odd story

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Scotttt1970

Guest
#1
Hi I recently found out after 16 years of marriage that my Christian wife doesn't love me anymore. At first I felt ugly, and unloved, then hit me like a ton of bricks I went into deep depression, to the point I was sitting in a park with a 9 mm pistol, the plan was I was going to call her so she could hear it happen. She talked to me for a little bit giving me some hope, when I got feeling the cops were somewhere near. After talking to her I chickened out hiding the pistol until the police left. I went home and the next day I slipped right back down into depression again. I didn't want to get up , or do anything. When I just started crying out to Jesus to help me, I had never even really believed in the bible at all. The whole 16 years my wife would tell me but I laughed at her, amongst other things like being verbally abusive and she stuck by me. Here's the ironic part being abusive towards her all those years hardened her heart towards me in which she said those dreadful words I don't love you anymore. Those words were the best and the worst words I have ever heard. Jesus saved me that day showed me things I had never seen before, changed almost my whole train of thinking about marriage, family, and death. The bad part is that all through transformation I was forced to fight to keep my family together. I started studying the bible about divorce, and marriage, and had come to the conclusion that a divorce isn't what God would want. So I went into save my family mode, all contact with my wife stopped no intimacy, no holding hands, and anytime I would talk to her about up until this very moment would become heated saying things very hurtful to each other. The whole time this was going on God was showing me things like how intimacy is supposed to be, as well as how sacred being married really was. He also showed me how unconditional the love was my kids had for me. So the fire for my family grew but I could never talk my wife into working on the marriage no matter how much she seen me changing it didn't matter. Everyday the divorce word came up, to the point she had the papers on the computer in front of me asking if I wanted to be served or would I willingly sighn them. This was like a dagger because not only did God teach me alot of things but my feelings for my wife started to become stronger. I mean everything about making this family work become a passion. I started getting avfeeling she was cheating on me so I started doing things I know God wasn't going to be proud of. Hacking the computers, phones, tablets you name it. I couldn't find any proof, so I stopped repent and started trying to show, how much I cared. Still nothing didn't want to work on it, don't want it anymore. I started slipping again but God would give me relief sometimes right when I felt their wa no hope, he would pick me up. Well Friday morning I get up turn on my tablet to play some poker, it opened to my gmail account, looking at the page I seen a sync button not sure what it would do I hit it, and low and behold a Google account popped up with my wife's name on it. I just couldn't stop myself. Started going thru the history. I found Google searches that said married in love with another man, after that I seen std searches, and I remembered she had to go to the doctor because of a sore, then I seen I'm sorry ecards, in which I wasn't getting, and then how to delete photos and text off of Skype. I sit there for a second totally broken. I debated should I leave it alone or confront her. If I confront her it will end up heated and then kids would hear it all that stuff. I decided it would eat me up if I didn't, so I confronted her while she was still sleeping, She immediately got up and deactivated the account. My alarm went off so I started grilling her, and she denied it saying someone came to her and shebgoigled it for them. I didn't beleive it for a second. So I told her when the guilt gets really bad come tell me I'll be in the garage. I started fearing for the health of my children, so I made insurance account to see if I could find out about the mefice for the sore, couldn't find anything. I made a pharmacy account and found three prescriptions in which all three could have been for STDs, but could have been for yeast infection, or a UTI. Thing went out of control from there I grabbed her work tablet ran back to the garage she followed me grabbing for itbwhen she did I let go my elbow hit her elbow, and you guessed it I was standing outside when I looked up and 7 coo cars ward coming at me. I started praying I new I was going to jail. The cops went inside talked to her, and then came back outside,none cop nsaidvscott what's going on its infidelity right, I said yes sir,the said your fighting for your family right? I said yes he said your a good man. And they left shortly after that. I'm telling you guys I felt like a first class dummy. The next day she showed me proof of everthing I was dead wrong on all the accounts man results for the sores emails about the Google searches I was dead wrong. Today she called me from work and asked me about the insurance accounts in which I fessed up. So as I write this she is most likely at her lawyers office filing for divorce to rip my family apart and I'm absolutely broken, and still very much in love with her. I asked last night if like we can work together to fix this marriage with Good and she said she would think about it. I feel I never really had a chance to show her how God was changing me because I was constantly trying to stop the divorce from happening because I know hoiw it affects the kids. I know I did something's that God wouldn't be proud of, but my back was against the wall, and I am watching my family fall apart right in front of me. I helpless and I keep praying and trying to have faith God will come through but I'm still freaking out here. Please say a prayer for my family it isvtruly on the verge of being destroyed. Thanks
 
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Rosesrock

Guest
#2
All I can say is I'm so very sorry. I will pray for you and you're family.
 
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Scotttt1970

Guest
#3
Thanks for the prayer. The kids are what bothers me the most, being from a broken home I know all the stats, and a lot of people are under the impression divorce is good in some situations, but if people followed Gods word it wouldn't have to be that way. I understand if someones life is in danger then maybe. But divorce is rarely good, and in my option demonic. Its fueled by darkness. Thanks for the prayer
 
Nov 11, 2015
99
0
0
#4
I pray for you and your family. You are trying to keep it together. Talk to her about what she thinks you need to change. Like you said show her how God has changed you. God bless
 
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Scotttt1970

Guest
#5
Thanks I appreciate the prayers. Strangely enough I guess your guys prayers are working, on me at least I have had a really nice since of peace tonight. I haven't been able to sleep lately but I got some rest tonight. Thanks
 

blue_ladybug

Senior Member
Feb 21, 2014
70,862
9,581
113
#6
This is a VERY long wall of text. For that reason I didn't even attempt to try and read it. Could you please use paragraphs next time? :) I will pray for you.
 
