memawsboy

[memawsboy]

ok, i have battled depression for most my life, i am out of it now. but following the depression is what i call anxiety. to escape the anxiety i used to drink. i have unfortunately had 6 duis, and numerous run ins with the law. Praise Jesus i am not a felon. let me preface, i have not been arrested since 2005(public drunk), and i have not taken any drugs or alcohol since 9/29/2007. i have never fallen prey to mental medications, save one depokote followed by a 24 pack of budweiser that 2005. i know some depressions are worse than others,and i realize some mania's are wore than others. i am not a psychiatrist, praise the Lord. i am however convinced that if one can, he or she should get off the mental meds as soon as they can. i know there are people with severe mental conditions, i am not speaking to that. i have no experience with those extreme cases, save a few friends parents. my mom passed away 12/29/2017, with dementia related complications. i was pretty much her main physical caregive for 3 years and 2 months. i helped feed her, i washed her off, and i was responsible for her medications. and the ironic thing about that is i gave in to the doctors, the nurses, and family and i succumbed. i was instrumental in putting her in a mental institution, that specialized in anti-psychotics. she was only there 2 weeks, but under the medication and the trips to and fro, she was never quite the same. but if we had not medicated her, she was looking down the barrel at her 5th UTI. and a dementia patient experiencing a UTI, is, let's just say hard to handle. i hate to admit it, but the medication did slow her down, but she was a physical phenomena. i have been in detox, treatment, a state mental hospital and several jails. i get depression and mania. but it too will pass. i steadfastly refused the labels these psychiatrist like to throw around. and i never took their medication, save 1 depokote. and the game of the SSI's, "here we will throw you a label, and can get you some compensation". budweiser was my mental medication. my best friend is getting his PHD from liberty university in Christian aplogetics. he is almost ABD, HEHEHEHE. we have many lively bible discussions, some close to fisticuffs, heheheheehe. anywho, sorry to bother you. oh, my life in the "working" world has been a flop at best. i have a degree. i worked for many years as a functional drunk. now i consider myself an ex-problemed drinker. my depression, i always thought was my choice, now i am not so sure. but i did have many that were my choice? i liked them, loved them as a matter of fact. the coming out of a depression was always(is), the hardest part for me. i hope this is the last one, my mom's illness was instrumental in bringing me out of whatever i was in. i am truly(i know i am digressing) not so sure i was ever depressed. but the anxieties i have experienced are tough. i do get that. but like always, they pass too. i get to feeling better and i quit reading my bible and i quit praying and thanking God, and the next thing i know, i am choosing another depression. i doubt that makes sense. forgive me. if i read my bible, and stay focused on the day at hand i am quite capable. i like to throw that responsibilty to the wind, and be a fool, i know how to do that. that is kinda me. my mother was my best friend. Godspeed= she was 85, and i hope i see her again. my dad is 86, and i live here with him, and we are not too super close. i am hard to be around, i understand!