Do I continue to pray??

[Lndnwll]

This weekend was extremely hard...I can probably count on one hand how many hours of sleep i got...he and i got into...well I wouldnt say it was an arguement but he pretty much told me that I dont mean anything to him and that he does not want to be with me nor does he love me the way that I want him to love me. He asked that I just move on, he left that day to hang out and didng get back in until the next morning around 7am...He walked around all day Sunday like I did something to him and when I asked him what was up he said that i "act like he doesnt have a reason to be mad" I told him that he didnt have a reason because I had done nothing to him...

*sigh* I am so hurt that I am almost numb...I cry constantly...and I am due to have this child any day now...I have a two year old and I am scared out of this world...I know that I cannot afford to pay everything on my own so financially I need him...I am still very much in love with this man but he has made it very clear that he wants nothing to do with me and that his feelings for me are gone. I dont understand how you just turn you feelings off for someone after being with them for so long and why did this have to be done to me while I am pregnant. I have been so good to him and any time that he has needed me I am always there for him. I have never turned my back on him and i anything that he has asked me for, as long as it is within my grasp, i have done for him. I am so hurt...and so tired of crying but I cant help it. I try not to allow my son to see me upset but I know that the baby in my stomach feels everything. I've asked him to leave, only because I want to be with him and having him there with me hurts...It hurts because I want to be able to hug him, or hold him, or for us to just have the friendship that brought us together to begin with but I cant...he wont allow it and he has completely turned on me...

I was told to continue to pray...I was told to wait until I had the baby to see if things changed...I was told to read the bible and I was told that I should just let go...and it is really hard to do but I am trying to let go...I stopped praying but I started back praying again...praying for strength to move on and praying for God to take the pain I feel away...I read my favorite verse in the bible, Matthew 7:7, ask, seek and knock...What door will be open for me now? What should I ask for now? What am I seeking? Everything that I have asked for, I have not gotten it...I sought for peace in our relationship and for things to work out, for our children, and it isnt happening...what do I pray for now? What am I supposed to do now when nothing that I am praying for is working out....Even when I pray for God to make me strong enough to move on...I don't know what else to do and I am so hurt.

[OreoSoleil]

This is hurtful and I have been in your shoes -- I can tell you -- God loves you and has brought to this place to keep you safe and love you. Be honest with God and let Him love you. It is hard and I know you love the father of your baby -- but there are reasons why he is acting the way he is now -- and sweetie -- it isn't you. But forget that for now -- I encourage you to get on your knees and just cry out to God -- I encourage you to read Psalm 139, then focus on Psalm 51. Cry out to God with those ask God to forgive you of your sins -- this is a time where He is all you have -- hard to see it now, but He is all you need.

I am here if you want to talk.

[imoss]

Love must be tough... by James Dobson... I recommend this book to all. Remember that the Lord does not give you a spirit of fear... I know those are words that are hard to take to heart when you are about to have a baby & have a 2year old. As it is all worked out, seek ye first the kingdom of God and His righteousness and these things shall be given. I never ever advocate the breakdown of the family unit. Unfortunately there are 2 people in this (actyally about to be 4) You need to look upon this man and see what he is teaching your children. We learn how to be parents from our parents and the biggest greatest influence is the same sex parent. I know this is hard but this is a time when you need to move ahead to the great things the Lord has in store for you. You need to find JOY daily and stop letting this man control how your day is going to go. I know thats easier said then done but just start doing... start going with your babies to do stuff without him. When he's gone & its 1 am and he's still gone perhaps it would be good to take your young son on a mini adventure... you leave if you have a car and go to a friends. dont tell him where you are... let him wonder about you a bit... let him worry about you, for now you are a beautiful Christian wife to one who doesnt appreciate you. He needs to truly face what he stands to lose if he should lose you. yes, keep praying, yes keep the faith... but DO NOT REMAIN his doormat free to be trampled upon at his whim. These are words of experience here from my previous boyfriend. He said he didnt love me, I knew he didnt love me, i thought I could change him various ways & various times. We can not change how they feel. I wish for you what I didnt have the courage to do... for you to control your own future, not leave it up to this man who doesnt love you. he said it, he meant it.

Given what you've posted I know he will leave you. Maybe not today but eventually. There is strength in having your own control of this situation as sad as it is. And remember always remember that your boy is learning from this man how to be a husband (or not husband) and father and your girl if you have one will learn from you how to allow herself to be treated & how to value herself.

