all our efforts into thinking about ______.... also known as...setting our minds on the things of the flesh. We're still thinking about whatever we're trying not to think about when we do that. Instead....change the focus. Instead of thinking about "not doing xyz", try doing something else. (Set your mind on things of the Spirit.) Just a tidbit I thought I'd share. If it's not for you, at least you now know you're not alone.

 

[KMG]

You say the only time to get worried is when we stop seeking Him...well, I haven't been seeking God for months. I've been, I guess, avoiding Him. Kinda like the way a child avoids their parents when they know they've disappointed them.
I want to seek God again, though, I'm just not sure how.

What you're saying is very helpful, thank you.

 

[MLN76]

It's hard to "Get right" with our parents when we do something wrong. It's even more difficult to make up to someone we've wronged and then not talked to in a long time. How do we begin? What do we say? What if they're still angry? How can they ever forgive me for what I've done or doing still? All very human reactions to real life problems. But this is where we have to rely on God's Grace. He's Holy and Righteous, but He's also compassionate and understanding. He holds us responsible for our failures, but He also Loves us despite our weaknesses. Humans can't do that. The closest thing that we can know on that level is a parent/child relationship. And even that fails sometimes. But that's not how He works. His love endures forever, and His mercies are new every day. It never runs out. Never ends. Never fades. No created thing can claim that.

So, when we ticked our mom or dad off....what did we do? We sucked it up and went to talk to them...and sometimes, they called us downstairs to talk about it....either way....it was uncomfortable, embarrassing and difficult. Well, God does that too. He speaks to us through His word, His church (believers) and through prayer. We speak to Him in prayer and in our actions.

It's an "anytime" thing. Go outside, take a walk and just talk to Him. Shut a door, sit on the floor and talk to Him...however, wherever, just get the words out....whatever it is you need to talk to Him about. I think you'll agree, if you don't, life isn't going to be very pleasant....He tends to chase down those He loves. === usually in the grocery store, while buying orange juice, when a church member bumps into you and you have to explain why you haven't been to church lately......(today)

I'm not by any means saying this will magically "fix" everything. It probably won't....but you don't travel a million miles by jumping to the end of the road....you put one foot in front of the other....rinse and repeat.

Having this conversation is also making me think about my own avoidance too....so thank YOU too.

 

[T_Laurich]

KMG I can talk to you out of personal experience.

I used to be a good christian boy when i was in my wee little years. But, as I grew up I fell away from God and his grace. I became a druggy and a sinner. I don't know what your addictions are but I hope what I have to say helps. I personally had a spiritual battle with so much pain and of misunderstanding I still feel some of the pain to this day. By no means am I a fit role model and by no means should I be considered for redemption but God is above and beyond good. I sold my soul to the devil I did sexual acts of lust and flesh. To recount my sins just by name would take longer then I have been on this earth. To list them in detail. Well I would like to die in my sleep if you don't mind .

This is the second week were I have accepted God back into my soul and Jesus into my heart. At times I still feel lost and ashamed and unworthy of pity even from a follower of Lucifer. I feel like I don't just deserve hell but far beyond that. Life for me has been good I must say. I am not stuck with the burdens many people on earth are stuck with. I don't fall asleep hoping I will wake up in the morning due to an others will against me. But still my life to me seems to me the worst possible anyone could live.

So i read His word. I read it through thick and thin. And i always read it to a way i understand!. I don't read it like a chore but more so like a friend listens to an other. My pastor gave me this wonderful Bible
I hope it will help you as much as it helped me. It is extremely easy to understand and holds the same message as the kjv (king James version). I joined a church that makes me feel as if part of a family. Remember you always have Gods hand to lean on when you are in trouble. But having a fellow Christians doesn't hurt.

Just remember you will feel like you are getting no were faster then ever before if you do accept to follow the path of the strait and narrow. But, GOD GIVES HIS FULL PROMISE. AND I DO TOO! The path might be narrow and hard. But the reward is sweeter then any thing this world has to offer.

 

[Ugly]

KMG, the problem is you're praying about it, which is good, but you seem to be waiting for God to zap you free of the addiction. But have you ever considered that maybe you need to be more proactive about getting over this? God doesn't do a lot of 'zap you're better', He can, and He has. But it seems God doesn't want to do it that way. We don't learn, or grow through that. God wants us to be active, to struggle. You don't learn patience by never having anything bug you. You learn patience by being in situations where you have to push yourself to be patient. You don't learn to overcome problems by never having problems, you learn to overcome by actually overcoming things. This also helps you to learn it better and it means more to you and makes you stronger to resist.
Addiction requires a plan of action. And there is a standard method to most addictions. You need accountability (another female, older if possible), someone near you that you can trust to tell, and that you can share each time you mess up, or can go to when feeling tempted. Also, you need to avoid situations that may tempt you. A counselor of some kind, especially one with experience in addiction recovery would be great.
You didn't name your addiction. 90% of the addictions we get on this site are porn. If that's the case you need filters on your computer. With a password that you don't know. Your accountability partner, or parents, or someone you know who won't take it off, even if you ask, should have the password. Also, if it is porn check out XXXChuch.com . And of course, seeking as much prayer from others as possible, even if you don't share what it is you need prayer about, just tell people you're going through rough times and to pray for you.

 

[GraceRevelation]

God already knows about your addiction, in fact he was there when you did whatever it is you did. Don't go into condemnation about what you have done. That honestly is a waste of time, don't allow the devil to steal your peace. When you sin that doesn't make you any further away from God then if you hadn't sinned. Jesus paid for all of our sins, over and above. Move on with your life, spend some time in the presence of the Lord. Don't concentrate so much on not sinning (in fact the makes you more prone to sin). Focus on God, look to him and when you do that everything else falls into place.

 

[Siberian_Khatru]

An addiciton is just that; people typically don't curb them overnight. I think you're being proactive in praying and seeking like-minded counsel, just don't stop praying out of emarassment or guilt.

"According to your faith, it will be done to you." (Matthew 9).