Why so fake?

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jsr1221

jsr1221

Senior Member
#1
Jul 7, 2013
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#1
I've noticed this more and more lately... If Jesus tells is to come as we are (broken and all), why do we have to put on our "Sunday best" at church, pretending all is okay? If someone says "Hey brother, how are you?" you're expected to say "feeling great, brrother. God is good". Saying exactly how you feel is frowned upon because the pastor has to talk about tithing and new projects going on at the church. Is this what Jesus really wants? Don"t get me wrong there are programs like Celebrate Recovery which are Christ Based and great... But when it comes to your typical church service on a Sunday, you've got to quickly find a mask pretending we're happy. So I ask... Why do we gotta be so fake?
 
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Willie-T

Willie-T

Banned
#2
Feb 7, 2015
22,418
413
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#2
jsr1221 said:
I've noticed this more and more lately... If Jesus tells is to come as we are (broken and all), why do we have to put on our "Sunday best" at church, pretending all is okay? If someone says "Hey brother, how are you?" you're expected to say "feeling great, brrother. God is good". Saying exactly how you feel is frowned upon because the pastor has to talk about tithing and new projects going on at the church. Is this what Jesus really wants? Don"t get me wrong there are programs like Celebrate Recovery which are Christ Based and great... But when it comes to your typical church service on a Sunday, you've got to quickly find a mask pretending we're happy. So I ask... Why do we gotta be so fake?
Click to expand...
Boy, I can tell you sure don't attend a Vineyard Fellowship. LOL
 
breno785au

breno785au

Senior Member
#3
Jul 23, 2013
6,002
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#3
We don't have to be fake, I know exactly what you are talking about. God showed me this years ago (about myself) putting on a mask pretending to be strong but I'm in pain on the inside. I tend to not do it anymore, though I find I have to watch myself but if I'm struggling and not feeling so great, I show it...I have noticed I don't get much concern from others when I do but I try not to be critical of that, I can only be the example myself.
I am tired of all the happy faces surrounding me and everyone looks so strong and got it all together, I am somewhat afraid to show my true self at times, sometimes I wonder what has happened to rejoice with those who rejoice, mourn with those who mourn.
 
Dino246

Dino246

Senior Member
#4
Jun 30, 2015
24,820
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When I was first separated, I sat in a different pew than where I had been sitting, and I was all by myself. A few weeks later, someone came up after the service and asked how I was doing. After I stopped crying...

I managed to tell him what was happening. He shared that ten years earlier, he had sat in almost the same place in the church, in almost the same situation.

There is a wrong time and place to be real, and many people have been hurt by revealing too much to the wrong person pr people. That's why we're cagey, and that's okay. The key is to seek out safe people and to be real with them, privately.

But do be real. With someone. And you may find that you aren't the only one hurting. Ironically, the Church starts getting healthy... when we acknowledge that we aren't.
 
Magenta

Magenta

Senior Member
#5
Jul 3, 2015
56,426
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#5
My church is nothing like you describe, jsr. :D
 
J

John146

Senior Member
#6
Jan 13, 2016
16,740
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#6
jsr1221 said:
I've noticed this more and more lately... If Jesus tells is to come as we are (broken and all), why do we have to put on our "Sunday best" at church, pretending all is okay? If someone says "Hey brother, how are you?" you're expected to say "feeling great, brrother. God is good". Saying exactly how you feel is frowned upon because the pastor has to talk about tithing and new projects going on at the church. Is this what Jesus really wants? Don"t get me wrong there are programs like Celebrate Recovery which are Christ Based and great... But when it comes to your typical church service on a Sunday, you've got to quickly find a mask pretending we're happy. So I ask... Why do we gotta be so fake?
Click to expand...
Are you not joyful? Why not? No matter the circumstances in a believer's life, there is unspeakable joy to be thankful for. The troubles of this world are just a moment, tough sometimes, yes, but be thankful always for the hope that is in you.
 
R

Radibrom

Guest
#7
#7
I have gone into church yelling and screaming, crying and wondered why God put me in the situations I were in to be abused as a kid. But then I was told that He doesn't control this world. I was under the impression that He did care about children and protected them from all types of child abuse. I have been thru many storms without Him,ex..child abuse, 2 suicide attempts in a vehicle. Later, I came to understand that HE WAS with me the whole time. I also used to say church was just a fashion show full of hypocrites, but we cant control how or what other people do-we are not all in the same place on our walk with God. I am an emotional person, I wear my heart on my sleeve so to speak, and I don't care who sees or cares....the ones that do see your pain....will approach you to pray or do what they can to help you. At least that's what I try to do.
 
crossnote

crossnote

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#8
Nov 24, 2012
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#8
When Peter saw him, he said to Jesus, "Lord, what about this man?" Jesus said to him, "If it is my will that he remain until I come, what is that to you? You follow me!"
(Joh 21:21-22)

Because others act 'fake' doesn't mean we need to. We are accountable to Him...not them.
 
