hard situation, what god want me to do ?

[filma]

Hi everybody.

I am an Italian currently living in my country but since 8 years in a serious relationship with an american girl.
We lived in Italy for 1 years and also in US for 2 and the rest were more so back and forth all the time cause of our jobs.
We had a chance to get married in Bahamas with a ceremony in front of her son and her mother, not a legal one because back at the time i was just separated to my ex wife (now i am divorced)
The last 2 years we meet just few weeks because of my job here and her job in the west coast. Really really hard and painful.
Last June for we both decided to try to move on because our life was impossible .
She started to see someone and i did the same.
After just 1 month we totally figure out that we cant live without each other because our love is unconditional and too strong!
We finally spent almost our entire summer together and we were planning also our legal wedding in Italy so i also could adopt her son that after 8 years i totally consider my son as well.
At the beginning of august we find out that she was pregnant and even though it was not expected we were so happy.
We did a pre natal paternity test just to be sure and here our discover, the lab said that at 99% the future baby is from her date of june and not mine!
No matter what i love her even more and it would not make any difference for me to raise the baby !
Obviously she does not consider abortion but the problem is that the biological father now wants to be the father and have a family with her.
He is in love with her and happy to have rights as the legal father without even calculate that she does not love him at all, it was just a simple date.
She also took the plan B pill after they slept together because she realized how dangerous the situation could be but it did not work.
Now this guy wants them to be a couple and raise the kid with her without even calculating she is so devastated and miserable now.
We were ready to have a legal marriage and live in Italy but He is threatening her that he will never allow her to move from the country (usa) with his kid.
We are desperate because we love each other so much but we dont know what to do beside praying and praying to god.
Do you have any suggestions for us beside praying?
what do you think in god want us to do ?

 

[Ugly]

No one here can speak for God in your situation. But it is plain to see that, neither of you are following the bible in your lives. So getting right with God may be the first step.

 

[shotgunner]

This is the reason God doesn't want us to have sex outside of marriage. The covenant of marriage protects us from this kind of horrible situation.

You need to pray and ask God yourself what you need to do. I really feel bad for the both of you and the child. There's no perfectly right answer to this situation except to repent of the sin you were both in that caused this, and seek God.


I'm not trying to condemn you at all. We all sin and make mistakes. It looks as if this one will drastically effect your life.

 

[filma]

Hi Ugly,

I totally understand what you are saying , for sure we are in that situation because of our sin! For sure we did not follow the bible and what God wanted us to do.
We are trying to pray and ask for forgiveness every day and night and do the right thing , just really hard to get what is the right one here.
I was not asking for someone who could speak in the name of God, just trying to get an opinion from some of you guys who might have a better view.
Thanks

 

[Galahad]

Filma,
Wow! That's a tangled web you and her and her and him have spun and are trapped in.

It's time to do damage control, right? NO.

It's time to do right. It's not about controlling damage. It's about doing right. Damage control is usually a move we make to prevent further sorrows, prevent further financial loss, further mental pain, and other inconveniences.

What is right? Take care of your children. Raise them to know the Lord. In order to do that, you must know the Lord.
What is right? Take care of the one you want to marry. Lead her to commit her life to the Lord. Help her. Show her. Assist her. It's all spiritual now.
What is right? Confess to her you were wrong. You were dead wrong to date her, sleep with her, live with her, and propose a fake wedding in the Bahamas, to parade around as if you were husband and wife when you weren't. And all that while you were not divorced.
What is right? Tell the same to the father of her child. That's right. Tell him you yourself messed up. Tell him you did wrong. Show him the truth. Then be an example to him.
The children involved in all this may hear and see some truth. That will certainly be a good thing!

And do pray. That will help tremendously. Pray that you can lead, be responsible, be a light, and accept the consequences of doing the right things.

Hope this helps.

 

[shotgunner]

Filma
First things is to repent and stop having sex until you are married. You both need to extensively talk about this situation and pray about it. Leave sex out of the situation because you will get your emotions tangled up in your decisions.

You are talking about marrying into a life long commitment and raising another's child. That's a huge commitment. There's a couple of questions I would have to ask myself first.

1. You were broken up for only a month yet this woman got pregnant during that time. If I loved someone enough to marry them I wouldn't have casual sex on a date a month after we just broke up. I would have to know how that happened, if I didn't mean any more than that to her. Possibly she was just upset and lonely. If that is the case then she is using sex for emotional comfort and that is a problem in someone you may marry.

2. She is considering marrying this other man. That's a big question in my mind as to how much she loves you.

 

[Willie-T]

No one here can speak for God in your situation. But it is plain to see that, neither of you are following the bible in your lives. So getting right with God may be the first step.

Going only by what the OP said, I sure have to agree with every one of these reply posts. Brother, what a mess. And it seems the OP and girlfriend are intent on just compounding the problems as much as possible.

 

[atwhatcost]

Hi Ugly,

I totally understand what you are saying , for sure we are in that situation because of our sin! For sure we did not follow the bible and what God wanted us to do.
We are trying to pray and ask for forgiveness every day and night and do the right thing , just really hard to get what is the right one here.
I was not asking for someone who could speak in the name of God, just trying to get an opinion from some of you guys who might have a better view.
Thanks

God has the better view, so why ask others? What does his word say to you? That's what he says to you.

 

[Lynn68]

Are you saved? read the bible, follow the bible, and trust God for the outcome.

 

[tourist]

I think that you both should go your separate ways. Also, what Ugly said.

