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Yet Kayla you have given the best advice, let go of the ideal re relationship. So I didn't convey everything I wanted to convey in the first original post how could anyone? It opened up for discussion and that's what I was wanting was understanding . Lynn just assumed she knew my intentions when she did not she never even actually asked me a question of why I would ask that or why I would post that.
K
Lynn since you've stepped out of the thread you may not see this but I dont appreciate what you are saying,at all.I shared my issues with my parent to relate to the OP. I do not appreciate you judging me as a gossip or a drama lover. People on here know me better.The OP was talking about her relationship with her mother and seeking advice just like every other thread on here does.Why you are jumping at her and accusing her of gossip and drama is beyond me.We've discussed issues about relationships in all these forums and yet you jump this lady and accuse her of something she isn't doing. And in relating to her issue now Ive become a gossip. I think you're a little high handed with your advice and I dont say this to people here often but I for one am a little sick of it.You sweep in,speak over everyone else with you opinion and verbally attack anyone who disagrees with you.The OP isnt a gossip,shes not bashing her mother.Shes asking advice and sharing her story.She doesnt deserve to be attacked.You need to relax a little and stop with the snap judgments.I,for one,do not appreciate it.
Feel free to block me if you wish.
K
Ok back to adult discussion here.That is why I asked questions,to see where you are coming from.If you had posted all your issues in your first post people would be complaining that it was too long to read.So you did it right.
I understand where you are coming from.My father also went to the family behind my back with all our issues.Finally the only way I could get through to him at least a little was to email him how I was feeling.I was more able to have an adult conversation with him.We still have rough patches.We also attend the same church so it does make it harder when you're not getting along.
It has gotten so bad at times that Ive thought my father has borderline personality disorder.I just dont understand where he is coming from.He also believes I love mom more than I love him. I want to say "you are so prickly,you push me away,how do I get over that wall"?! He also believes my mother loves me more than him and my younger sister.And round it goes.
Our parents sound similar.I want to ask about your mothers upbringing.My father was kicked out of the house when he was 14.My grandmother fell for an abusive man that hated my father.He had to live with a step brother that was a drunk.Long story short he had a bad childhood and I think that is the main reason why he acts the way he does today.A perfectionist,very controlling,paranoid that no one loves him but when you try to get close he pushes you away.Just wondering if that relates to your mother in any way.
Sometimes we can never totally resolve these conflicts. I think I started fighting with my mother about age 3. Not childishly, but seriously debating bedtimes, because she wasn't sensitive to the fact that I needed little sleep, and all she wanted was to get rid of me at 7 pm. I have a sleep disorder to this day because of it.
I learned to put my kids to bed when they were tired, and different times for different ages.
My mom has a completely and totally different personality than me. She wants to hide things, not talk about them, and hope it will go away. I am brash and outgoing. It has taken me a long time to learn how to set boundaries.
It sounds like that might be part of your and your mom's problems. You need to just ignore her and not feed into her nonsense. And separate, like you have about the women's group. And certainly don't be so sensitive. And recognize she may never change. You can only change yourself.
Your identity is in Christ, so find some verses that are important to you, and recite them when she pulls these fits of putting you down.
My father died when I was 57. He was very sick for 5 months, in hospital. I visited him every day, led him to the Lord. I read him Bible books, sang to him, played him Christian music and prayed with him. In the end, we completely reconciled. I don't know if that will ever happen with my mother.
But I do phone her, and care for her. When I lived in the same city as her, I made up excuses to visit her, because her anxiety and OCD was so bad, she didn't want anyone in her house. I even got a doctor on her side of town, so I could see her each time I visited my doctor.
I prayed for my family, especially my parents since the day I got saved. My mom did make a commitment to Christ, but I have not see the incredible change in her, that my father went though in such a short time. But I am not the judge, and as she is a private person, I will trust God to make her commitment solid.
As for my daughter, I made different mistakes with her than my mom made with me. But one thinkgI did not do wrong was making everything "all about me." We talk every day, sometimes more than once. She has driven a 7 hour round trip 3 times already since I moved 6 months ago to see me. She does get bossy with me, but I love her anyway, and I am not afraid to call her on it.
I wonder if you might benefit from some therapy? Or read the Boundaries book by Cloud and Townsend. Then you can learn to love your mom, but distance yourself from her nasty behaviour towards you.
I learned to put my kids to bed when they were tired, and different times for different ages.
My mom has a completely and totally different personality than me. She wants to hide things, not talk about them, and hope it will go away. I am brash and outgoing. It has taken me a long time to learn how to set boundaries.
It sounds like that might be part of your and your mom's problems. You need to just ignore her and not feed into her nonsense. And separate, like you have about the women's group. And certainly don't be so sensitive. And recognize she may never change. You can only change yourself.
Your identity is in Christ, so find some verses that are important to you, and recite them when she pulls these fits of putting you down.
My father died when I was 57. He was very sick for 5 months, in hospital. I visited him every day, led him to the Lord. I read him Bible books, sang to him, played him Christian music and prayed with him. In the end, we completely reconciled. I don't know if that will ever happen with my mother.
But I do phone her, and care for her. When I lived in the same city as her, I made up excuses to visit her, because her anxiety and OCD was so bad, she didn't want anyone in her house. I even got a doctor on her side of town, so I could see her each time I visited my doctor.
I prayed for my family, especially my parents since the day I got saved. My mom did make a commitment to Christ, but I have not see the incredible change in her, that my father went though in such a short time. But I am not the judge, and as she is a private person, I will trust God to make her commitment solid.