A

Ariel82

Guest
#9
#9
Next time someone asks you how you are, tell them the truth.
 
Magenta

Magenta

Senior Member
#10
Jul 3, 2015
56,426
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#10
In fact, after being sick for a few weeks I finally went to church on Sunday after missing a couple of weeks in a row; the Lord's Supper being celebrated was a real motivator, but I never got a chance to talk to my pastor's wife, so I called her Sunday night and had a really good chat about my life, she is lovely and so supportive... and always I give her and her husband lots of kudos for the inspirational people they are, and how wonderful a pastor her husband is, and what great loving parents they are to their many children... yes, there is love, it is something to celebrate, to be sure.
 
Angela53510

Angela53510

Senior Member
#11
Jan 24, 2011
11,782
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#11
I love the church I am in, because it is not fake. Sometimes the preacher wears shorts and sandals. Well, we are in a semi desert, so sometimes that is necessary. Sometimes people spontaneously flood the altar, in the middle of a service, and sometimes it just isn't on God's agenda even after.

I personally like to dress well for church. I don't care if anyone but God sees me. I played in bars and in nightclubs as a musician before I was saved. I was always the best dressed person in the place. Because that meant to me that I was being professional and I was doing my job.

So when I got saved, I vowed to never play music in those kinds of places. I dedicated my music to God. I dedicated everything to God. So if I could dress up to make people drunk, how could I not dress up to glorify God?

But if I do not dress up for some reason I know God sees my heart just the same, and loves me just as much! I missed last week because of my surgery. But I am really excited about going there this week, even if it means I am in a wheelchair. Like I said, God is looking at my heart - not my mode of transportation around the building!
 
Dan58

Dan58

Senior Member
#12
Nov 13, 2013
1,991
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#12
Sometimes a fake response is out of respect for others. I mean who wants to hear a 20 minute recital of all my problems? Its a matter of not wanting to bring everyone down with a boring poor me rainy Jane story. When someone ask "How are you?" Just say "I'm Surviving". That way your being pleasant but not lying or being fake. There's a time and place to air your dirty laundry, but I don't think a church service is the appropriate place, people go there for edification and inspiration... jmo
 
AbigailZeke

AbigailZeke

Beloved
#13
Mar 11, 2016
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abigail.pro
#13
I've been to the fakest church I've ever met in my life, I was in my early twenties and at that time, I thought they were all great and I tried to imitate them, acting all happy and excited all the time. In my mind at that time, that was the real way of being Christian. But after some real-life struggles, I went back to visit that church with my family. I met my old friends and they were all smiley and happy and excited. They were like "how have you been? It's been a long time!" I figured I should answer honestly, for a change. I said "well, I was a bad girl! I dated a non-Christian I met on the internet when I was addicted to video games!" Imagine the horror on their faces LOL. Anyway, long story short, it became a testimony to share. And I remained friends with some of them.
 
U

Ugly

Guest
#14
#14
I wouldn't say it's new at all. Or more common.
 
posthuman

posthuman

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#15
Jul 31, 2013
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Ariel82 said:
Next time someone asks you how you are, tell them the truth.
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yes this! -- the thing you can change is your own behavior. you can perpetuate this fake nonsense, or you can stand up against it.

so i was going to suggest, don't go this week aiming to impress anyone by what you wear, and when someone asks you how you are doing -- everyone that asks you how you are doing -- tell them this:

jsr1221 said:
I've noticed this more and more lately... If Jesus tells is to come as we are (broken and all), why do we have to put on our "Sunday best" at church, pretending all is okay? If someone says "Hey brother, how are you?" you're expected to say "feeling great, brrother. God is good". Saying exactly how you feel is frowned upon because the pastor has to talk about tithing and new projects going on at the church. Is this what Jesus really wants? Don"t get me wrong there are programs like Celebrate Recovery which are Christ Based and great... But when it comes to your typical church service on a Sunday, you've got to quickly find a mask pretending we're happy. So I ask... Why do we gotta be so fake?
Click to expand...


because that right there is how you are doing. this is troubling you, and it's a very legitimate trouble. you're right man!
some of us are blessed to be in congregations that aren't so fake. we ought to be thankful! we hope that yours will become this way too, and it sound like there are a few of us praying for that for you, and for your church now :)
 
breno785au

breno785au

Senior Member
#16
Jul 23, 2013
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#16
Dan58 said:
Sometimes a fake response is out of respect for others. I mean who wants to hear a 20 minute recital of all my problems? Its a matter of not wanting to bring everyone down with a boring poor me rainy Jane story. When someone ask "How are you?" Just say "I'm Surviving". That way your being pleasant but not lying or being fake. There's a time and place to air your dirty laundry, but I don't think a church service is the appropriate place, people go there for edification and inspiration... jmo
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Lol basically its stuff everyone else, I'm here to be inspired and edified..don't bring me down brother with your burdens.