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GraceRevelation

Guest
#7
Pray to God to give you the wisdom in how to deal with this situation. You need wisdom and direction. You need to show your wife your serious and committed to her and your family. Pray that God touches your wife's heart and that she gives you another chance. More than anything though thank God that this situation has opened your eyes to him God can use what the devil means for evil and turn it into good. Just like with your wife even if in the natural she is set on leaving you God can open a door where there isn't one and place a desire in her heart that will soften her heart towards you.
 
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Scotttt1970

Guest
#8
Thanks for the encouraging words, I'm still here fighting this thing but God seems to making way. The fighting has turned into discussion, and we seem to forget everything when we talk scripture. Yeah I sneak some in there about our situation, and the last few days I've seen some strings in her heart being pulled. I haven't heard the divorce word since the day I originally posted. The bad part is a lot of the really cruel things I did to her I didn't know then but she simply didn't remember them. Now that her heart is waking up she is starting to remember, and asking me about them. The fact that I'm different now makes it that much worse seeing how bad I hurt her.

I feel her remembering these things is bringing her around faster, and I'm good with that. The main goal is to keep this family family together, so I'm willing to take my lumps. But being saved has made so much better. For the first time in 25 years I went back to school, and I think that helped me with my wife as well. The thing about a hard hearths the one that caused it will not sound sencere her mind just shuts down. She thought I was faking being saved for a while their simply because I've been such a liar through our relationship. Now shes starting to see Im being real, and starting to become attracted to me again. I know sometime in the near future I'll be able to hold her hand again, and that good enough for me.Thanks for everything I'll try to keep you guys updated. For anybody going through this patience and God, and whole lot of hurt is the medicine. Peace
 
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Scotttt1970

Guest
#9
Thanks for the encouraging words, I'm still here fighting this thing but God seems to making way. The fighting has turned into discussion, and we seem to forget everything when we talk scripture. Yeah I sneak some in there about our situation, and the last few days I've seen some strings in her heart being pulled. I haven't heard the divorce word since the day I originally posted. The bad part is a lot of the really cruel things I did to her I didn't know then but she simply didn't remember them. Now that her heart is waking up she is starting to remember, and asking me about them. The fact that I'm different now makes it that much worse seeing how bad I hurt her.

I feel her remembering these things is bringing her around faster, and I'm good with that. The main goal is to keep this family together, so I'm willing to take my lumps. But being saved has made so much better. For the first time in 25 years I went back to school, and I think that helped me with my wife as well. The thing about a hard hearths the one that caused it will not sound sencere her mind just shuts down. She thought I was faking being saved for a while their simply because I've been such a liar through our relationship. Now shes starting to see Im being real, and starting to become attracted to me again. I know sometime in the near future I'll be able to hold her hand again, and that good enough for me.Thanks for everything I'll try to keep you guys updated. For anybody going through this patience and God, and whole lot of hurt is the medicine. Peace
 
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Scotttt1970

Guest
#10
Thanks for the encouraging words, I'm still here fighting this thing but God seems to making way. The fighting has turned into discussion, and we seem to forget everything when we talk scripture. Yeah I sneak some in there about our situation, and the last few days I've seen some strings in her heart being pulled. I haven't heard the divorce word since the day I originally posted. The bad part is a lot of the really cruel things I did to her I didn't know then but she simply didn't remember them. Now that her heart is waking up she is starting to remember, and asking me about them. The fact that I'm different now makes it that much worse seeing how bad I hurt her.

I feel her remembering these things is bringing her around faster, and I'm good with that. The main goal is to keep this family together, so I'm willing to take my lumps. But being saved has made things so much better. For the first time in 25 years I went back to school, and I think that helped me with my wife as well. The thing about a hard hearths the one that caused it will not sound sencere in her mind and she just shuts down. She thought I was faking being saved for a while their simply because I've been such a liar throughout our relationship. Now shes starting to see Im being real, and starting to become attracted to me again. I know sometime in the near future I'll be able to hold her hand again, and that is good enough for me.Thanks for everything I'll try to keep you guys updated. For anybody going through this patience, God, and whole lot of hurt is the medicine. Peace
 

blue_ladybug

Senior Member
Feb 21, 2014
70,862
9,581
113
#11
Thanks for the encouraging words, I'm still here fighting this thing but God seems to making way. The fighting has turned into discussion, and we seem to forget everything when we talk scripture. Yeah I sneak some in there about our situation, and the last few days I've seen some strings in her heart being pulled. I haven't heard the divorce word since the day I originally posted. The bad part is a lot of the really cruel things I did to her I didn't know then but she simply didn't remember them. Now that her heart is waking up she is starting to remember, and asking me about them. The fact that I'm different now makes it that much worse seeing how bad I hurt her.

I feel her remembering these things is bringing her around faster, and I'm good with that. The main goal is to keep this family together, so I'm willing to take my lumps. But being saved has made things so much better. For the first time in 25 years I went back to school, and I think that helped me with my wife as well. The thing about a hard hearths the one that caused it will not sound sencere in her mind and she just shuts down. She thought I was faking being saved for a while their simply because I've been such a liar throughout our relationship. Now shes starting to see Im being real, and starting to become attracted to me again. I know sometime in the near future I'll be able to hold her hand again, and that is good enough for me.Thanks for everything I'll try to keep you guys updated. For anybody going through this patience, God, and whole lot of hurt is the medicine. Peace

WHY did you repost this reply 3 times? :confused: