DILEMMA: In-laws and my husband's Ex wife

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roxyluv2012

roxyluv2012

Junior Member
#1
Jun 20, 2017
2
0
0
#1
When i got divorced and was left with 2 children, i asked God to give me a good man that was more religious because i needed that in my life, he answered my prayer by sending my way the pastors son. when we met he was separated from his wife but not divorced. He divorced early in the 2014 and we got married in December same year.

I did notice his immediate family were not too profound of me. Maybe because i came in surprise out of nowhere or maybe because they really liked the ex wife of 8 years which ended up cheated on my now husband.

Making story short, she left my husband to try to make a baby since he wasn't able to give her one. She ended up getting married with someone else and had a baby. Unfortunately, the baby recently passed away. We did our part in donating for the funeral and condolences. (we as my husband and I) The in-laws that once said they didn't talk to her no more suddenly knew her whole life since the separation.The in-laws even call the baby their grandson. REALLY>?? My husband says that I'm just being crazy by being upset that they went all the way to even attend the funeral. We have even had arguments over this.

I have been asking my the same question... am i over reacting? or are they being too considerate of her?
She did cheated and left him. I understand the baby had nothing to do. I have been asking a few friends of mine and they say that the in-law should have paid respect and left it there.

Please advice as i have already asked God to enlighten me in this part of life.
 
U

Ugly

Guest
#2
#2
Why is your nose so deep in their business? Nothing they've done has any affect on you. So why are you so involved in needing to know? If they want to view that kid, which has Nothing to do with you, as their grandchild why should you care?
It's not that uncommon for in-laws to maintain contact with ex-in-laws.
Sounds to me like you should spend less time focusing on what they're doing and live your own life. They have Every Right to act that way towards his ex.

Sometimes new in-laws don't like their child's spouse. In some cases it can be rectified, in other cases it can't. That aspect of things you could spend more time on, instead of being cauggt.up in things that are not your concern.
 
Seekingfamily

Seekingfamily

Senior Member
#3
Jun 20, 2017
395
13
0
#3
Yes, she cheated and left him. So why the hate jealousy towards her? When she left, you recieved. I would say to stop the competition, of who will be liked more. Putting a restriction on your in-laws on who they love, or care about is not cool. If she is your enemy, Jesus says to love her...there is a reward behind it! Are you willing to find out what that reward is? Think about you in prayer
 
Marymoobulldoze

Marymoobulldoze

Banned
#4
May 5, 2017
39
3
0
#4
There's so many points of views on this. I know that you hurt, and I am sorry. Your family shouldn't be viewing this other woman,the ex's child, as there own. I feel like there is a negative spirit in this. That's just what I feel reading this. To hate someone for cheating and then all of a sudden change feelings, , myself would be questioning this as well because of the fact that you replaced this woman but now she is back in your ex's life. She's an ex, not connected with children and should keep it that way. But now all of a sudden this child is the grandson which means is your husband's son.??? But is from a different man. Etc. It seems to me that he still has feelings for this woman. This is where Jesus even said to watch out for woman who's talk is as smooth as honey, even though her house leads to death. Overall, this is a battle that your husband will have to fight and realize that he's about to either have a big temptation his way or it's already come to pass. And as for you my love, just be aware and don't be a dripping faucet. If he cheats, it's on him. He has to deal with the Lord. But I can tell you this, I wouldn't want to be married to a man who's parents hated me. Been there,done that. It was the worse 3 yrs of my life.it was hell. And I'm glad I'm out of it, I'm finally at peace. Also tell ho. How you feel, he needs to honor you,you are his wife. She has no connection with him, if they did have kids, that would be a different story because I would say you have no right to do that. But they don't have kids together. He is in the wrong. Confront him, be respectful and show him in the word about what I expressed to you about the adulteres woman. And if he is a man of God,he should relize this. But if not. He's in sin. Very hard place you are in love. I am sorry
 
HoneyDew

HoneyDew

Senior Member
#5
Apr 30, 2011
2,308
352
83
#5
I have one question before I complete my response. Was he divorced when you two started dating? If not, the Lord did not send him your way. He would not send you someone elses husband.
 
