pHart, I read a post of yours somewhere and can't find it again now.
You said something like...the struggle to believe God will make a way of provision for you without you having to do something illegal or...I don't know, you said something like that.
I talk to brothers and sisters all the time about this, which is, from my observations of others and myself, a huge and first hurdle that we stumble on and don't ever get running swiftly because of. You could call the hurdle "The deceitfulness of riches" or..."The exodus wandering relived."
I know this isn't so much for those with financial security or a good job and a 401k. It's more for us who have never really had that but have lived more hand to mouth - either all of our lives or more recently, through circumstances where we lost a job with "bennies" or became fairly destitute from some other cause.
I know He can make a pair of shoes last 40 years and can sew up holes in pockets. And I read exodus and see all the failures of trust for temporal provision. I see our same failure to trust, despite knowing that Jesus said we are not to worry about these things as unbelievers do.
I see our "jars of worms" where we gather enough for the day AND for 30 years of retirement. And I see all of the worry about if we've saved enough to not starve in old age. And the worry when 401k's take a hit. Etc., etc. There is some inner lying of saying we trust when really we show ourselves to be leaning on a stockpile for our security.
I talk with others a lot about trust for provision no matter what it looks like currently. And mostly, I am strong in this myself. But I feel I am in danger of disqualification because after I teach trust to others, I have got into a funk over it early this morning.
Because I really would like some financial security, even though I KNOW He has done the very best thing for me and my growth of trust in Him and His promises.
So I KNOW all of these things and I STILL got into a funk and a struggle this morning.
There is some sort of...line, a dividing line? and I'm standing right on it instead of on one side or the other. Because I waver back and forth. I've gotten pretty good at recognizing when I'm kicking sand around with my foot and trying to cover up that line to go with the worlds wisdom instead of trust. And at the same time I'm desiring a stockpile and a small place of my own, I'm also deeply grateful that He hasn't given these things to me in order to grow my trust.
I guess what really hit me hard this morning is...a deep and profound...weariness over this struggle that never quite ceases. I think I have it licked and then it comes back and I just want to be done with it and be completely firm.
So, since you mentioned this somewhere in a post fairly recently, I just thought you might have some words or...wisdom...or encouragement for me. You're the only one I've ever heard address it (other than me) and so I know you understand this very real struggle. So even just what has helped to make you firmer would maybe help me. I'm weary of it. I feel I should be past this hurdle. He's given me the circumstances to bring me to the struggle in His mercy, and I don't want to muddle around in it any longer. I want to be firm and unshaken in it. I don't want this intermittent temptation to go back to the worlds wisdom and then worry about retirement. I guess I'm wondering how to get rid of the constant temptation...? Even to move on to a different temptation instead of the same one over and over would be a relief.
You said something like...the struggle to believe God will make a way of provision for you without you having to do something illegal or...I don't know, you said something like that.
I talk to brothers and sisters all the time about this, which is, from my observations of others and myself, a huge and first hurdle that we stumble on and don't ever get running swiftly because of. You could call the hurdle "The deceitfulness of riches" or..."The exodus wandering relived."
I know this isn't so much for those with financial security or a good job and a 401k. It's more for us who have never really had that but have lived more hand to mouth - either all of our lives or more recently, through circumstances where we lost a job with "bennies" or became fairly destitute from some other cause.
I know He can make a pair of shoes last 40 years and can sew up holes in pockets. And I read exodus and see all the failures of trust for temporal provision. I see our same failure to trust, despite knowing that Jesus said we are not to worry about these things as unbelievers do.
I see our "jars of worms" where we gather enough for the day AND for 30 years of retirement. And I see all of the worry about if we've saved enough to not starve in old age. And the worry when 401k's take a hit. Etc., etc. There is some inner lying of saying we trust when really we show ourselves to be leaning on a stockpile for our security.
I talk with others a lot about trust for provision no matter what it looks like currently. And mostly, I am strong in this myself. But I feel I am in danger of disqualification because after I teach trust to others, I have got into a funk over it early this morning.
Because I really would like some financial security, even though I KNOW He has done the very best thing for me and my growth of trust in Him and His promises.
So I KNOW all of these things and I STILL got into a funk and a struggle this morning.
There is some sort of...line, a dividing line? and I'm standing right on it instead of on one side or the other. Because I waver back and forth. I've gotten pretty good at recognizing when I'm kicking sand around with my foot and trying to cover up that line to go with the worlds wisdom instead of trust. And at the same time I'm desiring a stockpile and a small place of my own, I'm also deeply grateful that He hasn't given these things to me in order to grow my trust.
I guess what really hit me hard this morning is...a deep and profound...weariness over this struggle that never quite ceases. I think I have it licked and then it comes back and I just want to be done with it and be completely firm.
So, since you mentioned this somewhere in a post fairly recently, I just thought you might have some words or...wisdom...or encouragement for me. You're the only one I've ever heard address it (other than me) and so I know you understand this very real struggle. So even just what has helped to make you firmer would maybe help me. I'm weary of it. I feel I should be past this hurdle. He's given me the circumstances to bring me to the struggle in His mercy, and I don't want to muddle around in it any longer. I want to be firm and unshaken in it. I don't want this intermittent temptation to go back to the worlds wisdom and then worry about retirement. I guess I'm wondering how to get rid of the constant temptation...? Even to move on to a different temptation instead of the same one over and over would be a relief.