Biblical Divorce

[Conversationand]

In the bible Christ says that any man that divorces a woman except in the case of sexual immorality and remarries commits adultery.

Here's my question. Is it okay to divorce for other reasons? The provocative question being: is it okay to divorce because of abuse? What about divorce without remarriage? If your spouse leaves you but has not been and is not sexually immoral, do you become an adulterer if you remarry? Where does being separated but not divorced fall into all of this?

 

[tourist]

I hardly believe that God expects someone to remain married to an abusive spouse in an environment devoid of love. Seriously, I wouldn't worry about becoming and adulterer if one later on finds a loving a faithful person whom to marry. It says in the bible that who God joins together to let no one put asunder. The question is did God truly join the man and woman together in the first place?

 

[PrynceNY]

The scriptures doesn't really mention abuse oddly, maybe it wasn't common during those times. If it was a life threatening situation and the wife wanted to protect her life & children by leaving the situation I personally believe the lord would understand.

 

[RamahDesjardin]

I am sure that some brilliant scholar will come along after me to say I'm totally wrong, but here are my thoughts on it...

Scripture doesn't say that marriage has to mean living together every day. Lots of happily married couples maintain their marriage from a distance, so I see no reason why an "unhappily" married couple can't use distance for the same benefits. Spouse's should of course separate if someone is in danger, but I don't see where divorce is encouraged for it.

 

[trofimus]

In the bible Christ says that any man that divorces a woman except in the case of sexual immorality and remarries commits adultery.

Here's my question. Is it okay to divorce for other reasons?

You answered it yourself. It is not okay. Its adultery when you remarry.

The provocative question being: is it okay to divorce because of abuse?

I do not know, but I am certain she cannot remarry.

What about divorce without remarriage?

Well, what does "divorce" actually mean is such a case? Its just a separation. Without a remarriage you still admit you belong to him, official paper or not.

If your spouse leaves you but has not been and is not sexually immoral, do you become an adulterer if you remarry?

Yes.

Where does being separated but not divorced fall into all of this?

The same as divorced without remarriage, you are just one paper less or more.

----

Everything is my opinion, I myself am concerned about this and I have to study it in the future before I decide if it is even a good idea to marry somebody.

 

[NoNameMcgee]

http://christianchat.com/christian-singles-forum/156313-divorced.html?highlight=

i have a similar question in this link

many answers here

but i still pray about it

 

[Craigb513]

Jesus words should be taken literally as possible and when he says thst is the only reason thay is it, abuse and people leavinv there spouse happened back then to and jesus never metions them. Remarrying withouy cant not happen because you are still married to the other person

 

[Conversationand]

I just wanted to get everyone's thoughts on this. There seems to be such a great disparity of opinions, even among Christians. Several different things could be argued in regards to this passage such as withholding children from a wife who wants them while still having sex could argued to be considered sexually immoral, or withholding sex purposefully (and particularly in cases where sex is used as leverage) could be argued to be sexually immoral which could be extended to married but separated. Watching pornography could be considered sexually immoral with regards to the marriage bed. And we know that a person who does not take care of their family is worse than an unbeliever, abuse falls under this category for sure but does that indicate a sort of sexual immorality?

 

[Conversationand]

Mind you, I'm not advocating that a woman should stay in an abusive house (or a man for that matter), but biblicaly speaking how do we support what we know to be true by the spirit?

 

[trofimus]

Mind you, I'm not advocating that a woman should stay in an abusive house (or a man for that matter), but biblicaly speaking how do we support what we know to be true by the spirit?

To leave but to remain married to him and sexually faithful.

 

[NoNameMcgee]

1 Corinthians Chapter 7
10 And unto the married I command, [yet] not I, but the Lord, Let not the wife depart from [her] husband:
11 But and if she depart, let her remain unmarried, or be reconciled to [her] husband: and let not the husband put away [his] wife.

1 Corinthians 7:15 - But if the unbelieving depart, let him depart. A brother or a sister is not under bondage in such [cases]: but God hath called us to peace.

Matthew 5:32 - But I say unto you, That whosoever shall put away his wife, saving for the cause of fornication, causeth her to commit adultery: and whosoever shall marry her that is divorced committeth adultery.



Mark 10:12 - And if a woman shall put away her husband, and be married to another, she committeth adultery



i still pray on these things

 

[Dino246]

With regard to separation, it may be employed when either party needs to deal with junk in themselves, whether abusive behavior, pornography use, emotional affairs, or substance abuse. Ideally it should be a step toward a stronger marriage, rather than toward divorce. Some people use it as the latter, as my ex did.

When considering separation, a couple should have a plan for it, such that there are definite steps of recovery: counseling, getting sober, closing doors that shouldn't have been opened, etc. There should also be specific time frames rather than an open uncertainty. Not every situation fits this ideal, of course.

 

[RamahDesjardin]

It's a pretty big stretch to say that withholding sex is the same as sexual immorality. It's annoying and immature, but it's not immorality. As for having a baby together, it goes both ways. Women can't force a man to have a baby if he doesn't want to.

If a spouse is willing to stay married and not have a mistress, the living arrangements are rather arbitrary. Scripture does not say anywhere that refusal to have a baby or refusal to fool around often enough is grounds for divorce. We know that Paul advised married couples to maintain sex for the health of their marriage, but even in that prime opportunity to explore divorce, he didn't say it was enough to justify divorce. And clearly it was happening back then.

It's a very bad idea to latch onto one comment in Scripture and stretch it out to cover something we want.

