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- Thread starter Jazzlynn
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Noooo.... We are just fine on our own, two cars, a house, all bills paid. His grandpa died and his mom decided she wanted to give part of the inheritance to her kids. We're both 21 and we've been married for a year.
The things he is used to is stuff like his demanding dad and his mom's attitude and such.
The things he is used to is stuff like his demanding dad and his mom's attitude and such.
oic, thanks!
i can only say this is gonna be something the two of you have to work out between yourselves before any major change will happen with your in-laws. you'll both have to be on the same page, agreeing about how things really are, and what needs to change.
(i know... old people! lol) but you're young. a year isn't a terribly long time. i get the impression you'd like for him to put you first, and in some ways this will be difficult for him. changing lifelong habits is hard, and this habit of 'do what mom and dad want' was his whole life, i expect. for whatever reasons (and there are always the reasons) these are his thought patterns.
also, if you're less demanding and easier to get along with, guess what? the squeaky wheel and so on.
i think you're right to be concerned about it. if you plan to have children, that may further complicate things, so it would be good to have it settled.
do you have a church home? a pastor to whom you can turn?
i can only say this is gonna be something the two of you have to work out between yourselves before any major change will happen with your in-laws. you'll both have to be on the same page, agreeing about how things really are, and what needs to change.
(i know... old people! lol) but you're young. a year isn't a terribly long time. i get the impression you'd like for him to put you first, and in some ways this will be difficult for him. changing lifelong habits is hard, and this habit of 'do what mom and dad want' was his whole life, i expect. for whatever reasons (and there are always the reasons) these are his thought patterns.
also, if you're less demanding and easier to get along with, guess what? the squeaky wheel and so on.
i think you're right to be concerned about it. if you plan to have children, that may further complicate things, so it would be good to have it settled.
do you have a church home? a pastor to whom you can turn?
Hello Jazzlynn, and welcome to CC!
My parents went through this with my Mom's parents. My folks moved half-way around the world. That ended the control.
I'm not recommending that; rather, if your in-laws are Christians (it sounds like they are), tell them directly (having discussed it privately with your husband) how you feel, and how their actions come across. Ask them to consider carefully whether their input has strings attached. If so, ask them what they hope to accomplish, and how that will benefit you as a couple in the long run.
Ultimately, this is a boundary issue, and if you don't deal with it well, it will keep dogging you. If you haven't read it, I strongly recommend "Boundaries" by Cloud and Townsend... with your husband. Pray with him about this also; you won't be able to deal with it effectively if you two aren't united.
May the Lord give you wisdom and grace for this!
My parents went through this with my Mom's parents. My folks moved half-way around the world. That ended the control.
I'm not recommending that; rather, if your in-laws are Christians (it sounds like they are), tell them directly (having discussed it privately with your husband) how you feel, and how their actions come across. Ask them to consider carefully whether their input has strings attached. If so, ask them what they hope to accomplish, and how that will benefit you as a couple in the long run.
Ultimately, this is a boundary issue, and if you don't deal with it well, it will keep dogging you. If you haven't read it, I strongly recommend "Boundaries" by Cloud and Townsend... with your husband. Pray with him about this also; you won't be able to deal with it effectively if you two aren't united.
May the Lord give you wisdom and grace for this!
Hello Jazzlynn, and welcome to CC!
My parents went through this with my Mom's parents. My folks moved half-way around the world. That ended the control.
I'm not recommending that; rather, if your in-laws are Christians (it sounds like they are), tell them directly (having discussed it privately with your husband) how you feel, and how their actions come across. Ask them to consider carefully whether their input has strings attached. If so, ask them what they hope to accomplish, and how that will benefit you as a couple in the long run.
Ultimately, this is a boundary issue, and if you don't deal with it well, it will keep dogging you. If you haven't read it, I strongly recommend "Boundaries" by Cloud and Townsend... with your husband. Pray with him about this also; you won't be able to deal with it effectively if you two aren't united.
May the Lord give you wisdom and grace for this!
My parents went through this with my Mom's parents. My folks moved half-way around the world. That ended the control.
I'm not recommending that; rather, if your in-laws are Christians (it sounds like they are), tell them directly (having discussed it privately with your husband) how you feel, and how their actions come across. Ask them to consider carefully whether their input has strings attached. If so, ask them what they hope to accomplish, and how that will benefit you as a couple in the long run.
Ultimately, this is a boundary issue, and if you don't deal with it well, it will keep dogging you. If you haven't read it, I strongly recommend "Boundaries" by Cloud and Townsend... with your husband. Pray with him about this also; you won't be able to deal with it effectively if you two aren't united.
May the Lord give you wisdom and grace for this!
My mom side of the family is more of werer here if you need us, we will gove our opinion every now and then but that's it and my dad was orphaned at 11 years old so we never had anything like this growing up.