Why won't my friend invite me to Christmas when she knows I have no family?

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Blitzen

Guest
#1
I met a friend months ago. We grew close especially because of our many similarities including our love for the Lord, doing what's right, and sharing and relating on a lot of things. I've been to her house quite a bit and we've gone out together a lot. She's a little older than me...could be my Aunt. I haven't been able to invite her to my house because of my odd temporary living situation which will be resolved within the month and this hasn't bothered her at all. She was calling me everyday for a while. Then (for me) the dreaded Christmas comes. She knows I have no family. I haven't lived here long and she's my only real friend and I got divorced and am unfortunately living with him still but am moving out for good at the end of this month or next month. My mother lives here but she has developed dementia and is spending time with her husband and family in another city. My friend has a lot of family. I'm even friends with her 15 year old daughter. When she asks me what I'm doing I tell her. I don't ask for a pity party but I am honest about being lonely, shopping alone, being stressed because of my living situation etc. Why hasn't she invited me to shop with her one single time? Why won't she invite me to be with her and her family on Christmas. I don't understand. I feel like I'm starting to resent her. I don't want to lose her friendship but my resentment is growing. I am a VERY humble loving person. What gives? Thank you for your time. (And yes I have been obvious. She knows what is going on. And no I won't ask her because it isn't my place. I'm hurt because I don't see why she won't treat me the way I would treat her if the roles were reversed. On top of being alone, this really hurts.)
 

Mo0448

Senior Member
Jun 10, 2013
1,209
15
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#2
Hello and welcome! I am very sorry to hear of the struggles you are currently going through. You mentioned that she hasn't invited you shopping with her...have you tried to invite her to go shopping with you by any chance? Perhaps that knowing your situation she is reluctant to invite you because she thinks you may want to spend time along I honestly am not sure... I would try to talk to her about it though in an honest way you know?
 
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Blitzen

Guest
#3
Thank you for responding. I feel so alone and wasn't for sure anyone would respond. I am very close to the Lord. I hate when I'm like this. I hate this time of year. She has known my situation ever since we became friends. She knows if she were to invite me to do anything i would come running. I haven't invited her to go shopping but I did invite her to do something else and she was too busy and didn't get back to me. I know she needs to spend time with her daughter and family. I understand that. She lost her husband last year so we have been able to relate with eachother's lonliness. I just don't understand why our friendship has to change because it's Christmas. I wouldn't want to ask her about it because I don't want to be invited and be in the way just because she feels obligated. The thing I would more likely do is wait until after the holidays and maybe ask then and resent her more when I get the answer. I just don't understand. I would never do somebody like this. It tears at my soul. I don't know if I can resume feeling the way I need to feel about her to keep her as a friend. I'm pretty easy at writing people off and I'm trying not to do that with her because she seems like a genuine friend but why would a friend do this? It's not like I'm embarrassing or loud or controlling or intrusive. I'm just a loving sweet humble person who will do whatever to make you happy. Please pray for me. I don't want to lose her. I hate to admit it but it actually makes me want to be spiteful like not be there for her when she needs ME. ..because she has needed me A LOT and I've been there for her even when I was exhausted, needed to be in the bed, busy with people waiting, and when I needed to get things done. I always put people first and resent them. I expect more from people. At least Jesus won't disappoint me. Thanks.
 

jogoldie

Senior Member
Mar 20, 2014
1,616
48
48
#4
Wow....baby sister....I think your looking at this all wrong........First you said she lost her husband recently ......there is the clue....it is such a painful time aftera loss during the seasons.....the kind where it takes all you have to drag yourself through the day.....she might need to grieve....privately.... her family is all she can bear......its a very hard time...after a loss...pray for her....ask God to protect her heart.....now I know you are suffering too.....and its not fair.....God really loves you....and even though your alone....its a great time to spend with God.....and findingthe real meaning of Christmas.....and getting a lot of soul searching time to see how you can thrive thisnew years ....starting it with God.....is a great thing to do......we are here for you....I'm just trying tosee this as your friend might be feeling....that doesn't mean your pain is less....but love can make everything better...Peace.....and may you soon find joy.....jo. just cause your alone......you have to be lonely.....trust God...
 

JesusMyOnly

Senior Member
Jun 30, 2014
880
15
0
#5
Dear Blitzen, I know what feeling lonely is like as do many others. So even with that feeling you aren't alone. It is horrible, frustrating and scary at times, being lonely is. And its not just a feeling that can be thrown away that easily. I'm here for you if you'd like to talk. I will be respectful about my boundaries and I won't pry anything out of you that you don't wish to share. But I'm always here to listen. Even more so than me being here, Jesus is there. And even through feeling being lonely you are not actually all that alone.


As for why your friend is being kinda closed off by not inviting you, I am not sure why. There could be a number of reasons. Maybe she is facing something more personal and she is just lost in her thought lots. She could be hiding some difficulties of her own.


