Letters To God: August 25, 2017

Dear God,

What do I even say anymore? What do I even do? Where do I even begin? Because of some real life experiences and challenges, I've been angry and confused. I don't want to know what other people will say. I do not want to hear them preaching at me. Sometimes I wish I could just sit in front of you and and let you judge me now instead of later. I've made mistakes. I've made a lot of mistakes, but some of them I'm not ashamed of. And that's what is killing me most. I'm not sorry for some of the things I've done and I can't decided if that what makes me human... or not. I have daddy issues and you know that. And for once in my life I wish I didn't screw something up for me that's good. I understand my actions are not pleasing, but some of them have taught me well. I'm sorry to disappoint you. I'm sorry that the one chance I had at having a 'dad' figure went to crap so fast. I miss you and I already know you forgive me... but I'm not sure I'll ever want to forgive my self.

-Your daughter

You have to forgive yourself, and if you think that you should be ashamed of mistakes that you aren't ashamed of, you should feel remorse. It sound's like you replace remorse with self-pity or self-denial. See these both have the word self in them. Basically if you know God forgives you, then you should be doing the same. Born in God's image, or born in your own image, which one do you think serves you better?

What do I even say anymore? What do I even do? Where do I even begin? Because of some real life experiences and challenges, I've been angry and confused. But you can find peace and clarity with God. I don't want to know what other people will say. But you should always listen. I do not want to hear them preaching at me. But you should always listen to those who say things because they care. Sometimes I wish I could just sit in front of you and let you judge me now instead of later. God is judging you when you are judging yourself, God is loving you when you are loving toward yourself. I've made mistakes. Like everyone. I've made a lot of mistakes, but some of them I'm not ashamed of. You should feel remorse for mistakes that truthfully, you do feel ashamed of, even if you are stubborn and don't want to. And that's what is killing me most. Yes trying to fight against God's will to do the right thing and be more loving does feel such a way. I'm not sorry for some of the things I've done and I can't decided if that what makes me human... or not. Being sorry is not a weak thing, it is releasing those things and giving them up to God. I have daddy issues and you know that. Most often causes a daddy issue with God, work on that. And for once in my life I wish I didn't screw something up for me that's good. So do it. I understand my actions are not pleasing, but some of them have taught me well. Of course everything has it's lesson. I'm sorry to disappoint you. God wants you close to him, he is never disappointed. Only humans are disappointed. You are simply disappointed in yourself. I'm sorry that the one chance I had at having a 'dad' figure went to crap so fast. Nothing is set in stone, nothing is ever the last opportunity, unless 'you' close the door. I miss you and I already know you forgive me... but I'm not sure I'll ever want to forgive my self. Just say 'I forgive myself for...' and see how you feel. It really is that simple to let God in. God is in the forgiveness, because it is God's will that you forgive everything that can be forgiven. God is Love.