To LDR or not to LDR...that is the question.

[CatHerder]

I'm wondering what peoples opinions are regarding long distance relationships?

If already in a relationship, would you continue one with a special someone if you or he/she moved away for a job, school, missionary work or other reason? Would the reason matter?

Would you begin a relationship with someone who was already living a great distance from you?

Does it matter how far he/she is?

Would it matter if he or she were in a different country?

Would seeing each other periodically be an important criterion for maintaining the relationship? If so, how often would you need to see the other person?

How important would phone calls/skype be? What if these things were not always available?

Would trust be an issue?

How important would the amount of time physically separated be? And if you knew when the separation ended (such as after a graduation), would this matter vs. having a less defined time period? Would you be in a LDR for months...years? What is your limit?

Obviously, there are disadvantages to a long distance relationship. Do you think there may be advantages?

 

[JesusChica1991]

I've both short and long distance and honestly, it really just depends on the dedication of both people involved.

 

[CatHerder]

I've both short and long distance and honestly, it really just depends on the dedication of both people involved.

thanks for your input. It's only fair that I answer these questions myself, too. I'll do so after cleaning the house a bit and teaching a piano lesson. I have to think about this more.

 

[Relena7]

Works for me. I'm in one now. Though he'll be visiting me again in 2 and a half weeks....

 

[iTOREtheSKY]

I just explained all this & what I went through in another thread like the other day..I can't remember where though....I am waaaay to lazy to type my story right now. I'm sorry. LOL If I find the thread I'll link ya'

 

[Loveneverfails]

I think prayer is important in any of these options. I would ordinarily hesitate to begin a new relationship with someone in a different country, but that's what my parents did and it worked for them, so if I prayed about it and felt The Lord leading me in that direction, I might do it.

I am currently in a relationship so I will answer your questions from that perspective. My bf and I both are the type of people who pray about pretty much everything, so if God called one of us to leave the other for another region or even country, I would be a little nervous but I think I'd go along with it. The reason wouldn't really matter.
Communication would matter a lot to me but I'd like to think that I would be as flexible as possible. If we could only Skype every once in a while due to a poor Internet connection or something, I would make it work and make the most out of every single call. Like a special date night.
Like I said, my parents were in an LDR before the Internet existed so I might do things the old school way and just write him letters very frequently (even daily, like my parents did!) I personally find that very romantic.

for me personally, trust would not be an issue. I would miss him, not doubt him.

Obviously longer amounts of time would be more difficult for me to handle emotionally than shorter times.. but like I said, if we felt The Lord leading us and we both were dedicated, I believe I would stick it out. I would prefer a defined amount of time rather than indefinite.

As far as potential advantages, I offer up the cliche phrase "distance makes the heart grow fonder". I know this doesn't always happen, but it could. I go to church with a guy who is engaged to a young lady doing missionary work in a 3rd world country. The longer she's away, the more he falls in love with her, and the few times she comes back home they truly treasure every moment they have with one another. You should see the way they look at each other. Totally beats any romantic gaze I see in the most famous chick flicks!

Sorry for the long post, but your questions are good and thought provoking. Thanks.

 

[maxwel]

If you're a guy, a Long Distance Relationship is the ONLY way to go.

1. The amount of money you save on restaurant meals she doesn't even eat is PHENOMENAL!

2. You never have to meet her mother!

3. If she breaks up with you, every girl at church doesn't hate you the next day!

4. If she's upset because you didn't return a call, you just say,
"I guess the phones are messed up... yeah... lot of sunspots today in my hemisphere."


It is the PERFECT relationship.
: )

 

[DuchessAimee]

I don't have a problem with a LDR, but it depends on a lot of factors. How far away y'all are, the time you can spend online or the phone or Skype, how often you can spend in each other's presence, etc. I would move to be with someone or I'd welcome him moving close to me.

I met someone online and moved to be closer to him. We dated for 18 months. I don't regret any of it. However, having a relationship that starts online isn't for everyone.

 

[MissCris]

My first marriage started out long-distance (for the "dating" process). We talked on the phone every day, and e-mailed/IM'd several times a week. We met in person after a few months....for a day. More long distance, then a few months later I went with him to his family's home and spent 4 days there. More long distance, then a month later I moved to where he was. Got hitched. He got sent over-seas. So, MORE long distance...

Ooh! And THEN he came back to the states and didn't even TELL me he was home until over a week later, and only cuz I caught him on Yahoo and was like, "Hey, how's the sand?" And he was all, "Oh...right, so, I'm at my mom's house right now." (which was a 4 hour drive from where I was) and I went, "............" and he said, "We're driving down there together tomorrow to give you divorce papers" and I went "........"

And then they did, and my mom was like, "Hey, you can still fix this" so I tried, but HIS mom was like, "No, you're a BLEEP and you stay away from my son" and so FINALLY people shut up and left us alone for PRECISELY 20 minutes in the public library so that I couldn't accuse him of hitting me or anything, and he said (paraphrasing here) "Ok, so, you've signed the papers because my mom basically threatened you, but hey, I'll go home with her for now but I PROMISE NOT TO FILE these and I'll be back in a week and we'll work this out".

So then I didn't hear from him for like, ever. And finally I called him and he said, "What? OH, right, I filed those papers. It should be final around Christmas."

...and that's the story of why I don't like long distance relationships. However, I'm married now and not long-distance-married, so...

...the end?

 

[agirlandherguitar]

I can't really say for myself. I've seen friends endure long distance relationships for years and then end up getting engaged. Other's have done it and it went south quickly.

Since I've never been in a relationship I can't really picture myself being really functional in a long distance one. However, I could be awesome in a long distance relationship too! You never really know unless you're in that situation.

 

[Shouryu]

Obviously, there are disadvantages to a long distance relationship. Do you think there may be advantages?

​..........
No.

 

[CatHerder]

OK - answering my own questions (they are tougher to ask than answer)...

If already in a relationship, would you continue one with a special someone if you or he/she moved away for a job, school, missionary work or other reason? Would the reason matter?

I agree with loveneverfails in that prayer and following God's direction should be the focus. The problem with this is that often our human emotions get in the way to the point where we mix up what God's answer is and what we want God's answer to be.

Would you begin a relationship with someone who was already living a great distance from you?

Ooh....this is tough. It would be awkward in the same way that it is awkward to mover from the "friend zone" to something else. And if you take, CC for example....I've shared things that I would not share in "real life" until much later in a relationship.

Does it matter how far he/she is?

not if she were still in the states

Would it matter if he or she were in a different country?

well, it seems like yet another barrier. I don't know.

Would seeing each other periodically be an important criterion for maintaining the relationship? If so, how often would you need to see the other person?

Distance, money, and time to travel are factors here. I think both parties should make this a priority.

How important would phone calls/skype be? What if these things were not always available?

I think I'm a hopeless romantic and get all mushy when hearing about those stories of love letters and such from the WWII era.

Would trust be an issue?

No. But I haven't been "burned" that way.

How important would the amount of time physically separated be? And if you knew when the separation ended (such as after a graduation), would this matter vs. having a less defined time period? Would you be in a LDR for months...years? What is your limit?

I think that if God were in the relationship and we both were following His lead, then an extended time would be doable.

Obviously, there are disadvantages to a long distance relationship. Do you think there may be advantages?

hmmm...