I pray for you and for your friend. In Jesus name the Holy Spirit is welcomed here and with you and your friend Blitzen. I pray that what ever each of you are facing daily that you remember to find peace in Jesus. I pray that your friendship will grow stronger and that your negative feelings and feelings of being alone will start to fade away. Its best to get your bible out friend and study away, continue to pray to God and spend some quiet time with Him. Seek God when you feel this way because you will only fill your void up with Jesus then even when you feel alone, with Jesus you are not. Focus on Jesus and make Him your center more and more.


Welcome to the site friend.
 

Dan58

Senior Member
Nov 13, 2013
1,991
337
83
#6

Your upset because a friend isn't doing something that you think they should do? There's probably a reason, but she's not telling you because it may hurt your feelings? Christmas is a time for families, and you said she has a lot of family, so maybe she wants it to be for her kids. I'd leave it alone and don't push the issue, your blowing it out of proportion and taking it too personal. She may already have a full house with relatives and all, but whatever the reason, I wouldn't let it interfere with your friendship. Let her have Christmas day with her kids, its probably a personal and special time for them. This time of year can be overwhelming and expensive, its hard enough to satisfy your own family, let alone all your friends. jmo
 
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tenderhearted

Guest
#7
I totally understand that feeling of wanting friends to include you during the holidays. I do have a husband and kids, but we live in a different state from where our extended family lives--we don't get to visit often. Before we couldn't understand why our church friends wouldn't include us. Even when it wasn't the holiday's we would invite them over for dinner, but they were always too busy. I had begun to feel that resentment that you feel. Eventually those friendships dissolved. I have learned to make peace with the fact that people are busy and some are plain selfish. I feel like being in a different state has brought me and my immediate family closer together. It also has us depending on God because when you have 3 kids, it can be a challenge.

I don't know why your friend hasn't invited you, but you are never alone. God is with you. Pray about it, he may have other plans for you. Maybe you could serve somewhere. It's a blessing to do something for someone else on Christmas.
 
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Blitzen

Guest
#8
Thank you so much for your replys. I will spend more time with God and pray and try not to take it personally. I really appreciate hearing other points of view. It really does help. God Bless you all. :) Thank God for you.
 

presidente

Senior Member
May 29, 2013
9,081
1,748
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#9
I've been in a similar situation, not all your life details, but I was living overseas, along for Christmas. The guy I was sharing a house with went home to his family for Christmas and I was pretty much alone. I knew someone from where I came from in the US who said I could come over for Christmas. He was a preacher, but on Christmas day, I got a hold of him and he said he was just way too busy to do anything. They preach on Christmas day there, and he much have been genuinely overloaded between family and ministry.

But it got me really thinking and praying about having my own family. I'd been praying for a wife already. I upped the intensity and met my wife about a month and a half later.

Something that might help you is to keep in mind that you don't really have a right to go over to her house for Christmas. If she gives you that, fine. If not, it's not yours to require of her. If she doesn't invite you, that doesn't mean she doesn't love you.

She might have really good reasons for wanting to spend Christmas alone. Is she married? Maybe her husband doesn't want friends at home. He may want to relax, not have the rush to mop the floor and all the stuff you do when guests come. He may want to spend time with just their family. And she might not want to say, "my husband doesn't want you over" because that's throwing him under the bus and making him look like the bad guy, and he has legitimate reasons for wanting concentrated family time. Maybe they don't do that a lot. Maybe she feels that way. Maybe she thinks if she has a friend over, she won't focus as much on the children.

When you don't have anyone to spend Christmas with, Christmas is a lonely time. But when you have a family, it can be a super busy time. Sometimes, you may have more to do at work at the end of the year, not less, and you really need to work late. But if you do that, you have to stay up late to do the shopping and get Christmas cards. You are rushing here and there. Then if you have a friend who really wants to shop with you, that just makes things a lot more difficult. Your friend wants to talk. You have to arrange the logistics of meeting to go shopping instead of just rushing out to Walmart at midnight when you get the last Christmas card done. And you have to make those cookies for Aunt Sally, but if you do that, all the aunts and uncles need to have a batch of cookies for Christmas so you don't look like you are showing favoritism to Aunt Sally. Then there is this kids children's program, and you have to go to it twice. But first you have to buy food for the child's Christmas party. And you can't make the oldest kids middle school program because of the other child's program one night, so you have to go the other night. You don't get a lot of sleep, and you want a break from everyone for Christmas for that one or two days off. You can meet with your friend sometime and talk, but please, any day but Christmas.

That's a bit of fiction, but realistic fiction.

I think it's good to cultivate friendships with other folks who don't have families. If you have free reign of the kitchen, maybe you could find someone who needs a Christmas dinner and cook it for that person. If you live near a college campus, some international students get stuck with nothing to do. Stuck in the dorm when everyone is gone and the heat is turned down really low over the holidays. I've heard stories. Showing hospitality (love of strangers) is a righteous thing to do.