Last edited:
proverbs35

proverbs35

Senior Member
#6
Nov 10, 2012
825
239
43
#6
HoneyDew said:
I have one question before I complete my response. Was he divorced when you two started dating? If not, the Lord did not send him your way. He would not send you someone elses husband.
Click to expand...
That's what I was thinking. The foundation of this relationship is murky.
 
dalyn

dalyn

Junior Member
#7
Feb 9, 2017
17
22
3
#7
I was reading through the other replies and I kinda agree with them, because it is hard to burden yourself with worries, and more worries. I would not think of loading myself more and more. But if we ignore the little things, small things can turn out big, so you cut it before it becomes contagious. Before it hardens your heart. Marymoobuldoze said it perfectly. It is right for woman that we keep the respect in ourselves, communicate it to our partners so they would know how they can treat us. Jesus is a sensitive person, he knows if you are hurting or not. It is the same man that we should be seeking. Or else, we need to develop more faith in God.
 
FranC

FranC

Banned
#8
Apr 30, 2016
5,162
75
0
#8
roxyluv2012 said:
When i got divorced and was left with 2 children, i asked God to give me a good man that was more religious because i needed that in my life, he answered my prayer by sending my way the pastors son. when we met he was separated from his wife but not divorced. He divorced early in the 2014 and we got married in December same year.

I did notice his immediate family were not too profound of me. Maybe because i came in surprise out of nowhere or maybe because they really liked the ex wife of 8 years which ended up cheated on my now husband.

Making story short, she left my husband to try to make a baby since he wasn't able to give her one. She ended up getting married with someone else and had a baby. Unfortunately, the baby recently passed away. We did our part in donating for the funeral and condolences. (we as my husband and I) The in-laws that once said they didn't talk to her no more suddenly knew her whole life since the separation.The in-laws even call the baby their grandson. REALLY>?? My husband says that I'm just being crazy by being upset that they went all the way to even attend the funeral. We have even had arguments over this.

I have been asking my the same question... am i over reacting? or are they being too considerate of her?
She did cheated and left him. I understand the baby had nothing to do. I have been asking a few friends of mine and they say that the in-law should have paid respect and left it there.

Please advice as i have already asked God to enlighten me in this part of life.
Click to expand...
I agree with Ugly, post no. 2.

I don't usually reply to private problems because we could not know anyone well enough to give advice.
However, this one is easy.

The in-laws knew his prior wife for many years. They are not going to just forget her.
They mourn the loss of what they feel is a grandchild. They have the right to consider that baby they way they want to.

They are not affecting YOUR marriage.

Concentrate on your life with your husband and let them do what they feel is right.
You cannot change how they feel about anything.
Your husband has to love you --- not them. (although it would be nice).
 
D

Depleted

Guest
#9
#9
roxyluv2012 said:
When i got divorced and was left with 2 children, i asked God to give me a good man that was more religious because i needed that in my life, he answered my prayer by sending my way the pastors son. when we met he was separated from his wife but not divorced. He divorced early in the 2014 and we got married in December same year.

I did notice his immediate family were not too profound of me. Maybe because i came in surprise out of nowhere or maybe because they really liked the ex wife of 8 years which ended up cheated on my now husband.

Making story short, she left my husband to try to make a baby since he wasn't able to give her one. She ended up getting married with someone else and had a baby. Unfortunately, the baby recently passed away. We did our part in donating for the funeral and condolences. (we as my husband and I) The in-laws that once said they didn't talk to her no more suddenly knew her whole life since the separation.The in-laws even call the baby their grandson. REALLY>?? My husband says that I'm just being crazy by being upset that they went all the way to even attend the funeral. We have even had arguments over this.

I have been asking my the same question... am i over reacting? or are they being too considerate of her?
She did cheated and left him. I understand the baby had nothing to do. I have been asking a few friends of mine and they say that the in-law should have paid respect and left it there.

Please advice as i have already asked God to enlighten me in this part of life.
Click to expand...
Yes, not only are you over-reacting, you're making this your problem, when it's neither yours nor a problem. How did two parents who just lost a child become all about you?
 
Angela53510

Angela53510

Senior Member
#10
Jan 24, 2011
11,783
2,947
113
#10
What I wonder about is that your in-laws are a pastor and his wife, but they are acting like small children. As for you, you also need to grow up.

Read your Bible every day, and pray. Find a way to give back to those less fortunate than yourself. You are consumed with petty jealousy, and you should start leaning on God, and not worrying about people's opinions, as long as they are not hurting anyone.

Learn abbout bevoming a mature Christian, ok?
 
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