There is much in this thread to like and much to not like. I will refrain from "liking" Any of the posts. I think this thread, more than any I've read in the past month or two, displays a genuine insight into those who have posted. That being said, skip my wall of text if you are so inclined, but if you are so inclined, then perhaps this is not the thread for you.
When I read through this thread, I originally was thinking of responding in PM to prettywings, but have decided to post the exact same words openly for all, to be judgmental about, or to grow or even heal from, or simply learn from:
I can relate to you, prettywings, in some ways. My past before my marriage was nothing to be proud of, but it took growing my relationship with Christ to learn to not live in shame over that. My wife left, and now that I am looking into a future where I may potentially date, or even remarry (Neither of those, anytime soon. I's gots me some baggage to unpack first.), I have begun to think through what that will mean.
Like I said, my past was unChristian. My marriage had its troubles, but I did not engage in extramarital sex. Even in the depths of this divorce process, I have chosen to not engage in sex outside of God's intended plan for it, and not out of lack of opportunity. These words are not here to declare that, "Ooooh I'm so good." BECAUSE I AM NOT. I say these things because I can look back on how far I've come, and know with confidence that It Is By God's Hand That I Changed. People DO change, when they yield to God.
My sexual history started with an event that I had no choice in, and in some ways, went downhill from there. In looking back at the majority of what happened after that, I would have to admit to allowing myself to be used sexually in hopes of obtaining favor, seeking love, et cetera...all the result of self worth problems. Little by little, I am learning successfully to see myself as Christ sees me. The fact is that Christ died Just for me. And Just for you. And Just for Each of Us. It wouldn't matter if No One Else was saved by His death, we are still Each loved so very much that He still would have made the sacrifice. The time came that I put my foot down and refused to be treated like something as disposable as Kleenex. From that day forward, I will never again allow someone to use me for sex, will not have sex without love, and will not have sex outside of wedlock. I choose to see myself as Christ sees me, and I choose to follow Him and His plan. Even if this means I die alone and celibate, I can say with an unburdened heart that I would die respecting myself and feeling Loved. And yes, the last person I was sexually used by was my wife.
If I have any future romantic relationship, I should know upfront how I feel about different issues before the situations are real and I am in them. This is, in my book, called not letting emotions cloud judgement. A friend suggested that with regards to children that I be willing to accept someone who has up to the same number of children as I have. Using that logic, I should be willing to accept someone who has had the same number of past sexual partners as myself.
Here it is: I reject logic in favor of Grace. Why? Because God did the same for me. That is what is fair.
If I am dating someone, it should not matter how many sexual partners they have or have not had... I'm Dating them, and under what I believe to be the Christian model of conducting oneself in the world, this means I am not having sex with them, so it would not even be a topic of conversation.
If I am marrying someone, it still does not matter to me two shamwows how many partners they have or have not had. I would, of course want to have a reasonable level of certainty that they would be faithful, and expect they would want the same of me. I would want to know that they were healthy, and expect them to want to know the same of me. If they are marrying me, they are willing to accept I have a past, and move past it. If I am marrying them, I am willing to move past what is in their past as well. Thanks to Christ Jesus, we have no past, only a future. I don't care if I am their 1st, 101st, or 1,001st. I just would want to be able to say that we were each others last, and to live as Christians till death do us part.