As for my daughter, I made different mistakes with her than my mom made with me. But one thinkgI did not do wrong was making everything "all about me." We talk every day, sometimes more than once. She has driven a 7 hour round trip 3 times already since I moved 6 months ago to see me. She does get bossy with me, but I love her anyway, and I am not afraid to call her on it.
I wonder if you might benefit from some therapy? Or read the Boundaries book by Cloud and Townsend. Then you can learn to love your mom, but distance yourself from her nasty behaviour towards you.
P
Kayla and Angela thank you for your story. I remember that when my ex husband left I was so devasted that holidays and birthdays would never be happy and "ideal" and I was so grieved over this. And thru this time I discovered that I was depending on a "day" to make me happy, just like my mom did. But when I embraced the fact that I could celebrate a holiday and birthdays any day of the week and still be happy, we were!!! I even expressed this new found freedom to my mom, and that was over 15 years ago. I guess she never felt the same as I did because every holiday was strained at her house because unfortunately my cousin got a divorce as well and both her kids and my kids were not always around and she was just so unhappy. But I hadn't realized that I was expecting this ideal of a relationship with her just because we are Christians.
thanks for the "gossip" conversation ?????? just kidding
thanks for the "gossip" conversation ?????? just kidding
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This is the third time that "Boundaries" book has come up today, and I posted about it in two other threads! Check out the thread about "Books that have had the greatest impact on my life," or something like that lol. The Boundaries book may have saved my life, so I'm a huge fan of it. I got out my copy today and was reading it as I waited for appointments, etc.
PartyOf3, reading about the way your mother treats you in groups is interesting.. makes me cringe. There -is- the Matthew 18 principle, which requires (gently!) telling someone the issue you have with them. If they listen, great! If they don't... you take someone with you. It must be very awkward for the women in the group who have to be witnesses to the way she's treating you. I'm wondering if there's some strong but loving Christian woman in the group who could privately talk to your mother about her condescending behavior. She doesn't have to mention anything said by you, since it sounds as if your mother does this behavior in front of everyone, and it is disturbing to multiple people. Sometimes it's really hard (and awkward!) to confront someone, but it -is- a Biblical principle! Just something to think about!
And wow, seems like I missed a firestorm on this thread while I was out running around doing things! Glad you guys handled it and the discussion was able to continue in a fairly productive manner. Kudos to you all!
PartyOf3, reading about the way your mother treats you in groups is interesting.. makes me cringe. There -is- the Matthew 18 principle, which requires (gently!) telling someone the issue you have with them. If they listen, great! If they don't... you take someone with you. It must be very awkward for the women in the group who have to be witnesses to the way she's treating you. I'm wondering if there's some strong but loving Christian woman in the group who could privately talk to your mother about her condescending behavior. She doesn't have to mention anything said by you, since it sounds as if your mother does this behavior in front of everyone, and it is disturbing to multiple people. Sometimes it's really hard (and awkward!) to confront someone, but it -is- a Biblical principle! Just something to think about!
And wow, seems like I missed a firestorm on this thread while I was out running around doing things! Glad you guys handled it and the discussion was able to continue in a fairly productive manner. Kudos to you all!
Jeni, is there a way to tag me in that thread, I can't seem to find it. I'm new this site and haven't learned all the tips and tricks yet 
http://christianchat.com/bible-disc...istian-book-had-biggest-impact-your-life.html
L
I can relate a bit, although I wouldn't say we don't get along, we just don't have that mother daughter relationship. She was not around when i was growing up, my aunt, her sister raised me . My aunt has since passed away but I still can't connect with her but I visit her often but it just feels awkward at times. But I try to make it work for my kids too coz I want them to get to know their grandmother.
C
I have a hard time imagining people not getting along with their moms... I know it's something usual, but it still hard to me...
I love my mom with a fire I can't even explain... and I enjoy spending time with her... I talk to her everyday, even if it's just to say good night, and send her a kiss... every week I visit her... I enjoy her company...
A while back we made a small trip together, just 4 days, and it was so much fun!! And in about a month the whole family will be going to Florida together, and I do love it...
We don't always agree on things, and it would be impossible, but we do respect each other very much... I would move the Earth for her... and I do know she would do the same for me...
I just love my mom!! I get emotional whenI talk about her!! Sorry.....
I love my mom with a fire I can't even explain... and I enjoy spending time with her... I talk to her everyday, even if it's just to say good night, and send her a kiss... every week I visit her... I enjoy her company...
A while back we made a small trip together, just 4 days, and it was so much fun!! And in about a month the whole family will be going to Florida together, and I do love it...
We don't always agree on things, and it would be impossible, but we do respect each other very much...
I would move the Earth for her... and I do know she would do the same for me... I just love my mom!! I get emotional whenI talk about her!!
Sorry.....
Oh Shine... I'm so so sorry for this...
I'll be praying for you all... the Lord can restore your relationship and make you all a united family!! It must be hard... I can't even imagine...
I'll be praying for you all... the Lord can restore your relationship and make you all a united family!!
It must be hard... I can't even imagine...
K
That is not what she said.Sheesh why so people not read and jump to judge people?! She said people think her mother is outstanding but she knows a different side of her.Most of us act differently in public then we do in private.Shes not tearing her mother down. Shes frustrated trying to deal with her. Shes asking for advice.Ive dealt with that type of personality.They have the ability to be great leaders but they are also perfectionists and can be very nasty to people who go against their plans and wishes. Wow Ive never seen an influx of such jump and judge people at CC as Ive seen in the last two months.Whats wrong with people?!