MY HUSBAND HAS NOT LEFT

pearl777 · Jan 4, 2016

Good afternoon and Glory to our God. I was on this forum about a month ago talking about the affair my husband is having. He has not left the home yet . Would I be wrong to get a restraining order. He says he has no where to go. My concern is the hurt he still causes me when he comes home and want to be intimate with me. Would I be doing the wrong thing in the site of the Lord. I even still hurts so bad and when he leaves he kisses me goodbye. Do you think he's waring with his flesh knowing that intimacy with me is good in God's eye,but I don't need no soul ties if he's being intimate with her also That's not just going to work. I was prophesied to on Friday morning God said that I was in his way. To move out of his way. And it was not a kind voice that was used. I am a very obedient person and I Fear God. That's why I need you know if I should get the restraining order or not please help

blue_ladybug · Jan 4, 2016

First of all, hubby is using both his other woman AND you for sex, and sex only. He's playing you like a fiddle and you're enabling him. Tell him to stop coming over, tell him he made his choice and it's not you he wants to be with. Basically you are his booty call whenever he comes there. You deserve alot better than that. If he's having sex with other women as well as you, I hope to God you're using protection. :/ The last thing you need from this guy is an STD, or to get pregnant. This marriage is NOT a good place to bring kids into. I highly doubt that you were prophesied to. It's probably the devil telling you to move out of hubby's way so he can carry on being a cheater. :/ Do yourself a favor and save alot of heartbreak, divorce the dude and move on.

pearl777 · Jan 4, 2016

Are you a true Christian. Wow I'm glad I know the difference I guess everyone has an opinion. I thought this was Christian chat. No thank you your advise is not received he is my husband of 20 plus years the word says even the very elect can be fooled.

Consumed · Jan 4, 2016

pearl777 said:

Legally you have no ground to get a restraining order, unless you feel like your life is being threatened, and since you haven't mentioned that I don't think that is the case. I definitely think, as a man thinking like a man, he is probably at war with his flesh right now. Is he also a christian? Because if he is then he either fighting brutally hard against it (harder than you can see), or he is simply succumbing into sin, and the devil is leading him astray completely.

My advice would be to avoid intimacy with him. You need to know for sure whether or not he is still having an affair, but if in fact he is, he needs to know without question, that if he is going to be with you, it is going to be only you and nothing else. He needs to decide who it is he wants an intimate relationship with, you or her, he can't have both. Do everything you can to still show him you love him, and care about him, and want to be with him. Be open and honest about how you feel. But until he decides to give himself fully to you again, you have no obligation to be intimate with him

blue_ladybug · Jan 4, 2016

pearl777 said:

Yes, I am a christian. You asked for advice, and you're going to receive all sorts, good, bad and ugly. You are fooling yourself if you think he's not using you for sex. He is using the both of you. He wants his cake and to eat it too, meaning he wants his other woman and the non-existent marriage also. You say you're concerned about the hurt he causes you when he comes home, has sex with you, then goes back to her? Are you for real? Why keep subjecting yourself to his tormenting? How long you've been married is irrelevant. Adultery doesn't care about longevity.

Re-read your own sentence here: "I don't need no soul ties if he's being intimate with her, also that's just not going to work." This tells me you already KNOW he's having sex with her, AND that your marriage ended the first time he slipped in bed with her. So you admit openly that this entire situation isn't working for either of you. :/ And if you're willing to put a restraining order on him to keep him away from you, why not go the distance and get divorced and leave this sham marriage so you both can move on and stay away from each other? He obviously doesn't love you very much, or he would not even have thought of cheating on you to begin with. No love, no trust, equals no marriage..

If you're hoping for a glossed over, sugar coated version of the truth regarding your marriage, you won't get it here. Most of us call things as we see them, and I'm one of them. Open your eyes and see this situation for what it is: a total no-win for either of you. Stop allowing hubby to use you for sex, and make a total fool of you at the same time..

santuzza · Jan 4, 2016

Is he still having this affair? Has he ever repented of his sin? Has he ever asked for forgiveness? Does he show remorse in ANY way?

I agree with Ladybug, he is using you, big time. Unless he repents and asks forgiveness, you are under NO obligation whatsoever to provide his sexual gratification. Ladybug is also correct in that you should not have unprotected sex with him -- he may have an STD and your marriage is in no shape for children.

You two need serious godly Christian counseling. If he won't go with you, go by yourself -- you need good guidance to make good decisions.

But I can tell you this: your marriage is NOT glorifying to God in this state. And being intimate with him is NOT making it any better.

Consumed · Jan 4, 2016

blue_ladybug said:

Yes, I am a christian. You asked for advice, and you're going to receive all sorts, good, bad and ugly. You are fooling yourself if you think he's not using you for sex. He is using the both of you. He wants his cake and to eat it too, meaning he wants his other woman and the non-existent marriage also. You say you're concerned about the hurt he causes you when he comes home, has sex with you, then goes back to her? Are you for real? Why keep subjecting yourself to his tormenting? How long you've been married is irrelevant. Adultery doesn't care about longevity.

Re-read your own sentence here: "I don't need no soul ties if he's being intimate with her, also that's just not going to work." This tells me you already KNOW he's having sex with her, AND that your marriage ended the first time he slipped in bed with her. So you admit openly that this entire situation isn't working for either of you. :/ And if you're willing to put a restraining order on him to keep him away from you, why not go the distance and get divorced and leave this sham marriage so you both can move on and stay away from each other? He obviously doesn't love you very much, or he would not even have thought of cheating on you to begin with. No love, no trust, equals no marriage..

