break up..or not..

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Riveda

Guest
#1
#1
I need some advise. My fiance just broke up with me after he got saved. He says our relationship was sin and he has to make things right before God now. I should also look for God. I have been a Christian but walked away from God. I am reconnecting with God now and am glad this happens. However, I love my fiance so much and think this should be a new better beginning and not the end. By putting God into the center of the relationship our relationship can grow deeper. He says he still loves me but right now I think he is very confused. What can I do?
 
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GOD_IS_LOVE

Senior Member
#2
Mar 16, 2009
306
4
18
#2
Get close to God yourself, pray about it and see how God leads. God bless!
 
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gcaro7l

Guest
#3
#3
Riveda said:
I need some advise. My fiance just broke up with me after he got saved. He says our relationship was sin and he has to make things right before God now. I should also look for God. I have been a Christian but walked away from God. I am reconnecting with God now and am glad this happens. However, I love my fiance so much and think this should be a new better beginning and not the end. By putting God into the center of the relationship our relationship can grow deeper. He says he still loves me but right now I think he is very confused. What can I do?
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The one for you would never break your heart so carelessly. I think it is unreasonable to think like that, if he thinks your relationship was in sin then he can make it right by bringing your relationship to God, making Him the center of your relationship but not by ending it up. If he really loves you, he will never leave your side no matter how hard things get through better or worse but then, if two people are meant to be together, eventually they (not only you but also he) will find their way back. For now, the best thing you can ever do is pray, ask God for guidance. I'll leave you with this verse, "Don't worry about anything; instead, pray about everything. Tell God what you need, and thank him for all he has done." Philippians 4:6
 
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Ugly

Guest
#4
#4
gcaro7l said:
The one for you would never break your heart so carelessly. I think it is unreasonable to think like that, if he thinks your relationship was in sin then he can make it right by bringing your relationship to God, making Him the center of your relationship but not by ending it up. If he really loves you, he will never leave your side no matter how hard things get through better or worse but then, if two people are meant to be together, eventually they (not only you but also he) will find their way back. For now, the best thing you can ever do is pray, ask God for guidance. I'll leave you with this verse, "Don't worry about anything; instead, pray about everything. Tell God what you need, and thank him for all he has done." Philippians 4:6
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Its careless for someone to be saved and recognize that the person they are with are not on the same spiritual level and end the relationship? Wrong, careless would have been to stay in the relationship. Your boyfriend did the right thing.
Also there is no 'one' for anybody. The idea of 'the one' is not supported in the bible. It is not our responsibility to 'date people into Christ', but it IS our responsibility to not be unequally yoked.
I'm sorry, your post is full of secular romanticism, pagan concepts, a misunderstanding of the bible, and of love.






To the OP. You have to ask yourself, are you really concerned about your faith and spiritual walk? Or are you just willing to be 'more spiritual' to win some guy back? Would you make these same changes even if your relationship doesn't work out? If the answer isn't yes, then you are deceiving yourself, and will only deceive the person you claim to love, by acting selfishly. Love is not selfish.
 
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episcopotic

Guest
#5
#5
Most of the time, arguments, breakups, and divorces are not what people say they're about. A religious conversion is a convenient and usually unimpeachable excuse to break off something that isn't working.

If the guy says it's sin, you don't have to believe it's sin, but you might as well acknowledge he thinks it's over, in which case it is.
 
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gcaro7l

Guest
#6
#6
Ugly said:
Its careless for someone to be saved and recognize that the person they are with are not on the same spiritual level and end the relationship? Wrong, careless would have been to stay in the relationship. Your boyfriend did the right thing.
Also there is no 'one' for anybody. The idea of 'the one' is not supported in the bible. It is not our responsibility to 'date people into Christ', but it IS our responsibility to not be unequally yoked.
I'm sorry, your post is full of secular romanticism, pagan concepts, a misunderstanding of the bible, and of love.
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Yes, I agree that we should be with someone who are in Christ, but i still don't agree by the way the man ends their relationship, if these people still has the chance of saving their relationship then why fix it? if their relationship was sin, then there is a way to fix it. The best thing to do is to confess their sin to God, and ask for His forgiveness. God will do what He has planned, He is sovereign, and perfectly capable of fulfilling His plan in our life. The 'one' is of course supported in the bible, "Delight yourself in the Lord, and he will give you the desires of your heart", Then the Lord God said, “It is not good that the man should be alone; I will make him a helper fit for him.”
 
