How can i forgive those who have wronged me

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Feb 9, 2017
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#1
Everyone has been wronged, offended, and sinned against at some point. How are Christians to respond when such offenses occur against them? According to the Bible, we are to forgive others. Ephesians 4:32 declares, “Be kind and compassionate to one another, forgiving each other, just as in Christ God forgave you.” Similarly, Colossians 3:13 proclaims, “Bear with each other and forgive whatever grievances you may have against one another. Forgive as the Lord forgave you.” The key in both Scriptures is that we are to forgive fellow believers as God has forgiven us. Why do we forgive? Because we have been forgiven! Our forgiveness of others should reflect God’s forgiveness of us.

In order to forgive those who sin against us, we must first of all understand God’s forgiveness. God does not just forgive everyone automatically with no preconditions—if He did, there would be no lake of fire in Revelation 20:14–15. Forgiveness, properly understood, involves repentance on the sinner’s part and love and grace on God’s part. The love and grace are there, but the repentance is often lacking. So, the Bible’s command for us to forgive one another does not mean we ignore sin. It means we gladly, gracefully, lovingly extend forgiveness to those who repent. We are always willing to forgive when given the opportunity. Not just seven times, but “seventy times seven” times (Matthew 18:22, KJV). Refusing to forgive a person who requests it demonstrates resentment, bitterness, and anger, none of which are the traits of a true Christian.

To forgive those who sin against us requires patience and forbearance. The church has the command to “be patient with everyone” (1 Thessalonians 5:14). We should be able to overlook personal slights and minor offenses. Jesus said, “If anyone slaps you on the right cheek, turn to them the other cheek also” (Matthew 5:39). Not every “slap in the face” needs a response.

To forgive those who sin against us requires the transformational power of God in our lives. There is something deep within fallen human nature that thirsts for revenge and urges retaliation in kind. We naturally want to inflict the same type of injury on the one who injured us—an eye for an eye seems only fair. In Christ, however, we have been given the power to love our enemies, do good to the haters, bless the cursers, and pray for the abusers (see Luke 6:27–28). Jesus gives us a heart that is willing to forgive and will work to that end.

Forgiving those who sin against us is made easier when we consider the extent to which God forgives our transgressions. We who have been lavished with grace have no right to withhold grace from others. We have sinned against God infinitely more than any person can sin against us. Jesus’ parable in Matthew 18:23–35 is a powerful illustration of this truth.

God promises that, when we come to Him asking for forgiveness, He freely grants it (1 John 1:9). The grace we extend to those who seek our forgiveness should be just as readily available (Luke 17:3–4).
 

Hizikyah

Senior Member
Aug 25, 2013
11,634
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#2
Great post, really awesome, something we all need to remember, especially when someone hurts us and it is hard to. You did mention this verse but I want quote it because it is very descriptive;

[FONT=Times New Roman, serif]Luke 17:3-4, “Take heed to yourselves. If your brother sins against you, rebuke him, and if he repents, forgive him. And if he sins against you seven times in a day, and seven times in a day comes back to you, saying, ‘I repent,’ you shall forgive him.”[/FONT]
 
Dec 21, 2012
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#3
What are christians to do when others do not ask for forgiveness that are not going to stop either?

1 Peter 2:[SUP]19 [/SUP]For this is thankworthy, if a man for conscience toward God endure grief, suffering wrongfully.[SUP]20 [/SUP]For what glory is it, if, when ye be buffeted for your faults, ye shall take it patiently? but if, when ye do well, and suffer for it, ye take it patiently, this is acceptable with God.[SUP] 21 [/SUP]For even hereunto were ye called: because Christ also suffered for us, leaving us an example, that ye should follow his steps:[SUP]22 [/SUP]Who did no sin, neither was guile found in his mouth:[SUP] 23 [/SUP]Who, when he was reviled, reviled not again; when he suffered, he threatened not; but committed himself to him that judgeth righteously:[SUP]24 [/SUP]Who his own self bare our sins in his own body on the tree, that we, being dead to sins, should live unto righteousness: by whose stripes ye were healed.[SUP]25 [/SUP]For ye were as sheep going astray; but are now returned unto the Shepherd and Bishop of your souls.

