The War I'm Waging

I've made a mess lately, and have been struggling to deal with the aftermath of my own stupidity. I made a horrible mistake kissing a friend who has a girlfriend, something I never imagined I would be capable of. I blocked it out for the first few days and just pushed it down as deep as I could before I couldn't take it any longer. We ended up talking so that I could get things clear in my head. It actually helped, and will help me move on in the long run, but he has said after that we can meet up now and again and chat if I like. Obviously this is a bad idea.

I feel such a strong pull towards him, and I know in my head that is not from God. I am constantly fighting with my own heart and it's painful. Whenever I start to crumble, I feel God reaching out to me and trying to pull me back. Then I feel the strong pull again, that I'm starting to realise is coming from Satan. He is attacking me all the time, and God is fighting on my behalf as I am too weak on my own.

I know that God loves me and wants to protect me, but I also believe the devil is powerful as well and he has his hooks right in me. I feel like I have given him control over my heart somewhere down the line and failed in withstanding him. I know God can win this battle and heal me, I just feel so scared and unhappy. I want to draw close to God again like I was before, but I still feel this divide (which is of my own making) between us. I am praying but I feel disconnected and alone. I used to feel so secure in His love and His protection. I know one day I will look back at this trial and praise God for seeing me through, I just need to get to that day.

The Word says flee youthful lusts---- get away from this situation---give no place to the devil...

I am not sure if you are familiar with "soulties" I have had this pulling once and it only went away after breaking every unholy bonding with him in Jesus name. Also covering yourself under Jesus blood to be protected from the enemy whom is attacking your emotions and thoughts. Next to that you really have to run from him, as Joseph did.

Seeing how the guy is not married I don't see what the problem is. Remember, he let you kiss him, you did not force yourself on him. All's fair in love and war.

littlelady

The key here is, "I know in my head that it is NOT of God."
The question that the tempter asked Eve, according to Genesis 3, "Did God really say?"
If that question crops up, ever-- ask God yourself, and don't look for a loophole.

If the man you are swooning over and fighting to avoid planning your future with is good for you, then you need to wait. Pray for God to move you on, or to move him on, and pray for his will for the 3 of you. If God does care that she and he be one, then you and he are done. However, if God does not care or wants you two to be together, do not add injury to insult for the other woman.

Again, if your head is in agreement with the Spirit, that the man is not the one for you, then you need to take extra effort to break the communication. God can watch over that man, but you need to guard your heart and respect the current relationship (as David respected the anointing of Saul in 1 Samuel; he did not kill the king, but he did prepare until his eventual departure. Likewise, if God is telling you to not lay a hand on them, do the opposite of that temptation-- flee as 88 suggests.)

Something else,
remember that the man he is now is not who he will be later.
He will be older or dead. So if you are drawn to his flesh, remember it will not always be that way. If you are drawn to his spirit, then all the more, then he should withstand for both of you, or break the tie with the other lady. A man who won't fight for you is hardly worth beating yourself up over.

Then again, I was looking at Ephesians 1:7-8-- and it is the cost that outweighs our worth, which makes the cross so enticing. So, maybe he is worth more prayer, but you should certainly respect the other woman... regardless.

Thanks for being transparent about your temptation and fighting against it.
May God bless you as you continue to resist.
Also, I pray that your male friend is discerning of the position he's gotten himself into and takes the path of integrity, being considerate of her needs and yours and God's Will.