Hubby and I got to talking last night. He said his biggest worry is God can't love him. And he said that moment in time when he figure out exactly how much God does love him came sometime when he was coming out from all that happened around his heart attack... and beyond. He had a crystal clear moment when he knew God truly loves him and is keeping him. He was then just worried that even that was just in response to surviving it.
But I reminded him of another moment when he had that same crystal clear moment. He was working on a heating system 20 feet above a candle factor on a ladder, and fell. It takes a really long time to fall in our minds -- not so long in seconds, but our brains have plenty of time to process an abundance of things, and that was another time God told him that he was doing this to him so he'd get some understanding that God loves him. On the floor below him were wooden crates full of candles. He popped out his right shoulder and knee, and also separated his ribs.
He had to take six weeks to recover, but he spent four weeks, (along with making the mistake of telling his then-wife how to clean properly lol), reading the Bible, when he did have that time, that's just about what he learned in the Bible. (The following two weeks he worked as the dispatcher, because his then-wife really didn't want him supervising constantly, so called his boss. A side-note on the fallacy of telling your spouse how to clean. lol)
So I told him God's main lesson for him throughout his life was that God loved him. And that God's main lesson to me is trust him/God. He said something I hadn't considered before. He said love and trust are the same thing.
So, yup. Got to agree with you. And I feel a bit better, because truthfully that wrathful side of God just scares me. I'm not sure I've risen to the heights of loving God for his wrathful side yet. I've grown to accept it, but don't seem quite up to wanting a big hug from him because of it yet.