Why am I having so much trouble letting him go? I know I need to. It was thirty years of marriage now we are divorced. He acts like he wants us to work. I keep believing him. Wanting to believe him. He says all the right things, but still runs to other woman for their attention. He had gotten away from God. When he was following the Lord all was the best. Now he leads me on. Why do I keep falling for someone who has changed. Changed into someone I don't know anymore. Doing things so out of character. Please help!! Thank you
Why do you keep falling for him? Hmm... could it be that God is trying to reveal you something? Obviously I can't possibly tell you what it is that God is trying to teach you (only the Holy Spirit can); but I have a feeling from all this, something rather majestic will come out and when our ears hear it, we shall be amazed and praise our Lord; Christ Jesus who lives inside you.
You were told that you are the light of the world... and we both know that it's really not about you, but the "Light" who is far deep, at the center of your very soul: Jesus Christ. So what shall we say of all these moments of chaos and total confusion? Only that they're meant to bring out the miraculous part of you. Every master of storytelling will tell you that "Conflict and "Irony" are the 2 major every story needs in order to succeed: Moments when a gap breaks open between expectations and results.
And so you expect your heart to be 100% over with this man, yet your heart does the exact opposite. You know what happens? We (the audience) lean back in our seats, chew some popcorn, thinking: "Holly cow... now this is going to be interesting. What's she gonna do now? What's she gonna do?"
Here's what I would do if I were you. I would let my heart do it again, for the 100th time.
But this time, I would warn it: "There's a chance that he will disappoint you again. And when he does, don't come crying to me. You'll have been warned."
Try to consider your heart and your mind as your 2 kids inside your home (i.e. your head). And you being the mother, you are responsible to keep the order in the house. So when one kid says "we should watch tv" and the other screams "no! we'll go out to play!" It's mom's responsibility to break the fight.
In this case, the mind is saying "we're not letting him in our home ever again." But the heart is saying "no, we'll let him come home. He said he won't do it again." So what's it gonna be, mom? I think a compromise would be to give him one last chance, and if he does it again, then he's out for good this time. There won't be a 101st time.
That's just an idea... it matters not what you do, but how you feel about it. Whatever it is, make sure you feel you're in control. That's all. And remember, the light in you (i.e. Jesus Christ) will be revealed to the world. This may be one of those moments, but trust me, there will be lots and lots of other opportunities for you to "shine"... moments of conflict and irony.
