Is what I'm doing wrong as a christian??

[Kat_6]

I have an older sister that is extremely hard to deal with. I try my best to forgive and love as God says but it's hard. I don't mean to make her sound bad but heres the truth. She is 21 living with my parents with no intention of moving out. She spends almost all day in her room and only comes out to eat. As a family, my parents and I try our best to communicate with her. She has a hard heart though I know she loves us because in the end we are family. She always calls my parents and I names such as the B word and says F you to us. She dared to hit my parents before and once she gets angry, she begins to throw things around the house and breaks things. Sometimes I get along with her but I have to really try because she constantly calls me names and says bad things to me and I have to ignore them to get along with her. We are once again not on speaking terms because she gets mad very easily. Thing is, the reason I don't like being around her is because she puts me down, makes me feel bad about myself and constantly swears and calls me names. She is my older sister and I still love her as a family but is it wrong to not want to spend time with her?

In Psalm 104:9, it says "Set boundaries, love from a distance, and keep yourself from harm." So in honest truth, is loving her as a sister yet not communicating with her wrong?
Thank you.

 

[justin777]

For you listen to this it will help you have hope. An Evening with Wendy - Evening 1 | GOD TV

Now for her it sounds like she has a demon of anger and a demon of shut down (because she's continuously hiding) you need to pray that those two demons will not influence her anymore.

Reafirm to her that you know how she is hurting and you love her.

 

[Ugly]

Not at all. I stay away from much of my family. Keep in mind family is a temporary, earthly relationship. In heaven we will not have these family dynamics.
Personally i do not place family as important as friends. Friends are people i choose and who choose me. Family are the people you're stuck with, whether you like it or not. I am closer to and more supportive of friends than i am family. Some because i don't like how they act, and some just because i have nothing in common with them other than being related, though they are otherwise fine people. But i'm not going to grant them any special treatment just because we're related.

Sounds to me as though your sister is either very spoiled or perhaps has a mental disorder. More likely the mental disorder i would assume, since you don't seem to have the same spoiled attitude.

 

[Hizikyah]

Prayer for Yah to do His will in her life and you and others being there for her if she is ever ready.

 

[Tearose84]

I don't believe she has demons or a mental disorder or is spoiled. I think she is full of hurt and anger inside about something and needs love and probably counseling...but most of all PRAYER.

 

[Ugly]

The reason why is all speculation. Including that she's just hurt. Point of the thread is if the OPs behavior is OK. Which it is.

 

[elf3]

I'll tell you my point of view from what you have written. (I may be wrong). She seems angry for some reason and until you can find out why it will be hard to find the source. I can only give you advice not saying this is what you should do but maybe give ideas. I am making a guess thinking you are a Christian and seems maybe a young Christian. And that your parents are Christian too.

First you need to find out what is causing this anger inside her. It won't be easy but take notes on things she says and does. This might help pinpoint the problem. For three nights and three mornings pray in front of her door and ask God to reveal to you what the problem might be. Even after the first prayer if it's revealed keep doing it for three nights and three mornings asking the Holy Spirit for direction.

Get a note book and write everything God tells you down. Verses thoughts anything.

Then no matter what she says only say something nice back to here. If she says "your dumb" you say back "you look nice today". No matter what always say something nice. Even ask if there is some way you can help her or do something for her.

As long as you keep writing everything down you can then find out how to help her and find what is troubling her.

Then one thing at a time ask others what they think. You can even send me a private message so I can help you.

Nothing is too big that God cannot fix. Through your brothers and sisters here you could get some great advice on what to do to help her.

Here would be a great place as you can get so many ideas on how to help her.

But you have to be committed to this asking God for help. If you only ask God for "kinda" help it won't work. You need God full help. Start this now three nights and three mornings.

Then you must come back here and share what you have written. From there we can be on it.

 

[Dan58]

She always calls my parents and I names such as the B word and says F you to us. She dared to hit my parents before and once she gets angry, she begins to throw things around the house and breaks things.

