Hi, brothers and sisters! I hope you are all alright.
I decided to post this thread because I´ve been thinking a lot about this subject lately. However, before I dig into this issue more specifically, I´d like you to read this text (a bit long but please, bear with me):
" "Pastor John, I am a mother of three sweet girls, and my husband and I love them dearly. We are expecting a forth child. We live in India, where a boy is preferred over a girl. Many Christians around us tell us they are praying for us to have a boy now. A pastor whom we know, told us the story that he went a whole night to a mountain to pray for a son and he later received a son. We do value a girl the same as a boy. My husband feels that it is special to have a boy also, someone who carries on our family line, and in the Bible a male was prayed for and given (like Samuel). But is it right to prefer and ask God for a specific gender or should we simply trust in God’s sovereignty and goodness, to give to us what he thinks is right for us? Or should we be persistent in our prayers for a boy? Praying for a boy makes me feel sometimes I want a girl less and would be less happy to receive her. And in the Bible is there a special blessing or inheritance for a boy, which a girl can’t have?”
(...)
Can you pray for the one or the other? Should you even prefer one or the other? And I very much appreciate the question because I think everybody who has children has to ask this. And they do ask it whether they even say it out loud or not, because you are wondering: What are we going to have? And what would you like to have and should I ask God to influence that process? And when you get two girls, should you ask for a boy? And we had four boys. Should we ask for a girl? Or we had a boy. Should we ask for a girl and then another ask for a girl and then another ask for a girl and then another? Or should we not? And so here is my answer: There are dangers and there are warrants for praying this way. The dangers are — just to mention a couple — that you might pray for a son or a daughter for the wrong reasons. It would be wrong to pray for one sex because you fail to value the other one in a biblical way. That would be wrong and that is true around the world for a lot of people. It would be wrong to pray for one or the other for merely earthly or selfish reasons like, I need more help in the kitchen. Or, we need more help on the farm. I just think those kinds of merely — and the word merely is important — merely selfish, earthly reasons would be wrong. And so we have to guard. If we are going to pray, better pray really carefully. And a second danger is the wounds that could come to a child if the child felt, “I wasn’t wanted. They wanted a girl and I am a boy or they wanted a boy and I am a girl.” That is a danger that every parent needs to be very, very alerted to.
But there are not only dangers, there are warrants. I think it is a God-given, good desire for a mother to have a unique kind of desire for a daughter and a father to have a unique kind of desire for a son. And part of that is they both want — and rightly want — to build into this child something what God has made them to be as they have learned how to be a woman or a man. A woman has spent her whole life learning what it means to be a godly woman. She would love to build that into a little girl who grows up to be a godly woman. And a man has spent his whole life trying to figure out what does it mean to be a man for God and he would love to build that into a son. Those are good desires. And to want the one or both is not wrong. A second warrant would be that there may be some settings in life in missions or in unique hardship of a genetic danger, say, if you knew a girl had a unique genetic proclivity that the boy wouldn’t have or something along those lines that you might say to God: I would ask that you would give me a son or a daughter. So my conclusion is, test your motives by the Scriptures and ask God according to your heart’s desire and make clear to God, to your spouse, and to all the children: We will love God’s gift to us — disabled or able, male or female, living long or living short — we will love God’s gift to us with all our heart and we will believe that God knows best."
John Piper in desiringGod.org (click here to see the complete version)
Before specifying what made me made this thread, I´d like to ask for forgiveness to all of those who may be offended with some things I´m about to write. It´s not an easy thing for me to deal with, because I feel bad and mostly guilty.
So, please let me get to the point: as you might figured out already, I´m kind of in the same boat of our sister who wrote to pastor John Piper. My wife is 21 weeks pregnant of our first child. Both of us are not that young for having children (were are both close to 40´s). So, since the first ultrasound the doctor suspected it was a girl. The following ones confirmed it was a girl. When we were trying to conceive, I prayed often to the Lord for a boy. In fact, all my life I asked God for a boy. He knows/knew that. So I admit, it´s not being easy to deal with this (this is the part some of you, if not all, will not have the best opinion about me. And you´re right about that.) Like pastor John said, that are dangers and warrants about praying for a certain gender. Although I believe I asked for a boy also for the right reasons, I must confess that I asked to have a son mostly for the wrong ones (and these have nothing to do with a son himself, but with having a daughter). So yes, I accept pastor John´s view of the subject. Still, I can´t forget that God didn´t answer my prayers, although He knew I wanted a boy so much!
