-
Christian Chat is a moderated online Christian community allowing Christians around the world to fellowship with each other in real time chat via webcam, voice, and text, with the Christian Chat app. You can also start or participate in a Bible-based discussion here in the Christian Chat Forums, where members can also share with each other their own videos, pictures, or favorite Christian music.
If you are a Christian and need encouragement and fellowship, we're here for you! If you are not a Christian but interested in knowing more about Jesus our Lord, you're also welcome! Want to know what the Bible says, and how you can apply it to your life? Join us!
To make new Christian friends now around the world, click here to join Christian Chat.
K
And sometimes the other person is just a real jerk. 
Idk I think that some people just dont see themselves as wrong.My father feels this way.Therefore he doesnt see the need to apologize. So that makes its hard to come to an agreement.Im not sure if the OP has given enough details yet about the issue that causes the friction between she and her mother.It appears Im not helping so I think I'll bow out of the thread.
Someone else may have better advice.
Idk I think that some people just dont see themselves as wrong.My father feels this way.Therefore he doesnt see the need to apologize. So that makes its hard to come to an agreement.Im not sure if the OP has given enough details yet about the issue that causes the friction between she and her mother.It appears Im not helping so I think I'll bow out of the thread. Someone else may have better advice.
Someone else may have better advice.
P
It's always been this way, I learned from an early age never to reveal what was really in my mind and heart for fear of the really awful things she would say. The blow up was her revealing on the resentment she has had for me, and when I began to point out my grievances against her she yelled you have always loved your father more than me! I love my mom I really do, i would be de aster if something happened to her, I respect that she is my mother without her I wouldn't be here, I feel a sense of obligation to her that she carried me and cared for me when I was helpless baby, it's just that I would never choose her as a friend. I know that is cruel sounding. I would always be there for here, care for her in her last years and days, it's just that it's like she has never matured past jr high relationship stage...about a year ago I asked family members who I knew she was constantly complaining to about our relationship to please stop lending an ear, I told them that it doesn't do any good if she won't talk to me about it. And I began to pray earnestly that our relationship began to heal and evolve....just seems as if barely anything has changed, just like the last women's meeting 3 days ago, we are stuffing 1000 envelopes of a newsletter for the missionary we sponsor and business hadn't begun and all the women were chatting and she's shushing me, she gives me the mother stink face because I had mentioned a different idea than what she mentioned(did I mention she leads these meetings), sometimes the discussion gets off track And if I join in or comment she sighs heavily and uses my full name. Then she complains to others that I disrupt her meeting and don't respect her yet never makes mention of the woman who derailed the topic of discussion. Some others notice this treatment towards me and have commented so that part I know is not just me.....
P
if you feel this gossiping why are you continue to follow and read such gossip.
once again I am trying to resolve and to cope with someone I love very much and want to have a good relationship. I guess if no resolve is ever reached when we argue I guess I could just shut her out completely and never speak to her again...
once again I am trying to resolve and to cope with someone I love very much and want to have a good relationship. I guess if no resolve is ever reached when we argue I guess I could just shut her out completely and never speak to her again...
V
We don't know her mother personally so it's not gossiping. I mean, when I was going to professional counseling for PTSD due to abuse from my foster parents, I was scared to death I'd be dishonoring them if I told what they did to my siblings and me. They were religious nuts and brainwashed us into "honoring" them no matter what.
I finally had to come to grips with the fact that I needed to talk about it in order to work through it. The Bible says in a multitude of counselors there's safety. Praise God, I was able to not only work through it, but was able to forgive them face-to-face before they died. Glory to God!
I think it's pretty awesome that PartyOf3 is asking for encouragement and seeking ways to make amends with her mother. To me, it's an honorable thing she's doing to resolve the conflict between her mother and her, don't you?
I finally had to come to grips with the fact that I needed to talk about it in order to work through it. The Bible says in a multitude of counselors there's safety. Praise God, I was able to not only work through it, but was able to forgive them face-to-face before they died. Glory to God!
I think it's pretty awesome that PartyOf3 is asking for encouragement and seeking ways to make amends with her mother. To me, it's an honorable thing she's doing to resolve the conflict between her mother and her, don't you?
A
Mom died when I was 16. Dad is still alive and kicking. He also is a problem parent. Added bonus: He has dementia now.
What did I do to develop a relationship with him and honor him? Everything.
1. Tried doing it his way all the time. Didn't work.
2. Prayed. Helped.
3. Asked him what I should do. Helped.
4. Prayed. Helped.
5. Asked him if we can work together to resolve the issues. Helped. (Not much, but it helped.)
6. Prayed. Helped.
7. Loved him anyway. Helped.
8. Prayed. Helped.
9. Finally found out he has true OCD. Too late to work towards getting him help. (Probably wouldn't anyway, because that was already who he is.) But I did see what that has done to all his kids, including me. So now I'm aware of some of my own triggers. That was a big one. I learned compassion for him at a deeper level.
10. Prays. Helps.
Something worked. (Hmmm, wonder if that might not be God. lol) Dad is fading. Dementia is gaining ground. Now he only lives by instincts. He has six kids between the ages of 30 and 61. After all our struggles, and even now we struggle, guess who he calls when he needs someone who understand what he's going through instead of scolding him for who he is. I'm beginning to fade from who I was too. I understand that feeling like I've been caged and someone is shrinking my cage day after day. The big difference is I see how tight his cage is now and I empathize.
Yup. Got to go with that's God working in me after decades of struggling with "Honor your mother and father.)