Your sister sounds like a spoiled brat. She likely behaves like she does because your parents have always allowed it, and now its out of control. It doesn't matter what she's angry about, we all get angry at times, but we don't use it as an excuse to treat others like your sister does. I'd ignore her, you don't need to subject yourself to her abuse.

You ought to have a talk with your parents and ask them to start parenting their daughter. The disrespect and anger she dishes out needs to be addressed in a direct no nonsense way. I grew-up in a big family and none of us would even dare to think of hitting our parents or using the F word towards them, because we knew we'd be picking our butts up off the floor. Things like that are learned at an early age. I suspect your parents have never disciplined your sister, they are the problem behind the monster. jmo

 

[4enlightment]

I have an older sister that is extremely hard to deal with. I try my best to forgive and love as God says but it's hard. I don't mean to make her sound bad but heres the truth. She is 21 living with my parents with no intention of moving out. She spends almost all day in her room and only comes out to eat. As a family, my parents and I try our best to communicate with her. She has a hard heart though I know she loves us because in the end we are family. She always calls my parents and I names such as the B word and says F you to us. She dared to hit my parents before and once she gets angry, she begins to throw things around the house and breaks things. Sometimes I get along with her but I have to really try because she constantly calls me names and says bad things to me and I have to ignore them to get along with her. We are once again not on speaking terms because she gets mad very easily. Thing is, the reason I don't like being around her is because she puts me down, makes me feel bad about myself and constantly swears and calls me names. She is my older sister and I still love her as a family but is it wrong to not want to spend time with her?

In Psalm 104:9, it says "Set boundaries, love from a distance, and keep yourself from harm." So in honest truth, is loving her as a sister yet not communicating with her wrong?
Thank you.

She is trying to adapt to a new life style, from being a child into being an adult.

 

[ChristIsGod]

I have an older sister that is extremely hard to deal with. I try my best to forgive and love as God says but it's hard. I don't mean to make her sound bad but heres the truth. She is 21 living with my parents with no intention of moving out. She spends almost all day in her room and only comes out to eat. As a family, my parents and I try our best to communicate with her. She has a hard heart though I know she loves us because in the end we are family. She always calls my parents and I names such as the B word and says F you to us. She dared to hit my parents before and once she gets angry, she begins to throw things around the house and breaks things. Sometimes I get along with her but I have to really try because she constantly calls me names and says bad things to me and I have to ignore them to get along with her. We are once again not on speaking terms because she gets mad very easily. Thing is, the reason I don't like being around her is because she puts me down, makes me feel bad about myself and constantly swears and calls me names. She is my older sister and I still love her as a family but is it wrong to not want to spend time with her?

In Psalm 104:9, it says "Set boundaries, love from a distance, and keep yourself from harm." So in honest truth, is loving her as a sister yet not communicating with her wrong?
Thank you.

Do you mean she doesn't work or or am I missing something? If she doesn't work and has hit your parents, it's your parents that we need to pray for that they'll get into action to do something for her ... like tell her to get a decent job - like be a Nurses Aide at a Children's Hospital or something where she's helping people. She needs to learn compassion and empathy and the only way to do that is to work helping others.

Once she gets a job -- if that doesn't work or if she won't work - then your parents need to confront her behavior and get some intervention help. To allow her to be an adult, which she is, and to behave this way in your parents home is not excusable. They have to help her by doing something and that may or may not be something drastic or else her whole life will be trashed. She may need a Christian Psych Dr and not a secular psych Dr, and not sure if I should have said "may".

Joining the others in Prayer that your parents will act, as in Do Something, little Sister!

 

[inthewind]

Kat_6 has your sister always had some anger and rage or is this something new? Did she always shy away from people? Your sisters actions seem similar to my daughters who at 21 developed a bipolar disorder, went into fits of anger and developed fears which was very much unlike the daughter that I had raised. The anger issues my daughter developed were not necessarily from her bipolar disorder but from her inability to cope with her disorder and it sure didn't help her when we saw the changes develop in her and we failed to understand she had a mental health problem.

