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What you really need to do is sit down with your partner and have a frank and honest conversation.
You need to ask him whether he loves you. If this is the case, do you love him?
This is the hardest thing to gain in a relationship and if you have this basic mutual feeling for each other, then you are miles ahead of so many millions of people, and i truly envy you.
The second thing you need to establish, is what caused your lapse in faith? And if it happens again, can he be there to guiide you back? And more importantly, do you trust his judgement enough to listen to him next time?
It sounds like you are both very genuine, honest and caring people. There aren't many of those around and I truly believe this can work for you.
Relationships are about honesty over everything else. You do not need to be harsh, but you do need to be truthful and sometimes that entails being blunt.
Do you both want to work towards God? That common goal, on top of a mutual caring for each other, will strengthen your relationship in ways you cannot even imagine. Having a common goal and wanting to share that with each other is such a profound and unusual thing and it brings people together.
I once heard a saying, and to me it is very true:
A relationship is not two people working towards each other, it's two people holding hands working towards a common goal. When one falls, the other lifts them. When two fall, God lifts both.
You need to ask him whether he loves you. If this is the case, do you love him?
This is the hardest thing to gain in a relationship and if you have this basic mutual feeling for each other, then you are miles ahead of so many millions of people, and i truly envy you.
The second thing you need to establish, is what caused your lapse in faith? And if it happens again, can he be there to guiide you back? And more importantly, do you trust his judgement enough to listen to him next time?
It sounds like you are both very genuine, honest and caring people. There aren't many of those around and I truly believe this can work for you.
Relationships are about honesty over everything else. You do not need to be harsh, but you do need to be truthful and sometimes that entails being blunt.
Do you both want to work towards God? That common goal, on top of a mutual caring for each other, will strengthen your relationship in ways you cannot even imagine. Having a common goal and wanting to share that with each other is such a profound and unusual thing and it brings people together.
I once heard a saying, and to me it is very true:
A relationship is not two people working towards each other, it's two people holding hands working towards a common goal. When one falls, the other lifts them. When two fall, God lifts both.
If it all becomes too much or you feel weak in it, you have each other to lean on and this is the beauty of a couple doing it instead of someone doing it alone. You are MEANT to be there for each other. You are meant to go through whatever you have to. And when you fix a problem, you become all the stronger for it. If you let him lean on you, trust is built. When you lean on him, trust is built. It takes time. But to resolve a problem is much harder than just giving up. though, with time, you will learn to trust each other.
R
Ok, here's the problem - He doesn't want to talk, not to me, not to anyone. he says he has no problem, he knows what he has to do to make things right before God. The only time he talked to me was when he lectured me that I need to find God. Funny enouigh, he never wanted to go with me to church when I asked him to. he showed no interest in any christian life at all. Now he tells me to learn from Jesus what love is. I love this guy unconditionally, I have always been there for him and was so much more giving than receiving. At a time where both of us got stressed, and I for once needed him, he was not ready to give. That s why he is telling me now I don't know what love is. And about honesty, sorry to say, ur absolutely right, but he is African, he is a man, they are not sharing their feelings since it is considered weakness. He is not in a place to talk right now...
I don't fully understand what the problem is? So he said he thinks you need to find Jesus and he's being closed off. Is pestering gonna help?
Maybe you should just be around each other and enjoy each other's company and forget everything else for a while. It seems like you are trying hard to find problems.
It isn't about who gives more and who receives more.
Maybe you should just be around each other and enjoy each other's company and forget everything else for a while. It seems like you are trying hard to find problems.
It isn't about who gives more and who receives more.
R
Who is pestering anyone? We don't have contact, I leave him. A relationship needs to be in balance, it is not about giving and receiving more, but both sides need to give and receive. I am not trying hard to find problems but this was one of the reasons that led to the break up. Do i understand what the problem is? I surely don't. Being around each other? Not possible since he doesn't want to see me, not even talking about explaining what happened. This is Africa. Things here just work different.