You're 43? Exactly how much time do you think you have to resolve your issues with your mother? I was only given 16 years for that. 59 for Dad and it's still a work in progress. At least you have you and your mother are supposed to be Christians going for you. Dad is not. Neither was Mom. (She was Catholic. She believed if she had faith in a church...)
What did I do to develop a relationship with him and honor him? Everything.
1. Tried doing it his way all the time. Didn't work.
2. Prayed. Helped.
3. Asked him what I should do. Helped.
4. Prayed. Helped.
5. Asked him if we can work together to resolve the issues. Helped. (Not much, but it helped.)
6. Prayed. Helped.
7. Loved him anyway. Helped.
8. Prayed. Helped.
9. Finally found out he has true OCD. Too late to work towards getting him help. (Probably wouldn't anyway, because that was already who he is.) But I did see what that has done to all his kids, including me. So now I'm aware of some of my own triggers. That was a big one. I learned compassion for him at a deeper level.
10. Prays. Helps.
Something worked. (Hmmm, wonder if that might not be God. lol) Dad is fading. Dementia is gaining ground. Now he only lives by instincts. He has six kids between the ages of 30 and 61. After all our struggles, and even now we struggle, guess who he calls when he needs someone who understand what he's going through instead of scolding him for who he is. I'm beginning to fade from who I was too. I understand that feeling like I've been caged and someone is shrinking my cage day after day. The big difference is I see how tight his cage is now and I empathize.
Yup. Got to go with that's God working in me after decades of struggling with "Honor your mother and father.)
You're 43? Exactly how much time do you think you have to resolve your issues with your mother? I was only given 16 years for that. 59 for Dad and it's still a work in progress. At least you have you and your mother are supposed to be Christians going for you. Dad is not. Neither was Mom. (She was Catholic. She believed if she had faith in a church...)
I CAN REALLY RELATE TO YOU BECAUSE I DON'T HAVE A RELATIONSHIP WITH MY MOM. I RECENTLY GOT A RELATIONSHIP WITH MY FATHER. THE BEST ADVICE I CAN GIVE IS PRAY!! ASK GOD TO REMOVE ANYTHING IN YOU THAT'S AGAINST THEM.. BE CORDIAL EVEN IF IT HURTS. WHAT THIS DOES IS CONVICT THEM OF THEIR WAYS.. MY MOTHER REFUSES TO HAVE A RELATIONSHIP WITH ME. IT TOOK SOME TIME TO GET OVER THAT BUT THROUGH PRAYER, I'M AT PEACE WITH IT. MY FATHER DISOWNED ME BUT THROUGH PRAYER AND FASTING, WE NOW HAVE A RELATIONSHIP. DON'T BLAME YOURSELF IF YOU'RE DOING ALL YOU CAN TO CONNECT. JUST GIVE IT TO GOD AND TRUST THAT "ALL THINGS WORK TOGETHER FOR THE GOOD OF THOSE THAT LOVE THE LORD." BE BLESSED
A
I sometimes get the feeling this forum is set aside as the gossip pages for the amusement of some. Why do we need details before pointing to God? Does it matter who is right or wrong? If I'm all right -- 100% -- does that suddenly mean I don't need to honor my parent because he/she is 100% wrong? There is no exemption clause for Honor your parents. I know. I tried finding one. lol
A
Honoring doesn't mean obedient. It would be foolish to obey someone when obeying would harm you or someone else. Have you ever considered studying what the relationship between children and parents is supposed to be? God's word has that covered too. The Book of Titus has some of that lesson. There is more throughout the Bible. Neither one of us is likely to get that sweet relationship, but there is a relationship and a love to have. The love may never be returned either, but that's not an exemption clause in God's commands about who and how to love.
A
We don't know her mother personally so it's not gossiping. I mean, when I was going to professional counseling for PTSD due to abuse from my foster parents, I was scared to death I'd be dishonoring them if I told what they did to my siblings and me. They were religious nuts and brainwashed us into "honoring" them no matter what.
I finally had to come to grips with the fact that I needed to talk about it in order to work through it. The Bible says in a multitude of counselors there's safety. Praise God, I was able to not only work through it, but was able to forgive them face-to-face before they died. Glory to God!
I think it's pretty awesome that PartyOf3 is asking for encouragement and seeking ways to make amends with her mother. To me, it's an honorable thing she's doing to resolve the conflict between her mother and her, don't you?
I finally had to come to grips with the fact that I needed to talk about it in order to work through it. The Bible says in a multitude of counselors there's safety. Praise God, I was able to not only work through it, but was able to forgive them face-to-face before they died. Glory to God!
I think it's pretty awesome that PartyOf3 is asking for encouragement and seeking ways to make amends with her mother. To me, it's an honorable thing she's doing to resolve the conflict between her mother and her, don't you?
Looks like an open invitation for people to complain about mothers. And it was accepted as that on occasion.
A
First, I want to apologize. I read into something that wasn't there.
Bolded is where I got the idea you hadn't talked in five years. Sorry. I was wrong.
But, yes, I will step out, since apparently this is to gossip about parents instead of seeking advice.
Just so you know, when you post something publicly on a forum for others to respond to, you really don't get to choose who does and doesn't respond.
Enjoy the drama.
Bolded is where I got the idea you hadn't talked in five years. Sorry. I was wrong.
But, yes, I will step out, since apparently this is to gossip about parents instead of seeking advice.
Just so you know, when you post something publicly on a forum for others to respond to, you really don't get to choose who does and doesn't respond.
Enjoy the drama.