Now, this is only one part of this subject. There is another one that may be trickier for me to understand (and believe me, I really want to understand all of this). Let´s see: if we take pastor John´s answer in consideration, one may think that God could answer "yes" to our prayers. "Yes" or "no". What I´ve seen often in the web was others brothers that are in the same situation of "I prayed to the Lord for a boy/girl but we having a girl/boy". But then other opinions come in:
" - God determines baby gender and your prayers aren´t even considered by Him. He´s sovereign and it´s pre-established by Him that you´ll have a boy/girl or even none."
So, this is another scenario I´ve been really thinking also. We have in the Bible:
Before I formed you in the womb I knew you, and before you were born I consecrated you; I appointed you a prophet to the nations. Jeremiah 1:5
Reading this verse makes think about two possibilities:
- 1) The Lord created life and since He is the Creator and sustains all things in the Universe, He allows things to happen according to this fallen world. He may even intervene in some cases, due to prayers, but He allows that in given circumstances a Y chromosome fertilized the egg and one have a boy, and in others a X will do it and one have a girl. Here, God already knows from the begging what sons and daughters will be, etc, but He merely allowed that to happen, according to this fallen word. That will explain also birth defects, natural abortions, etc;
- 2) The Lord pre-determines baby´s gender and one have accept with it. The same occurs to those who can´t conceive. In this case, those who pray for a specific gender will be "lucky" if their desire matches God´s will.
Personally, scenario 2 makes me think that I don´t have free will. I would have to assume that I was destined to have a certain reality (to have a girl, boy, two or three girls, five boys, or none, etc), and that all my life was somehow "defined" in order to have that outcome.
I´d love to know your opinions, dear brethren. I once again, do forgive me if I offend any of you with the content of this thread. I feel guilty about all of this. Still, I´ll do my best to be the best father possible and to love my daughter the best I can.
May the Lord bless you all!
I decided to post this thread because I´ve been thinking a lot about this subject lately. However, before I dig into this issue more specifically, I´d like you to read this text (a bit long but please, bear with me):
" "Pastor John, I am a mother of three sweet girls, and my husband and I love them dearly. We are expecting a forth child. We live in India, where a boy is preferred over a girl. Many Christians around us tell us they are praying for us to have a boy now. A pastor whom we know, told us the story that he went a whole night to a mountain to pray for a son and he later received a son. We do value a girl the same as a boy. My husband feels that it is special to have a boy also, someone who carries on our family line, and in the Bible a male was prayed for and given (like Samuel). But is it right to prefer and ask God for a specific gender or should we simply trust in God’s sovereignty and goodness, to give to us what he thinks is right for us? Or should we be persistent in our prayers for a boy? Praying for a boy makes me feel sometimes I want a girl less and would be less happy to receive her. And in the Bible is there a special blessing or inheritance for a boy, which a girl can’t have?”
(...)
Can you pray for the one or the other? Should you even prefer one or the other? And I very much appreciate the question because I think everybody who has children has to ask this. And they do ask it whether they even say it out loud or not, because you are wondering: What are we going to have? And what would you like to have and should I ask God to influence that process? And when you get two girls, should you ask for a boy? And we had four boys. Should we ask for a girl? Or we had a boy. Should we ask for a girl and then another ask for a girl and then another ask for a girl and then another? Or should we not? And so here is my answer: There are dangers and there are warrants for praying this way. The dangers are — just to mention a couple — that you might pray for a son or a daughter for the wrong reasons. It would be wrong to pray for one sex because you fail to value the other one in a biblical way. That would be wrong and that is true around the world for a lot of people. It would be wrong to pray for one or the other for merely earthly or selfish reasons like, I need more help in the kitchen. Or, we need more help on the farm. I just think those kinds of merely — and the word merely is important — merely selfish, earthly reasons would be wrong. And so we have to guard. If we are going to pray, better pray really carefully. And a second danger is the wounds that could come to a child if the child felt, “I wasn’t wanted. They wanted a girl and I am a boy or they wanted a boy and I am a girl.” That is a danger that every parent needs to be very, very alerted to.