P
RIVEDA! My head tingles as I read about your problem because it is a mirror image of my problem I face now. It's been about 4 months since then so I can maybe help you have some hope!! Wow I think I was meant to come to this thread. I'm almost in tears, lol. Here's my story:
My boyfriend and I were dedicated followers of the Lord, and we are deeeply in LOVE, there is NO questioning that. I'm aware of those false love relationships, but no this was like a fairy tale and everyone saw that. We were an example to other young people that being a devoted person of Christ can make your life amazing beyond words. So we were BEST friends for 5 years, got together, and things kept going up. I mean his depression went away and everything! We both got even closer to God since becoming a couple, and all was good. Then, came life. We're 20 years old with a 2 year old son (he would have been step-daddy and that hurts him that we have to wait to have our own), living in an unhealthy basement apartment with hardly any sunlight or space, he is commuting 4 hours a day to Toronto for work full time and he JUST got his licence, and we're trying to keep pure in this world of..bad influence. We snapped, and forgot God. Life became full of pain, although we still loved eachother very very much. Love and trust turned in to suspicion and lust, without our intention. I got into weird spiritual practices, but one day I realized and repented. The next day he breaks up with me, the reason being, that he needed to do it to make things right before God! Just like your situation. He says he still loves me, and that things will get better I just have to wait, but he's hot and cold in this...he's very confused. He had his distant stage as well...and has also said some crooked things. It's been quite the journey but there are good sides to my story.... it all has to do with what God intended with this trial, how it has helped both of us, how it has built for us a stronger foundation, and how I wouldn't trade away this trial for anything...because it's helping our relationship in the long run. Have faith. I have much more to say but I'll send you an email because it's a LONG message. <3
My boyfriend and I were dedicated followers of the Lord, and we are deeeply in LOVE, there is NO questioning that. I'm aware of those false love relationships, but no this was like a fairy tale and everyone saw that. We were an example to other young people that being a devoted person of Christ can make your life amazing beyond words. So we were BEST friends for 5 years, got together, and things kept going up. I mean his depression went away and everything! We both got even closer to God since becoming a couple, and all was good. Then, came life. We're 20 years old with a 2 year old son (he would have been step-daddy and that hurts him that we have to wait to have our own), living in an unhealthy basement apartment with hardly any sunlight or space, he is commuting 4 hours a day to Toronto for work full time and he JUST got his licence, and we're trying to keep pure in this world of..bad influence. We snapped, and forgot God. Life became full of pain, although we still loved eachother very very much. Love and trust turned in to suspicion and lust, without our intention. I got into weird spiritual practices, but one day I realized and repented. The next day he breaks up with me, the reason being, that he needed to do it to make things right before God! Just like your situation. He says he still loves me, and that things will get better I just have to wait, but he's hot and cold in this...he's very confused. He had his distant stage as well...and has also said some crooked things. It's been quite the journey but there are good sides to my story.... it all has to do with what God intended with this trial, how it has helped both of us, how it has built for us a stronger foundation, and how I wouldn't trade away this trial for anything...because it's helping our relationship in the long run. Have faith. I have much more to say but I'll send you an email because it's a LONG message. <3
P
Oh and by the way, my boyfriend did eventually open up and now we're at a point where we hang out and have fun every weekend. Have hope... things may seem impossible right now but with God, nothing is impossible. Remember that everything except love comes to pass. So love remains in this trial, and this hard time will eventually change into something different. Do you think it will remain this way forever? I think not! 