 

[Angela53510]

This is the result of such terrible fornication! Please get right with God before you do anything. Confess your sins. And start praying as to what God wants you to do.

While I see nothing wrong with you raising another man's child, if the genetic father wants to be involved, you are going to have nothing but problems.

I think you need to go back to the step where you were separated and it was over. Spend some time there, do not see each other, and read the Bible and pray. I know God is going to make it clear what you should do.

Personally, I do not believe it is in your best interests to marry a woman who was sleeping with another man so soon after you split up.

 

[shotgunner]

This is the result of such terrible fornication! Please get right with God before you do anything. Confess your sins. And start praying as to what God wants you to do.

While I see nothing wrong with you raising another man's child, if the genetic father wants to be involved, you are going to have nothing but problems.

I think you need to go back to the step where you were separated and it was over. Spend some time there, do not see each other, and read the Bible and pray. I know God is going to make it clear what you should do.

Personally, I do not believe it is in your best interests to marry a woman who was sleeping with another man so soon after you split up.

Bingo!

Don't be upset ladies, he was acting just as foolishly.

Filma
We have all been foolish at times, just as bad or worse. I do commend you for wanting to seek God in this situation now. He can personally lead you better though than a bunch of folks who only know what you tell them.

 

[BarlyGurl]

[/B]
Bingo!

Don't be upset ladies, he was acting just as foolishly.

Filma
We have all been foolish at times, just as bad or worse. I do commend you for wanting to seek God in this situation now. He can personally lead you better though than a bunch of folks who only know what you tell them.

Not even REMOTELY offended... both were sinning... but she was clearly bed hopping.

 

[MollyConnor]

I think a baby would drastically change things. I don't think you should continue with this woman. If you really loved her, you wouldn't have let her go. And if she really loved you, she wouldn't have been with someone else. Maybe they are meant to be together, that's why they are having a baby?
Either way, I think you need to step away for a bit and give her time to really think about what she wants.

You have to think about it too. Right now you're drowning in emotions and you are willing to give up everything for her. But will you be willing in several months when that baby is crying and won't let you sleep at night? A constant reminder that the girl you fell in love with was with someone else? The baby will look like the other guy and every time your girlfriend looks at that child, she will remember that lover. Are you willing to put yourself through all that?

If you are, then great! That means you're a really strong person, but I bet most men wouldn't be able to handle it.

I don't mean to sound rude, but I want to be a bit blunt with you before you get yourself into a situation that would be difficult to get out of.

Also, think about it for the child. You don't want to raise this baby for five years and then all of a sudden divorce the lady and move on. This really hurts the child.

 

[filma]

I just believe that this child deserve to be with parents married and in love, not from a Biological one night date .
Maybe i am wrong but the unhappiness that she will face and the fact that this man is threatening her wont be that a nice ambient for the baby , thats it.
I will let her have all the time to think, if she can be happy with this man i will let her go for sure, i just want her to be happy and raise the baby in peace and love.

 

[atwhatcost]

I just believe that this child deserve to be with parents married and in love, not from a Biological one night date .
Maybe i am wrong but the unhappiness that she will face and the fact that this man is threatening her wont be that a nice ambient for the baby , thats it.
I will let her have all the time to think, if she can be happy with this man i will let her go for sure, i just want her to be happy and raise the baby in peace and love.

You act like those are her only two choices. Nothing of what anyone has said to you was for her. If it was for her, we'd tell her. All that we have said is for you and your relationship to God.

 

[tenderhearted]

I agree with what the others are saying. Consider this, if God told you to pack your life and move to the US... Would you go? What if God said he wanted you to live close enough so the biological father could be involved... Would you go? What if he told you you had to sacrifice what you wanted in order to be together... Would you give it all up?

You see God loves this baby even more than you or her do. He wants what's best for this baby too. Make sure that the decisions you both make are God's will. It's time to seek God and put your desires to the side. The word says that God ways are higher than ours. God is faithful. He can take a bad situation and turn it around if you put your trust in him.

 

[filma]

i would give up everything for her , i can move to US tomorrow, be involve with her in any situation, in fact i dont want her run from any situation at all. The problem is that this man is basically threatening her in US legally speaking.
I truly believe that here we have to think about the happiness of the baby, not what the adults want.
i told to to try to open her heart to this man and see if she could love him in the future, because i believe this baby should be born under love and a family.

 

[Dan58]

He is in love with her and happy to have rights as the legal father without even calculate that she does not love him at all, it was just a simple date.

Now this guy wants them to be a couple and raise the kid with her without even calculating she is so devastated and miserable now.
We were ready to have a legal marriage and live in Italy but He is threatening her that he will never allow her to move from the country (usa) with his kid.
We are desperate because we love each other
Do you have any suggestions for us beside praying?
what do you think in god want us to do ?

I'd seriously question this woman's love for you. When you truly love someone, you don't do what she did, you don't even have a desire to do what she did. She may like you more than the guy who knocked her up, but since he's the father, wants to be a couple with her and raise their child, I think you ought to move on. She made a decision and shouldn't run away from the consequences of that decision. When 2 people make a baby, I think God would want them to get married and raise it together. If she's really devastated and miserable, perhaps she should consider surrendering full custody to the father? jmo

 

[filma]

You guys really believe that a one night date getting a woman pregnant makes you a father ?
i think that she was totally wrong sleeping with him and she will hold that pain forever, but should the right thing to do its to let her go with him while they almost have 0 % to makes things work???
i will let her go if God wants that from me, i just believe the baby should be the priority, thats all.