What other example did Jesus set at the cross?

Luke 23:[SUP]33 [/SUP]And when they were come to the place, which is called Calvary, there they crucified him, and the malefactors, one on the right hand, and the other on the left.[SUP] 34 [/SUP]Then said Jesus, Father, forgive them; for they know not what they do. And they parted his raiment, and cast lots.[SUP] 35 [/SUP]And the people stood beholding. And the rulers also with them derided him, saying, He saved others; let him save himself, if he be Christ, the chosen of God.

I know. Like wow. How can any one of us forgive people that are not sorry that they did it, let alone not repent of it?

What is the point?

Romans 12:[SUP]17 [/SUP]Recompense to no man evil for evil. Provide things honest in the sight of all men.[SUP] 18 [/SUP]If it be possible, as much as lieth in you, live peaceably with all men.[SUP] 19 [/SUP]Dearly beloved, avenge not yourselves, but rather give place unto wrath: for it is written, Vengeance is mine; I will repay, saith the Lord.[SUP] 20 [/SUP]Therefore if thine enemy hunger, feed him; if he thirst, give him drink: for in so doing thou shalt heap coals of fire on his head.[SUP]21 [/SUP]Be not overcome of evil, but overcome evil with good.

1 Timothy 1:[SUP]15 [/SUP]This is a faithful saying, and worthy of all acceptation, that Christ Jesus came into the world to save sinners; of whom I am chief.[SUP] 16 [/SUP]Howbeit for this cause I obtained mercy, that in me first Jesus Christ might shew forth all longsuffering, for a pattern to them which should hereafter believe on him to life everlasting.

That is the point so that by suffering no matter how long, others may be led to believe in Jesus Christ & be saved while suffering even other believers to even be defrauded since our treasure is in Heaven in the hopes that one day they will repent and be walking in the light in resuming fellowship with the Father & the Son.

1 Corinthians 6:
[SUP]6 [/SUP]But brother goeth to law with brother, and that before the unbelievers.[SUP] 7 [/SUP]Now therefore there is utterly a fault among you, because ye go to law one with another. Why do ye not rather take wrong? why do ye not rather suffer yourselves to be defrauded?[SUP] 8 [/SUP]Nay, ye do wrong, and defraud, and that your brethren.[SUP] 9 [/SUP]Know ye not that the unrighteous shall not inherit the kingdom of God? Be not deceived: neither fornicators, nor idolaters, nor adulterers, nor effeminate, nor abusers of themselves with mankind,[SUP] 10 [/SUP]Nor thieves, nor covetous, nor drunkards, nor revilers, nor extortioners, shall inherit the kingdom of God.[SUP] 11 [/SUP]And such were some of you: but ye are washed, but ye are sanctified, but ye are justified in the name of the Lord Jesus, and by the Spirit of our God.

So lean on Jesus Christ when you find yourself unwilling to forgive those who are not asking for forgiveness because you never know they may repent and be sitting across from you at the Marriage Supper table in Heaven where you have to forgive them just as God teh Father has forgiven them and you for you to be sitting across from them.
 
7

7seasrekeyed

Guest
#4
I think we are reaching forgiveness when we can offer heart-felt prayers on the behalf of those who have wounded us, betrayed us, lied about us and deliberately misrepresented us

I believe forgiveness sometimes can only start with obedience to the injunction to forgive as we have been forgiven

but then we are told to forgive from the heart...this can be something very difficult and something that has to be worked through and in the process, we learn alot about both ourselves and about God's forgiveness

I will add though, it does not mean we keep going back to someone who continues the process of betrayal

God Himself will let people go until they suffer the consequences of their sin

sometimes we have to let go also. prayer is always a lifeline and we cannot change another's heart
 
Feb 7, 2015
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#5
................. by deciding to do it. (Then, doing it.)
 

BillG

Senior Member
Feb 15, 2017
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#6
................. by deciding to do it. (Then, doing it.)
Well said.

Its an act of our will.
We give it up to God and walk in it.

To me also when we suffer hurt and pain we give that to God as well and ask for help.
It can be a walk but God is walking with us.

