Want to break up with boyfriend... How to get through the lonely period.

[proverbs31woman29]

I have been dating my boyfriend for about a year and a half. In the beginning, things were wonderful. He would call me out of the blue just to see how my day was going and we would send each other cute little notes in our emails. I have met some of his family and they have even jokingly referred to me as "Mrs. ____".

However, in the last two months, his behavior toward me changed very abruptly. He has become very distant. He rarely initiates a conversation with me, and when we do speak, he doesn't say what he means. In fact, during one conversation, I could have sworn he hinted that he didn't want to continue the relationship, but when asked what he meant, he didn't say anything. Also, about two weeks ago, I found out that he subscribed to some sex "advice" site (this site has sexually explicit pictures all over the place and is mainly a forum many people use to hook up with each other). He claimed that he just likes to read the comments on the page, but I didn't believe him for a second and I told him so. I felt and still feel very betrayed because I believe that he is trying to find someone else using this site. Today I let him know that I was feeling neglected, unloved and that I don't want to see him at all if he continues acting this way. Frankly, I don't want to be with him at all anymore.

This thought makes me feel very sad and lonely, because he is the first man that I truly loved. But I cannot continue dealing with this anymore. Does anyone have any advice or scripture that will help me through this difficult time?

 

[arwen83]

Surround yourself with people that can support you during the period, be good to yourself, it can be a time to self-care. Don't skip out on having fun. And you are most welcome to post/vent on here as well.

 

[sze]

thats sad but sadly I've never been into a relationship before so I might not be best at this topic but I am just gonna give it a shot. First, maybe u could talk to someone who has experience in this maybe ur friends or even ur family members, siblings or even ur parents. But at the end of the day, it comes all back to you, it really depends if you wanna be with him or not, go with what ur feelings. If its meant to be that you should break up with him, then just go ahead , maybe god is planning something better for you. God Bless U and Good Luck

 

[taasha]

ithink you did the best thing dont see him anymore,keep yourself busy
maybe he is up to something,searching for a new girlfriend.dont trust
him.

 

[Ugly]

Well, break ups are hard. Period. Often times the best medicine is time. And to keep your life running. Don't spend all your time sitting around dwelling on it.
But, at the same time, don't ignore how you feel. Allow yourself moments to grieve, and think about things. Just don't allow yourself to wallow in these feelings.
And give it time. Some things may make it easier, or maybe even a little quicker, but ultimately time does the most. I know this from experience.

 

[Loveneverfails]

I'm sorry to hear that. I know this is not a fun time. I wholeheartedly agree with arwens advice. Also, I would add that in my experience, loneliness is sometimes a bittersweet reminder of just how comforting the arms of my savior are. I pray you find the same comfort, peace and healing in His presence, too.
Psalm 147:3 - "He heals the broken hearted and binds up their wounds."

Praying for you.

 

[AzureAfire]

Dear sister...i feel for you.

I've only been recently freed from the heartache of losing someone. I dearly loved him, and i know he felt the same for me. But i know something was wrong with what we had...more so when he converted to Islam. Our relationship wasn't perfect, but it lasted for 4 years. I have been praying for it to end...my desperation and hunger for love and affection really sapped me of all courage and will to walk away from it myself. And i was quite spiritually dead at the time. But God answered my prayers. He just disappeared one day, left me in the air. I felt a sense of peace regarding this. But i never anticipated the intense pain that would follow...for 8 months, i've been crying and mourning for his loss. There were too many memories that were visiting and were quite hard to avoid...the nights were hardest 'coz he was a great source of warmth for me. I was very depressed, and really let myself go...living a life that felt empty, and with only a dark and shadowy future ahead.