 

[Desertsrose]

1 Corinthians 7:10-11

But to the married I give instructions, not I, but the Lord, that the wife should not leave her husband (but if she does leave, she must remain unmarried, or else be reconciled to her husband), and that the husband should not divorce his wife.

Notice that if the wife desires to stay separate, the husband is to remain married to her. He can't divorce her.

 

[Meggido]

In the bible Christ says that any man that divorces a woman except in the case of sexual immorality and remarries commits adultery.

Here's my question. Is it okay to divorce for other reasons? The provocative question being: is it okay to divorce because of abuse? What about divorce without remarriage? If your spouse leaves you but has not been and is not sexually immoral, do you become an adulterer if you remarry? Where does being separated but not divorced fall into all of this?

Matt 19.8-9

[SUP]8 [/SUP]He *said to them, “Because of your hardness of heart Moses permitted you to divorce your wives; but from the beginning it has not been this way. [SUP]9 [/SUP]And I say to you, whoever divorces his wife, except for immorality, and marries another woman commits adultery.”

1 Cor 7.10

[SUP]10 [/SUP]But to the married I give instructions, not I, but the Lord, that the wife should not leave her husband [SUP]11 [/SUP](but if she does leave, she must remain unmarried, or else be reconciled to her husband), and that the husband should not divorce his wife.



Jesus and Paul are saying that if you divorce just to be with someone else you cannot do that...unless the spouse was unfaithful and sexually immoral...if you do divorce on other grounds, you must remain unmarried....

 

[Conversationand]

It's a pretty big stretch to say that withholding sex is the same as sexual immorality. It's annoying and immature, but it's not immorality. As for having a baby together, it goes both ways. Women can't force a man to have a baby if he doesn't want to.

In 1 Cor 7 verse 3 Paul says that the husband should fulfill the marital duty to his wife. I believe that includes giving her children if she desires them. There is strong support for this throughout the old testament one of the strongest being the case of Onan in Genesis 38:9. If Onan could take offspring from his brother in this manner, then he could also take them from his Wife. Is a man using his wife in such a manner not immoral? What if the wife wanted kids and he got a vasectomy?

If a spouse is willing to stay married and not have a mistress, the living arrangements are rather arbitrary. Scripture does not say anywhere that refusal to have a baby or refusal to fool around often enough is grounds for divorce. We know that Paul advised married couples to maintain sex for the health of their marriage, but even in that prime opportunity to explore divorce, he didn't say it was enough to justify divorce. And clearly it was happening back then.

I'm not saying that frequency of sex is grounds for divorce either, but if a husband or wife is purposefully withholding it to get what/the reaction they want then is this not a perversion of the marriage bed? I'm not advocating for divorce in this situation, but is that not immoral?

It's a very bad idea to latch onto one comment in Scripture and stretch it out to cover something we want.

This is true. But it is also true that we should not confine scripture from what it does cover. Otherwise it's easy to become legalistic (as in if it's not in the Bible then it's not a sin.)

 

[RamahDesjardin]

Are we talking about children for the legal process of inheriting property, which was the situation Onan faced, or having children for the joy of having children? Under Jewish law the dead husband's brother was required to produce offspring to keep property in the family. It had nothing to do with the wife's feelings.

We're not confining Scripture. We're talking about what it covers. Jesus knew all about Onan, and all the other loopholes in Jewish law, yet He said that sexual immorality was the only good reason. If refusal to have a baby was another good reason, He would have mentioned Onan, not left it to us to guess if immorality was vague enough to include it.

And in the case of Paul's words on husbandly duties, right there where he had a chance to make concessions for divorce, he clearly did not. Paul can advise men on the best way to act, but that doesn't mean divorce is the punishment if you fail to obey.

We have many, many comments throughout Scripture on the subject of marriage, and the concession for adultery was never expanded. It is pure wishful thinking to insist otherwise.

 

[Nehemiah6]

I hardly believe that God expects someone to remain married to an abusive spouse in an environment devoid of love.

Well there are many other remedies outside of divorce. What God expects is that a sinner (the abuser) repent and be converted. So the primary goal of an abused spouse should be to do everything possible to help the other spouse find Christ and salvation. The other issue is that often people subconsciously get into abusive relationships instead of avoiding them. So the abused spouse must also look deep within to see why this relationship was established in the first place.

 

[Conversationand]

Are we talking about children for the legal process of inheriting property, which was the situation Onan faced, or having children for the joy of having children? Under Jewish law the dead husband's brother was required to produce offspring to keep property in the family. It had nothing to do with the wife's feelings.

Considering that the husband was dead and there were no children at the time the only person to consider would be the wife.

We're not confining Scripture. We're talking about what it covers. Jesus knew all about Onan, and all the other loopholes in Jewish law, yet He said that sexual immorality was the only good reason. If refusal to have a baby was another good reason, He would have mentioned Onan, not left it to us to guess if immorality was vague enough to include it.

You can't just say "sexual immorality" and then not try and define it, otherwise the word loses meaning. And there are plenty of sins that are not addressed specifically in the bible but have to be inferred or seen through the spirit. Pedophilia being a blazing example of that.

And in the case of Paul's words on husbandly duties, right there where he had a chance to make concessions for divorce, he clearly did not. Paul can advise men on the best way to act, but that doesn't mean divorce is the punishment if you fail to obey.

An omission of a statement does not make that statement false.

 

[RamahDesjardin]

You asked for opinions, but clearly your mind is already made up. I see no benefit for us to continue, other than hurt feelings in the future. Let's agree to part as friends.