And when satan comes to remind us and tells us that maybe we haven’t forgiven because we still feel pain and hurt then we do what God did.

”I will remeber their sins no more”

For us it’s a process and a walk but God is there with us.
 
Dec 21, 2012
2,901
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#7
When I look at my sins as betrayal of my first love, the Lord Jesus Christ, and how He has forgiven me and recovered me from it having dominion over me, no matter how the betrayal that has been done to me, He can help me to forgive.

The problem I have is subjecting myself continually to be offended by when time and time again, venturing forth in public or in family gathering, has caused those that continually disrespect me, use that time as opportunity by which they take offense by. When false accusations abound, that can affect my thinking by my persecuted complex, and start thinking about what they are going to accuse me of either by an innocent look or whatever, I really prefer to just stay away.

I am disgusted by my own personal sins which have not been committed against any one on earth but against the Lord Jesus Christ, that I do not need others kicking me when I am down or as if He is not keeping me from my sins at that time. They have to lie and slander and make an ego trip off of me that their body language and their off actions are explained as such.

So I am at a loss in following Jesus when I just do not feel like subjecting myself to further slanderous melodramas. There are some things I cannot always avoid, but I am hoping in Him that He will keep me from having go through those events.

Romans 12:[SUP]18 [/SUP]If it be possible, as much as lieth in you, live peaceably with all men.

It is not possible as people can be offended by no action on my part by using slander and looking for fault to insinuate a fault; a fault which is an action that everybody does, but they have not been defamed by slander to be accuse otherwise of them. Judge not les ye be judge... by the measure ye judge ye shall be judged. Some of those accusers and predatory watchers are christians too. So I have to forgive them, but I just do not care to be used by slanderers for them to be tempted to sin against me again.

I am more at peace when I avoid family gathering and I do not go out in public as much as I used to.

Man, I really hope the Lord is coming for me soon to take me out of here so that I can be free to love and be loved in the body of Christ. I hope some of my enemies will be there in Heaven as I will know they will no longer be my enemies but my loving brothers and loving sisters as they ought to be as I know the Lord will make me perfect to no longer be affected by my persecuted complex for I shall be free of this life which I hate.
 
D

Depleted

Guest
#8
Well said.

Its an act of our will.
We give it up to God and walk in it.

To me also when we suffer hurt and pain we give that to God as well and ask for help.
It can be a walk but God is walking with us.

And when satan comes to remind us and tells us that maybe we haven’t forgiven because we still feel pain and hurt then we do what God did.

”I will remeber their sins no more”

For us it’s a process and a walk but God is there with us.
God told Hosea to marry a whore. Hosea really loved her, but she was still a whore.

God is Hosea. We, his people, are the whore.

Since God married me knowing that, who am I to deny the same thing to others? He gives me that knowledge and that compassion so I can pass it along.

"Your kingdom come. Your will be done, on earth as it is in heaven."

I think forgiveness is an act of his will that only becomes our will too when he gives us that much love and kindness.
 

OneFaith

Senior Member
Sep 5, 2016
2,270
369
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#9
We have to forgive others as much as we want God to forgive us (completely). For the same measure we use- that is the measure God will use with us. Our forgiveness of others does not just reflect God’s forgiveness of us- it’s dependent upon it. “If you don’t forgive others, God will not forgive you.”

God is the one they must make amends to- which includes apologizing to us, but on our part, we must forgive whether they apologize or not. We are not their Judge, God is. “Make room for God’s wrath. It is Mine to avenge, I will repay says the Lord.” (Forgiving others is not optional, and must be genuine, from the heart).
 

BillG

Senior Member
Feb 15, 2017
8,879
4,334
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#10
We have to forgive others as much as we want God to forgive us (completely). For the same measure we use- that is the measure God will use with us. Our forgiveness of others does not just reflect God’s forgiveness of us- it’s dependent upon it. “If you don’t forgive others, God will not forgive you.”

God is the one they must make amends to- which includes apologizing to us, but on our part, we must forgive whether they apologize or not. We are not their Judge, God is. “Make room for God’s wrath. It is Mine to avenge, I will repay says the Lord.” (Forgiving others is not optional, and must be genuine, from the heart).
I think we need to reverse it.