 

[notuptome]

Sounds to me like she needs to get saved. She has issues that she cannot deal with. She downs others because she has a very low self esteem. Unless and until she gets saved she will only get worse until the unthinkable happens.

For the cause of Christ
Roger

 

[Kaycie]

This reminds me of the movie Augusta Gone. She needs professional help. She needs discipline. She needs chores. Seriously, if she has everything handed to her she will have no reason to use any self-control. No offense to your parents, but it sounds like they didn't have the backbone to discipline her growing up, or even now. And since she's an adult your parents can't make her get professional help, and being of adult age only fuels her disrespect for authority. Your parents do have some leverage, but I doubt they have the backbone to use it, but she needs tough love.

She needs to earn the privileges she's receiving- food, shelter, clothing, etc. Since she is under their roof she should abide by their rules- you may not talk disrespectfully to anyone in this house, here is your chore list for everyday, you may not play music louder than this volume number, you must come out and eat dinner with the rest of the family, and after dinner there will be a brief bible study, and everyone will read a scripture, you must participate. If you do not abide by these rules you may not stay in this house.

I know this seems harsh, but if she does leave she will either not be homeless long before she realizes, or she will stay with someone else and realize they have some kind of rules too and won't put up with disrespect, or she will get her own apartment and have to do all the responsibilities herself. Either way, she may react like the prodigal son and come back humble and respectful. But as it is, it will only get worse if your parents do nothing.

As far as it depends on you, no you are not wrong to not spend time with her. The bible says to not be unequally yoked. We can't always control who we have to be around, but we can control who we treat like a best friend. Let her see and feel the result of her disrespect- make her earn a relationship with you- a relationship based on mutual respect. Do your best to be at peace with her, and show her love, but let her see there's something missing- the relationship you used to have. If you just hand it to her anyways she'll have no reason to put forth any effort on her part, your family is taking away any reason for her to use self-control.

There's a spiritual war going on. The bible says our enemies will be members of our own household. Everyone has a spiritual battle to fight, we are supposed to work out our own salvation with fear and trembling, your family is taking that away from her- unless she has to experience consequences she will never gain the humble attitude needed to work out her salvation. But on your part show her love and peace.

My son came to me once complaining about another kid, with thoughts of being revengeful. I said "Hmm, you should definitely treat him like an enemy!" He sighed and said, "Love your enemies." No matter what, we need to love everyone, even if what's needed is tough love. Start off as gentle as possible, but you may need to get up to being as tough as possible. For example, if a man was trying to kidnap my daughter, and I had ahold of her leg, should I hold her gently so that his strength can take her from me? Or should I hold onto her with all my might because it's better to take her to the hospital with a broken leg than to let her be raped and her different body parts cut up and spread through and river and forest like the son of the host of Americas Most Wanted? If your parents really love her they need to supply what she spiritually needs.

 

[ThomistColin]

I have an older sister that is extremely hard to deal with. I try my best to forgive and love as God says but it's hard. I don't mean to make her sound bad but heres the truth. She is 21 living with my parents with no intention of moving out. She spends almost all day in her room and only comes out to eat. As a family, my parents and I try our best to communicate with her. She has a hard heart though I know she loves us because in the end we are family. She always calls my parents and I names such as the B word and says F you to us. She dared to hit my parents before and once she gets angry, she begins to throw things around the house and breaks things. Sometimes I get along with her but I have to really try because she constantly calls me names and says bad things to me and I have to ignore them to get along with her. We are once again not on speaking terms because she gets mad very easily. Thing is, the reason I don't like being around her is because she puts me down, makes me feel bad about myself and constantly swears and calls me names. She is my older sister and I still love her as a family but is it wrong to not want to spend time with her?

In Psalm 104:9, it says "Set boundaries, love from a distance, and keep yourself from harm." So in honest truth, is loving her as a sister yet not communicating with her wrong?
Thank you.

Do what is best for you, and then decide what is best for her and do it.

Your sister is suffering from some form of psychological distress. This type of behavior is indicative of bipolar and chronic depression. It may also be something demonic. So I would suggest praying for her as a family and suggest somehow that she be brought to a psychiatrist. One way or another the truth will out.