It was this period of my severe brokenness and despair that actually led me to my spiritual revival. I was all wrapped up in myself, but God has shown me that there are more important things up ahead; things i have to prepare for before His return. So many things i have put aside 'coz i wanted to do the things i wanted, as i walked away from my true calling, which was to live for our Lord, and to serve Him and our brethren. To shine His light in this world's darkness. At an instant, all my cares were blown away by this revelation. Time is of the essence. Time for God's work. My present concerns were miniscule...a mere speck compared to the greatness of His plans. I was jarred from my sleep and present nightmare into the reality of His light and His will. And suddenly, i was filled with His hope and His fire. The immense and joy and peace that followed was unspeakable. For years, i've never felt so alive, even when compared to my most romantic or physical highs. It was like the night i first received my Lord as my God and Saviour. The very best moment of my life, and i have re-lived it

God is the only way to freedom, dear sister. Even in this present struggle. You must pray and earnestly seek Him (Matthew 6:33). I've never done that before the right way until He revived me again. I was always praying so selfishly, it seemed; always after the things that He will add up to me...the things He'll hand over if i asked. Whether it's material things, like being able to pay for the bills, or getting the job i've always wanted, to getting the time i need to be with the one that i love, or being freed from my present predicament. They aren't really bad to pray for...but i was missing out on the real thing. I never knew that seeking Him and His kingdom is the very reward itself. He IS the reward that we long for. He is EVERYTHING, our ALL IN ALL! And you will be amazed at how He will add up to you everything else, without you realizing it that He has. Just let go of all your cares and thoughts, and truly come to Him and ask Him to reveal Himself to you, and everything that you need to know, right here and now.

I recall one of my fave songs by Dennis Jernigan: "You are My All in All"

"You are my strength when I am weak, You are the treasure that I seek, You are my all in all. I’m seeking You like a precious jewel, Lord, to give up I’d be a fool. You are my all in all… Taking my cross, my sin, my shame, raising again I praise Your name; You are my all in all. When I fall down You pick me up, when I run dry you fill my cup; You are my all in all…"

It is no joke, i know. Time is needed to heal us, specially the residual trauma that it leaves in our hearts and minds. But GOD is the ultimate HEALER. Right here and right now, HE can heal you this instant, as HE did to me just weeks ago Seek HIM and know that HE is GOD, and be healed, dear sister, in the mighty and all-powerful name of our Lord Jesus Christ!!!

[h=3]Isaiah 58:8[/h]King James Version (KJV)

[SUP]8 [/SUP]Then shall thy light break forth as the morning, and thine health shall spring forth speedily: and thy righteousness shall go before thee; the glory of the Lord shall be thy reward.


I leave you one of my favorite songs by Steve Camp. HE IS ALL YOU NEED God bless you and heal your precious broken heart. He loves you so dearly. Claim His love in all fullness and grace. I love you, my dear sister in Christ!!

[video=youtube_share;L-KnzSwuJoU]http://youtu.be/L-KnzSwuJoU[/video]

 

[SeatBelt]

With his pornography problem coming to the surface, it sounds like you're dodging a bullet. Yes, he needs someone to comfort the hurt in his soul and free him from that. You are not the one for that; that will need to be Jesus.
Move on knowing that God brings to light that which needs to be seen, when it needs to be seen.

 

[seekingg]

You are dealing with trust issues already.. He may be pondering the same thought about how to end it. Understand that you can not expect things to be honky dory if you are living in sin. And if you are staying with him just to avoid the lonely period then that's not advisable. You are only wasting the rest of your life. So get with it if your gonna do it.

 

[ChristReconcilesAll]

"He who is not loving knew not God, for God is love." (1 John 4:8) "And we know and believe the love which God has in us. God is love, and he who is remaining in love is remaining in God, and God is remaining in him." (1 John 4:16) You can't make someone "love" you. There is a difference between love and desire. Much of what passes for love in the world is actually desire. God is not only the source of love, but God is love. If your boyfriend is no longer treating you right, and you want to break up, get into the word of God. "For whatever was written before, was written for this teaching of ours, that through the endurance and the consolation of the scriptures we may have expectation." (Romans 15:4) Scripture provides consolation and expectation that God will provide the love you need. Only spiritual love will truly bless you. It is natural to desire fleshly pleasure, but that is not love. "Love is patient, is kind. Love is not jealous. Love is not bragging, is not puffed up, is not indecent, is not self-seeking, is not incensed, is not taking account of evil, is not rejoicing in injustice, yet is rejoicing together with the truth, is forgoing all, is believing all, is expecting all, is enduring all. Love is never lapsing" (1 Corinthians 13:4-8) You may think you will feel lonely, but you won't really be alone. If you're a believer, you will be filled with the spirit of love with or without a partner. If you know somebody doesn't love you, you're better off without him. Everything comes from God and is operating by God's will for God. If it is God's will for you to have a man, God will provide. You are a young woman. Don't be worried about being alone. This could be an opportunity to learn what true love is. "By this all shall be knowing that you are My disciples, if you should be having love for one another." (John 13:35) "Yet now are remaining faith, expectation, love -- these three. Yet the greatest of these is love." (1 Corinthians 13:13) "Let all your actions occur in love!" (1 Corinthians 16:14) "For the entire law is fulfilled in one word, in this: 'You shall love your associate as yourself.'" (Galatians 5:14) "Now the fruit of the spirit is love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, meekness, self-control" (Galatians 5:22,23) Sister, you are loved. God bless you.

