Lets start in my Childhood days, we are not a rich family I had 3 brothers that time and I am the eldest. Because we don't have a permanent house we live in different places Pasig, Novaliches, Ildefonso Bulacan and my childhood memories will begin in Sampaloc Manila.During that time my grandfather is sick (TB) and because we have no money to maintain his medication my mother decided to go abroad with the permission of my father. Actually I really don't know what's happening one thing I know my father pick me up in my school maybe I'm in grade 2 elementary that time, coz we need to accompany our mother to airport and that's it, she flew to Qatar to work as a domestic helper. Now my father left with us, he cared for us while my mother is not around. During night we slept together side by side coz we don't have a bed we only had mat and blanket. As a child I'm not really aware what's happening maybe I'm 8 or 9 years old until one morning I woke up lied on mat I saw my father on my front doing something on my lower private part and whispering saying "huwag mong sasabihin sa nanay mo" translated to "don't tell it to your mom". I know it happen repeatedly honestly I can't remember it if twice or thrice. As a child am taking it for granted but deep inside my heart there is happening in my inner being.
After 2 years my mother got back again from abroad I never told her what happened as my father said to me. She didn't come back to Qatar then she bought a rights of Lot in Payatas this is the place were we reside now. Year 1990 we move to Payatas Quezon City, that time it is a peaceful place, again I did not told my mother what happen. Now lets go to my teen age years, during night we still slept together one night I felt my father his hand goes to my private parts of my body right to my breast. Again I did not told my mother what is happening to me. He continue doing that to me.
Because of that anger arise on my heart as I mature, I realized and become aware that my father did to me is bad and I had a rebellion in my heart, during high school days I do not come home early because all I can think is it will happen again. Our home is like a hell to me, my respect for him is gone, I also call him maniac that kind of emotions sink in to me. I hate my father,myself without noticing it.
But one time God made a way He gave me boldness to tell it to my mom while I'm crying, she cried and talk to my father. Because I decided that I want my family to be whole again we are still living together but still I have hatred on him. Years passed he had a sick Hepatitis A we go to the doctor and took medication, part of his liver is seriously damage , that time we already attending church but just like other christian we are carnal, wishy washy Christian. But only God knows what will happen he died year 1999 I'm finished with my 2 year vocational course. Still I know in my heart I did not forgive him. But God did not let me dwell on my past He rescue me. There is something in my heart pushing me to serve Him. Little did I know He cultivate me to a much deeper calling. In that way little by little I forgive my father and myself. Yes I must forgive myself so that I can release forgiveness. God made me realized that He loved me and I am His princess from broken I am whole now.
Struggles are part of my life but through this I am tested to have more faith on the Lord and be a blessing to others it might not be financially but spiritually I can pray for them and be an encourager as well.
After 2 years my mother got back again from abroad I never told her what happened as my father said to me. She didn't come back to Qatar then she bought a rights of Lot in Payatas this is the place were we reside now. Year 1990 we move to Payatas Quezon City, that time it is a peaceful place, again I did not told my mother what happen. Now lets go to my teen age years, during night we still slept together one night I felt my father his hand goes to my private parts of my body right to my breast. Again I did not told my mother what is happening to me. He continue doing that to me.
Because of that anger arise on my heart as I mature, I realized and become aware that my father did to me is bad and I had a rebellion in my heart, during high school days I do not come home early because all I can think is it will happen again. Our home is like a hell to me, my respect for him is gone, I also call him maniac that kind of emotions sink in to me. I hate my father,myself without noticing it.
But one time God made a way He gave me boldness to tell it to my mom while I'm crying, she cried and talk to my father. Because I decided that I want my family to be whole again we are still living together but still I have hatred on him. Years passed he had a sick Hepatitis A we go to the doctor and took medication, part of his liver is seriously damage , that time we already attending church but just like other christian we are carnal, wishy washy Christian. But only God knows what will happen he died year 1999 I'm finished with my 2 year vocational course. Still I know in my heart I did not forgive him. But God did not let me dwell on my past He rescue me. There is something in my heart pushing me to serve Him. Little did I know He cultivate me to a much deeper calling. In that way little by little I forgive my father and myself. Yes I must forgive myself so that I can release forgiveness. God made me realized that He loved me and I am His princess from broken I am whole now.
Struggles are part of my life but through this I am tested to have more faith on the Lord and be a blessing to others it might not be financially but spiritually I can pray for them and be an encourager as well.