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gcaro7l

Guest
#7
#7
I don't think i'm being irrational.. The problem is, is that some people choose to or otherwise fail to consider all things and don't know all people. :)
 
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Riveda

Guest
#8
#8
OK, let's clarify some things. Before I met him I had an active Christian life, church, bible study. However, he is very busy and showed no interest in joining me in these activities. To make time for us, I stopped going to church and other activties while still pursuing my relationship to God through other areas. It was clear we are getting married. Our relationship which is cross cultural was very much inbalanced, with me giving and him receiving. There are a lot of challenges in our relationship but we used to manage them well. I am just not sure what place he is in now. he says he has to put htings right, he knows what to do to make things right before God. That sounds like living under the law and not in the spirit. He says he doesn't need anybody in his life apart from God. A relationship should't be work..But also the relationship to God requires work! I brought everything before God and reconnected with him. I told the truth about everything even to my boss which could have cost me my job. I am glad i have taken these steps and ashamed I pushed God out of my life. I don't want our old relationship back. A lot will need to change and God needs to be in the center. How wonderful that could be. As for my fiance, I think he is very confused right now. he tells me he misses me. He looks at the rings that were supposed to be our wedding rings. But then again he says he is happy with God and I can see the pain in his eyes. By the way, he broke up via text messge and refused to see me for two weeks. It seems he has a measure in how long it takes for somebody to reconnect to God. But reconnection happens instantly I bring everything before him and ask for forgiveness. Growing a relationship with him is a different thing and that is taking every day of my life! of course I want him back because I believe we had a good relationship and with Gods guidance it can even be a better one. At the same time I am strengthening my relationship to God again. But not because of him, because of me. We don't have any contact right now so I wouldn't have to do that if it wouldn't be for me and God.
 
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psychomom

Guest
#9
#9
Riveda, I think it's wonderful that the two of you are going in the spiritual directions you are. :)

I was thinking when I read your original post that your fiancé must be quite confused right now, so thank you for your clarifiaction!
I'm so sorry for the hurt you experienced, and glad you're in a place where the Lord can minister to that. ♥

I would just encourage you to pray, and to seek the Lord in this matter. I do agree that what began as good can become only better with God at the center. But my opinion matters not a whit! It's what your fiancé thinks that matters.
Please know I'll be in prayer for you both. We know from Jeremiah 29:11 that God has good plans for you! We just don't know what that will look like...yet. :)

in Christian love
~ellie
 
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gcaro7l

Guest
#10
#10
Rivera, thank you for clarifying your post, anyway, you're doing just the right thing which is coming back to God. God loves us and wants us to be happy. Let God take control, only God can determine what is right, not man. God will give you and your fiance the wisdom and discernment to make the right decision. He said, “I will instruct you and teach you in the way you should go; I will guide you with My eye.” Psalm 32:8

I'll pray for both of you. God bless.
 
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Moe

Guest
#11
#11
Sorry to hear about your situation. My advice would be to give him room and if there is really true love between you then everything will be okay. The Bible teaches us that love never fails, this is speaking of true love. If you don't get back together, then the Lord will have saved you from a huge mistake. With that being said, I will pray for you both and ask that God's will be done. Cheers
 
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Ugly

Guest
#12
#12
gcaro7l said:
The 'one' is of course supported in the bible, "Delight yourself in the Lord, and he will give you the desires of your heart", Then the Lord God said, “It is not good that the man should be alone; I will make him a helper fit for him.”
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Giving you the desires of your heart mentions nothing about one person being created for the intent to marry another.
And the second one is in reference to Adam at creation. God does not pull women out of men as companions. It was a one time thing.

If you're going to quote scripture, please use the right context.

Check this out for the source of 'the one' ~~> Soul Mates and Selfishness
 
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psychomom

Guest
#13
#13
Must add this:
gcaro71 said, "God loves us and wants us to be happy"
While this is TRUE, we often do not realize that happiness, as defined by (wo)man is not necessarily that as defined by the Lord.