 

[dcontroversal]

Men personally.....I would pray or her and cut her off....sounds like your dad needs to put his pants on and send her packing if she will not tone it down and be a little more amicable.....They bible has quite a few verses that talk about the enemies of Jesus and yourself being they of your own house....brother shall betray brother, sister against sister, children against the parents etc.....

 

[Jacob_Fitzgerald]

Does she have allergies? It would be a very good idea to have her allergy tested. Then have her avoid the things she is allergic to.

I'm allergic to corn, and when I eat it I get angry and then everybody around me can't do anything right. I even find myself saying things to hurt them. This is not like my normal self at all, when I'm not having an allergic reaction I am very sociable, meek, cordial, and would never do anything to hurt anyone.

For allergy testing I suggest going to a naturopathic doctor because they have better means by which to test for allergies. More particularly someone who does “Nambudripad’s Allergy Elimination Technique.”

In Christ,
Jacob

 

[Kat_6]

My parents have tried to discipline her but nothing works. Talking to her gets her angry, yelling at her makes her even angrier. They say if she wants to be happy since she says she hayes living here so much that she should just finish her degree quickly and move out but she won't. My parents love her because in the end she is their daughter so no matter how many fights they get into, my parents try to be the bigger person and ask her to come have dinner and spend family time etc. Then she just calls my parents fake for treating her 'terribly' before and suddenly sucking up to her but it's only because they love her as a daughter.

 

[Kat_6]

Thank you for the prayers! Yes she does have a job, but works very minimally. She works at a daycare and she says she likes children but my sister is a very different person at home and outside. Everyone knows her as a sweet, considerate and humble person Though when she comes home, she drops the act quick. I really don't know what can help her apart from prayer. She works two days a week for three hours. She doesn't drive and won't take the bus so my dad has to drive her every late night. When she goes out, my parents are worried and love her enough to wake up at 3am in the morning and give her a ride home as soon as she calls. I don't know why she doesn't treat us like family.

 

[Utah]

I'll tell you my point of view from what you have written. (I may be wrong). She seems angry for some reason and until you can find out why it will be hard to find the source. I can only give you advice not saying this is what you should do but maybe give ideas. I am making a guess thinking you are a Christian and seems maybe a young Christian. And that your parents are Christian too.

First you need to find out what is causing this anger inside her. It won't be easy but take notes on things she says and does. This might help pinpoint the problem. For three nights and three mornings pray in front of her door and ask God to reveal to you what the problem might be. Even after the first prayer if it's revealed keep doing it for three nights and three mornings asking the Holy Spirit for direction.

Get a note book and write everything God tells you down. Verses thoughts anything.

Then no matter what she says only say something nice back to here. If she says "your dumb" you say back "you look nice today". No matter what always say something nice. Even ask if there is some way you can help her or do something for her.

As long as you keep writing everything down you can then find out how to help her and find what is troubling her.

Then one thing at a time ask others what they think. You can even send me a private message so I can help you.

Nothing is too big that God cannot fix. Through your brothers and sisters here you could get some great advice on what to do to help her.

Here would be a great place as you can get so many ideas on how to help her.

But you have to be committed to this asking God for help. If you only ask God for "kinda" help it won't work. You need God full help. Start this now three nights and three mornings.

Then you must come back here and share what you have written. From there we can be on it.

Excellent advice, my friend!

Remember Kat, happy people share happiness. Elf3 is right, your sister is hurting, and sadly, when we experience that kind of inner turmoil we end up hurting those we love the most. Do as Elf3 has suggested. In the meantime, many of us here will sincerely pray for you and your family. God bless.

 

[Born_Again]

She needs to have her eyes opened... Sounds like depression. Do me a favor, listen to Light it Up by For King and Country, the live version. It will speak to you.... and to her. You said you are trying to be loving towards her. Remember, you do love her but you do not like what she is doing or what has overcome her. Some mentioned earlier to tell her you love her. That is a good idea.