You are better than this, you are a beautiful daughter of God... you deserve to be loved honored & cherished... STop telling yourself that there will be no other and that you have to stay... (this is what i told myself) Stop telling yourself no one would want you for whatever reason ( this is what i told myself).

God bless you and your beautiful babies... Who knows, maybe if you try leaving for a few days & having him come home to no one... maybe it'll shake him to his core & he'll see what he has. You dont know what you've got till its gone.

Praying for your hurting heart. Bless your hurting heart.

[imoss]

Oh & Oreo, very good post & scripture...

[Lndnwll]

Originally Posted by imoss

Oh & Oreo, very good post & scripture...

Hey, thanks for the response and advice...I've actually told him to leave...this was about two weeks ago...I had my son last weekend....So he left...Seemed happy to go...he texts me and asks how the boys are, said he'd come visit this weekend...and was there for the birth...But...and although I know that it is about the children at this point and only about them...I just need more time...I will let him come and see his children this weekend but after this weekend I just need some time to heal from all of this...Its become harder to deal with than Ive expected...And him being around isnt helping me.

Originally Posted by Lndnwll

This weekend was extremely hard...I can probably count on one hand how many hours of sleep i got...he and i got into...well I wouldnt say it was an arguement but he pretty much told me that I dont mean anything to him and that he does not want to be with me nor does he love me the way that I want him to love me. He asked that I just move on, he left that day to hang out and didng get back in until the next morning around 7am...He walked around all day Sunday like I did something to him and when I asked him what was up he said that i "act like he doesnt have a reason to be mad" I told him that he didnt have a reason because I had done nothing to him...

*sigh* I am so hurt that I am almost numb...I cry constantly...and I am due to have this child any day now...I have a two year old and I am scared out of this world...I know that I cannot afford to pay everything on my own so financially I need him...I am still very much in love with this man but he has made it very clear that he wants nothing to do with me and that his feelings for me are gone. I dont understand how you just turn you feelings off for someone after being with them for so long and why did this have to be done to me while I am pregnant. I have been so good to him and any time that he has needed me I am always there for him. I have never turned my back on him and i anything that he has asked me for, as long as it is within my grasp, i have done for him. I am so hurt...and so tired of crying but I cant help it. I try not to allow my son to see me upset but I know that the baby in my stomach feels everything. I've asked him to leave, only because I want to be with him and having him there with me hurts...It hurts because I want to be able to hug him, or hold him, or for us to just have the friendship that brought us together to begin with but I cant...he wont allow it and he has completely turned on me...

I was told to continue to pray...I was told to wait until I had the baby to see if things changed...I was told to read the bible and I was told that I should just let go...and it is really hard to do but I am trying to let go...I stopped praying but I started back praying again...praying for strength to move on and praying for God to take the pain I feel away...I read my favorite verse in the bible, Matthew 7:7, ask, seek and knock...What door will be open for me now? What should I ask for now? What am I seeking? Everything that I have asked for, I have not gotten it...I sought for peace in our relationship and for things to work out, for our children, and it isnt happening...what do I pray for now? What am I supposed to do now when nothing that I am praying for is working out....Even when I pray for God to make me strong enough to move on...I don't know what else to do and I am so hurt.

Hi Lndnwll, unfortunately I can relate.

My wife has done the same thing to me, and has pretty much blocked me out of her life.

So I feel your pain, trust me on that.

In respects to things to do, well, certainly pray, earnestly. I can also recommend a book by a Christian counselor called Dr Dobson, called Love Must Be Tough. I would strongly suggest getting it and reading it. It explains very clearly why the more you try to hang on, the more likely you are to lose your marriage. Sounds crazy, but read it then we can talk

Lastly, you need to look out for you. I say this in respects to your mental and emotional state, you aren't about save any relationship when it still feels like you've had a 10 tonne slab of concrete dropped on you, or despair, anxiety and hopelessness are your only mental room-mates. Get Christian support, either your pastor, or another senior mature Christian who is able to offer support.

Also if you want to chat or unload at all, feel free to pm me. Cheers!

[OreoSoleil]

Originally Posted by Digitalos

Hi Lndnwll, unfortunately I can relate.

My wife has done the same thing to me, and has pretty much blocked me out of her life.

So I feel your pain, trust me on that.