Especially if God is putting this desire in your heart. One way I could tell my heart was in the right place for my boyfriend was that... when I was with God I had immense love for my boyfriend taking over my heart that I was actually so HAPPY to be so blessed to find someone I love so much, although we were apart at the time.... but when I was WITHOUT God, like I forgot to pray and have faith and look up, I had doubts about my love and what I'm doing. I think whatever I feel WITH God is true, as opposed to what lies I hear when I'm without God. <3
Especially if God is putting this desire in your heart. One way I could tell my heart was in the right place for my boyfriend was that... when I was with God I had immense love for my boyfriend taking over my heart that I was actually so HAPPY to be so blessed to find someone I love so much, although we were apart at the time.... but when I was WITHOUT God, like I forgot to pray and have faith and look up, I had doubts about my love and what I'm doing. I think whatever I feel WITH God is true, as opposed to what lies I hear when I'm without God. <3Well girls, I can somewhat sympathise. I have a friend who I knew as a young child. We lost contact and got back speaking about two years ago. At the time she was engaged to this guy who, well, didn't really treat her right. And, I helped her along and eventually she got the courage to break it off. We hung out as friends a couple of times a week and did things and had a laugh. We kissed one night about a month back, and everything changed. She stopped contacting me, I always had to be the first to initiate anything. And gradually, she stopped making plans, stopped agreeing to plans. Then came awkward silences. Then came fights. Then came me being left having feelings for her that she doesn't seem to have.
She is a fan of silent treatment. She likes to ignore the problem and hope it goes away. So I've been made to feel very small and invaluable. And recently I've gotten angry about it and said some things I wish I hadn't said. She seems oblivious and completely impartial to our whole relationship. She often says things like 'It's done with, stop talking about us'. She would rather go back to pretending like we barely know each other at all, than take a step forward, talk to me and sort this all out. So safe to say, I am feeling very unimportant right now. So I understand what you're going through somewhat.
The reason I mentioned the word pestering, is because, the worst thing I could have done (which I did), was press her and try to get her to speak, talk or open up. And this is going to be a hard pill to swallow: but if someone doesn't care enough to take YOUR feelings into account, what can you do to change that? Nothing. I made the mistake of trying to explain myself a thousand different ways, and to be honest, it just drove her away and now it's all just ruined, when all I genuinely want is her to call me and make a plan to go and spend some funtime together.
It's pointless trying to ignite a spark that doesn't exist.
Perhpas the best thing you can do, is tell him simply that you love him, and get on with your own life and follow Christ. If he sorts out his head and decides in a months time you are what he wants. Then by all means, continue and talk to him frankly about how he has made you feel. If not, it's best just to move on. You cannot force someone to care.
She is a fan of silent treatment. She likes to ignore the problem and hope it goes away. So I've been made to feel very small and invaluable. And recently I've gotten angry about it and said some things I wish I hadn't said. She seems oblivious and completely impartial to our whole relationship. She often says things like 'It's done with, stop talking about us'. She would rather go back to pretending like we barely know each other at all, than take a step forward, talk to me and sort this all out. So safe to say, I am feeling very unimportant right now. So I understand what you're going through somewhat.
The reason I mentioned the word pestering, is because, the worst thing I could have done (which I did), was press her and try to get her to speak, talk or open up. And this is going to be a hard pill to swallow: but if someone doesn't care enough to take YOUR feelings into account, what can you do to change that? Nothing. I made the mistake of trying to explain myself a thousand different ways, and to be honest, it just drove her away and now it's all just ruined, when all I genuinely want is her to call me and make a plan to go and spend some funtime together.
It's pointless trying to ignite a spark that doesn't exist.
Perhpas the best thing you can do, is tell him simply that you love him, and get on with your own life and follow Christ. If he sorts out his head and decides in a months time you are what he wants. Then by all means, continue and talk to him frankly about how he has made you feel. If not, it's best just to move on. You cannot force someone to care.
S
Your situations break my heart...
Father shine your light into the lives of your children. Give them your wisdom, insight, understanding and peace.
May your Love be the glue that bonds them together.
Lord do not let the laws and the ways of our worldly cultures...affect your will for our lives.
Your will father...has no boundries...Let it be done in each of their lives.
In Jesus Name, Amen
Father shine your light into the lives of your children. Give them your wisdom, insight, understanding and peace.
May your Love be the glue that bonds them together.
Lord do not let the laws and the ways of our worldly cultures...affect your will for our lives.
Your will father...has no boundries...Let it be done in each of their lives.
In Jesus Name, Amen
R
I feel more and more he actually doesn't understand love. Love for him is being loved, the same that he is experiencing now with God and used to have with me, but for a couple of weeks in the end I failed to show it. But love is not only about being loved, but to love one another...I wish I could make that clear to him.