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First off, Hello! I come here for an avenue of fellowship and possibly to help serve others in an atmosphere I am familiar with.
Why today? Because I am now middle aged, single without good reason, family-less because I didn't follow God, wary of disease and death because I soon approach the age my dad left this world - and I believe his walk with God was as incomplete as mine is now. I've spent the majority of my life angry, I am the definition of road rage, I expect that it is up to me to reach every goal and bit of happiness, and until recently, have not noticed - let alone appreciated, any blessings I have had in the past 30 years. My expectations for myself are extremely high. Simple joys or peace do not exist in my life, unless they are the fruit of long and hard work or great accomplishment.
I'm a tech guy, and while I work a day job that happens to be more lucrative than the tech field I once was in, I still spend most every waking moment that I am not at work writing code and designing some scheme to have my own "gig" that burns through tremendous amount of time. The problem with this, is I have done this for many, many years; all along, ignoring people, and moving from building one skill to another. 16 hours a day or more between day job and secondary work for decades.
Based on my father's lifespan and the lesson that we are here to serve each other first and foremost, I spend more and more time thinking about where my story will end, and I wonder how I will grade in the 'ole book of life, since I've been squarely focused on worldly achievements in a solo fashion my entire adult life, and with a low success to effort ratio to boot. Along with all of that, my greatest dreams of reward for all my hard work and the "means" I once expected to attain are tucked very tightly in fleshy desires. Oh, and I'm also a perfectionist. I beat myself up ruthlessly for mistakes I make.
On another note, a good portion of my time has also been spent on spiritual affairs. I started out Catholic in the grade-school, and had shunned it all completely by high school graduation. I spent a little time learning about wicca and druidism because I preferred an earthy spirituality at one point. Being a fan of the "Ancient Aliens", I wandered into fallen angel territory, the emerald tablets, thoth, and things of that nature. And who can get through all that without a bit of universe projection and the new age ideas? Considering the consumption of that information, I find the ideas of the Christian bible the best, mainly for it's cause and effect way of instruction, and it's quite obvious that this world and everything in it did not assemble randomly or evolve from nothing. In fact evolution my be the strongest salesman for the bible I have encountered.
With all that out of the way, I'm here thinking it will help me learn to be a servant. I also feel that a few people have been purposely dropped into my life that I must care for (it's just a feeling), and want to make sure I do not disappoint. Heaven in a way sounds horrible - the whole idea of worshiping all day is not appealing and sounds exhausting, but then again, I don't know what worship really is in the context of eternal life . I am choosing to follow Jesus regardless, and it seems we where built for eternity.
So, just a little background on why I chose to signup here Christian Chat.
Why today? Because I am now middle aged, single without good reason, family-less because I didn't follow God, wary of disease and death because I soon approach the age my dad left this world - and I believe his walk with God was as incomplete as mine is now. I've spent the majority of my life angry, I am the definition of road rage, I expect that it is up to me to reach every goal and bit of happiness, and until recently, have not noticed - let alone appreciated, any blessings I have had in the past 30 years. My expectations for myself are extremely high. Simple joys or peace do not exist in my life, unless they are the fruit of long and hard work or great accomplishment.
I'm a tech guy, and while I work a day job that happens to be more lucrative than the tech field I once was in, I still spend most every waking moment that I am not at work writing code and designing some scheme to have my own "gig" that burns through tremendous amount of time. The problem with this, is I have done this for many, many years; all along, ignoring people, and moving from building one skill to another. 16 hours a day or more between day job and secondary work for decades.
Based on my father's lifespan and the lesson that we are here to serve each other first and foremost, I spend more and more time thinking about where my story will end, and I wonder how I will grade in the 'ole book of life, since I've been squarely focused on worldly achievements in a solo fashion my entire adult life, and with a low success to effort ratio to boot. Along with all of that, my greatest dreams of reward for all my hard work and the "means" I once expected to attain are tucked very tightly in fleshy desires. Oh, and I'm also a perfectionist. I beat myself up ruthlessly for mistakes I make.
On another note, a good portion of my time has also been spent on spiritual affairs. I started out Catholic in the grade-school, and had shunned it all completely by high school graduation. I spent a little time learning about wicca and druidism because I preferred an earthy spirituality at one point. Being a fan of the "Ancient Aliens", I wandered into fallen angel territory, the emerald tablets, thoth, and things of that nature. And who can get through all that without a bit of universe projection and the new age ideas? Considering the consumption of that information, I find the ideas of the Christian bible the best, mainly for it's cause and effect way of instruction, and it's quite obvious that this world and everything in it did not assemble randomly or evolve from nothing. In fact evolution my be the strongest salesman for the bible I have encountered.
With all that out of the way, I'm here thinking it will help me learn to be a servant. I also feel that a few people have been purposely dropped into my life that I must care for (it's just a feeling), and want to make sure I do not disappoint. Heaven in a way sounds horrible - the whole idea of worshiping all day is not appealing and sounds exhausting, but then again, I don't know what worship really is in the context of eternal life . I am choosing to follow Jesus regardless, and it seems we where built for eternity.
So, just a little background on why I chose to signup here Christian Chat.