When I was young, I assumed this meant the Lord wanted me to have what I wanted to have, and that He didn't want me to be un-happy, emotionally speaking.
All praise to Him that isn't true!! ♥ Not only am I called to complete the sufferings of Christ, He stated outright that life with Him would be difficult, full of trials and afflictions. I had to learn contentment, and patience, and I still need to learn these things!

gcaro- I am really not saying you don't know and accept these things, r-e-a-l-l-y. :)
Just that there's human "happiness" (which is basically empty and meaningless) and happiness in God, which is everything. :)

I still pray for you, Riveda, and I hope you'll let us know how you are?
in Christian love
~ellie
 
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gcaro7l

Guest
#14
#14
Ugly said:
Giving you the desires of your heart mentions nothing about one person being created for the intent to marry another.
And the second one is in reference to Adam at creation. God does not pull women out of men as companions. It was a one time thing.

If you're going to quote scripture, please use the right context.

Check this out for the source of 'the one' ~~> Soul Mates and Selfishness
Click to expand...
I understand your point, what i was trying to say is that there is one person for everyone. I know that the bible didn't mention specifically the 'one' but it did tells that God is the one who noticed that it is not good for man to be alone so God made a woman and blessed them. God creates the woman to be exactly what the man needs. "He will give you the desires of your heart," it simply refers to what our hearts desire, it may be someone or something which our hearts desire..
 
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Riveda

Guest
#15
#15
How i am...up and down...feeling God's grace one moment and despair the other moment. Everything is up in the air...I am glad I am in a good place and have a lot of support, I am glad that I am back connected with God. I move on in baby steps, day by day, one day peace, the other day destaster. Praying and giving it to God. But also, being concerned about him and the confusion he is in because I love him.
 
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Ariel82

Guest
#16
#16
give him space and time to sort it out. sometimes you have to let them go, to find out if they are truly the person God intends for you to be with. you can love the world but God only intends for us to marry ONE person. sometimes we do not always follow His intention for our lives.

focus more on YOUR relationship with GOD then on your ex and his confusion or what he is doing. eventually if it is meant to be you both will realize it and get back together. you both may just need time to grow and learn whatever God wants to teach you before that happens.

if not God may have someone even more wonderful in store for you and your life.
 
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gcaro7l

Guest
#17
#17
psychomom said:
Must add this:
gcaro71 said, "God loves us and wants us to be happy"
While this is TRUE, we often do not realize that happiness, as defined by (wo)man is not necessarily that as defined by the Lord.

When I was young, I assumed this meant the Lord wanted me to have what I wanted to have, and that He didn't want me to be un-happy, emotionally speaking.
All praise to Him that isn't true!! ♥ Not only am I called to complete the sufferings of Christ, He stated outright that life with Him would be difficult, full of trials and afflictions. I had to learn contentment, and patience, and I still need to learn these things!

gcaro- I am really not saying you don't know and accept these things, r-e-a-l-l-y. :)
Just that there's human "happiness" (which is basically empty and meaningless) and happiness in God, which is everything. :)

I still pray for you, Riveda, and I hope you'll let us know how you are?
in Christian love
~ellie
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Thank you for that, yes happiness in God is everything. :)
 
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shekaniah

Guest
#18
#18
Praying for God's wisdom and insight for you both.
In His Love, Shekaniah
 
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SeatBelt

Guest
#19
#19
I think that seeking the Lord with all your heart, learning to delight in Him, and following His teachings is probably the best path to having God unite one with one of the Godly princes or princesses that also are true followers of the one true king. If a person wants a near perfect Christian mate, I feel that person should focus on being a near perfect Christian (perfection is reserved as a sign of deity). This, however, should not be looked upon as a means to an end.
Far too often, people get focused on ''God wants me to be happy." What a mistake! God wants us to be Healthy. God wants us to learn Contentment in all things. God wants us to learn to Rejoice in HIM in spite of a circumstance that would breed unhappiness to those in the world. Joy in the Lord, that's scriptural. Content in suffering, that's scriptural. Happy? That's secular stuff the founding fathers of my nation got their ear in a twist over. No disrespect to our country, either. Simply that pursing happiness for the sake of happiness will not bring contentment or joy.
 
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Brandon777

Guest
#20
#20
It seems to me like you're saying that you've made a decision to follow after God instead of your own fallen path. And that this is new. Whether this was brought about by his change is not the point as long as this is a genuine change for you. If that's true, then let him know you are willing to help him commit the relationship to God. After that all you should do is hope, pray or have faith that he'll come to you. Don't push him. Let him come back to you if he wants. And pray about it. Make sure you're honest about it to God about yourself and him. And find it in your heart to worship God apart from this issue and your wants (not saying you don't). I'll pray for you.
 
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