Boundaries

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Sirk

Sirk

Banned
#1
Mar 2, 2016
8,896
112
0
#1
Maybe this story can help someone or maybe not but I'm gonna share it anyway. I've been a pretty terrible people pleaser my whole life. I was raised to say please and thank you, to share, to be generous. But I took it to the extreme and lost myself in the process. In fact, I constantly invited people to walk on me emotionally. It would build and build and then I would explode. Emotional turmoil was difficult for me to overcome and when I failed someone or perceived that I did I would cave in inside my heart. I've said this a lot around here but, processing our personal pain is so important in maintaining a healthy and even emotional state. So now my short little story....

I had this guy I was working for and he was becoming increasingly abusive as the job went on. He was reactive and was starting to raise his voice and say unkind things. Finally the other day I was at his house....and it is a difficult job...older house etc. He was about to go on a tirade and I put up my hands and I said "STOP". He looked at me with a bit of a puzzled look on his face and I said to him, "how long have you been an electrician?" He said, "I'm not". I said, "okay, I've been one for 26 years and I think you have mistaken my kind, considerate and respectful bedside manner with you as permission to walk all over me....if you don't stop right now, I will walk away from this job and never look back....or I can continue to help you solve all your problems if you decide you want to help me help you.....the choice is yours.
 
Last edited:
Fenner

Fenner

Senior Member
#2
Jan 26, 2013
7,507
111
0
#2
I'm like you with the kindness thing. As I've gotten older I'm not afraid to tell people how it is anymore.
 
N

NewWine

Guest
#3
#3
You handled that with style.
 
R

renewed_hope

Guest
#4
#4
I struggle with this too. In fact last week I went to a Pampered Chef party about an hour and a half away and on my way back in dropped off an engagement gift to a coworker. Well, she was watching the football game with the guys and one of them made a snide comment to me that hurt my feelings and all I wanted to do was cry, but I held back, smiled and told them to have fun. After pondering what happened over the weekend I sent him a text asking if something was bugging him. Of course he said no and asked why I would think that. My response was that in the last few weeks he's been easily aggravated....mind you we work together. To make a long story short, he apologized. Usually there are reasons why people act and talk the way they do and I do my best to remember they could be going thru things that are beyond their control and majority of the time don't mean what they say
 
maxwel

maxwel

Senior Member
#5
Apr 18, 2013
9,346
2,431
113
#5
Sirk said:
Maybe this story can help someone or maybe not but I'm gonna share it anyway. I've been a pretty terrible people pleaser my whole life. I was raised to say please and thank you, to share, to be generous. But I took it to the extreme and lost myself in the process. In fact, I constantly invited people to walk on me emotionally. It would build and build and then I would explode. Emotional turmoil was difficult for me to overcome and when I failed someone or perceived that I did I would cave in inside my heart. I've said this a lot around here but, processing our personal pain is so important in maintaining a healthy and even emotional state. So now my short little story....

I had this guy I was working for and he was becoming increasingly abusive as the job went on. He was reactive and was starting to raise his voice and say unkind things. Finally the other day I was at his house....and it is a difficult job...older house etc. He was about to go on a tirade and I put up my hands and I said "STOP". He looked at me with a bit of a puzzled look on his face and I said to him, "how long have you been an electrician?" He said, "I'm not". I said, "okay, I've been one for 26 years and I think you have mistaken my kind, considerate and respectful bedside manner with you as permission to walk all over me....if you don't stop right now, I will walk away from this job and never look back....or I can continue to help you solve all your problems if you decide you want to help me help you.....the choice is yours.
Click to expand...
ROFL.

It's fairly common for someone to hire you, then do everything possible to halt your work, then blame YOU for not getting the job done.

This SHOULD be a crazy scenario... but it's actually very common.
As our culture becomes more and more removed from accepting personal responsibility for actions, (and thereby blaming "others" for every conceivable thing) I'm sure this sort of situation will only become more prevalent.

Why do I have long, complicated contracts for clients?
It's so they can't blame ME for every ridiculous thing that THEY do.
:)
 
Sirk

Sirk

Banned
#6
Mar 2, 2016
8,896
112
0
#6
maxwel said:
ROFL.

It's fairly common for someone to hire you, then do everything possible to halt your work, then blame YOU for not getting the job done.

This SHOULD be a crazy scenario... but it's actually very common.
As our culture becomes more and more removed from accepting personal responsibility for actions, (and thereby blaming "others" for every conceivable thing) I'm sure this sort of situation will only become more prevalent.

Why do I have long, complicated contracts for clients?
It's so they can't blame ME for every ridiculous thing that THEY do.
:)
Click to expand...
You are right...it has gotten worse. Is it any wonder America has been slowly going insane? We aren't relational anymore.....we are a collectively narcissistic society who wants every itch scratched and we want it NOW.
 
O

oldethennew

Banned
#7
Feb 28, 2016
11,311
2,972
113
#7
yes, whether we like/accept it or not, these are the 'end-times', please watch
our brothers and sisters, and be ready, for those who love and serve our Saviour,
need have no fear...
 
Sirk

Sirk

Banned
#8
Mar 2, 2016
8,896
112
0
#8
oldethennew said:
yes, whether we like/accept it or not, these are the 'end-times', please watch
our brothers and sisters, and be ready, for those who love and serve our Saviour,
need have no fear...
Click to expand...
I think a false peace is coming but the forces of evil are gathering for their final push.
 
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