We had a single guy over for Thanksgiving before. I asked my wife if she wanted to invite him this year. She felt tired at the time and said she just wanted to have family so she wouldn't have to clean up as much first. I said okay. She's the cook and I don't want her worn out or stressed on top of all that cooking. Then he called to say 'hi', and she asked if it was okay to invite him. (It was my idea before, that anyway.) So I said yes, and so we invited him over for Thanksgiving dinner. We do like to invite people to things who don't have anywhere to go.

One year I was overseas and a lot of other people that went to church were young singles. I asked the pastor if there were any church events Christmas day. He just opened his home and guests came who didn't even go to church, expats who happened to be in town. We had a big lunch and it was a good thing. But it is a lot for busy people to open their home Christmas. And some people feel like they just can't do it on Christmas day because they are overwhelmed or want time alone with their families.
 
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TaylorTG

Guest
#10
I don't ask for a pity party but I am honest about being lonely, shopping alone, being stressed because of my living situation etc. Why hasn't she invited me to shop with her one single time? Why won't she invite me to be with her and her family on Christmas. I don't understand. I feel like I'm starting to resent her. I don't want to lose her friendship but my resentment is growing. I am a VERY humble loving person. What gives? Thank you for your time. (And yes I have been obvious. She knows what is going on. And no I won't ask her because it isn't my place. I'm hurt because I don't see why she won't treat me the way I would treat her if the roles were reversed. On top of being alone, this really hurts.)
Drop your self-pity and ask her to accommodate you during the Holiday season. No matter how "obvious" you make it, people can't read your mind.

Even husbands and wives can't read each other's mind, even parents cannot read their children's minds. If family members cannot read each other's minds, what makes you think that your friend can read your mind?

If you are not upfront and honest with your friend, then she is blameless.
 

DiscipleDave

Senior Member
Sep 4, 2012
3,095
69
48
#11
you would do well to remember everybody has problems. She may be going through things that you are not aware of. Christmas time there are more suicides than any other time of year. Anytime people have lost a loved one. it seems Christmas time is the hardest to deal with. Your friend may not want your company, don't take it personal.

It seems to me, you take things way to personally, hence the reason you only have the one friend. The Scriptures teach us to be content with what we have. Are you content with the one friend that you have? It seems to me that compare what you do for others, and if they do not give to you what you give to them, they are not worth having in your life, as you say, you can discard people easily. A True friend is one who is a friend to you and desires nothing in return. Are you a True friend to her? If so why do you desire so much from her? You desire her to take you shopping, you desire her to invite you to her families Christmas celebration. She has much family, you have none. She should share her family with you, right?
i am not saying all this to upset you, i am telling you this because it may help you. You have some issues that need to be addressed. Everybody else can't be wrong and you are the only one that is right. Maybe your friend thinks you are clingy and have a lot of baggage. and because she has baggage her own self, does not want to add your problems with her problems.
A sign of a True Christian is a person who is concerned about other peoples problems more than their own. In reading your post all i kept on hearing from you is "POOR ME" Do you attend a Church? Or did you cease going to that church because they were not giving back to you as much as you were giving them?
i do not say these things to upset you, i really am not. i think you need a kick in the butt, to get off the floor and start being a joy to others and not be a burden to them. If Jesus is in your heart, you would be bursting with LOVE to one another.
Instead of looking for friends to give back to you what you give to them, you should love them regardless what you get back from them.
If you take any advise from me, it would be to go to the library and get some books on how to be a good friend to others.
i love you, and you have the potential to have lots of friends, but you need to address some issues that you have first, or you will continue to discard friends easily.

^i^
 

DiscipleDave

Senior Member
Sep 4, 2012
3,095
69
48
#12
i am sorry Blitzen, i did not mean to come across as i did. i really do love you and only said what i said in hopes to help you realize the baggage that you carry. Oh we all carry baggage, and people have come down hard on me as well. it was not pleasant at the time it came to me, but he was right.

Again, sorry, and i love you
 
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psychomom

Guest
#13
Thank you so much for your replys. I will spend more time with God and pray and try not to take it personally. I really appreciate hearing points of view. It really does help. God Bless you all. :) Thank God for you.
atta girl. :)

sweetie, my house is full, but if i could get you here, we would welcome one more.

i am praying for you...as i will be tomorrow.

Merry Christmas, my sister.
God be with you...and He surely is. ♥


 

Angela53510

Senior Member
Jan 24, 2011
11,780
2,938
113
#14
I didn't invite anyone to Christmas celebrations because I am not in my own home, and there are 16 people here. We really could not accomodate another soul.

Maybe this is what is going on with your friend.

Glad to hear you are using the time alone to get closer to God. It doesn't get much better than that!