When we understand that God has forgiven us completely (which he has) then we want to be like God and forgive others as he as forgiven us.
 

Desertsrose

Senior Member
Oct 24, 2016
2,824
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#11
God told Hosea to marry a whore. Hosea really loved her, but she was still a whore.

God is Hosea. We, his people, are the whore.

Since God married me knowing that, who am I to deny the same thing to others? He gives me that knowledge and that compassion so I can pass it along.

"Your kingdom come. Your will be done, on earth as it is in heaven."

I think forgiveness is an act of his will that only becomes our will too when he gives us that much love and kindness.
​Israel as a nation was that whore. Not us. God married the nation of Israel and they committed adultery against God.

God has not married the church yet. That's still to happen in the future when the Lord returns for His bride that has made herself white.

 
Dec 21, 2012
2,901
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#12
We have to forgive others as much as we want God to forgive us (completely). For the same measure we use- that is the measure God will use with us. Our forgiveness of others does not just reflect God’s forgiveness of us- it’s dependent upon it. “If you don’t forgive others, God will not forgive you.”

God is the one they must make amends to- which includes apologizing to us, but on our part, we must forgive whether they apologize or not. We are not their Judge, God is. “Make room for God’s wrath. It is Mine to avenge, I will repay says the Lord.” (Forgiving others is not optional, and must be genuine, from the heart).
Sometimes, even saved believers need His help to forgive from the heart. I do. And He is helping me too.
 

BillG

Senior Member
Feb 15, 2017
8,879
4,334
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#13
Sometimes, even saved believers need His help to forgive from the heart. I do. And He is helping me too.
I think part of the problem is that we here you must forgive in order to be forgiven because God has forgiven us.
God is perfect, God is love, his love is Agape. His perfect love for us means he can choose to and has done to Remember our sins no more.

We are not God, we lack Agape love and it’s hard to remeber the others sins no more. Emotions get in the way.

As parts of the heart that are stone and become more like is heart walking in forgiveness does become easier.

Agape increases and we we decrease
 

OneFaith

Senior Member
Sep 5, 2016
2,270
369
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#14
I think we need to reverse it.

When we understand that God has forgiven us completely (which he has) then we want to be like God and forgive others as he as forgiven us.

Yes, we want to be like God. However, it is also a command and a condition- God will forgive us (the Bible is written to Christians) if we forgive others. If we (Christians) do not forgive others, God will not forgive us. (Matthew 6:15).

My child may want to wear their seatbelt in the car in order to be like me, and that’s great, and how it should be. However, it is also not a choice, but a conditional command- “This car is not moving until your seatbelt is on.”


 

OneFaith

Senior Member
Sep 5, 2016
2,270
369
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#15
Sometimes, even saved believers need His help to forgive from the heart. I do. And He is helping me too.
My personal journey from revenge to forgiveness...

Oh yes, we need His help. “I can do all things through Christ Who strengthens me.” When our mind is lead by the Spirit with scripture, it is renewed, and desires what God desires. It truly changes us. One of the two hardest people I had to forgive was the man that kidnapped me, put me in a dark basement for years, raped me, beat me, gave me a child whom he kidnapped from me from 12-17 years old.

To be honest, when he stole my son from me, I would marinate in the pleasure of the thought of him screaming in the flames of hell and begging me to help him. I imagined millions, and billions, and no name years go by, with my revenge being satisfied by his screams and pleas for help.

Then one day my heart started to soften. I had done some things that I’m not proud of- that’s an understatement, the guilt was torturing my soul. And I realized that I’m not any better than him- the only difference is I have Christ’s blood and he don’t, I was once in his shoes. And if somewhere in him was the ability to get saved also, then who am I to say I can and he can’t? Who am I to say David was saved despite murdering Uriah, and Paul was saved despite killing Christians! (The cheif of sinners), but that he is the only soul ever who does not have the opportunity to be saved? He is not an exception, no one is.