If you're hoping for a glossed over, sugar coated version of the truth regarding your marriage, you won't get it here. Most of us call things as we see them, and I'm one of them. Open your eyes and see this situation for what it is: a total no-win for either of you. Stop allowing hubby to use you for sex, and make a total fool of you at the same time..

Speaking of calling things the way people see them, I've seen numerous posts of yours giving "advice" and "guidance" and the majority of them are dripping with bitterness, judgement, and anger. You'd do well to seek out why that is, see where that bitterness comes from and forgive the people that have hurt you in the past, because until then the people being effected by words like these, are going to be led down the same path.

blue_ladybug · Jan 4, 2016

Consumed said:

I have no bitterness or anger in me. Nor am I judging anyone. It just baffles me how all these people going through divorce, fail to see that they're being used and manipulated. I mean, it's fairly obvious really, from the descriptions given by these people. I speak from first hand experience on this, so I KNOW how it feels to be cheated on, to be a booty call, and made a fool of. And I forgave them all long ago.

I'm sorry the truth comes across as judgement, because I truly don't intend it that way.. These people ask for advice and opinions, they receive it and most don't like what we tell them. That's not MY problem, it's theirs because they don't want to hear that they're being made to look like fools.

coby · Jan 4, 2016

I would be clear well I don't think I would because I would leave myself but I think it's best to be clear and set an ultimatum: Knock it off with her now or live with her or in a caravan whatever. And warn him that he can go to hell for that. That sounds really harsh but it is the truth. Then ask him to go to good deliverance prayer but he has to repent first and see the consequences. Or tell him he can come back if he repents. I would see having sex with an adulterer as sinning myself. Don't judge him, don't just kick him out but be very clear. If you just accept and tolerate this you're in God's way I would think.

tourist · Jan 4, 2016

Consumed said:

Actually, the advice she gives various members is sound. What the husband did to his wife was despicable. If I were her I would put him out on the curb with the trash.

pearl777 · Jan 4, 2016

I don't know who left the message for ladybug but thank you. All is well . I pray that she learns how to love through her instructions. God shall supply all my needs. God bless

coby · Jan 4, 2016

In Baton Rouge church of Larry Stockstill they have great counselling for marriages if he wants to go.

blue_ladybug · Jan 4, 2016

coby said:

Sleeping with an adulterer IS a sin, whether he's her husband or not. She knows he's having sex with another woman, so the wife here is basically also sleeping with the other woman.. :/ Every time she has sex with him, she's with whoever he was with previously..

pearl777 · Jan 4, 2016

Did God put you to the trash for what you did to his son Jesus. He says with love and kindness have I drawn thee. What manner of love are you showing. You only know the part of the story I wish to share with the group. Only God knows the beginning and ending of our story . SELAH

blue_ladybug · Jan 4, 2016

pearl777 said:

Pearl, I'm sorry if you don't like my words, but you need to face the facts here. Fact #1: he is cheating on you and you're allowing it. Fact number 2, he's using you for sex and a place to stay when he's not with his other woman. Fact number 3, you BOTH need to repent and stop living this sinful life!! It is not pleasing to God to see his children sleeping with people other than their husband/wife.

How much time does he spend with you at home? Only long enough for a romp in the sheets and then he's gone again for however long? That's not a marriage at all and surely you must know that. You've already admitted here that you KNOW this situation isn't working, and that it bothers you that he comes to you for sex right after he's left her bed. By refusing to stop him, you're enabling him to continue on leading both of you into sin.

pearl777 · Jan 4, 2016

We can go on and on but I an going to believe the report of the Lord. Who has done great things for us in the past. Thanks again and no thanks from the ones that don't know how to love even a little like Jesus

blue_ladybug · Jan 4, 2016

pearl777 said:

I know how to love like Jesus. I also know Jesus doesn't want you living in this painful marriage, either. Keep in mind, he DOES use divorce to introduce better things into people's lives.

Also, God can ONLY work in this mess if BOTH of you are willing to change. Is hubby ready to stop having an affair? Are you ready to stop enabling him? You need to answer these questions honestly, because if neither of you are ready or willing to stop, then God cannot help you.

tourist · Jan 4, 2016

pearl777 said:

If you love your spouse you would not even think about cheating let alone do it. It absolutely destroys the marital bond. I have zero tolerance for marital infidelity because I take wedding vows seriously.

By all means, pray for forgiveness for your husband but that does not mean that you have to live with the one who hurt you. I don't know if it is practicable for you to live without him due to the expense involved but it is definitely something to consider.

I will say a prayer for your situation. I know that you are hurting deep inside and that is a sad thing.

Consumed · Jan 4, 2016

tourist said:

I know very well what he did was wrong. I also know very well that just because an affair was had it does not mean he was just using his wife, or "mistress" for sex. It does not mean that he himself is a despicable person. It is very possible he feels regret for his actions, and very possibly feels the regret even while he's in the midst of the action. The bible is very clear that no sin is greater than another, and everyone of you who are trashing her husband might want to keep that in mind next time you are making judgments on someone created by God, who has the exact same form of forgiveness as you through the death and resurrection of Jesus Christ. Just because he is sinning differently than the rest of you does not give license for people to talk disrespectfully especially if they don't even know him, or what he may be struggling with on a spiritual level.

As for the OP, it's very clear to me that she has been married to this man for a long time, and wants to hold on to this marriage, and she has no reason to not want to. And if she can hold on it to it, and she can be there for her husband as he struggles, none of you have any right whatsoever to tell her that she's being used for sex, and that she needs to just kick him out of her life.

You can call you like you see them, but you'd do well to think, before speaking. QUICK to listen, SLOW to speak.

tourist · Jan 4, 2016

Advice was solicited and advice was offered.

I have followed the advice that you have offered to me in writing this post.

MY HUSBAND HAS NOT LEFT

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