In respects to things to do, well, certainly pray, earnestly. I can also recommend a book by a Christian counselor called Dr Dobson, called Love Must Be Tough. I would strongly suggest getting it and reading it. It explains very clearly why the more you try to hang on, the more likely you are to lose your marriage. Sounds crazy, but read it then we can talk

Lastly, you need to look out for you. I say this in respects to your mental and emotional state, you aren't about save any relationship when it still feels like you've had a 10 tonne slab of concrete dropped on you, or despair, anxiety and hopelessness are your only mental room-mates. Get Christian support, either your pastor, or another senior mature Christian who is able to offer support.

Also if you want to chat or unload at all, feel free to pm me. Cheers!

Sounds like a good book -- I'm going to get it.

[OreoSoleil]

Alright -- the half price books had this -- I started it - he makes so many valid points. In a way it is gut wrenching -- which I am sure is a good thing. Whew -- thanks for the read.

[ambitiousLj]

I don't even know where to start. After reading your post, I was extremely annoyed at this guy, but at the same time I wanted to SCREAM out loud to you "Why are you trying to keep something together that God is trying to tear apart?" Sometimes our hearts lead us the wrong way, That is why God says that he "searches all hearts and examine secret motives" Jeremiah17:10. Please forgive me if I sound harsh or mean for the next couple of things I'm going to say, but I think it's time that you stop letting your feelings control you. GOD is STRONGER then your feelings, so when you can't trust yourself, when you can't trust your feelings, Trust God's. You ask what you should pray about, Pray to Jesus and ask him to make your wrongs right, ask him to forgive your faults in the relationship, Ask him to forgive you for not listening to him when he warned you about that Guy. Submit to him completely and ask him for peace. After that, ask him for strength, ask him to let the holy spirit guide you, ask him to RESTORE the times you've lost from this guy. Ask him to then pierce that guy and then ask him to make you realize how precious, how wonderful, how amazing you are, ask him to pray for you when you can't pray for yourself then ask him to manifest all these things immediately!

Then, Thank him for all of it in advance because he says if you ask anything in his name, he will do it! Make sure you receive it. I'm sure that God has answered your prayers but your emotions won't let you see that. Now that he is Gone, Be glad, take delight that God helped you endure, your testimony will bless so many. I personally know you are a powerful person because only a strong person can take that much but now it's time for you to grow, learn and allow God to show you what true LOVE is. Sometimes we stay in relationships for years when it was supposed to be one month or one week. This guy seems to have a spirit with him and it's best that you take refuge in God. Selfishness, rudeness, fear and timidity is not of God. GOD did not give you the spirit of fear or timidity, but of LOVE, POWER, and Self-Discipline (Sound mind) I beg of you, Use it. Treat him with love. Ask God to help you stop desiring someone that is TOXIC and you will be well again. But you must take action when God tell you too. I'll stop writing now. If I sounded harsh forgive me but I truly feel that you should have read this. It's time for you to stop talking about your mountains and SPEAK TO YOUR MOUNTAINS! you are a virtuous woman, you are a blessing to the people in your lives, don't allow yourself to ever doubt what God wanted for your life. Your children and you deserve the best, and GOD is the best. The world will lead you to believe so many things but you have to remember that you do not serve the world. God should be your final authority.

God bless you, I love you, and I know you already have the Victory! Everyday, Look at your yourself, and say "In the name of Jesus Christ, I win, I am a child of the most high and what he has in stores for me is greater then I could ever imagine, I will no longer settle, I will only expect from God the best and I receive it today.

God bless you, Jesus Loves you. Send me a note if you are not mad at me!

Xo
Lj

Originally Posted by ambitiousLj

I don't even know where to start. After reading your post, I was extremely annoyed at this guy, but at the same time I wanted to SCREAM out loud to you "Why are you trying to keep something together that God is trying to tear apart?"

Just so I am clear on this, are you saying God is trying to break the marriage apart, I'm not sure who you are responding to, so forgive me if I'm totally off.

Originally Posted by OreaSoliel

Alright -- the half price books had this -- I started it - he makes so many valid points. In a way it is gut wrenching -- which I am sure is a good thing. Whew -- thanks for the read.

Yeah I know right? It's pretty hectic reading to be honest, but one thing I will say, is that in the midst of hopelessness, it can feel like what he says is wishful thinking, but I learned just today in fact, that it's not.