And if it is me hindering him, how can I look into the face of my Father who didn’t let anything hinder me from being saved? So I concluded, that if I forgive and even try to promote him being saved, and he doesn’t get saved, then he truly will go to hell, and what could I possibly do to him anyways that could be worse than putting him on fire for all eternity to where he could never even die to escape it? And if he did ever get saved, I would be no greater than he. Either way, I obey my Father, Who is in control of all things, and His Will will be done- which is always the right thing. So I took it out of my hands, and put it back into His, where it belongs. “It is Mine to avenge, I will repay says the Lord.”

Thus I concluded that just because I am not the One to dish out the wrath, does not mean that they get away with it. Whoever is on the receiving end of God’s wrath will suffer way more woe than I could ever dish out. But if I attempt to dish it out instead of saving room for God’s wrath, I myself will be on the receiving end of God’s wrath- and that is not an option for OneFaith!

So at the conclusion of all these thoughts, I genuinely and completely forgave my captor, even before the return of my son- who is now in my everyday life praise the Lord!!! And when I forgave, I felt a tremendous burden leave my soul, and I felt free. After that, the little things were a breeze to forgive- like someone who flips you the bird- phifft, easy breezy.

I’ve seen him a few times, over my son’s house, and I spoke to him with genuine respect and kindness, as if nothing happened. I helped him and my son make dinner. We talked about our grandson, and I didn’t hesitate to eat his cooking- which was delicious I must admit. There was never a hint of resentment in my voice, facial expressions, actions, or words. I wanted to show him that God’s forgiveness is real and genuine, because I myself need it to be.


 

Desertsrose

Senior Member
Oct 24, 2016
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#16
​The parable in Matthew 18 is very powerful and it reaffirms the Lord's prayer as to how we are to forgive. We forgive others as God has forgiven us. We ask God to forgive us as we have forgiven others. It's like sowing and reaping.

In the parable, the king had a slave that owed him 10,000 talents. He pleaded with the king to forgive him and he'd pay it all back, but to please be patient. The king did even more and completely forgave him all of his debt.

And what does this slave go and do? He finds a fellow slave who owes him 100 denarii and demands payment by choking the poor fellow. And because he can't pay right then, he has him thrown into prison.

The slave pleads in the same exact way the 1st slave did towards the king. They both fall prostrate and plead for more time to pay the debt.

This forgiven slave has the audacity to be unmerciful and demands payment. He owed the king millions of dollars. A debt that could never be paid. And all of it was completely forgiven. His fellow slave owes about 3.5 months wages. So little in comparison. And yet he would not forgive.

And the king hears about it and he throws the wicked servant over to the torturers until he could repay the debt. And guess what....he could never repay it.

And then God says that he will do the same to those of us who do not forgive our brother and sister from the heart.

Those who show mercy are blessed and will receive mercy. Those who don't show mercy will not receive mercy.

The Lord tells us our lives will be a life of continuous forgiving and showing mercy. He told Peter 7x70 times.

Our lives may have a certain person in it that cause us that challenge to show mercy and forgive. The good news is that we can forgive in the power of the Holy Spirit. Nothing is too difficult for Him, so in turn, He makes the task easy for us to forgive as well.

Because we've been shown mercy, so we can go and do likewise. We can forgive and we can show mercy. Or should we say we do show mercy and we do forgive on a daily basis. It is not out of our reach.

All the power in the universe lives within us. As I think on that for a while, the awe I have of God is renewed and enlarged. He's too wonderful! \o/
 

maxwel

Senior Member
Apr 18, 2013
9,339
2,427
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#17
I think we are reaching forgiveness when we can offer heart-felt prayers on the behalf of those who have wounded us, betrayed us, lied about us and deliberately misrepresented us

I believe forgiveness sometimes can only start with obedience to the injunction to forgive as we have been forgiven

but then we are told to forgive from the heart...this can be something very difficult and something that has to be worked through and in the process, we learn alot about both ourselves and about God's forgiveness

I will add though, it does not mean we keep going back to someone who continues the process of betrayal

God Himself will let people go until they suffer the consequences of their sin

sometimes we have to let go also. prayer is always a lifeline and we cannot change another's heart


I think the two points above are very good.

Generally Christians have a hard time with the difference between "forgiveness" and simple, sensible "boundaries".