Oh and for the record, if you needed someone to share a burden with at church, I would be more than happy to listen with you, no worries.
 
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posthuman

posthuman

Senior Member
#17
Jul 31, 2013
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#17
Dan58 said:
Sometimes a fake response is out of respect for others. I mean who wants to hear a 20 minute recital of all my problems? Its a matter of not wanting to bring everyone down with a boring poor me rainy Jane story. When someone ask "How are you?" Just say "I'm Surviving". That way your being pleasant but not lying or being fake. There's a time and place to air your dirty laundry, but I don't think a church service is the appropriate place, people go there for edification and inspiration... jmo
Click to expand...

i understand this, and at least you'd say something that has some innuendo to it, that invites a person to ask more questions if they are really interested. that's not bad advice --

-- but there is no reason not to be honest with each other, especially with the church: we go there not only for those things, and to worship together, but to worship together - to be the body of Christ, brothers and sisters who share the same eternal hope. God has purposed that we should have fellowship with each other, loving one another - that should be the thing that really sets us apart from the world.

if we can't be honest with each other, for whatever reason, but feel like we have to show each other a false front whenever we talk -- that's not being honest, and dishonesty is not showing love.

why not say something like "well i'n not doing well, actually - a lot of things are really bothering me, though i don't want to spend 20 minutes boring you with my dirty laundry" ?

this kind of shocking behavior - telling the truth - may just spur others to open up with each other too. and who knows how much more edification and inspiration we would gain from God working through others and through us, as we actually talk to one another about real issues, and find out that we all have spiritual gifts that are intended to help one another in exactly those kinds of real issues?

who knows but that you might actually get to know the people in the pew behind you, who've always bee sort of hoping for an opening to really talk? and you might scare away the people who never wanted to talk to you or anyone else in the first place. we could wind up having and daily expressing a love for one another that really sets us apart from the world ((the fake, fake world)). win-win.


yeah i get what you're saying Dan, but i get what jsr is saying too.
i dunno - i am part of this little niche of my generation for whom "fakeness" has always been a pet peeve.
 
posthuman

posthuman

Senior Member
#18
Jul 31, 2013
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#18
have you ever noticed people sometimes say "fine" when you don't even ask them "how are you?" because they just expect you to say "i'm fine, how are you?" -- and aren't even paying attention?

i've noticed when people ask "how are you?" and i say something like "not good, really bad headache today and worried about my dog" -- sometimes they say something like "that's good.. " and just look away, trying to find the next person to not actually talk to. not paying attention at all.

it's eerie, actually. ((zombies!))
 
posthuman

posthuman

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#19
Jul 31, 2013
36,724
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#19
breno785au said:
Lol basically its stuff everyone else, I'm here to be inspired and edified..don't bring me down brother with your burdens.
Click to expand...

ha! ;)

why don't we be even more honest though with each other --

"good morning! how are you?"

"surviving."

"yes! and how was your week?"

"fine, look - please don't take up any more of my time; i'm here to be edified and inspired." ​


lol OK i don't think this is exactly how Dan's conversations go..
that's funny & insightful, breno. thanks
 
M

Messy

Banned
#20
May 26, 2016
545
3
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#20
jsr1221 said:
I've noticed this more and more lately... If Jesus tells is to come as we are (broken and all), why do we have to put on our "Sunday best" at church, pretending all is okay? If someone says "Hey brother, how are you?" you're expected to say "feeling great, brrother. God is good". Saying exactly how you feel is frowned upon because the pastor has to talk about tithing and new projects going on at the church. Is this what Jesus really wants? Don"t get me wrong there are programs like Celebrate Recovery which are Christ Based and great... But when it comes to your typical church service on a Sunday, you've got to quickly find a mask pretending we're happy. So I ask... Why do we gotta be so fake?
Click to expand...
Like Morris Cerullo said: take the mask off!
I used to let it all out in church to get healed up. Went to the front every week. I was the wife of yhe pastor. There were so much people fake. One perfect couple and then 10 years later it came out what a huge mess it was, but always pretend everything is fine. What would the people think? I never cared what the people thought. I cared more about getting healed and touched by God. My ex once said during yhe preaching: my wife is very honest. She will mot fake. If we had a fight this morning and didn't speak it out, her face will show it to everyone.
Then with the divorce you had people who told the judge that I was nuts to get the kids away from me. So far for being honest. I am so glad I got rid of that yoke of people expecting you to be the holy perfect pastor's wife. Now I'm just quiet. When I had real problems I didn't tell anyone. Afraid they would take my kids. Had to pretend. Went to T.B. Joshua on youtube instead to pray for healing and deliverance or asked someone on internet.
 
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