But there are not only dangers, there are warrants. I think it is a God-given, good desire for a mother to have a unique kind of desire for a daughter and a father to have a unique kind of desire for a son. And part of that is they both want — and rightly want — to build into this child something what God has made them to be as they have learned how to be a woman or a man. A woman has spent her whole life learning what it means to be a godly woman. She would love to build that into a little girl who grows up to be a godly woman. And a man has spent his whole life trying to figure out what does it mean to be a man for God and he would love to build that into a son. Those are good desires. And to want the one or both is not wrong. A second warrant would be that there may be some settings in life in missions or in unique hardship of a genetic danger, say, if you knew a girl had a unique genetic proclivity that the boy wouldn’t have or something along those lines that you might say to God: I would ask that you would give me a son or a daughter. So my conclusion is, test your motives by the Scriptures and ask God according to your heart’s desire and make clear to God, to your spouse, and to all the children: We will love God’s gift to us — disabled or able, male or female, living long or living short — we will love God’s gift to us with all our heart and we will believe that God knows best."
John Piper in desiringGod.org (click here to see the complete version)
Before specifying what made me made this thread, I´d like to ask for forgiveness to all of those who may be offended with some things I´m about to write. It´s not an easy thing for me to deal with, because I feel bad and mostly guilty.
So, please let me get to the point: as you might figured out already, I´m kind of in the same boat of our sister who wrote to pastor John Piper. My wife is 21 weeks pregnant of our first child. Both of us are not that young for having children (were are both close to 40´s). So, since the first ultrasound the doctor suspected it was a girl. The following ones confirmed it was a girl. When we were trying to conceive, I prayed often to the Lord for a boy. In fact, all my life I asked God for a boy. He knows/knew that. So I admit, it´s not being easy to deal with this (this is the part some of you, if not all, will not have the best opinion about me. And you´re right about that.) Like pastor John said, that are dangers and warrants about praying for a certain gender. Although I believe I asked for a boy also for the right reasons, I must confess that I asked to have a son mostly for the wrong ones (and these have nothing to do with a son himself, but with having a daughter). So yes, I accept pastor John´s view of the subject. Still, I can´t forget that God didn´t answer my prayers, although He knew I wanted a boy so much!
Now, this is only one part of this subject. There is another one that may be trickier for me to understand (and believe me, I really want to understand all of this). Let´s see: if we take pastor John´s answer in consideration, one may think that God could answer "yes" to our prayers. "Yes" or "no". What I´ve seen often in the web was others brothers that are in the same situation of "I prayed to the Lord for a boy/girl but we having a girl/boy". But then other opinions come in:
" - God determines baby gender and your prayers aren´t even considered by Him. He´s sovereign and it´s pre-established by Him that you´ll have a boy/girl or even none."
So, this is another scenario I´ve been really thinking also. We have in the Bible:
Before I formed you in the womb I knew you, and before you were born I consecrated you; I appointed you a prophet to the nations. Jeremiah 1:5
Reading this verse makes think about two possibilities:
- 1) The Lord created life and since He is the Creator and sustains all things in the Universe, He allows things to happen according to this fallen world. He may even intervene in some cases, due to prayers, but He allows that in given circumstances a Y chromosome fertilized the egg and one have a boy, and in others a X will do it and one have a girl. Here, God already knows from the begging what sons and daughters will be, etc, but He merely allowed that to happen, according to this fallen word. That will explain also birth defects, natural abortions, etc;
- 2) The Lord pre-determines baby´s gender and one have accept with it. The same occurs to those who can´t conceive. In this case, those who pray for a specific gender will be "lucky" if their desire matches God´s will.
Personally, scenario 2 makes me think that I don´t have free will. I would have to assume that I was destined to have a certain reality (to have a girl, boy, two or three girls, five boys, or none, etc), and that all my life was somehow "defined" in order to have that outcome.
I´d love to know your opinions, dear brethren. I once again, do forgive me if I offend any of you with the content of this thread. I feel guilty about all of this. Still, I´ll do my best to be the best father possible and to love my daughter the best I can.
May the Lord bless you all!