Are we to forgive even those who aren't sorry, and would love to do the same terrible thing again?
Yes.
So how do we deal with it?
We ENACT our forgiveness by praying for them, sincerely, and desiring the highest good for them....
but that has nothing to do with letting them continue to harm us.

If I loan my car to my neighbor, and he gets drunk and wrecks it, can I forgive him?
Sure.
But I'm not giving him the car keys again.
 
Dec 21, 2012
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#18
I have to forgive those who oppose themselves that have successfully made me look like a fool for trying to correct them.

I have to forgive them if I expect my Father in Heaven to forgive me for answering them in their folly.

Apparently, I was not alone in this attempt.

2 Corinthians 11:1Would to God ye could bear with me a little in my folly: and indeed bear with me.[SUP] 2 [/SUP]For I am jealous over you with godly jealousy: for I have espoused you to one husband, that I may present you as a chaste virgin to Christ.[SUP] 3 [/SUP]But I fear, lest by any means, as the serpent beguiled Eve through his subtilty, so your minds should be corrupted from the simplicity that is in Christ.[SUP] 4 [/SUP]For if he that cometh preacheth another Jesus, whom we have not preached, or if ye receive another spirit, which ye have not received, or another gospel, which ye have not accepted, ye might well bear with him.

Paul did the same thing that I did, I think, but he knew after the second admonition that they were subverted and that was the time to walk away.

Titus 3:[SUP]9 [/SUP]But avoid foolish questions, and genealogies, and contentions, and strivings about the law; for they are unprofitable and vain.[SUP] 10 [/SUP]A man that is an heretick after the first and second admonition reject;[SUP] 11 [/SUP]Knowing that he that is such is subverted, and sinneth, being condemned of himself.

I did not do that, and so therefore I was a fool for continuing to try to correct them.

Proverbs 26:[SUP]4 [/SUP]Answer not a fool according to his folly, lest thou also be like unto him.[SUP] 5 [/SUP]Answer a fool according to his folly, lest he be wise in his own conceit.

It is my fault for going beyond the second admonition when clearly they were not going to take Paul's warning at all.

Still, I have to forgive them for they know not what they do as I hope in Him to forgive me for not applying faith to let go.
 

notuptome

Senior Member
May 17, 2013
15,050
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#19
​Israel as a nation was that whore. Not us. God married the nation of Israel and they committed adultery against God.

God has not married the church yet. That's still to happen in the future when the Lord returns for His bride that has made herself white.

The church is described as the bride of Christ. A bride that is chaste and pure not the stiff necked and rebellious people that are the bride of Jehovah, Israel.

For the cause of Christ
Roger
 

BillG

Senior Member
Feb 15, 2017
8,879
4,334
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#20

Yes, we want to be like God. However, it is also a command and a condition- God will forgive us (the Bible is written to Christians) if we forgive others. If we (Christians) do not forgive others, God will not forgive us. (Matthew 6:15).

My child may want to wear their seatbelt in the car in order to be like me, and that’s great, and how it should be. However, it is also not a choice, but a conditional command- “This car is not moving until your seatbelt is on.”


To me it’s not a command but a warning.

Jesus has talked about the model prayer

Matthew 6:12-15
12 And forgive us our debts,
As we forgive our debtors.
13 And do not lead us into temptation,
But deliver us from the evil one.
For Yours is the kingdom and the power and the glory forever. Amen.


14 “For if you forgive men their trespasses, your heavenly Father will also forgive you. 15 But if you do not forgive men their trespasses, neither will your Father forgive your trespasses.

Here is the command

Matthew 18:21-22
The Parable of the Unforgiving Servant
21 Then Peter came to Him and said, “Lord, how often shall my brother sin against me, and I forgive him? Up to seven times?”
22 Jesus said to him, “I do not say to you, up to seven times, but up to seventy times seven.

C18 comes after C16.

Can I ask you what your thoughts are concerning God not forgiving us, if we haven’t forgiven others.

If we die with unforgivness in our hearts what happens when we stand before God?

I am not saying that it’s ok to carry unforgivness in our hearts but at times we do.
It affects our relationship with God and others.

But I ask you do you feel it affects our salvation?