[OreoSoleil]

Yeah I know right? It's pretty hectic reading to be honest, but one thing I will say, is that in the midst of hopelessness, it can feel like what he says is wishful thinking, but I learned just today in fact, that it's not.

Umm -- ya -- I see that -- Congrats and that is wonderful -- I would love to hear about it -- you are welcome to pm me and tell me about this season -- I love hearing God work.

It puts it into perspective -- just like when youa re courting -- it has to begin the same way.

[zeroturbulence]

Originally Posted by Lndnwll

This weekend was extremely hard...I can probably count on one hand how many hours of sleep i got...he and i got into...well I wouldnt say it was an arguement but he pretty much told me that I dont mean anything to him and that he does not want to be with me nor does he love me the way that I want him to love me. He asked that I just move on, he left that day to hang out and didng get back in until the next morning around 7am...He walked around all day Sunday like I did something to him and when I asked him what was up he said that i "act like he doesnt have a reason to be mad" I told him that he didnt have a reason because I had done nothing to him...

*sigh* I am so hurt that I am almost numb...I cry constantly...and I am due to have this child any day now...I have a two year old and I am scared out of this world...I know that I cannot afford to pay everything on my own so financially I need him...I am still very much in love with this man but he has made it very clear that he wants nothing to do with me and that his feelings for me are gone. I dont understand how you just turn you feelings off for someone after being with them for so long and why did this have to be done to me while I am pregnant. I have been so good to him and any time that he has needed me I am always there for him. I have never turned my back on him and i anything that he has asked me for, as long as it is within my grasp, i have done for him. I am so hurt...and so tired of crying but I cant help it. I try not to allow my son to see me upset but I know that the baby in my stomach feels everything. I've asked him to leave, only because I want to be with him and having him there with me hurts...It hurts because I want to be able to hug him, or hold him, or for us to just have the friendship that brought us together to begin with but I cant...he wont allow it and he has completely turned on me...

I was told to continue to pray...I was told to wait until I had the baby to see if things changed...I was told to read the bible and I was told that I should just let go...and it is really hard to do but I am trying to let go...I stopped praying but I started back praying again...praying for strength to move on and praying for God to take the pain I feel away...I read my favorite verse in the bible, Matthew 7:7, ask, seek and knock...What door will be open for me now? What should I ask for now? What am I seeking? Everything that I have asked for, I have not gotten it...I sought for peace in our relationship and for things to work out, for our children, and it isnt happening...what do I pray for now? What am I supposed to do now when nothing that I am praying for is working out....Even when I pray for God to make me strong enough to move on...I don't know what else to do and I am so hurt.

This reminds me of the story of Haggar, Abraham's mistress who bore him a son named Ishmael (genesis 16). She was despised and treated badly by Sarah, Abraham's wife, because she was jealous of Haggar's ability to concieve a child. It got so bad that she fled into the wilderness while still pregnant.

When she stopped at a spring of water an angel of the LORD appeared to her. After she explained to the angel why she was fleeing, the angel said that he would increase her descendants so that there would be too many to count (genesis 16:9-10), but that she should return to Sarah. She was eventually expelled by Sarah because Sarah did not like her and her son but the LORD made her son the leader of a nation and he had many offspring, just as the angel promised her at the spring.


I guess what Im trying to say is that maybe you should do whats best for you and for your children and let this man go, just like Haggar left Sarah. God will open doors for you if you trust in Him and pray. Listen to what AmbitiousLj wrote. I think her post is very powerful and I agree with what she wrote. I know it is a big decision but at least consider it seriously because the alternative may make you and your kids miserable.

[Consumed]

ask,seek,knock for more of Jesus in your life, when we magnify our pain and issues we loose site of why we need Jesus in our life, magnify Jesus in your life with all praise and thanksgiving, it may seem hard to do, i know it has been hard for me during my walk yet God by His Word being true turned everything around for good, most importantly He brought me peace and strength to endure in my suffering with patience to the day of "suddenly"everything changed. My prayers are with you, fear not, you are precious in His sight, Jesus hasnt forgotten you for a moment, in the valleys of life Jesus does the best work in and thru us. I pray your husband is delivered in jesus name

[imoss]

I'm so thankful you are reading that book. Its a tough book but I saw it completely transform a girlfriend of mine & so much of what you posted reminded me of her as well. God bless you & keep you!!

[Lndnwll]

Thank you everyone for your responses. I really appreciate them all.