 

[Porthos]

I have been dating my boyfriend for about a year and a half. In the beginning, things were wonderful. He would call me out of the blue just to see how my day was going and we would send each other cute little notes in our emails. I have met some of his family and they have even jokingly referred to me as "Mrs. ____".

However, in the last two months, his behavior toward me changed very abruptly. He has become very distant. He rarely initiates a conversation with me, and when we do speak, he doesn't say what he means. In fact, during one conversation, I could have sworn he hinted that he didn't want to continue the relationship, but when asked what he meant, he didn't say anything. Also, about two weeks ago, I found out that he subscribed to some sex "advice" site (this site has sexually explicit pictures all over the place and is mainly a forum many people use to hook up with each other). He claimed that he just likes to read the comments on the page, but I didn't believe him for a second and I told him so. I felt and still feel very betrayed because I believe that he is trying to find someone else using this site. Today I let him know that I was feeling neglected, unloved and that I don't want to see him at all if he continues acting this way. Frankly, I don't want to be with him at all anymore.

This thought makes me feel very sad and lonely, because he is the first man that I truly loved. But I cannot continue dealing with this anymore. Does anyone have any advice or scripture that will help me through this difficult time?

Love is a losing game.

That's a lyric from one of my favourite songs, and it hits me every time I think about being in love with someone.

I've been like you. I always end up feeling betrayed an hurt in relationships and I never quite understand why people feel the need to do it to me.

What I would say to you is that you deserve better than this. You obviously don't want to end the relationship, and I can tell you have very strong feelings for this man; so it's an extremely difficult dilemma for you.

As much as it hurts to think about time apart, I seriously consider spending some alone time on decent terms, without your partner. Get your perspective on life back. Perhaps you've changed somehow from what you were when you both met; so much so that your partner has felt it?

Think back. Look at how you two act and how you have acted toward him. Could there be anything that comes to mind?

It hurts to be taken advantage of and perhaps you two need to sit down and have an open, calm and frank discussion about how the both of you feel about each other. Communication can solve so many problems when it's done right.

Just lay it out to him; explain how you feel and why. Try not to prod fingers, but instead be calm and instead of using blame, use the expression 'I feel as though', and explain why. Let him know how you feel about him and what you need from him.

and when you have finished talking, perhaps you two could take some time to think.

It also might be an idea to go and do something light-hearted and fun together at some point; that always helps put things in perspective.

 

[Porthos]

Afterthought; Also consider that he may be having his own issues with something. Try to be gentle because of that.

 

[Jullianna]

Do things you enjoy doing with people you love. DON'T start dating anyone too soon out of loneliness. That will only compound your heartache.

God be with you.

 

[Shouryu]

Do things you enjoy doing with people you love. DON'T start dating anyone too soon out of loneliness. That will only compound your heartache.

God be with you.

THIS.

I tell you, after my breakup, I really learned just how much I loved my family, and how much they loved me. And the same with my close friends. God really surrounded me with loving, giving people in my life, and I can never praise Him enough for it...and I would never have really realized just how loved I was by my family and friends when I knew the Ex didn't love me. Some of my friendships are stronger and closer now, because of how much they spent time with me.

When you're at worst, the people who truly love you will suddenly be at their best for you, and God does this for a reason! He's put them there for you - so reach out to them and take their hands.