L
This weekend was extremely hard...I can probably count on one hand how many hours of sleep i got...he and i got into...well I wouldnt say it was an arguement but he pretty much told me that I dont mean anything to him and that he does not want to be with me nor does he love me the way that I want him to love me. He asked that I just move on, he left that day to hang out and didng get back in until the next morning around 7am...He walked around all day Sunday like I did something to him and when I asked him what was up he said that i "act like he doesnt have a reason to be mad" I told him that he didnt have a reason because I had done nothing to him...
*sigh* I am so hurt that I am almost numb...I cry constantly...and I am due to have this child any day now...I have a two year old and I am scared out of this world...I know that I cannot afford to pay everything on my own so financially I need him...I am still very much in love with this man but he has made it very clear that he wants nothing to do with me and that his feelings for me are gone. I dont understand how you just turn you feelings off for someone after being with them for so long and why did this have to be done to me while I am pregnant. I have been so good to him and any time that he has needed me I am always there for him. I have never turned my back on him and i anything that he has asked me for, as long as it is within my grasp, i have done for him. I am so hurt...and so tired of crying but I cant help it. I try not to allow my son to see me upset but I know that the baby in my stomach feels everything. I've asked him to leave, only because I want to be with him and having him there with me hurts...It hurts because I want to be able to hug him, or hold him, or for us to just have the friendship that brought us together to begin with but I cant...he wont allow it and he has completely turned on me...
I was told to continue to pray...I was told to wait until I had the baby to see if things changed...I was told to read the bible and I was told that I should just let go...and it is really hard to do but I am trying to let go...I stopped praying but I started back praying again...praying for strength to move on and praying for God to take the pain I feel away...I read my favorite verse in the bible, Matthew 7:7, ask, seek and knock...What door will be open for me now? What should I ask for now? What am I seeking? Everything that I have asked for, I have not gotten it...I sought for peace in our relationship and for things to work out, for our children, and it isnt happening...what do I pray for now? What am I supposed to do now when nothing that I am praying for is working out....Even when I pray for God to make me strong enough to move on...I don't know what else to do and I am so hurt.
*sigh* I am so hurt that I am almost numb...I cry constantly...and I am due to have this child any day now...I have a two year old and I am scared out of this world...I know that I cannot afford to pay everything on my own so financially I need him...I am still very much in love with this man but he has made it very clear that he wants nothing to do with me and that his feelings for me are gone. I dont understand how you just turn you feelings off for someone after being with them for so long and why did this have to be done to me while I am pregnant. I have been so good to him and any time that he has needed me I am always there for him. I have never turned my back on him and i anything that he has asked me for, as long as it is within my grasp, i have done for him. I am so hurt...and so tired of crying but I cant help it. I try not to allow my son to see me upset but I know that the baby in my stomach feels everything. I've asked him to leave, only because I want to be with him and having him there with me hurts...It hurts because I want to be able to hug him, or hold him, or for us to just have the friendship that brought us together to begin with but I cant...he wont allow it and he has completely turned on me...
I was told to continue to pray...I was told to wait until I had the baby to see if things changed...I was told to read the bible and I was told that I should just let go...and it is really hard to do but I am trying to let go...I stopped praying but I started back praying again...praying for strength to move on and praying for God to take the pain I feel away...I read my favorite verse in the bible, Matthew 7:7, ask, seek and knock...What door will be open for me now? What should I ask for now? What am I seeking? Everything that I have asked for, I have not gotten it...I sought for peace in our relationship and for things to work out, for our children, and it isnt happening...what do I pray for now? What am I supposed to do now when nothing that I am praying for is working out....Even when I pray for God to make me strong enough to move on...I don't know what else to do and I am so hurt.